Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

I feel like it's easy to say that until you see her bring a dude home to fill up every hole in her body and then you realize you're suddenly less okay with it

Yeah I get that, but these past few months have been so shitty that I've completely checked out. My romantic feelings are nil. I'm pretty sure she banged some dude a while ago, but I don't care. I'm more worried that she's going to do something.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51686855]I feel like it's easy to say that until you see her bring a dude home to fill up every hole in her body and then you realize you're suddenly less okay with it[/QUOTE] I have a buddy who split up with his girl but kept living with her. He also said he was completely detached and he meant it - she started bringing guys home right away to make him jealous and it didn't phase him. He started bringing home girls and she cried about it for weeks. She kinda deserved it imo.

[QUOTE=Aetna;51689567]I have a buddy who split up with his girl but kept living with her. He also said he was completely detached and he meant it - she started bringing guys home right away to make him jealous and it didn't phase him. He started bringing home girls and she cried about it for weeks. She kinda deserved it imo.[/QUOTE] You reap what you sow

[QUOTE=Anti Christ;51686598]It won't be an issue. I'm not emotionly attached to her, and don't care what she does. I'm more concerned with any shit flipping that may occur from her side.[/QUOTE] Damn you're in the same boat as me but flipped. I'm the one that can't get over my ex yet from living around her and dealing with her bringing home the dude she's fucking. Also have to wait till basically march. Screw this shit. Been the longest months of my life waiting for the lease to end while living with my ex.

[QUOTE=Kite_shugo;51690694]Damn you're in the same boat as me but flipped. I'm the one that can't get over my ex yet from living around her and dealing with her bringing home the dude she's fucking. Also have to wait till basically march. Screw this shit. Been the longest months of my life waiting for the lease to end while living with my ex.[/QUOTE] Man, I don't even have to wait for a lease. I just won't have enough money to go anywhere until march, unless I pick up a second job. There's been some good news though. So far we're still getting along well, and she's made some positive changes in her life that may mean I don't necessarily [i]have[/i] to pack my bags. I'm remaining cautious though. The idea of being roomies with an ex seems dangerous.

[QUOTE=Aetna;51678210]I've been with the same girl for a year and a half now. Prior to that I spent nearly 4 years dating many different women and mostly just trying to have fun after a 3 year relationship with my high school sweetheart. [B]I love and appreciate my girlfriend so much, and she lacks any qualities that scare me away in other women[/B] - but she has one major flaw, and that's that she's way too accommodating. If I want to do something a certain way, she smiles and says okay, and that's that. She agrees with me on everything even though she doesn't have to. I've told her before I'd rather she communicate and just tell me how she feels, but instead she holds it in while I speak my mind everyday. Dating someone like that, while comfortable and easy, gets boring. I miss the little arguments I had with exes, I miss disagreeing on things and coming to a conclusion. I've been debating leaving her the past few months because no matter how many times I tell her how I feel about this, she continues to be the same way. It's very frustrating and leaves me confused and sad about the situation. I think it's time I walk away, but hurting her really, really hurts to think about. She's been nothing but good to me. What do? I feel the obvious answer is to [B]leave as I've obviously made it clear I've been thinking about it a while,[/B] but god damn it's a hard decision to make.[/QUOTE] I think you need to do some personal soul-searching, mate. It sounds like you simultaneously have a relationship everyone desires, but you don't appreciate it like you should. If you really care about her, if you really love and support her, you're not gonna drop her over a non-issue like a [B]lack[/B] of arguing. You need to seriously think about this. You need to seriously consider whether or not you really do appreciate her if you've been thinking about leaving for a few months. You need to talk to yourself, [U]and to [B]her[/B] about this[/U]. I don't know what signals you've been sending her, but chances are, speaking man to man, you aren't doing enough to [U]communicate with her[/U]. The only thing that can settle this matter is an honest talk with her. Airing out your shit online isn't gonna help either of you.

