Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;51841223]Because I'm only focusing on the bad, otherwise I wouldn't be saying anything at all[/QUOTE] Yeah but that's [I]really bad[/I], dude.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51841256]Yeah but that's [I]really bad[/I], dude.[/QUOTE] Which is why I'm asking for advice. It's the only problem in an otherwise great relationship, but it's a major one that worries me that will be deal breaking.

Imagine being put in the situation where you have a friend that your girlfriend doesn't like for discriminatory reasons. You now are in the smack middle of a conflict with no good ending. Thats just one scenario i can come up with at the top of my head after watching others with similar experiences. The other person just continues to make excuses until they just cannot any longer. You and your girlfriend do not exist in isolation. If your girlfriend really is discriminatory, then there will be clashes not just between you two, but with others as well. [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=KillerJaguar;51841264]Which is why I'm asking for advice. It's the only problem in an otherwise great relationship, but it's a major one that worries me that will be deal breaking.[/QUOTE] Hence why i didnt just say "break up" right away. What you have is a red flag, all that matters is if it can be fixed or if its a deal breaker

That's up to you if it's a deal breaker or not. But I personally could not be with - or even ever communicate with - someone who went around calling people "stinking niggers".

[QUOTE=da space core;51841265]Imagine being put in the situation where you have a friend that your girlfriend doesn't like for discriminatory reasons. You now are in the smack middle of a conflict with no good ending. Thats just one scenario i can come up with at the top of my head after watching others with similar experiences. The other person just continues to make excuses until they just cannot any longer. You and your girlfriend do not exist in isolation. If your girlfriend really is discriminatory, then there will be clashes not just between you two, but with others as well.[/QUOTE] Well we actually do kinda exist in isolation, since neither of us really have any other friends for it to be an issue; but that's a whole other problem. [QUOTE=Pascall;51841276]That's up to you if it's a deal breaker or not. But I personally could not be with - or even ever communicate with - someone who went around calling people "stinking niggers".[/QUOTE] She's not super overt about it, and she is respectful when she has to be, but she's extremely judgemental and will think that behind their back. I can tolerate that bit because I'm guilty of doing similar.

Also "stinking nigger" isn't a common phrase, so I'm guessing you've heard her call someone that. How are you not like immediately horrified? you talked about how you hate trump and his attitude and bigotry and shit and now you're basically dating him Actually I'm pretty sure even he wouldn't call someone a "stinking nigger" so good job she's worse [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] The fact that people on the internet that you don't know are sickened by this should be a clue. How would people you know react if they heard that? Like what if you introduce her to your mom and your mom is like "oh she's so nice" and then your mom hears your girlfriend call a waiter a nigger because she asked for water with no ice and he brought water with ice? My mom would either beat me or call a priest and I'm 24

"Super overt" or not, racism is racism. One of these days, you're gonna be put in a situation where your girlfriend will make a misstep and you'll have to publicly apologize for her calling someone a nigger, my guy. Racism is not just "being judgmental", it's literally thinking someone else is subhuman and not deserving of respect because of their skin color. I don't understand how that is something you can just brush under the rug, tbh.

[QUOTE=da space core;51841233]Alright, allow me to be blunt then. Ask her directly, if she believes that blacks/muslims/whatever are inherently worse people. Do not beat around the bush, ask straight. If she says "no" or something of the sort, then I would say that theres still a reasonable chance. If she says "yes, i believe those people are all..." then just end it immediately. Save yourself from a world of pain later on. Use your own judgment of course, you know her better than anyone here, but dont lie to yourself.[/QUOTE] "Blacks are inherently violent and so is the Islam religion."

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;51841346]"Blacks are inherently violent and so is the Islam religion."[/QUOTE] Well, I suggest you think about this, though with that answer your response should be pretty obvious. We wish you luck

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;51841346]"Blacks are inherently violent and so is the Islam religion."[/QUOTE] Ask her if she thinks your skull shape means you'll have a good relationship [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] Maybe her humours are out of alignment, try to find some leeches [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] Ask her if she'd like her own slave as an anniversary present [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] You're lucky, I've always wanted to be in a relationship I'm ashamed of and don't want people to know about [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] Ask her if she thinks it should be legal to hunt blacks for sport [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] Actually she'd probably say that they do it to themselves because they're so savage and violent [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] Ask her if she thinks Mexicans are as violent as blacks or if they're just tamer because they spend so much time sleeping

I don't think I could date a racist. It would get exhausting really quick.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51841417] Ask her if she'd like her own slave as an anniversary present [/QUOTE] This one :v:

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;51841298]Well we actually do kinda exist in isolation, since neither of us really have any other friends for it to be an issue; but that's a whole other problem. She's not super overt about it, and she is respectful when she has to be, but she's extremely judgemental and will think that behind their back. I can tolerate that bit because I'm guilty of doing similar.[/QUOTE] You define your own values. Staying with someone like this is just saying you don't value racial equality enough to stand up for it. By just shrugging it off every time she does this, you are enabling her and enabling something that seriously should not still be as rampant of an issue as it is in 2017. You are telling her that it is okay for her to continue her behavior and will have no consequences for her in her social life and relationships.

