Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

isn't it crazy how some people who started playing and talking about Gmod or whatever on here when they were kids are now talking about their marriage? The internet is wild

[QUOTE=thermobaric;52499431]Backstory[/QUOTE] A small update on this for the people who are interested. Gf just got back from her home country after a month. We had some major issues before she departed, to the point where we almost broke up. We decided that some distance would be good for both of us. Barely spoke to her the first two weeks (I was on vacation as well). Helped us both clear up our minds, but I found a month to be a little too long. We've had some communication issues before, so I really wanted to make clear how I felt. Called and texted her that I would prefer some more contact. Initially she was still quite distant, but after another good call she gave up on the act and we started skyping every other day. We settled everything and I had good hopes for the future. It's still going pretty alright, although I keep getting a little disappointed by her decisions and actions. I would like your guys' (and gals') opinion on that, because I'm not sure if I'm the one overreacting and being overly attached or that she really is just acting weird from time to time. It started off with her asking me if I'm the type of person who needs time for himself after getting back from a vacation. I told her yeah, 1 day of acclimatizing and doing nothing feels great. She told me she also felt that way. So I told her "oh, so no chance of me picking you up from the airport with a bouquet of flowers?" as a joke, and she reacted with "oh nah, I'm going to visit a friend anyway". Asked her which friend, and apparently it was a guy who she hasn't seen for 2 years who lives close to the airport. An old 'friend' from her last study. She immediately continued saying that she isn't sure about that though, because he seemed to have interests other than just being 'friends'. OK.... Later in that conversation I brought up the subject again, saying that I didn't feel good about the whole thing with this 'friend'. You'd rather hang out with a guy you haven't seen in 2 years, than getting picked up by your boyfriend? She responded that she isn't gonna see him, but was considering it because she didn't wanna travel for a whole day back to that area to see him later this summer break. Makes sense... I guess. We discussed this like 1,5 week ago. Two days ago, I asked her when she would like to have me over. She was gonna land this morning (today is Thursday, at noon). She responded with "oh Saturday is fine". I jokingly asked her why she wouldn't be fine with Friday evening. And again... She told me she was gonna STAY OVER at her ex's place again (read the backstory if you wanna know more about this), because his mom asked her if she would like to come over from Thursday afternoon till Friday afternoon.. She would like to have the Friday evening 'for herself'. Mind you: she literally slept over at their place already the day before she departed. Later, she agreed to the fact that I'm coming over at Friday evening but still... It doesn't feel right. I told her that, and she said "but you told me you were fine with me hanging out with them this summer break, I was gonna cut contact after remember?". I guess.. But why do I have to find it out by asking? Why not be a little more considerate and ask me if I'm fine with you sleeping over at the ex's place again? I asked her that, and she was like "Yeah... You're right, I'm sorry I should've. I didn't wanna bring it up because you already made an issue out of meeting up with the other friend (the guy she didn't see for 2 years)". Well... Thanks for being honest and open to me, like you promised. Told her I was fine with it and I wished her a lot of fun with the family. Idk guys... It sometimes it feels like I'm making an issue out of everything, but is it so weird? I'll ask the same question again as last time: am I being reasonable, or am I overreacting?

Its not your decision to make who she hangs out with and you have been asking those questions in a very probing way. I could def see not wanting to tell you because you are making it an issue. Yes a relationship is open but she does not have to tell you everything she does and wanting to know everything she is up to an then making an issue of it is the exact thing that makes someone not want to tell you things. Tread carefully cause personally I get really pissed off if guys do this kinda thing to me where they either want to totally monopolize my time (I am a very need space to my own person) or want to know what I'm doing all the time and who with.

I wouldn't let my gf do that, one of my ex came over to sleep at my place while she had a bf and guess what happened? we had sex.

[QUOTE=koppel;52584417]I wouldn't let my gf do that, one of my ex came over to sleep at my place while she had a bf and guess what happened? we had sex.[/QUOTE] If she's going to cheat she's going to cheat. This stuff doesn't happen accidentally. Being controlling is only going to hurt the situation.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52584437]If she's going to cheat she's going to cheat. This stuff doesn't happen accidentally. Being controlling is only going to hurt the situation.[/QUOTE] I don't get it, if she's going to cheat then why is she worth staying with? Being controlling only hurts a salvageable situation if she's actually not the cheating kind.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52584446]I don't get it, if she's going to cheat then why is she worth staying with? Being controlling only hurts a salvageable situation if she's actually not the cheating kind.[/QUOTE] Same thing I said. If she were going to then saying no doesn't change it and if she wasn't then it's just a dick move.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52584844]Same thing I said. If she were going to then saying no doesn't change it and if she wasn't then it's just a dick move.[/QUOTE] I think he's just upset that she slept there, then left for however long, and instead of coming to see him she just wants to go back there again, which is understandable given she's not communicating why she'd favor that.

