Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=reevezy67;52357418]I can agree with the genetic argument though. Humans want to pass on their genes to our own detriment. I agree that the better option for the world is adoption, another better option is to just not have kids. We have an overpopulation problem coming up on us, but people still choose to have kids.[/QUOTE] Actually, if each couple have up to 2 kids, there can't be overpopulation, unless people stop dying (and considering that everyone lives longer and longer, it's like people stopped dying for a few years). I'm not saying that the problem comes from a few people in developped countries that want to have more than 2 children, for me the problem comes from populations in countries that haven't finished the demographic transition yet. Hopefully, when everyone passed that state, the human population shouldn't grow anymore. Unless people stop dying. [I]PS[/I] For those who aren't familiar with demographic transition, basically at one point there are a lot of death in a population, so people give birth to a lot of children to compensate. Boom some huge medicine progress and industrial revolution : less deaths. But people continue to have a lot of children. (so the pop increase heavily) Eventually, after a few decades, the minds will change and people will stop procreating that much. (and then the pop will stay approximately the same). That's demographic transition

Yeah, world population is not going to increase indefinitely, it's set to stabilize at around 10 billion.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52357625]Yeah, world population is not going to increase indefinitely, it's set to stabilize at around 10 billion.[/QUOTE] And then a bit of Black Death and everything will be fine

I don't know whether to feel happy or sad rn I've met this amazing girl about a year ago. We've been dating a while and it's amazing. We communicate, I'm good to her, she's good to me, everything regarding the relationship is just dandy My issue is my lack of feeling in regards to sex. She really wants to get me off, but I've been circumcised and apparently pretty much most of the feeling I could have had went away with that operation. It's impossible for anyone to get me off (people have tried and some thought they could prove me wrong in the past but it just doesn't work). It's fucking irritating So yeah, great relationship, but kind of a shitty not-feeling-dick situation.

[QUOTE=Snickerdoodle;52357909]I don't know whether to feel happy or sad rn I've met this amazing girl about a year ago. We've been dating a while and it's amazing. We communicate, I'm good to her, she's good to me, everything regarding the relationship is just dandy My issue is my lack of feeling in regards to sex. She really wants to get me off, but I've been circumcised and apparently pretty much most of the feeling I could have had went away with that operation. It's impossible for anyone to get me off (people have tried and some thought they could prove me wrong in the past but it just doesn't work). It's fucking irritating So yeah, great relationship, but kind of a shitty not-feeling-dick situation.[/QUOTE] Being circumcised has (or at the very least, should not) nothing to do with getting off. I'm circumcised too, and everything's just fine. It's likely another issue. Have you talked to your doctor about it?

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52357915]Being circumcised has (or at the very least, should not) nothing to do with getting off. I'm circumcised too, and everything's just fine. It's likely another issue. Have you talked to your doctor about it?[/QUOTE] Yes. He asked me how long this has been an issue, and it's been my entire life. It's always been kind of dull pleasure and he told me about the loss of nerve endings that results from circumcision, which I wasn't quite aware of before. He suggested that it may contribute to the discomfort during sex based on the role foreskin is supposed to play. We talked about psychlogical pressure as well being a potential factor, but if I've had dull sensitivity there my whole life I have to wonder if it's related to those nerves being gone

Quit porn if you watch it and try masturbate less/less vigorously if you do that too. I had this problem, I'm ever so slightly better after about a year, but it's still an issue.

IIRC there are surgeries that restore foreskin to an extent, not sure if they make nerve endings grow back though. Have you tried using lube? Maybe that can help?

I don't watch porn often. I've started using lube last year but I haven't seen a difference yet

[QUOTE=Snickerdoodle;52357962]Yes. He asked me how long this has been an issue, and it's been my entire life. It's always been kind of dull pleasure and he told me about the loss of nerve endings that results from circumcision, which I wasn't quite aware of before. He suggested that it may contribute to the discomfort during sex based on the role foreskin is supposed to play. We talked about psychlogical pressure as well being a potential factor, but if I've had dull sensitivity there my whole life I have to wonder if it's related to those nerves being gone[/QUOTE] Reading up a bit on it, when were you circumcised? As a child/baby? If that's the case, then there is a chance you've suffered some complications as you've grown up. Like I said, I haven't experienced any problems, but I was circumcised when I was 18.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52358014]Reading up a bit on it, when were you circumcised? As a child/baby? If that's the case, then there is a chance you've suffered some complications as you've grown up. Like I said, I haven't experienced any problems, but I was circumcised when I was 18.[/QUOTE] Ouch that must have hurt so badly

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52358014]Reading up a bit on it, when were you circumcised? As a child/baby? If that's the case, then there is a chance you've suffered some complications as you've grown up. Like I said, I haven't experienced any problems, but I was circumcised when I was 18.[/QUOTE] Yeah, mine is from when I was a baby.