It's hard to make it as black and white an issue as you guys are saying. There a lot of other positives I like about her, but this single negative almost eclipses the sum of all the positives. It's not something that comes up very often, and I don't worry too much about either of our social lives since we have none aside from each other (which is another issue entirely). Guess it makes for a good hypothetical question.

Unlike most here I know the context of your story, and I have been rooting for your relationship, but after reading what Guy Mannly said, I believe you should stick to your principles. Try convincing her that her beliefs are invalid first, and if that does not work, then break up. There are more important things in life than having a relationship.

If it's a black and white issue that's good because you know how she feels about both sides [editline]18th February 2017[/editline] Or one of them, anyway

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;51842640]It's hard to make it as black and white an issue as you guys are saying. There a lot of other positives I like about her, but this single negative almost eclipses the sum of all the positives. It's not something that comes up very often, and I don't worry too much about either of our social lives since we have none aside from each other (which is another issue entirely). Guess it makes for a good hypothetical question.[/QUOTE] I recall you years ago in prior anonymous confessions threads joking about how you never had a girlfriend and probably never will. Then one day you got one and were completely bewildered for several pages. So believe me when I say that i did not make the suggestion of breaking up lightly. I know that she is your first gf and she is special to you. However, if she shows no sign of improving, then you will end up breaking up with her at some point. One day, you will have enough, snap, and the breakup then will hurt far more than if you were to just break up now. And ill repeat, its really up to you. Personally, ill go with the "rip the band aid off fastest" approach. It all depends on how much she is willing to change. Its up to you to decide really, but our advice, for if she refuses to listen to reason and insist on being discriminatory, is to end it. Good luck

[QUOTE=KillerJaguar;51842640]It's hard to make it as black and white an issue as you guys are saying. There a lot of other positives I like about her, but this single negative almost eclipses the sum of all the positives. It's not something that comes up very often, and I don't worry too much about either of our social lives since we have none aside from each other (which is another issue entirely). Guess it makes for a good hypothetical question.[/QUOTE] "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality."

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51843576]"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality."[/QUOTE] Generally true, but I don't think his girlfriend is actively oppressing anyone in any capacity, especially if she is only vocally racist in private.

[QUOTE=Zombinie;51843636]Generally true, but I don't think his girlfriend is actively oppressing anyone in any capacity, especially if she is only vocally racist in private.[/QUOTE] Whether or not she's acting racist directly toward minorities, the two of them do not exist in their own little bubble. People generally become racist due to the culture they exist in - friends/family who have reinforced these beliefs. It's easy for people with beliefs like this to wall themselves into their own hate groups where they reinforce each other's backwards ideals. Letting racist ideals flourish, even if one racist person isn't directly expressing herself to minorities, is still sending the message that it's socially acceptable to hold these beliefs and dehumanize other races.

So last week me and my ex who i haven't had any contact with for almost 2 years talked thru chat, everything was fine and then she asked if i wanted to meet on Saturday for a coffe or something, she told me "I really want us to be friends" and i accepted her invitation because eh why not. So on friday i sent her a message asking what time we should meet up the next day and that was around 3PM, but i got no response then i saw she viewed the message around 00.00. So the next day on Saturday i sent her another message asking her again and if she forget about it. She responds about 6 hours later telling me she's not feeling good and she's been sleeping all day and we should meet up another time and i responded with "okey" I got a bit frustrated, i guess it's rude to invite someone then cancel it at the end of the day. Either she went out and got drunk on Friday, had second thoughts or just want to fuck around for the fun of it i guess.

[QUOTE=HTS CONNER;51833837]Girlfriend never came over for valentines day... dumped me the next day. feelsbadman.[/QUOTE] Fun fact just found out today she went back to her ex that she told me "was an asshole and made her feel like a piece of shit". Im totally fine now. :smug:

[QUOTE=Bucketboy;51844925]So last week me and my ex who i haven't had any contact with for almost 2 years talked thru chat, everything was fine and then she asked if i wanted to meet on Saturday for a coffe or something, she told me "I really want us to be friends" and i accepted her invitation because eh why not. So on friday i sent her a message asking what time we should meet up the next day and that was around 3PM, but i got no response then i saw she viewed the message around 00.00. So the next day on Saturday i sent her another message asking her again and if she forget about it. She responds about 6 hours later telling me she's not feeling good and she's been sleeping all day and we should meet up another time and i responded with "okey" I got a bit frustrated, i guess it's rude to invite someone then cancel it at the end of the day. Either she went out and got drunk on Friday, had second thoughts or just want to fuck around for the fun of it i guess.[/QUOTE] So that's who you wanted to get in touch with... Sucks it went down like that. Just let her make the next move (if there will be any).

