Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=NovaConsors;52400191]Perhaps just try a different position? If she doesn't want to feel "pressed" then maybe try cowgirl, then she gets much more control and no compression into the bed. [sp]also way hotter than missionary or whatever you were doing imo[/sp][/QUOTE] Cowgirl doesn't work because of vaginismus, it tenses up the muscles sadly.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52400206]Cowgirl doesn't work because of vaginismus, it tenses up the muscles sadly.[/QUOTE] You could try standing or both lying on your sides.

I barely feel anything during cowgirl actually I'm at risk of falling asleep :v:

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;52400434]Cowgirl makes me too nervous, makes me lose my hard-on.[/QUOTE] Nearly snapped my dick last time. Still scared.

Cowgirl is usually the only position that works for me since I'm so much taller than my partners

So update on the girl I'm seeing, she invited me to a pool party the other day and when it was done and people were going their separate ways we went over to her house and she pretty much made me sleep in her bed (because I can't take a hint and assumed was gonna sleep on the couch). Anyway, while we did have some physical fun (no sex yet) now I understand what people talk about when it comes to cuddles. She happens to be a bit of a shortstack and God I could be cuddling her for hours on end. I think we actually cuddled for maybe 6 hours over a night and morning. It's just the fucking best holy shit. Especially considering she has juuuuuust the right amount of curves for me to grab onto and we like to reposition often and tease eachother and kiss and golly gee.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52399823]That's the thing, though. She couldn't, she had trouble breathing because I was too heavily laying on her.[/QUOTE] I know it doesn't fix what's happened but is it possible to just set up a fail-safe signal with her- like ask her to tap your back three times if she wants you to stop? Just have a non-verbal safeword so that at the very least she feels totally happy that she can tell you when to stop, and have less of a need for you/her to constantly check/reassure each other that everything's ok. Tbh I'm a little confused why she couldn't get your attention by tapping you in the first place, but it's happened now and I hope you two can move on from it

[QUOTE=_Axel;52399540]I don't know what I can do, aside from telling her it's something I deeply regret, and feel awful about, and that I'm sorry she had to endure that. I don't know how to stop her from being angry towards me when talking about this, I think it's justified, but I don't know how to heal what I hurt.[/QUOTE] Stop talking to her. She sounds like she has problems. That's pretty messed up.

So with this girl I love, how do I get over the fact that she wants some time to herself to go on dates with and get fucked by rich guys who look better than me? Because I'm having a hard time with that. It's pretty much like everyone is either fucking someone else, wants to fuck someone else, or is planning on fucking someone else in the future, all for things that I'll never be an upgrade over. And I mean I don't even want to fuck anyone, I just want to build a life with someone, so I can't even understand and empathize with why they act that way. Women make my chest hurt. You can't just keep your legs closed for a couple months? It's really not hard. I understand you just came out of a long relationship, but hey, me too, and you've fucked so many other people before that relationship, and I didn't, so how could I be totally fine with waiting but she's not? Her argument is she wants to be fully devoted to me when we do get serious so she essentially just wants to play around right now. I call bullshit and that it's probably just not going to happen or work out in my favor because I'm clearly not her ideal and I'm not an upgrade if fun can be had elsewhere and so what am I even doing with this? I should probably just give my life in service to the Lord or to my country or something and just completely ignore women for the rest of my life. Because I just don't want to even be with anyone else and honestly this makes me feel like I don't want to be with her either because she'll always be like this and always be looking elsewhere because I'm obviously not enough, and because I don't feel that way or think that way, it's always going to be unequal. But I fear it'll be this way with every woman.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404037]So with this girl I love, how do I get over the fact that she wants some time to herself to go on dates with and get fucked by rich guys who look better than me? Her argument is she wants to be fully devoted to me when we do get serious so she essentially just wants to play around right now. I call bullshit and that it's probably just not going to happen or work out in my favor because I'm clearly not her ideal and I'm not an upgrade if fun can be had elsewhere and so what am I even doing with this?[/QUOTE] Just to be clear, are you in a relationship with her? Like officially? [QUOTE=J Paul;52404037]I should probably just give my life in service to the Lord or to my country or something and just completely ignore women for the rest of my life. Because I just don't want to even be with anyone else and honestly this makes me feel like I don't want to be with her either because she'll always be like this and always be looking elsewhere because I'm obviously not enough, and because I don't feel that way or think that way, it's always going to be unequal. But I fear it'll be this way with every woman.[/QUOTE] That's an awful way to think. Life is too short. If someone doesn't treat you how you treat them, and they refuse to compromise, then you should move on. There are so many people in this world, you don't need to torture yourself with people who don't value you. You sound like a really sweet and empathetic guy, someone a girl would really be interested in. Don't discount yourself that easily.