[QUOTE=Eirheinger;52358043]Ouch that must have hurt so badly[/QUOTE] All things considered, it wasn't that bad. Worst of the pain was gone after a week, almost all pain gone by week two. It was for medical reasons. [QUOTE=Snickerdoodle;52358047]Yeah, mine is from when I was a baby.[/QUOTE] Then that might explain it. In any case, talk with your doctor again. I do believe there exists procedures that should help you with regaining your sensitivity down south. Because, if I've understood it right, that's your issue.

[QUOTE=Spetsnaz95;52358122]All things considered, it wasn't that bad. Worst of the pain was gone after a week, almost all pain gone by week two. It was for medical reasons. Then that might explain it. In any case, talk with your doctor again. I do believe there exists procedures that should help you with regaining your sensitivity down south. Because, if I've understood it right, that's your issue.[/QUOTE] I'll talk to him again but I've found a lot of exercises that involve continually slightly stretching the skin until it basically grows enough to recover it (for somewhat better feeling, even though you can't get the mass of nerves back). Think its worth looking into? It looks nice compared to surgery, even if it takes a year or two.

[QUOTE=Snickerdoodle;52361537]I'll talk to him again but I've found a lot of exercises that involve continually slightly stretching the skin until it basically grows enough to recover it (for somewhat better feeling, even though you can't get the mass of nerves back). Think its worth looking into? It looks nice compared to surgery, even if it takes a year or two.[/QUOTE] I've never heard of someone being able to stretch their skin like that. Not saying it's BS, but I wouldn't rely on that.

Not to say that simply having a Wiki on it makes it more legitimate, [URL="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreskin_restoration#Non-surgical_techniques"]but here's a lot more information about it[/URL].

You guys have any tips for dealing with relationship anxiety? I always get very tense when my SO goes out to hang with others and I don't want to be "that" guy who confronts their SO about something that is completely normal and fine. I have reacted to minor things related to that like her not taking the bus to my place she said she was gonna take at a specific time. It becomes a really big deal in my head since I'm already over boiling with anxiety that I'm trying so hard to suppress. Distracting myself would be a good start but it's hard to do that when I'm bordering a panic attack where it feels like my life is in danger unless she comes back. I just want to be able to say "yeah alright, have fun" instead of forcing out "okay" and proceed to worry about everything that could have happened until I go to bed. Her coming home is not enough to calm me since I'll still be stuck with thoughts telling me she came back just because she knew I'd be sad if she didn't but in reality she had so much more fun with them than she ever has with me. I do realize a lot of my thoughts are irrational, which is a start but I'm not entirely convinced either. There is a hint of doubt that makes my thoughts feel right even if I try to tell myself they're wrong. The only ways I've found to sort of cope is to accept that my thoughts are 100% right and that she will find some dumb excuse to not come home to me like planned, so pretty much just accepting that we're over without any real evidence. Which I imagine isn't too healthy. Or smoke weed until I nearly pass out which isn't any better. Any advice? I am diagnosed with GAD which is perfectly manageable for me when I'm not in a relationship. She has been the #1 cause of anxiety for me the past few months and it's unbearable. She hasn't done anything bad to me or our relationship, I just worry too much.