[QUOTE=IQ-Guldfisk;51846215]So that's who you wanted to get in touch with... Sucks it went down like that. Just let her make the next move (if there will be any).[/QUOTE] Yeah i think mentioned it before. Anyway, it was her idea for us to meet, have a coffee and talk since she told me "it's been a very long time and i really want for us to be friends". Could be a lie since she known for having a PhD in Lying.

[QUOTE=Bucketboy;51846312]Yeah i think mentioned it before. Anyway, it was her idea for us to meet, have a coffee and talk since she told me "it's been a very long time and i really want for us to be friends". Could be a lie since she known for having a PhD in Lying.[/QUOTE] ... Then why bother at all? Just ignore that shit. Block her. Do better things with your life.

[QUOTE=metallics;51846373]... Then why bother at all? Just ignore that shit. Block her. Do better things with your life.[/QUOTE] I Guess I thought she has changed in her behaviour but I tried on my part. If she really means it then she will contact me again, not going to bother.

[QUOTE=Bucketboy;51844925]So last week me and my ex who i haven't had any contact with for almost 2 years talked thru chat, everything was fine and then she asked if i wanted to meet on Saturday for a coffe or something, she told me "I really want us to be friends" and i accepted her invitation because eh why not. So on friday i sent her a message asking what time we should meet up the next day and that was around 3PM, but i got no response then i saw she viewed the message around 00.00. So the next day on Saturday i sent her another message asking her again and if she forget about it. She responds about 6 hours later telling me she's not feeling good and she's been sleeping all day and we should meet up another time and i responded with "okey" I got a bit frustrated, i guess it's rude to invite someone then cancel it at the end of the day. Either she went out and got drunk on Friday, had second thoughts or just want to fuck around for the fun of it i guess.[/QUOTE] That's interesting because I had a nearly entirely exact situation with an ex of mine. It's usually cold feet, and I did end up meeting my ex after the situation and she said it was something I had said that made her nervous. But pretty much exact. She chatted with me, invited me out, and the day of, she went completely silent until many hours afterwards. I'd chalk it up to cold feet. But that's my two cents. I don't know much more of your relationship with her.

So I've been dating a girl for 2 months now. The first one in a long, long time. I've never had a long term relationship (or any kind of relationship really, my first kiss because I was a rebound) so I thought 2 months wow hey this must be going somewhere, we even went on a date on valentines day, I was told repeatedly by a fair amount of friends and family to not bring up the "what are we" and not force the question, that it will eventually develop on its own into something and it'll be obvious. I knew something was up because we never kissed (deeply - did all the light kiss goodbye and hug at the end of dates), she repeatedly turned down offers to come back to my place, so I finally manned up and asked the question, what are we? I'm the god damn rebound. [B]again[/B].(though not in so few words) She's just come out of a long term relationship and said she's messed up emotionally so she's not really ready. She wants to keep seeing me, and admittedly, I'd like to keep seeing her but if we never even get to cuddle it seems like a lost hope. I don't know if I can keep my emotions in check and keep going out with her as a friend, I like her, a lot. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do - keep seeing her? finish with her? see somebody else on the side till shes ready? (which she did say I could do, but that just screams morally wrong, it could be months) I really thought I had something this time, but I'm so fucking fed up of being the rebound. People say you should work on yourself before you get into a relationship. I'm 29 and I'm sitting here watching my facebook feed fill up with people getting married and having kids and I'm two decades behind because I'm fucking socially retarded, still trying my best to find new hobbies and work on the self confidence. Am I not worthy of being loved too? why do I have to be the fucking thing that people come to when they need somebody to feel good about themselves... if you read this far, thankyou. I just needed to vent...

[QUOTE=Zareox7;51849566]That's interesting because I had a nearly entirely exact situation with an ex of mine. It's usually cold feet, and I did end up meeting my ex after the situation and she said it was something I had said that made her nervous. But pretty much exact. She chatted with me, invited me out, and the day of, she went completely silent until many hours afterwards. I'd chalk it up to cold feet. But that's my two cents. I don't know much more of your relationship with her.[/QUOTE] Well i asked if she wanted to have a coffee at her place or go to a café and she responded with that her apartment is "chaos" so i told her i don't really mind if it's messy or not but a café sounds great. she's also a very very slow responder to messages. It takes her hours between each message to respond. I mean, if she was the Swedish Prime minister then i would understand, i don't think you really can be that busy all the time. She's done similar stuff like this when we were together. For an example, we plan a weekend or a day to spend quality time together, do stuff then she would suddenly change pretty much everything by saying she needs to see her best friend first. So everything get delayed and we end up not having this quality time because it gets very late to do anything fun other than staying home.

so a few weeks ago at band practice, I was waiting for the other guitarist to show up and being bored I went on tinder and surprisingly there was a couple of new girls on it (where I live not that many people are on it, and I usually get the message that there are no new people around me). one of them was very pretty, listed some stuff on her profile and we shared some interests, and I matched with her. we've been taking for a couple of weeks now, and she's asked me to go out for a drink sometime. had to happen when I'm poor and ill though