Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=Liota;52219458]Howdy so im not going to explain all the details but in the last few days me and my gf have been through a lot of shit, mostly because of me and my shit personality, i always said sorry and tried to fix stuff up but today i fucked up so hard so i got mad at her for something i wont mention, so [b]i just stood there and smoked like 4 cigs in a row, she came to me and hugged me from behind but i didnt care. I then spent 30 minutes on my phone talking to other people while she was walking around trying to be noticed.[/b] At a certain point she said "wanna go back home?" and i got up realizing i fucked up and tried saying no sorry etc but she got so mad and we ended up both crying, then she handed me my shit and kicked me out despite me trying to fix the situation. i texted her later and she said shes very mad, felt humiliated and says she cant believe i treated her that way, i tried convincing her and spitting up some bullshit like my life is stressing sorry etc she now wants to be left alone for a few days because shes so mad and sad at me and said she wants me to do something to get forgiven or i wont hear back from her again because she said she hates that i never care about her etc i have no clue what to do, i thought about bringing her one of those mornings at the seaside, hold her and talk and say some romantic shit and how i feel sorry but i dont know if thats enough any ideas? whoever gives me the best idea, if it works, i'll send u a few beers with paypal thanks a lot pals[/QUOTE] Have a nice long talk about why you decided to do this and how you'll try to work on yourself to avoid doing this in the future. This is the root of it all, and it's a total 100% asshole move to do, so try to talk to each other and figure out how you're going to not do that ever again.

how long have you guys been dating? if shes getting upset about you going on a vacation with your friends, its fair enough if you guys don't spend a lot of time together but you should be free to hang out with your friends especially if its a planned vacation with the boys. my gf was like that when we first started dating because we only got to hang out on the weekends but when we moved in together its been whatever do what you want. unfortunately this has happened to a good friend of mine, except theyve been dating since january and still act like tween love birds and theyre both 25 and it makes me extremely uncomfortable to be around them.

I reeeaallly want to fuck this girl from Croatia but it's not worth it.

[QUOTE=Egg_Toaster;52234100]I reeeaallly want to fuck this girl from Croatia but it's not worth it.[/QUOTE] Glad to see it's resolved.

I don't know if this is a bad thing, but I've never really had even a semi serious argument with my fiance, and we've been together for about 4 years now. Sure, she's gotten annoyed with me plenty and mad at me a few times, I've never reciprocated it, or ever really been mad at her at all, and when she has gotten mad at me, she got over it pretty quickly when i stayed calm or apologized. That's not to say i just roll over about the things we've disagreed about, i am quite stubborn, but i can never take anything serious enough to get angry about it.

Turn gay and you won't have to deal with women

-snip- Don't really need help nvm.

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So I sent a message, and now I look really awkward. Fuck.

Touched a dick for the first time in my life. Kinda reaffirmed that I'm [I]pretty[/I] asexual because I was not very invested. It was only a few moments after we spent a while on the floor just being goofy and it kinda lead up to that but I think it's important for me that it wasn't a [I]bad[/I] experience. I wasn't nervous or uncomfortable really, so it kinda helped break some mental barriers I had about it. I think even if I'm never really interested or emotionally invested in sex, I think there are some things I could compromise on and still feel okay about. It'll just take some exploration and figuring out as we learn more about each other. Yeah I know this is kind of silly in a thread with a lot of people who have sex fairly regularly lol but whatever. Big deal for me, I guess.

Far from daily. Honestly, the goofy parts are one of my parts of it. That and the emotional intimacy that it brings sometimes.

I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and we've been long distance for three months, two more to go before we can get back together. We've seen each other on certain weekends, about once a month. This evening she told me via text that she doesn't feel as good as she used to, that she feels our relationship doesn't work as well as it used to. I've heard of the "two years ceiling" and I'm also thinking the LDR part may have something to do with it. I'm panicking here, is this normal? Is it part of maturing, something that can be solved with communication?

It might be that she's definitely feeling the distance. It sounds like a fairly normal issue when you go from a regular relationship to an LDR. Have you asked WHY she doesn't feel as good? Is there something particular that she's having issues with? Try to talk to her and find out the specifics. It's hard to hash out the problem when it's as vague as "not feeling good". Be open and willing to listen and communicate. Don't jump to conclusions and don't immediately accuse her of not being patient or not wanting to try. Hear her out and go from there. Can't give you a definite answer but I'd try to settle down about it a little bit. If you're panicking, usually you won't be in a good frame of mind to properly communicate.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52258613]It might be that she's definitely feeling the distance. It sounds like a fairly normal issue when you go from a regular relationship to an LDR. Have you asked WHY she doesn't feel as good? Is there something particular that she's having issues with? Try to talk to her and find out the specifics. It's hard to hash out the problem when it's as vague as "not feeling good". Be open and willing to listen and communicate. Don't jump to conclusions and don't immediately accuse her of not being patient or not wanting to try. Hear her out and go from there. Can't give you a definite answer but I'd try to settle down about it a little bit. If you're panicking, usually you won't be in a good frame of mind to properly communicate.[/QUOTE] Still texting a bit with her. She said she's been feeling sad for a while, that she's sad when I'm not there because I'm far away, and she's sad when I'm there because it doesn't last long. She also says she's sad because we can't have sex properly (we managed to go a long way on that front, but it still doesn't feel very good for her, she has some form of vaginism). [editline]22nd May 2017[/editline] But when I ask whether she feels it will get better once we get back together, she says she doesn't know.

Good luck.