[QUOTE=PredGD;52362536]You guys have any tips for dealing with relationship anxiety? I always get very tense when my SO goes out to hang with others and I don't want to be "that" guy who confronts their SO about something that is completely normal and fine. I have reacted to minor things related to that like her not taking the bus to my place she said she was gonna take at a specific time. It becomes a really big deal in my head since I'm already over boiling with anxiety that I'm trying so hard to suppress. Distracting myself would be a good start but it's hard to do that when I'm bordering a panic attack where it feels like my life is in danger unless she comes back. I just want to be able to say "yeah alright, have fun" instead of forcing out "okay" and proceed to worry about everything that could have happened until I go to bed. Her coming home is not enough to calm me since I'll still be stuck with thoughts telling me she came back just because she knew I'd be sad if she didn't but in reality she had so much more fun with them than she ever has with me. I do realize a lot of my thoughts are irrational, which is a start but I'm not entirely convinced either. There is a hint of doubt that makes my thoughts feel right even if I try to tell myself they're wrong. The only ways I've found to sort of cope is to accept that my thoughts are 100% right and that she will find some dumb excuse to not come home to me like planned, so pretty much just accepting that we're over without any real evidence. Which I imagine isn't too healthy. Or smoke weed until I nearly pass out which isn't any better. Any advice? I am diagnosed with GAD which is perfectly manageable for me when I'm not in a relationship. She has been the #1 cause of anxiety for me the past few months and it's unbearable. She hasn't done anything bad to me or our relationship, I just worry too much.[/QUOTE] I think it's good to remember that worrying and feeling anxious about this stuff is incredibly common, but it's also just a waste of time and energy most of the time, like RenegadeCop says. I tend to find that thinking about a time when I wasn't feeling doubtful helps assuage a lot of that negative feeling, because it helps me realise that it's just my current perspective that is making me feel worried. I know you said you still felt worried even when your partner was home because of those negative thoughts, but I think you should consider that evidence that your brain is just worrying for the sake of worrying, and that while your partner is the focus of the thoughts, she's not really the cause, if that makes sense? Like yesterday morning I gave this girl I met recently a letter that I wrote asking her out, and that was very difficult for me. I kept on doubting whether it was a smart move or not, even though we'd joked about writing to eachother and being pen pals, so in that way it was appropriate. It felt like a goofy move, but I just trusted myself and went with it. Even when the delivery went reasonably well in spite of the many problems that could have occurred, I was nitpicking how I handled myself after, and my brain cooked up countless what if scenarios where for whatever reason, a mistake that I'd made would stop her from either responding positively, or just responding at all. For example, I wrote my number on the back of the envelope, right in front of her, and a number that I am 100% familiar with, but sure enough, when I was home I couldn't help myself from thinking that she wouldn't realise the number was there and would just discard the envelope, or that I'd got a number wrong and she'd text some serial rapist or something instead. If you know yourself that the doubts you have are unfounded, then I would just consider what's affecting your mood that's making you feel that way. Like I was overthinking things a lot when I was stuck at work yesterday, waiting for a response from the girl about the letter. Even when I got the response, I thought the worst, despite the fact that upon reflection it's actually super positive, but just not the best news I was hoping for (because she is interested but she's going to Canada soon). It just took me realising that being hungry and at work probably had something to do with me feeling bad for me to feel better about the whole thing, and see it more clearly. If I were you I'd try and look into the causes of your doubt, like what things are affecting your mood when you're feeling anxious. Only you know what's affecting you and how you react to things. This could also be a completely baseless observation, but I would say that in my experience, smoking weed has only ever heightened my paranoia when I'm anxious.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52362548]When she is out, whether you worry or not isn't going to change if she got hurt or not. Like the other day, I told my friend I'd play games with him at 9:30. As I was carrying groceries to my car, I had the urge to check my phone incase I was late. But instead of struggling to juggle my phone and food, I just didn't worry about it. Whether I checked the time or not wouldn't change the time. If I was late, I was late. Odd example, but I apply it to relationships too. If worrying won't change anything, why waste the energy?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Menien Goneld;52362778]I think it's good to remember that worrying and feeling anxious about this stuff is incredibly common, but it's also just a waste of time and energy most of the time, like RenegadeCop says. I tend to find that thinking about a time when I wasn't feeling doubtful helps assuage a lot of that negative feeling, because it helps me realise that it's just my current perspective that is making me feel worried. I know you said you still felt worried even when your partner was home because of those negative thoughts, but I think you should consider that evidence that your brain is just worrying for the sake of worrying, and that while your partner is the focus of the thoughts, she's not really the cause, if that makes sense? Like yesterday morning I gave this girl I met recently a letter that I wrote asking her out, and that was very difficult for me. I kept on doubting whether it was a smart move or not, even though we'd joked about writing to eachother and being pen pals, so in that way it was appropriate. It felt like a goofy move, but I just trusted myself and went with it. Even when the delivery went reasonably well in spite of the many problems that could have occurred, I was nitpicking how I handled myself after, and my brain cooked up countless what if scenarios where for whatever reason, a mistake that I'd made would stop her from either responding positively, or just responding at all. For example, I wrote my number on the back of the envelope, right in front of her, and a number that I am 100% familiar with, but sure enough, when I was home I couldn't help myself from thinking that she wouldn't realise the number was there and would just discard the envelope, or that I'd got a number wrong and she'd text some serial rapist or something instead. If you know yourself that the doubts you have are unfounded, then I would just consider what's affecting your mood that's making you feel that way. Like I was overthinking things a lot when I was stuck at work yesterday, waiting for a response from the girl about the letter. Even when I got the response, I thought the worst, despite the fact that upon reflection it's actually super positive, but just not the best news I was hoping for (because she is interested but she's going to Canada soon). It just took me realising that being hungry and at work probably had something to do with me feeling bad for me to feel better about the whole thing, and see it more clearly. If I were you I'd try and look into the causes of your doubt, like what things are affecting your mood when you're feeling anxious. Only you know what's affecting you and how you react to things. This could also be a completely baseless observation, but I would say that in my experience, smoking weed has only ever heightened my paranoia when I'm anxious.[/QUOTE] I try to be aware of the fact that my worrying won't change anything in the end but it's hard to silence the mind. I try to think rationally about it and I'm sort of aware that what I'm doing achieves nothing other than emotional pain, yet it's so hard to turn the thoughts around. I imagine this is something that'll come by itself after trying to change my thought patterns over and over, but for now it's exhausting. While I attempt to change these thoughts I imagine distractions would be nice until I can get comfortable with the thoughts. What are some things I could do by myself? I need something engaging or else it won't put the thoughts away, so Netflix or games rarely cuts it and it's all I know.