I'm bummed about the fact that she is sleeping over there again, but I wouldn't make a point out of it if she would've just told me about it immediately. Or even better: asked if I'm okay with it (which I would). I mean come on: sleeping over at an ex's place 2 times in a month? I haven't even seen her in that time period. But well... At least she's honest about it. I guess I'm being clingy because I'm disappointed. Normally that doesn't get to me that easily, but it happens time and time again. She says that she'll do a lot and in the end she rarely delivers. She's always (not kidding, always) 15 to 30 minutes late when we meet up. She told me she would call me when she landed, and guess what: she didn't. I don't mind the fact that we don't call, I mind the fact that she said she would (without me asking) and then doesn't. It makes me feel insignificant, while I put in my 100% to adjust to her, communicate and make her happy. Guess I need to learn how to control myself on that department. Rhenae is right, I can't monopolize her time. I'm claiming her too much and have to let it go. It's just that I've never ran into this problem with my ex, and although I shouldn't compare it does ring a bell. I can't take this relationship serious anymore if it's unequal. I rather have no relationship than a frustrating one.

uh i disagree very much with that assessment you're not "monopolizing her time" she's prioritizing hanging out with her ex's family over you

I've met this girl online back in early May and well, long story short, we fell in love and she said she can visit me if i want her to. So we agreed and she visited me earlier this month with her girlfriend. We had a blast, and met every day, i introduced her to my mom and i've already bought plane tickets to visit her this December. Now the huge issue is that she has an insane family. Like i cannot even fathom this but her whole family apart from a few people from what i've been told and seen sound extremely mean and insane especially her mom. She used to cut herself though i've not seen any marks on her body, and she said she fears her mom and that she wanted to kill herself at 10 or something like that. Her mom divorced his dad while they've been only together for maybe a year. Anyways both her dad and her mom are mean to her, they insult her and all that stuff. Her mom is extremely controlling and like just flat out crazy from what she told me. They paid for her whole trip, hotel etc... to visit me since i live in the UK apparently it was a graduation gift since some of her relatives are really rich. But she's been told that she isn't allowed to talk to anyone here and a bunch of other stupid stuff. She had to keep the relationship a secret from her family because they would have raised hell maybe even hurt her or throw her out. Before she moved home she begged me to take her away and let her live with me but i told her that i can't do that since i live with my parents. She's made this sort of arrangement with her family that she would do a year of university in the US then move uni here until she graduates since it's cheaper and it would be near me. But there's also her ex who keeps bothering her and almost harassing her like he wanted to engage her (she is 18 and he is 17) and keeps trying to win her back with gifts and other stuff, but she isn't having any of it. Also since he is on good terms with her family and they talk she didn't tell him about me either (she broke up with him for me) until now. She told him about me but made him swear not to tell anyone, and then she was threatened by him that he would tell and all that. We agreed that we can't keep this a secret forever, and her girlfriend have also told her that she would tell her family after a few months if she wouldn't. So she told her grandparents about me, but apparently they didn't take it as well as she thought they would and they've been yelling at her all day that she betrayed them and she could have been hurt etc... and said that if her mom asks about the trip they will tell her and then she will throw her out onto the street, cancel her uni payments and dorm and most likely wouldn't let her come here for uni either. She told them that i'm coming to visit in December if they want to meet me but they didn't really care. I'm kinda scared as to what will happen now, her dad is almost as bad as her mom and all her relatives are extremely mean except for her aunt who might take her in. I'm worried.

[QUOTE=thermobaric;52585169]I'm bummed about the fact that she is sleeping over there again, but I wouldn't make a point out of it if she would've just told me about it immediately. Or even better: asked if I'm okay with it (which I would). I mean come on: sleeping over at an ex's place 2 times in a month? I haven't even seen her in that time period. But well... At least she's honest about it. I guess I'm being clingy because I'm disappointed. Normally that doesn't get to me that easily, but it happens time and time again. She says that she'll do a lot and in the end she rarely delivers. She's always (not kidding, always) 15 to 30 minutes late when we meet up. She told me she would call me when she landed, and guess what: she didn't. I don't mind the fact that we don't call, I mind the fact that she said she would (without me asking) and then doesn't. It makes me feel insignificant, while I put in my 100% to adjust to her, communicate and make her happy. Guess I need to learn how to control myself on that department. Rhenae is right, I can't monopolize her time. I'm claiming her too much and have to let it go. It's just that I've never ran into this problem with my ex, and although I shouldn't compare it does ring a bell. I can't take this relationship serious anymore if it's unequal. I rather have no relationship than a frustrating one.[/QUOTE] She may just be a bit less attached than you, My bf and I have some differences in that although less than your difference I think. It'll be up to you to see if you can be less attached to and it works or if that might be something that doesn't work for you. If you do find when you stop being 100% available and kinda do your own thing too that that just doesn't work for you as a relationship thing then talk to her about it, and the result might just be that you two arn't ultimately comparable in that sense. People just have different needs in relationships sometimes.