Yeah, my ex had had a family friend be a little too touchy when she was young and I guess it could be a cause of her sex problems. She would cry 1 out of 2 times, and every time the first penetration would be painful and had to go very slow

Update on this: Saturday she was partying at a club with some of her friends, and she told me that at one point she danced with a guy and felt pretty and desired, which is something she's missing in our relationship. She feels I'm taking her for granted, and misses the thrill of our first few months together. What I'm taking from this is, given that a purpose, a goal, is needed for desire to exist, the fact that we've been together for a while and that a certain routine has taken root gives off the impression that this desire has ceased to exist. How correct do you think that interpretation is? She talked to me a while ago about a couple she knows which was in a similar situation, and started doing actual dates again to re-kindle the flame, so to speak. Do you think that would be a good idea to explore? I'm thinking of taking her on a walk in the city, go gather vegetables at a self-service farm, maybe take tango courses together.

You stopped doing actual dates?

Because it's an LDR we don't have much time for dates, we go to the restaurant or the cinema sometimes though.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52260568]Because it's an LDR we don't have much time for dates, we go to the restaurant or the cinema sometimes though.[/QUOTE] Definitely do more interesting dates, and consider doing a double date with the couple you mentioned, you might learn something. And remember to do something out of the ordinary routinely, like buying her flowers. You trying to surprise her and make her happy tells her that you [I]do [/I]desire her.

hey guys i need insights So I've been seeing this girl for around 4 months and she's really putting me out - some background, I come from a string of long term (~1 year) relationships which have all been pretty volatile / codependent / emotionally damaging in some way. It's gotten to the point now that I'm not entirely certain if something is normal or not when I'm dating someone. The girl I'm dating now seems mostly normal, but I can't get my head around it One thing is she's not very big on words, which to be honest really confuses me because I'm all about conversing and expressing emotion and stuff. This girl just isn't. We've been seeing each other 4 months but we still haven't really had a conversation around if we're exclusive, or if we're not. I don't feel comfortable communicating with her about it because it is so damn obvious she isn't comfortable communicating about it herself. She's bought me little thoughtful gifts, and we text every day and see each other a lot, but I feel really anxious about us nonetheless. She went to Japan for 2 weeks and bought me something, and she bought me cookies for my birthday (we'd only been dating a month at that point). She tends to avoid deep subjects and likes talking about just day-to-day stuff but I can't get any further than that. Sometimes it feels like emotions just don't exist for her and that's really hard. Also she's really meticulous and likes to call the shots about where we go and what we do. She's organised the majority of our dates to do stuff she wants to do, and I just invited her to an art show and she flat out said she didn't want to go because she didn't like how many tourists were there. Last week I went and saw a fuckin cannibal movie which she loved and I hated but i still went. This was after I asked her if she wanted to get dinner and she said 'how about we do this movie instead'. In my past relationships I would have considered this selfish but I really have no idea now. She also does cocaine with her friends sometimes, and I've had a lot of friends go down dark paths with drugs in the past and that just adds another layer of confusion to the whole thing. This and other stuff is so weird, because I really don't want to end up in another shitty relationship. So I'm hyper aware if anything seems off, or wrong, but my perception is so skewed that I genuinely can no longer tell what's normal in a relationship, or what's acceptable. I really like her, but at the same time I can't help feeling that she's really selfish. My past relationships were a lot more involved than this - but all of them ended up codependent and emotionally damaging. So I think I have the opinion that she's selfish because I'm trying to hold her to an unhealthy standard anyway. But I don't know. I literally have no idea how to conduct this, or what I'm comfortable with, or what I'm okay with. I don't want to ditch someone I like just because I overreact to things that they do

You should be blunt with how you feel with her on individual points over time and see how she reacts -- bottling up the issues or hoping they disappear is going to make it harder down the road to open up about them. If she isn't willing to face the issues or answer your questions, I'm afraid she needs to solve these issues internally before she commits into a relationship. Don't subject yourself to a one-way relationship or any kind of controllable abuse just because you like someone.

I've been in that situation and I find it helps to try and not care. As bad as that sounds. I tried focusing on myself and my own hobbies a little more until the relationship grew and she started communicating more. Seriously do you do sport or something? Why not get really good at it?

[QUOTE=_Axel;52260568]Because it's an LDR we don't have much time for dates, we go to the restaurant or the cinema sometimes though.[/QUOTE] i'll never understand long distant relationships, i could never manage one.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52263673]i'll never understand long distant relationships, i could never manage one.[/QUOTE] We didn't really have a choice, I have to do a 5 months internship abroad.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52263723]We didn't really have a choice, I have to do a 5 months internship abroad.[/QUOTE] i mean i wouldn't be able to do that, if either of us had to go abroad for a long period of time i would probably just call it quits and try to move on. i've never been put in that situation so i don't really know, it just doesn't work out in my head.

Okay, so I tell people early on dating sites that I'd like to actually go out on a date because you can actually tell faster if there's gonna be some chemistry. Now, people usually answer me with "oh, I'm not against it but I'd like to chat a bit first." I go along with it because it would be rude not to but I just can't tell when it would be a good time to ask for an actual date.

nothing wrong with just chatting for a bit to make sure youre not a weirdo (or at least not weirder than they are).

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52263960]nothing wrong with just chatting for a bit to make sure youre not a weirdo (or at least not weirder than they are).[/QUOTE] Yeah, I have no issue with it but like they never really have anything to say but idle chat that doesn't really go anywhere. I do my best to ask them meaningful questions like what are they studying in, what are their hobbies etc. and they usually reciprocate but it just keep going on and on and on. It's like they don't know themselves what they want and it keeps happening.

thats the kind of shit that happens on tinder and other sites. you get those people that are like "i love adventuring and dogs" and when you talk to them all they do is work and watch tv and they are boring as fuck to talk to, but if you sift through enough people you'll find someone who can hold a decent conversation.