Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

There's something I'm a little bit confused about. My GF is somewhat bi (her being attracted by girls being the exception rather than the rule) though she hasn't experienced that side of things sexually (only dated a friend of hers a few times). And while I wouldn't be able to forgive her if she had relations with another man, I'm not exactly rebuked by the idea of her doing things with another woman, somewhat the opposite actually. I know some people do open relationships, which I certainly wouldn't be confortable with if it meant she could sleep with other men, but I'm wondering if I would actually be confortable with letting her experience some lesbian relations. When I think about it I feel it would be alright for me, but it's kinda weird to me that I'm okay with one gender and not the other. I can't really explain it, which makes me fear there could be a difference between what I think I would feel and what I would actually feel should it happen.

Wild suggestion, but perhaps part of you think she's less likely to run away with a girl? Or maybe you're even hoping she'll include you somehow? Whatever the case, tread carefully. If you're not comfortable with her dating another man, then deep down, it might not be any different with a woman.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52131822]Wild suggestion, but perhaps part of you think she's less likely to run away with a girl? Or maybe you're even hoping she'll include you somehow? Whatever the case, tread carefully. If you're not comfortable with her dating another man, then deep down, it might not be any different with a woman.[/QUOTE] She most likely wouldn't run away with a girl, so that may be part of the reason yes.

I had that exact situation a while ago. The girl I was dating was bisexual and wanted an open relationship. I rolled with it for a while but it came down do it and I wasn't entirely happy with the idea, but we didn't really gel as a couple, we work far better as friends with benefits. My view on it was much the same, I wasn't totally cool with the idea of her sleeping with another bloke, but I was okay with her sleeping with another girl. Not necessarily because that I felt she was less likely to run away with a girl, as suggested by a poster above, but more that she'd be able to get a different experience from a girl, and that would be something that I couldn't offer her. But I didn't feel it was fair to restrict what she wanted to suit me, and as I said, we work better as friends with benefits anyway. Now she's with a guy who's totally cool with her sleeping with other people (including me lel), and she's happier than ever, and I'm happy for her.

I don't have an opinion on it, but I will say that ~80% of the women I see who are looking for other women on Tinder (excluding people just looking for platonic friendships) are in that situation where they have a boyfriend and want a girl to fool around with. It's really common.

Kind of a long one, but I'm going through some shit with my gf of ~2 months, we're both studying abroad so neither of us really know what we're gonna do after this semester, it's an uncertain time for both of us. Earlier this week we were talking about future plans (for like the first time) and I said I wasn't sure if we should do long distance. In the moment I wasn't thinking about what saying that would do. She immediately got distant and it was pretty obvious that that was a shitty thing for me to say. I texted her saying I regretted saying that and I wanted to try LD, but she said she wasn't sure she believed me. After reading that I had a moment of panic and broke up with her but only because I thought it would be best and most logical for her, not because I didn't want to be with her. Immediately regretted this because I really really like her and we had a truly great relationship, and because it was clear that breaking up just hurt her even more and didn't make sense for us. After a couple of days of deliberating/feeling like shit/asking everyone I knew for advice, I asked her if she would give me another chance. Amazingly she agreed and we're going to give it a shot. We've hung out a couple times since this, it still feels kinda raw to see her after everything that happened. But fundamentally we both just really like each other and want to make each other happy/move on/make this work. I told her I'm 100% committed, which I am. I feel so lucky. My question is, how do I earn her trust back after handling this like such a child? Is it just gonna take time? There's only so many times I can say I'm sorry, it's up to her to believe me. I should add this is my 1st relationship and idk wtf I'm doing as is probably clear to anyone who read the above account of my dipshittery.

Can someone tell me if I'm the asshole here? My girlfriend is mad at me right now because I let one of my closest friends (that happens to be female) sit on my lap. It's not weird to me at all cause I let literally anyone sit on my lap as long as theyre not too heavy, but my girlfriend got really weird about it and is even "thinking about the relationship" now.