[QUOTE=WhiteGirl88;52404097]Just to be clear, are you in a relationship with her? Like officially? That's an awful way to think. Life is too short. If someone doesn't treat you how you treat them, and they refuse to compromise, then you should move on. There are so many people in this world, you don't need to torture yourself with people who don't value you. You sound like a really sweet and empathetic guy, someone a girl would really be interested in. Don't discount yourself that easily.[/QUOTE] We're not together officially because she'd rather spend some time alone dating dudes who outclass me in every way. She says she's going to give me her full attention eventually and that I'm free to fuck around all I want during this period too, it's just that I can't really. Nobody actually wants me. And at the same time I don't want casual experiences, I want to live some real life and I just don't know how to do that other than being serious. Life is very short and I've already thrown away 10 years of it and now I want something serious but because I've wasted so much time I'm basically starting out where 16 year olds are at in life but I'm 26. So I'm not desirable in any way and honestly I have no desire for anyone else. Even if I did I never can get the time of day from any women so it's been a real source of agony for me. And whenever I finally do have myself sorted out and I'm better looking and in shape and all that, then I'll just be resentful of how they didn't want me or help me when I was down, so why would any of them deserve me at my best? I really need to learn how to get over my own resentment of the past.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404131]We're not together officially because she'd rather spend some time alone dating dudes who outclass me in every way. She says she's going to give me her full attention eventually and that I'm free to fuck around all I want during this period too, it's just that I can't really. Nobody actually wants me. And at the same time I don't want casual experiences, I want to live some real life and I just don't know how to do that other than being serious. Life is very short and I've already thrown away 10 years of it and now I want something serious but because I've wasted so much time I'm basically starting out where 16 year olds are at in life but I'm 26. So I'm not desirable in any way and honestly I have no desire for anyone else. Even if I did I never can get the time of day from any women so it's been a real source of agony for me. And whenever I finally do have myself sorted out and I'm better looking and in shape and all that, then I'll just be resentful of how they didn't want me or help me when I was down, so why would any of them deserve me at my best? I really need to learn how to get over my own resentment of the past.[/QUOTE] Bin her off, she's shit, you will find better.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404131]We're not together officially because she'd rather spend some time alone dating dudes who outclass me in every way. She says she's going to give me her full attention eventually and that I'm free to fuck around all I want during this period too, it's just that I can't really. Nobody actually wants me. And at the same time I don't want casual experiences, I want to live some real life and I just don't know how to do that other than being serious. Life is very short and I've already thrown away 10 years of it and now I want something serious but because I've wasted so much time I'm basically starting out where 16 year olds are at in life but I'm 26. So I'm not desirable in any way and honestly I have no desire for anyone else. Even if I did I never can get the time of day from any women so it's been a real source of agony for me. And whenever I finally do have myself sorted out and I'm better looking and in shape and all that, then I'll just be resentful of how they didn't want me or help me when I was down, so why would any of them deserve me at my best? I really need to learn how to get over my own resentment of the past.[/QUOTE] Drop that shit and run dude. You don't deserve to be treated like that. You'll find someone who makes you genuinely happy oneday, and you'll make this other person genuinely happy too. That's what life's about, it's not dwelling on the past and what what-if's.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404131]Nobody actually wants me. And at the same time I don't want casual experiences, I want to live some real life and I just don't know how to do that other than being serious. I really need to learn how to get over my own resentment of the past.[/QUOTE] I'm female, and I've felt the same as you at one point in my life. I thought I was helpless and no man would ever want someone like me, but then I found a guy that could stick with me. You'll find a woman who appreciates J Paul for J Paul. You're just not in a place right now to see it. If you need someone to talk to, you can add me to steam or PM me, or whatever. Just keep your chin up and remove toxic people from your life, like that girl.