If you're in a relationship with someone, there's nothing wrong with there being some expectations. One expectation being that you don't get shoved behind in the queue without at least an explanation - that doesn't mean you have any right to control the other person's actions, but in a relationship you should have some degree of respect for the other person's feelings; it's entirely natural to be kinda uneasy with someone sleeping over at their ex's, especially twice in a month without seeing you, and they should be respecting that - not necessarily limiting themselves, but they should be upfront about it. Rhenae is really, in my view, arguing from a position where your feelings are basically irrelevant, and the only important thing is that your SO can do as she wants. But being [I]able[/I] to do what you want doesn't preclude you from any obligations. She can choose to sleep over at her ex's. She can choose to be unfaithful if she wants to. But a core tenet of any exclusive relationship is exactly that - you're should be faithful to your SO and their feelings. I would never ask my current or ex GF to not sleep over at so-and-so's place, or never go to that party or whatever, but you need to be upfront about that, and you shouldn't feel like you're the last consideration she makes. There's a line between being controlling and simply feeling that your SO isn't respecting your feelings as much as they should. Like honestly I think this is bad advice: [QUOTE=Rhenae;52585868]She may just be a bit less attached than you, My bf and I have some differences in that although less than your difference I think.[B] It'll be up to you to see if you can be less attached to and it works or if that might be something that doesn't work for you.[/B] If you do find when you stop being 100% available and kinda do your own thing too that that just doesn't work for you as a relationship thing then talk to her about it, and the result might just be that you two arn't ultimately comparable in that sense. People just have different needs in relationships sometimes.[/QUOTE] It's not [I]just[/I] up to you to see if you can be less attached, it's also up to your girlfriend to see whether she can be more attached. Relationships aren't a one-way street, and there's nothing wrong with making your expectations clear to each other. Either way, obviously you shouldn't stay together if you can't work out your differences, and I'm not trying to say your SO is doing something wrong - but I don't think Rhenae is right to just say it's exclusively your problem to fix.

[QUOTE=_Axel;52584446]I don't get it, if she's going to cheat then why is she worth staying with? Being controlling only hurts a salvageable situation if she's actually not the cheating kind.[/QUOTE] She might be going to cheat because the current relationship isn't satisfying. Being watched anytime by a bf, or a lack of affection would eventually lead to that imo. I haven't got much experience but I'd say that if love is a war, starting a relationship certainly isn't the end of it, but the beginning of trench warfare. Not saying it isn't her fault if she cheats, but in some cases it might mean that you're losing the war. I may be wrong, this is based on thoughts and not experience.

You guys are really over complicating this situation.

[QUOTE=Eirheinger;52586684]I'd say that if love is a war, starting a relationship certainly isn't the end of it, but the beginning of trench warfare.[/QUOTE] Literally the opposite of what love is

Loofiloo & Milksprain, I shouldn't habe used "[B]If[/B] love is a war" I agree with the cooperative thing, I was more talking about competition with other guys than the actual relationship (I probably haven't expressed myself correctly). Because I can obviously see that before the relationship, the competition is rude, it's a war. Being in a relationship doesn't stop this war. It transforms it to a trench warfare where you and your opponents try to keep position, and at the first mistake they'll try to strike. But I do agree that the war metaphor isn't the best one, or isn't even correct. As I said previously, I have very little experience, which may have influenced me the wrong way.

[QUOTE=Eirheinger;52587465]Loofiloo & Milksprain, I shouldn't habe used "[B]If[/B] love is a war" I agree with the cooperative thing, I was more talking about competition with other guys than the actual relationship (I probably haven't expressed myself correctly). [B]Because I can obviously see that before the relationship, the competition is rude, it's a war. Being in a relationship doesn't stop this war. It transforms it to a trench warfare where you and your opponents try to keep position, and at the first mistake they'll try to strike. [/B] But I do agree that the war metaphor isn't the best one, or isn't even correct. As I said previously, I have very little experience, which may have influenced me the wrong way.[/QUOTE] you know generally most guys should understand that once someone is in a relationship they don't hit on your girlfriend

[QUOTE=Eirheinger;52587465]Loofiloo & Milksprain, I shouldn't habe used "[B]If[/B] love is a war" I agree with the cooperative thing, I was more talking about competition with other guys than the actual relationship (I probably haven't expressed myself correctly). Because I can obviously see that before the relationship, the competition is rude, it's a war. Being in a relationship doesn't stop this war. It transforms it to a trench warfare where you and your opponents try to keep position, and at the first mistake they'll try to strike. But I do agree that the war metaphor isn't the best one, or isn't even correct. As I said previously, I have very little experience, which may have influenced me the wrong way.[/QUOTE] Competition with other guys generally ends once you're in an established, exclusive relationship.