[QUOTE=Killer monkey;52141515]Can someone tell me if I'm the asshole here? My girlfriend is mad at me right now because I let one of my closest friends (that happens to be female) sit on my lap. It's not weird to me at all cause I let literally anyone sit on my lap as long as theyre not too heavy, but my girlfriend got really weird about it and is even "thinking about the relationship" now.[/QUOTE] Depends significantly on how you reacted. You saying she's over reacting might be the case but it's a one sided account.

[QUOTE=UzumakaiPatch;52141596]Depends significantly on how you reacted. You saying she's over reacting might be the case but it's a one-sided account.[/QUOTE] I didn't care, to me its normal like I said a lot of my friends sit on my lap kinda often. [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52141603]Was she in lingerie when she sat on your lap? There is a lot of context that is needed[/QUOTE] We were at a party and there were no seats so I let her sit on my lap.

Girl I like doesn't like me back. Such is life

that would bother me if i were your gf tbh but everyone's different

lads how the fuck do you tinder? Decided to try it out again after a brief 1 week long use in 2015, only just now ready to sorta get back into the swing of things after a mentally taxing breakup ~10 months ago. All it's seem to have done is make me incredibly judgemental and really fucking hate that fucking dog snapchat filter. How are you meant to establish a conversation from a couple pictures and [i]occasionally[/i] a couple sentences?

[QUOTE=Killer monkey;52141515]Can someone tell me if I'm the asshole here? My girlfriend is mad at me right now because I let one of my closest friends (that happens to be female) sit on my lap. It's not weird to me at all cause I let literally anyone sit on my lap as long as theyre not too heavy, but my girlfriend got really weird about it and is even "thinking about the relationship" now.[/QUOTE] Being a bit miffed about it is arguably fair enough. "Thinking about the relationship" over it is fuckin' crazy if you ask me.

[QUOTE=Riller;52141814]Being a bit miffed about it is arguably fair enough. "Thinking about the relationship" over it is fuckin' crazy if you ask me.[/QUOTE] That's what I've been coming to as well so I guess I should say sorry to her.

[QUOTE=Instant Mix;52141802]lads how the fuck do you tinder? Decided to try it out again after a brief 1 week long use in 2015, only just now ready to sorta get back into the swing of things after a mentally taxing breakup ~10 months ago. All it's seem to have done is make me incredibly judgemental and really fucking hate that fucking dog snapchat filter. How are you meant to establish a conversation from a couple pictures and [i]occasionally[/i] a couple sentences?[/QUOTE] Yeah I don't know what to do with it either. There's barely enough info to even go surface level beyond shit like 'hey what's up', and obviously throwing a paragraph at a random stranger is weird, so there's barely any middle ground. And in trying to break the ice somewhere in that middle ground, I've personally never received a single response from anyone using the service.

Tinder isn't really a dating app

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;52141951]Tinder isn't really a dating app[/QUOTE] While it is more of a hookup thing, I have seen people become couples through it sometimes.

Right but going to tinder and wondering why it's a picture with two sentences is a bit naive

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;52142102]Right but going to tinder and wondering why it's a picture with two sentences is a bit naive[/QUOTE] You see plenty of people with proper paragraphs and shit like "Not here for hookups" / "Looking for something serious" on it. I don't think it's exclusively a hook-up app at all, in fact it just seems like a generic platform that's used in various ways.

[QUOTE=thrawn2787;52141951]Tinder isn't really a dating app[/QUOTE] Yeah I'm just trying to meet people, I get that it's not change your life serious. Hell I would just like someone to give me the time of day, at this point I'm not even expecting hook-ups, much less dating.