Thank you all for what appears to be incredibly sound advice and for the kind words. I've talked with her a few times today about this and she knows I'm very down about it and basically said "look I'm going to tell you this one last time to drill it into your head, I am going to get serious with you and it is going to happen in the near future, you just have to believe it and and stop psyching yourself out about it because that is the type of stuff that will put you into a depressing position where you're more likely to give up when things do get real, and I don't want that, so stop being a Debbie downer". Which is like, yeah, fair enough, I do need more confidence. So I guess I'm going to hold out for now and just see what happens. I need to clean my room first and sort myself out and grow some muscles and get some confidence and start taking care of my face so it looks good too, so that'll all take a lot of time. I also need to work 7 days a week to pay off some debt before I can afford to take any time off to spend with any girls anyway so that's okay too. And after all of this work that I'm going to do on myself, if she's still fucking around and she's not ready, that's when I'll throw her away. But I mean I at least have to give this a chance because I honestly do love her and I feel a certain way about her that I don't feel about anyone else, so I have to at least try. I'm sure I'm not making a good decision here. But honestly since I have so much work to do to get to a point where I am even remotely attractive or appealing to any women, it's not so bad to just sit on this for a few months, since I won't have any alternatives anyway. It's either that or go out and try to get casual sex and fail because I'm not presentable yet, and I don't need that hit to my confidence, I need boosts. Plus I don't even want to look at or touch any other women, or be touched by them, so maybe this is the most effective strategy even if it's not the happiest. So yeah I'll throw her away if after I become what I should be she still ain't feeling it. Because by then I'll be awesome enough to attract other women anyway so that'll give me the upper hand regardless. Can't find someone else till I'm worth having myself so I can't rush this and so I'll sit back and wait, and if it's still not good in some time, I'll drop her and find someone else with the confidence I'll gain from becoming more attractive. [editline]26th June 2017[/editline] Everyone always calls me nice and sweet too, sensitive, caring, etc. Basically words that translate into "well you're not so bad to talk to I guess, but I don't see you as a man because every man I know doesn't act like that."

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404952]basically said "look I'm going to tell you this one last time to drill it into your head, I am going to get serious with you and it is going to happen in the near future, you just have to believe it and and stop psyching yourself out about it because that is the type of stuff that will put you into a depressing position where you're more likely to give up when things do get real, and I don't want that, so stop being a Debbie downer". Which is like, yeah, fair enough, I do need more confidence.[/QUOTE] That sounds pretty manipulative. [QUOTE=J Paul;52404952]Everyone always calls me nice and sweet too, sensitive, caring, etc. Basically words that translate into "well you're not so bad to talk to I guess, but I don't see you as a man because every man I know doesn't act like that."[/QUOTE] I like my men like I like my steak, rare and tender.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404131]We're not together officially because she'd rather spend some time alone dating dudes who outclass me in every way. She says she's going to give me her full attention eventually and that I'm free to fuck around all I want during this period too, it's just that I can't really. Nobody actually wants me. And at the same time I don't want casual experiences, I want to live some real life and I just don't know how to do that other than being serious. Life is very short and I've already thrown away 10 years of it and now I want something serious but because I've wasted so much time I'm basically starting out where 16 year olds are at in life but I'm 26. So I'm not desirable in any way and honestly I have no desire for anyone else. Even if I did I never can get the time of day from any women so it's been a real source of agony for me. And whenever I finally do have myself sorted out and I'm better looking and in shape and all that, then I'll just be resentful of how they didn't want me or help me when I was down, so why would any of them deserve me at my best? I really need to learn how to get over my own resentment of the past.[/QUOTE] okay gonna be honest just stop. i guarantee you she's stringing you along because she's a manipulative person there's no way you get what you want from her