Small question, how often does one find that a person will make their OKC account private/deactivated after agreeing to a date with you (or at least strongly implying that)??? I had a brief but straight forward chat with a girl maybe 30-40mins away from me. Sounded like she settled out going out for dinner. I gave her my name and #. Walked away from the computer for maybe 20mins, then when I sent a message asking her what restaurant she might like, her account went private. Her instagram and Facebook appear to check out...maybe in another day, if I don't quite hear back from her, I'll just send her a FB message. Rereading things, I can't pull out anything fishy, but I still might be tempted to ask her if she might be being impersonated. She disabled friend requests on her FB, so that's the one small detail I can go off to think maybe she gets contacted from too many weird people. I don't really know, but I'm giving it until tomorrow before I really start questioning this more. After all, I could have caught her during break at work, she could be busy with any number of things, if all things do indeed check out. Typically, even after getting a date, I found people stayed active for at least another week or two, even if they didn't quite log in during that time.

[QUOTE=NO ONE;52588024]Small question, how often does one find that a person will make their OKC account private/deactivated after agreeing to a date with you (or at least strongly implying that)??? I had a brief but straight forward chat with a girl maybe 30-40mins away from me. Sounded like she settled out going out for dinner. I gave her my name and #. Walked away from the computer for maybe 20mins, then when I sent a message asking her what restaurant she might like, her account went private. Her instagram and Facebook appear to check out...maybe in another day, if I don't quite hear back from her, I'll just send her a FB message. Rereading things, I can't pull out anything fishy, but I still might be tempted to ask her if she might be being impersonated. She disabled friend requests on her FB, so that's the one small detail I can go off to think maybe she gets contacted from too many weird people. I don't really know, but I'm giving it until tomorrow before I really start questioning this more. After all, I could have caught her during break at work, she could be busy with any number of things, if all things do indeed check out. Typically, even after getting a date, I found people stayed active for at least another week or two, even if they didn't quite log in during that time.[/QUOTE] Dude, you're overthinking this and you'd be overreaching by messaging her. She went private. You gave her your number. If she's interested, she will message you. If she isn't, she isn't. That's just the way it goes. Nothing more to it than that so my suggestion would be for you to move onto someone else in the meantime.

I've been with my girlfriend for Eight months, And we recently just said goodbye to each other, but she said to me, "It'll be October/November". Then that night, that she said that. She started complaining about nausea and anxiety, etc. She's always had anxiety but it suddenly got much, much worse, And said she probably won't be able to see me again until January 2018. I can't go and visit her because I have to care for a family member. Am I wasting my time? Should we both say goodbye or is it just a case of bad anxiety and I should just wait? Please help, I'm heartbroken right now.

i don't understand the situation

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;52579940]i brought it up nicely and casually and we talked about it and we're on the same page about it and after about ten minutes she was like "okay so low key this conversation is making me really horny" and then i D E S T R O Y E D her it was good problem solved[/QUOTE] Please help I have reawakened something within her we've fucked eight times in three days and I'm running out of fluids what have I done Everything is sore even my dick

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;52592336]Please help I have reawakened something within her we've fucked eight times in three days and I'm running out of fluids what have I done Everything is sore even my dick[/QUOTE] I talked about my girlfriend (now my fiancee) being a bit of a nympho before. I spent 4 days in Tallinn with her, my only moments of respite being when we were out sightseeing. The 8 times you mentioned got surpassed twice, maybe thrice? I lost count. I think I lost like 5kg, I thought you were supposed to GAIN weight during vacations. :v:

Update: nine times now She came four times (ayy new record) and my right ear seems to have stopped working entirely Do I need to see a doctor

I don't think I'll ever understand a girl asking for my number but not texting me To explain, I was at a festival and met a group of girls, on the last day one of them said 'we should exchange numbers' and I gave her my number, but she didn't text me at all Oops? :v:

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;52596476]I don't think I'll ever understand a girl asking for my number but not texting me To explain, I was at a festival and met a group of girls, on the last day one of them said 'we should exchange numbers' and I gave her my number, but she didn't text me at all Oops? :v:[/QUOTE] Do you have her number? She might be hoping you'll plan to text her. Especially since she offered her number up for you?

[QUOTE=Rhenae;52596510]Do you have her number? She might be hoping you'll plan to text her. Especially since she offered her number up for you?[/QUOTE] My phone died so I couldn't get her number, and I had asked for her number earlier, to which she said she wanted to think about it. Probably didn't want to hurt my feelings, but doesn't want to text either

sex is gross