[QUOTE=TheLonelyDonu;51694749]I think you need to do some personal soul-searching, mate. It sounds like you simultaneously have a relationship everyone desires, but you don't appreciate it like you should. If you really care about her, if you really love and support her, you're not gonna drop her over a non-issue like a [B]lack[/B] of arguing. You need to seriously think about this. You need to seriously consider whether or not you really do appreciate her if you've been thinking about leaving for a few months.[/QUOTE] I agree with the last paragraph of your post since communication is always important, but you don't really seem to understand why this is a problem for him if you're just telling him to stop complaining and just grateful. Maybe you don't share views with him about relationships and that's totally fine, but that doesn't mean his relationship is objectively perfect and that he's the one in the wrong for being upset. I've been in a couple relationships where my partner idolized me rather than treating me as an equal and would never question my views. The issue was usually that the people I dated who never argued with me did so because they did not have strong opinions on anything we discussed. Not having strong opinions usually means they don't care. It's hard to share experiences with someone when they don't seem to care about any of them one way or another enough to express their own views and wants. Meanwhile, all of my closest friends have one thing in common (and only one thing, really) - they all constantly question my opinions and debate me on pretty much everything that comes out of my mouth. I love it and I live for those kinds of discussions. It helps me gain perspective and realize when I lack reason for my beliefs. All of them recognize me as an incomplete, flawed being who is still growing and improving. I'm not just a force acting on them and bestowing wisdom on them (god forbid) like I felt I was with a couple of my exes - we mutually influence each other and grow as people together and I think that mutual influence and that drive a partner or friend instills in you to constantly improve is a crucial part of any close relationship. I would not want to spend my life with someone who doesn't make me want to be a better person. When it comes to being idolized by a partner, there's a quote I really like that sums up my feelings on it: "When you put someone on a pedestal, you are forcing them to look down on you." This might not be what Aetna is talking about at all - I'm just sharing how I related to his post.

[QUOTE=TheLonelyDonu;51694749]I think you need to do some personal soul-searching, mate. It sounds like you simultaneously have a relationship everyone desires, but you don't appreciate it like you should. If you really care about her, if you really love and support her, you're not gonna drop her over a non-issue like a [B]lack[/B] of arguing. You need to seriously think about this. You need to seriously consider whether or not you really do appreciate her if you've been thinking about leaving for a few months. You need to talk to yourself, [U]and to [B]her[/B] about this[/U]. I don't know what signals you've been sending her, but chances are, speaking man to man, you aren't doing enough to [U]communicate with her[/U]. The only thing that can settle this matter is an honest talk with her. Airing out your shit online isn't gonna help either of you.[/QUOTE] You clearly didn't read my post: "I've told her before I'd rather she communicate and just tell me how she feels, but instead she holds it in while I speak my mind everyday." "....because no matter how many times I tell her how I feel about this, she continues to be the same way." Everything you read up there? I've already told her. I've already communicated, that's relationship 101. At least try and understand before you come off as completely misunderstanding and, to be honest, a bit condescending. I haven't dropped her, I've just been considering it for a long time because I don't feel satisfied with the way she fails to connect with me on the level I'd like her to. Exactly this: [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51695180]I agree with the last paragraph of your post since communication is always important, but you don't really seem to understand why this is a problem for him if you're just telling him to stop complaining and just grateful. Maybe you don't share views with him about relationships and that's totally fine, but that doesn't mean his relationship is objectively perfect and that he's the one in the wrong for being upset. I've been in a couple relationships where my partner idolized me rather than treating me as an equal and would never question my views. The issue was usually that the people I dated who never argued with me did so because they did not have strong opinions on anything we discussed. Not having strong opinions usually means they don't care. It's hard to share experiences with someone when they don't seem to care about any of them one way or another enough to express their own views and wants. Meanwhile, all of my closest friends have one thing in common (and only one thing, really) - they all constantly question my opinions and debate me on pretty much everything that comes out of my mouth. I love it and I live for those kinds of discussions. It helps me gain perspective and realize when I lack reason for my beliefs. All of them recognize me as an incomplete, flawed being who is still growing and improving. I'm not just a force acting on them and bestowing wisdom on them (god forbid) like I felt I was with a couple of my exes - we mutually influence each other and grow as people together and I think that mutual influence and that drive a partner or friend instills in you to constantly improve is a crucial part of any close relationship. I would not want to spend my life with someone who doesn't make me want to be a better person. When it comes to being idolized by a partner, there's a quote I really like that sums up my feelings on it: "When you put someone on a pedestal, you are forcing them to look down on you." This might not be what Aetna is talking about at all - I'm just sharing how I related to his post.[/QUOTE] I spill my guts to this woman every day - and her response? "Oh yeah babe! I totally get it! I know how you feel, that really sucks!" It just gets old after a while, it's copy-paste conversation and it makes me feel like she doesn't bother to form a real opinion on the matter, which I'd be happy to discuss even if it opposed my own. I don't think you have any idea what that is like, and how empty it feels. Your post makes you sound lack you like long-term relationship experience, because as Guy Mannly expressed, relationships are best formed on working with one another to find a common ground; not conforming to your partner. My girlfriend, for nearly two years, has acted like a doormat. Are you telling me you wouldn't be the slightest bit disturbed by that?