It's a bit dumb but you can retrain your brain somewhat. I did it myself but there's apps and stuff, I just did a search. [url]https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=air.com.samuramu.gg.ocd&hl=en[/url] Cognitive Behaviour Therapy CBT (I thought it was cognitive brain therapy until just now) You basically just work out some sort of system that throws out the worries and puts new ones in. I wrote down some good thoughts and every time I had a bad thought I forced myself to look at the good thoughts. Positive stuff, but nothing factual, like these: "I look at the positives in my relationship" "I'm free of worry" "I'm hot as fuck" You basically just lie to yourself until you start thinking that way. Check out that app, it seems to do it right. [editline]16th June 2017[/editline] Make a game out of it, it'll distract you. One thing I will say, training your brain to have certain thoughts does seem a bit scary, like what if your worries ended up being a reality? It's not like you really change you beliefs by doing this, it just kind of makes it easier to throw away the worries you already knew were stupid but kept having anyway. Realistic worry shouldn't go away(I provide no warranty)

[QUOTE=reevezy67;52363070]It's a bit dumb but you can retrain your brain somewhat. I did it myself but there's apps and stuff, I just did a search. [url]https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=air.com.samuramu.gg.ocd&hl=en[/url] Cognitive Behaviour Therapy CBT (I thought it was cognitive brain therapy until just now) You basically just work out some sort of system that throws out the worries and puts new ones in. I wrote down some good thoughts and every time I had a bad thought I forced myself to look at the good thoughts. Positive stuff, but nothing factual, like these: "I look at the positives in my relationship" "I'm free of worry" "I'm hot as fuck" You basically just lie to yourself until you start thinking that way. Check out that app, it seems to do it right. [editline]16th June 2017[/editline] Make a game out of it, it'll distract you. One thing I will say, training your brain to have certain thoughts does seem a bit scary, like what if your worries ended up being a reality? It's not like you really change you beliefs by doing this, it just kind of makes it easier to throw away the worries you already knew were stupid but kept having anyway. Realistic worry shouldn't go away(I provide no warranty)[/QUOTE] I've looked into CBT before but for some reason I always thought that a therapist was mandatory for it to have much of an effect, I'll look into this, thanks. I cracked tho, unfortunately. The anxiety had been building up inside of me all day long which was made worse when she said she'd be home around 16:30 - 17:00 when it's now nearly 19:00. I had to call to check when she was coming back and she told me maybe 21 or 22 and the panic set it instantly. After some panicked yelling, anger, sadness, frustration and so many more emotions I broke down crying and she decided she'd come home now. Ah man. I feel like such a dick, I really tried to prevent this but when everything becomes anxiety it's hard to control yourself. Hopefully next time will be better and I'll be able to find some way to control it but today I fucked up.