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404952]Thank you all for what appears to be incredibly sound advice and for the kind words. I've talked with her a few times today about this and she knows I'm very down about it and basically said "look I'm going to tell you this one last time to drill it into your head, I am going to get serious with you and it is going to happen in the near future, you just have to believe it and and stop psyching yourself out about it because that is the type of stuff that will put you into a depressing position where you're more likely to give up when things do get real, and I don't want that, so stop being a Debbie downer". Which is like, yeah, fair enough, I do need more confidence. So I guess I'm going to hold out for now and just see what happens. I need to clean my room first and sort myself out and grow some muscles and get some confidence and start taking care of my face so it looks good too, so that'll all take a lot of time. I also need to work 7 days a week to pay off some debt before I can afford to take any time off to spend with any girls anyway so that's okay too. And after all of this work that I'm going to do on myself, if she's still fucking around and she's not ready, that's when I'll throw her away. But I mean I at least have to give this a chance because I honestly do love her and I feel a certain way about her that I don't feel about anyone else, so I have to at least try. I'm sure I'm not making a good decision here. But honestly since I have so much work to do to get to a point where I am even remotely attractive or appealing to any women, it's not so bad to just sit on this for a few months, since I won't have any alternatives anyway. It's either that or go out and try to get casual sex and fail because I'm not presentable yet, and I don't need that hit to my confidence, I need boosts. Plus I don't even want to look at or touch any other women, or be touched by them, so maybe this is the most effective strategy even if it's not the happiest. So yeah I'll throw her away if after I become what I should be she still ain't feeling it. Because by then I'll be awesome enough to attract other women anyway so that'll give me the upper hand regardless. Can't find someone else till I'm worth having myself so I can't rush this and so I'll sit back and wait, and if it's still not good in some time, I'll drop her and find someone else with the confidence I'll gain from becoming more attractive. [editline]26th June 2017[/editline] Everyone always calls me nice and sweet too, sensitive, caring, etc. Basically words that translate into "well you're not so bad to talk to I guess, but I don't see you as a man because every man I know doesn't act like that."[/QUOTE] You're letting yourself be manipulated, stop taking to her. Give yourself a week. Revisit your posts, you'll see what we all see.

Yeah you're right. I'm never going to get what I want from her. I'll figure out what else to do after I get myself into shape and get looking better and get a higher socioeconomic status. So I'll just take a few months to myself to get myself into a position where I could even start to attract women, and then I can start to figure out where to go from here. It won't help to start worrying about it any time soon. [QUOTE=WhiteGirl88;52405039]That sounds pretty manipulative. I like my men like I like my steak, rare and tender.[/QUOTE] Well being that I've basically missed out on my youth I've kinda been emotionally blocked up for ten years so everything hits me really hard and I get sensitive over not much. Can't really talk about certain things without weeping lol. I have a lot of regret and missed opportunities so when something meaningful happens I get super emotional over both the good and the bad that I feel. I just need to get myself together.

You should give yourself more credit. I mean, you're the one willing to bend over backwards and jump through hoops to go along with what SHE wants, and she's not at all willing to do the same for you. It sounds like she's basically treating you like the backup plan, or the safety net, and that's pretty disrespectful to do to somebody.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;52405224]You should give yourself more credit. I mean, you're the one willing to bend over backwards and jump through hoops to go along with what SHE wants, and she's not at all willing to do the same for you. It sounds like she's basically treating you like the backup plan, or the safety net, and that's pretty disrespectful to do to somebody.[/QUOTE] Yeah, I mean, I'm willing to do pretty much anything to make it work. I've completely changed everything about all of my lifestyle choices. I'm hoping I can get accepted into some branch of armed service even though I am the least likely to get in for several reasons. I'm going to sacrifice my present so that I might have a decent place in the future. I've entirely altered my value structure. I've tried to stop doing drugs, but I lie to myself a lot and have failed at that. I've been working out and actually eating so I don't look like I have AIDS, that'll take a while but it'll eventually work and maybe I'll look something like a man in several months. I got my own place and the mountain of debt to accompany it, which I can't really afford. And all I do is work like 12 to 14 hours a day and I don't take a day off. Everything in my personal life is neglected because of that but it is what it is. And I'm getting my GED as soon as I can afford to do that and also eat, which won't be for a few weeks to a month maybe. So yeah it's a struggle just to stay positive. Thanks for being nice everyone I'm really grateful and I appreciate the advice.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52405221]Well being that I've basically missed out on my youth I've kinda been emotionally blocked up for ten years so everything hits me really hard and I get sensitive over not much. Can't really talk about certain things without weeping lol. I have a lot of regret and missed opportunities so when something meaningful happens I get super emotional over both the good and the bad that I feel. I just need to get myself together.[/QUOTE] There are so many ladies out there. I gaurentee you can find one who's into emotional guys. Don't cut yourself so short because you met a girl who took advantage of your kindness, and don't lose it. You being so empathetic (you call it sensitive), kind, and humble is going to make a girl very happy some day. You're not the problem, she is. You don't have to change for anyone unless you're toxic, and you aren't. You're just a kind soul who gets walked over. If there's anything you should change, it's your standards. [QUOTE=J Paul;52405331]Yeah, I mean, I'm willing to do pretty much anything to make it work. I'm going to sacrifice my present so that I might have a decent place in the future.[/QUOTE] Compromise is an important thing for a person to have in a relationship. Don't compromise for the wrong person though.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52404952][editline]26th June 2017[/editline] Everyone always calls me nice and sweet too, sensitive, caring, etc. Basically words that translate into "well you're not so bad to talk to I guess, but I don't see you as a man because every man I know doesn't act like that."[/QUOTE] That's bollocks. Plenty of girls want men just like that, and all the better if you find one because that means she loves you for who you really are.