Watching my ex going back at it with guys in my same damn uni was the most painful experience of all the shit that went through the break up, and I was pretty fine the first 3 months, but then that hit me like a rock. Put boundaries man, just in case, don't “whatever” it.

as a counterpoint if you both put each other on a pedestal you're at eye level again

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51695681]as a counterpoint if you both put each other on a pedestal you're at eye level again[/QUOTE] It's about working to become better people together - but I'd take eye level over looking down at this point. I feel like if I could get her there, I could work her towards helping me become a better person, and vice versa; if that makes sense.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51695681]as a counterpoint if you both put each other on a pedestal you're at eye level again[/QUOTE] In some ways, this is true in regards to attribution theory in relationships. People in happy relationships are more likely to attribute their partner's failings to external causes, such as other people/bad luck, and their successes to internal ones (aka attribution bias). On the other hand, if you idolize someone and view them as superior to yourself, it can lead to a lot of insecurity and self-esteem issues in a relationship. You can admire someone and treat them like a god/dess while also recognizing they are human and have flaws.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;51695445]Watching my ex going back at it with guys in my same damn uni was the most painful experience of all the shit that went through the break up, and i was pretty fine the first 3 months, but then that hit me like a rock. Put boundaries man, just in case, dont "whatever" it.[/QUOTE] Same happened to me with my ex. Except it was 2 weeks after putting me on hold and letting me down slow. She went abroad to meet some guy she was constantly telling me about. And when I turned facebook on one day, bam, albums of photos of them together. I remember it hitting me like a wrecking ball. It was the most devastating feeling ever. But hey, time heals everything. It was a toxic relationship and a black hole in my self esteem and I'm glad it's over. Also that poor guy messaged me on facebook a couple of months ago. She pretty much did to him what she did to me and the other poor guys who had a relationship with her. She canned him for one of his friends. I feel sorry for the guy because I know what she's like (she's a sociopath), so he didn't see it coming. But at the same time I can't stop feeling a little satisfaction knowing I was right about her and that she didn't change one bit. Makes me feel happier about cutting all ties with her and with my current relationship.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;51696563]Same happened to me with my ex. Except it was 2 weeks after putting me on hold and letting me down slow. She went abroad to meet some guy she was constantly telling me about. And when I turned Facebook on one day, bam, albums of photos of them together. I remember it hitting me like a wrecking ball. It was the most devastating feeling ever. But hey, time heals everything. It was a toxic relationship and a black hole in my self-esteem and I'm glad it's over. Also, that poor guy messaged me on Facebook a couple of months ago. She pretty much did to him what she did to me and the other poor guys who had a relationship with her. She canned him for one of his friends. I feel sorry for the guy because I know what she's like (she's a sociopath), so he didn't see it coming. But at the same time I can't stop feeling a little satisfaction knowing I was right about her and that she didn't change one bit. Makes me feel happier about cutting all ties with her and with my current relationship.[/QUOTE] You don't know the satisfaction I had, after almost a year when I didn't know anything about her changes, where i naively thought she was soo mature and I was stuck in sadness, she messaged me about something very insignificant and ranted like the little, immature, insulting, vulgar and good old-fashioned way she used to do. I was calm, tried to explain myself and she exploded and just blocked me for everything. I just knew she was still the same. Although this may be immature too....BEST FEELING EVER.

[QUOTE=autodesknoob;51696960]you dont know the satisfaction i had, after almost a year where i didnt know anything about her changes, where i naively thought she was soo mature and i was stuck in sadness, she messaged me about something very insignificant and ranted like the little, immature, insulting, vulgar and good old fashioned way she used to do. I was calm, tried to explain myself and she exploded and just blocked me for everything. I just knew she was still the same. Although this may be inmature too....BEST FEELING EVER[/QUOTE] i think it's understandable and acceptable to find evidence that you've grown as a person, and that's what it seems to me you've done.