[QUOTE=PredGD;52363342]I've looked into CBT before but for some reason I always thought that a therapist was mandatory for it to have much of an effect, I'll look into this, thanks. I cracked tho, unfortunately. The anxiety had been building up inside of me all day long which was made worse when she said she'd be home around 16:30 - 17:00 when it's now nearly 19:00. I had to call to check when she was coming back and she told me maybe 21 or 22 and the panic set it instantly. After some panicked yelling, anger, sadness, frustration and so many more emotions I broke down crying and she decided she'd come home now. Ah man. I feel like such a dick, I really tried to prevent this but when everything becomes anxiety it's hard to control yourself. Hopefully next time will be better and I'll be able to find some way to control it but today I fucked up.[/QUOTE] I felt the same way, but she was telling me she was going to rent an apartment with a (male) friend of her. I went crazy at the phone, crying and stuff. Personally I see a psychologist to talk about stuff every week and constant fear and worries are recurring subjects. I can't really tell how my psychologist is helping me relax and stop worrying, but she is definitely helping. It might be a good idea to take a rendez-vous with someone of the profession. I went from closing the windows a 6pm and stay inside my room until 8am to hanging out with friends from time to time at 7-8-9pm. I also stopped worrying about daily stuff, and I'm much more bearable at home, and with my family. Lack of self confidence might also be a cause.

[QUOTE=Eirheinger;52364338]I felt the same way, but she was telling me she was going to rent an apartment with a (male) friend of her. I went crazy at the phone, crying and stuff.[/QUOTE] This is kind of a tangent, but I've been wondering recently if anybody thinks a living situation like this could work. In my case, I'm on the other end of the exchange. I have a close female friend that I would love to invite to live with me, because she just quit her job (which she had to drive ~40 minutes to) and there's almost nothing near her, but I live in a place where there are lots of nearby places to work. Obviously it'd be great to spend more time with her too... But there are some pretty enormous roadblocks telling me I shouldn't do it. Not just that she has a boyfriend, but that she and I have hooked up in the past. Plus, she would either have to sleep in my room (different bed) or in the living room, so if she were to invite her boyfriend over, there'd be no possibility of privacy for the two of them, unless nobody's home. I guess it'd be a great arrangement if she was single, but I wouldn't want to do anything to undermine her relationship, so I don't feel like I can make that offer. Just sucks because I feel like her life could be so much better if she lived in the same town as me.

If my girlfriend told me she wanted to move in with another guy and that she'd be sleeping in the same room I'd tell her I'm not comfortable with that. If her and her boyfriend are exclusive and she actually cared she would probably reject you anyway.

Yeah there's a ton of reasons I doubt I'll ever even suggest it. Like I said in my last post, it'd probably be a no-brainer if she was single, but I wouldn't want her to sacrifice her relationship to try it either, much less feel like I'm responsible for her ending a relationship.

I don't think there's any problem being a roommate with a friend of another gender, even if they are dating someone. In the same room though? That may cause issues, even if nothing would happen. But roommates are just... roommates. My friend's doing it just fine living with a friend who's female and dating someone else.

[QUOTE=Levelog;52367275]I don't think there's any problem being a roommate with a friend of another gender, even if they are dating someone. In the same room though? That may cause issues, even if nothing would happen. But roommates are just... roommates. My friend's doing it just fine living with a friend who's female and dating someone else.[/QUOTE] With someone she only knew for a few weeks ? And some times later she told me that effectively, I was right, he asked her out. A part of me agree with you, I mean of course you're right, but the other just go crazy. Quite difficult to think objectively about it

I mean, room sharing aside, yeah. Roommates are roommates and if you live in a bigger city, shit's expensive and you need to take what you can get. I've lived with females I hardly knew and it's just fine, but it does take some trust that your partner knows boundaries.

[QUOTE=Levelog;52367482]I mean, room sharing aside, yeah. Roommates are roommates and if you live in a bigger city, shit's expensive and you need to take what you can get. I've lived with females I hardly knew and it's just fine, but it does take some trust that your partner knows boundaries.[/QUOTE] As you say, that is perfectly fine, and when you've got to go to a big city where you don't know anyone, it's a reasonable thing to do. I think that my mind just doesn't accept it. I severely mistrust the other guys to, that may be the cause of all this jealous behaviour of mine.

After almost a week, I thought I was handeling my breakup pretty well. But today I found out she deleted our pictures from every social media, and now I'm right back to sad. I honestly don't know why, because it's only fair that she does that