[QUOTE=Instant Mix;52141802]lads how the fuck do you tinder? Decided to try it out again after a brief 1 week long use in 2015, only just now ready to sorta get back into the swing of things after a mentally taxing breakup ~10 months ago. All it's seem to have done is make me incredibly judgemental and really fucking hate that fucking dog snapchat filter. How are you meant to establish a conversation from a couple pictures and [i]occasionally[/i] a couple sentences?[/QUOTE] step one is swipe right on everyone. theres only so many people in your area on tinder and you'll get through them all eventually. if you swipe right on everyone you get to match with everyone who swiped you right (and girls are really picky on tinder). when you've got matches the best opener is a cheesy pickup line or a joke that isn't too offensive (or try your luck with an offensive one). its the same as going up to someone in a pub and chatting them up, you don't know anything about them and you are going basically off of physical attraction. except with tinder you sometimes already have their basic interests and hobbies. when they do have a good description, pick a subject from it that you can talk about, or bullshit about, and probe. ask questions that aren't yes or no answers, and answer her questions with something she can follow up on, like another question or something interesting relating to what she just said. this is the hardest part because people suck at talking to strangers, conversations die quickly because they go like "whats your favourite animal" "i love dogs" "cool me too" and most important of all, have fun, dont take anything too seriously here or you'll take a hit to your self confidence. [editline]24th April 2017[/editline] [QUOTE=Instant Mix;52142326]You see plenty of people with proper paragraphs and shit like "Not here for hookups" / "Looking for something serious" on it. I don't think it's exclusively a hook-up app at all, in fact it just seems like a generic platform that's used in various ways.[/QUOTE] and never trust the "not looking for hookups", you can always change their mind when you've been talking to them for a while.

I personally preferred OkCupid for forming friendships or any real meaningful connections. Tinder has always been more for hook-ups, imo.

[QUOTE=Killer monkey;52141820]That's what I've been coming to as well so I guess I should say sorry to her.[/QUOTE] If this happened to me and I believed I had done nothing wrong I would not apologize. You are two indipendent people who are sexually exclusive (I assume) but that doesn't mean that you should be restricted in being who you are. As you say you let people sit in ur lap often and it means nothing to you, why should you apologize for that? Granted, if she is reacting like this she might take it more serious so you'll have to ask yourself if you would rather want her or if you would rather want to be able to truly be yourself.

[QUOTE=Killer monkey;52141820]That's what I've been coming to as well so I guess I should say sorry to her.[/QUOTE] Apologising is a pretty good first step when people are upset by something. It usually gives you an opening to figure out why they reacted in the way they did.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52142915]I personally preferred OkCupid for forming friendships or any real meaningful connections. Tinder has always been more for hook-ups, imo.[/QUOTE] I've had [I]zero[/I]success on OkCupid, surprisingly. My Tinder game isn't great (by which I mean to say, none in India atleast - everyone wants to be friends on Tinder here, fuck that), but I get a lot of good matches on it when I'm in the US. OkCupid, though? Bone dry for months now. I'm really curious to see how my dating life is going to change when I finally move to Canada - For a laugh, I just changed the details on my OKC profile to some address in Toronto and it was ridiculously popular. I'm kinda looking forward to going, now. :smile:

The hook up mindset works in the US Aparently. Around here its more of "have you seen me in front of macchu picchu? Well here's 6 photos about it. Only looking for friends".

I met my girlfriend of 3 years on tinder

After trying Tinder, I don't have the patience for OKCupid. Honestly, even Tinder tries my patience these days. But I find that people on OKC tend to just want to talk and talk for weeks or months, but when I'm interested in someone, I want to meet as soon as possible. I find it pretty hard and frustrating on either platform to weed through the people who want the same things I want (like near-immediate in-person dating) and don't just treat the whole thing like a game or a big chat program.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52144896]After trying Tinder, I don't have the patience for OKCupid. Honestly, even Tinder tries my patience these days. But I find that people on OKC tend to just want to talk and talk for weeks or months, but when I'm interested in someone, I want to meet as soon as possible. I find it pretty hard and frustrating on either platform to weed through the people who want the same things I want (like near-immediate in-person dating) and don't just treat the whole thing like a game or a big chat program.[/QUOTE] It would just be nice if I got messages back on any service tbh. The last match I got on tinder that messaged me back sent me one message, and then didn't respond after that. And I've pretty much gone through the pool of OKCupid people in my area and have had very few messages back, and with most of them the conversation died quickly sadly enough. Haven't used Plenty of Fish too much cuz tbh the interface sucks ass and makes doing everything painful as hell. That's just life I suppose.

I'm awful at remembering to respond to tinder messages