Not really about girlfriends or sex, but it's about a girl and I hope I can ask it here, or rather you guys would be able to help out. So on another forum I go to around 3 or so years ago, I met a girl and we got to be pretty good friends, communicating over text. We were both writers and we wrote stuff together and got to be close friends, even her offering to let me move up and room with her & her friends when I told her I wanted to move away when I graduated, but that never happened due to conflicts between her friends. Then she ends up getting a job at an assembly line and the time she spends online is very limited, eventually deleting her facebook, never coming onto skype anymore, and only checking the messages I send her on the forum very sparsely. Just recently, she messages me back telling me that she finally got a mic like 3 or something years after knowing her and I ask if she wants to skype or anything and we end up skyping, but it just felt really weird. Like right after I would ask or say something, she'd pause for a while before coming up with a reply and it all just felt like an awkward experience. Then I got to thinking about all the Chrischan shit I read years ago and other related stuff, and I'm thinking - is this person legit or is it a real big catfish? They always say to go with your gut and stuff and it's saying something's up, but if it's a catfish or if this person doesn't really exist, it would be hell of a complicated thing to keep rolling for three years + a facebook with shit dating back to before I even met her + aforementioned friends of her I talked to before via text, and with all that combined it just seems very very too complex for a catfish or something else. But my gut's saying something's up and I dunno if it's legit or if it's reacting based off other shit I have going on in my life.

regardless of whether its a catfish or not id probably forget about it

That would be way too much effort to be a catfish. You are safe on that front

[QUOTE=gnampf;51700790]Not really about girlfriends or sex, but it's about a girl and I hope I can ask it here, or rather you guys would be able to help out. So on another forum I go to around 3 or so years ago, I met a girl and we got to be pretty good friends, communicating over text. We were both writers and we wrote stuff together and got to be close friends, even her offering to let me move up and room with her & her friends when I told her I wanted to move away when I graduated, but that never happened due to conflicts between her friends. Then she ends up getting a job at an assembly line and the time she spends online is very limited, eventually deleting her facebook, never coming onto skype anymore, and only checking the messages I send her on the forum very sparsely. Just recently, she messages me back telling me that she finally got a mic like 3 or something years after knowing her and I ask if she wants to skype or anything and we end up skyping, but it just felt really weird. Like right after I would ask or say something, she'd pause for a while before coming up with a reply and it all just felt like an awkward experience. Then I got to thinking about all the Chrischan shit I read years ago and other related stuff, and I'm thinking - is this person legit or is it a real big catfish? They always say to go with your gut and stuff and it's saying something's up, but if it's a catfish or if this person doesn't really exist, it would be hell of a complicated thing to keep rolling for three years + a facebook with shit dating back to before I even met her + aforementioned friends of her I talked to before via text, and with all that combined it just seems very very too complex for a catfish or something else. But my gut's saying something's up and I dunno if it's legit or if it's reacting based off other shit I have going on in my life.[/QUOTE] Let me get this straight. You're talking with someone with actual voice for the first time ever. She's only just bought a mic. And you're worrying about her pausing to think? Seriously?

Nobody is going to wait 3 years to catfish someone, unless you're actually some high-profile millionaire and they need an ELABORATE SCHEME to trick you out of your enormous fortune.

Whelp, I'm goin' through Pregnancy Scare II: No Period Boogaloo. These always suck. I'm not [I]terribly[/I] worried because due to a weird pill-taking-schedule suggested by the doctor, her period has been about 12 hours later every month compared to the last, and it's entering the point where I'm suspecting it's basically the same as taking the pill all the time, which just makes you skip periods. Shit still sucks. Lots of dumb, heavy thoughts to go through.

After-sex cuddles are the best shit ever, goddamn.

Anybody got any success using shit like OkCupid?

[QUOTE=StrawberryClock;51711660]Anybody got any success using shit like OkCupid?[/QUOTE] Met my current boyfriend on there and we're talking about marriage at this point so I'd say it works fairly well. It just takes some persistence and some sifting through the weird people.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49687487]In retrospect, starting a relationship two weeks before Valentines Day was a bad idea because now I'm in a really awkward position where some big gesture would just be weird but I do have to acknowledge that it's Valentines Day because we're dating. Shit.[/QUOTE] [img]https://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-toot.gif[/img] one year [img]https://i.somethingawful.com/forumsystem/emoticons/emot-toot.gif[/img]

Dated this girl, realized she was far too good for me in my current state and broke it off honestly face to face. She claims few days later over a phone call that she is pregnant. wow

well time to learn how to be a better person or time to scrounge up what like $500

So my girlfriend seems to be completely refusing to acknowledge that I broke up with her. Never had that happen before.

[QUOTE=Anti Christ;51722114]So my girlfriend seems to be completely refusing to acknowledge that I broke up with her. Never had that happen before.[/QUOTE] Do you mean she just plays it off as if it never happened? That's very Costanza of her. Unrelated question. The girl I'm seeing mentioned to me today that after sex, if I cum inside her, it gets EXTREMELY itchy. She said this never happened with another guy. Could this be an allergic reaction or something? Is there a way to check?