Well, good news I guess, decision has been made for me, she told me she "needs a break". So I probably won't hear back from her at least for a while. I'll be surprised if she responds to me again. I know she won't go with me if I do get shipped off somewhere anyway. It just won't happen. She has so many better options. All she has to do is just shack up with any of her rich guy clients and all her problems are taken care of. Good for her I hope she does well and enjoys it. I just hope I'm not alone for that much longer because I really need someone to talk to who I can be intimate and honest with and I just don't have any other options, so this part of my life is going to get hard. I really don't want to go back to being depressed again and I'm going to try my best not to be that way but I already feel it sinking in, tbh. I'm just so naive and stupid. Why would I have ever thought not only that I could have her, but that she would even want me? She can have so much better so why would she ever settle for me? I should have seen it coming. I guess I'll have to date either across or down, and I guess then that means it'll be someone who I will probably feel like I'm settling for in some way.

Dude she doesn't want you because she's a vapid whore, that makes her a bad person and not you. You dodged a bullet. Maybe don't date for awhile. You can open up to friends and people you aren't romantically interested in if you have that need.

[QUOTE=J Paul;52408428]I guess I'll have to date either across or down, and I guess then that means it'll be someone who I will probably feel like I'm settling for in some way.[/QUOTE] There's no "hierarchy" when it comes to dating. If you're referring to attractiveness, it's not a dumb scale. Sometimes conventionally hot dudes date conventionally not-so-hot ladies, and vice-versa, yet they feel attracted to each other. For other qualities, it's the same thing, not everyone values the same thing in a potential partner. For that girl you talked about, what's important is being rich and good looking, and anything deeper than that is irrelevant. The majority of women are [I]definitely[/I] not shallow like her, though, and there's most certainly plenty of them who are looking for a partner who's sensitive and cares for her rather than someone who's simply looking for some T&A action. What's important is to be confident, there are poor, ugly and out-of-shape people who get nice dates regardless, because they know how to put their other qualities on display, and are sufficiently confident to get the interest of some ladies.

my gf wants me to go with her to see her parents in a couple of months, i agreed to go but i was high at the time. i don't want to go because i'm not fond of her dad. i thought he was a great guy when i met him but not anymore. i dunno how to tell her i dont want to go.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52409767]my gf wants me to go with her to see her parents in a couple of months, i agreed to go but i was high at the time. i don't want to go because i'm not fond of her dad. i thought he was a great guy when i met him but not anymore. i dunno how to tell her i dont want to go.[/QUOTE] What's your gf's opinion of her dad? If it means a lot to her then I'd recommend to just bite the bullet. Honestly, this is something you shouldn't be afraid of to talk with her.

yeah nah just decided ill go

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;52410160]yeah nah just decided ill go[/QUOTE] Good boy. In other news, I'll take valerian from today onwards again. It's not anything extreme anyway since it's just organic stuff, but the last two or three weeks just felt increasingly worse.