Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=killerteacup;49696490]you need to take a breath mate[/QUOTE] What do you mean? I feel like I've lost the trust of someone I care about and now I think things won't ever be the same. All because I did one stupid thing. And that eats me up inside.

You just have to learn to lie in a way you never get caught out. Thats the lesson here. People might say "Oh you should always be an honest person" But fuck that in the real world people lie, so get better at it.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49697113]What do you mean? I feel like I've lost the trust of someone I care about and now I think things won't ever be the same. All because I did one stupid thing. And that eats me up inside.[/QUOTE] because screaming at yourself on an internet forum is pretty bad for you

[QUOTE=Stormcharger;49697174]You just have to learn to lie in a way you never get caught out. Thats the lesson here. People might say "Oh you should always be an honest person" But fuck that in the real world people lie, so get better at it.[/QUOTE] I just don't understand why I did that. This could've easily been avoided. I was just a dumbass. I had no reason to lie. I'm fucking freaking out. [editline]8th February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=killerteacup;49697187]because screaming at yourself on an internet forum is pretty bad for you[/QUOTE] Sorry it's just a way to vent my emotions. I would just like some support.

lesson learned, don't do that again

you make it seem like the lie you told her was awful, like you slept with this C girl and kept it from her. it really isn't that big a deal man, this is like highschool-tier bullshit. all it needs is an apology and i'm pretty sure it's fine. so what, you kept from this girl that you saw someone who you used to have feelings for. it ain't a big deal.

I'm being a bit pushy here but, advice?

[QUOTE=Jame's;49697263]I'm being a bit pushy here but, advice?[/QUOTE] give her a little time. if she does end up deciding the relationship won't work out, I can guarantee sitting down with her and trying to find peace will just end up getting messy. since you clearly want the relationship to go forward, your emotions will get the best of you, and the talk will quickly steer towards "but we're so good together, please give us another chance" which is probably why she wants to avoid a sit-down.

[QUOTE=loopoo;49697303]give her a little time. if she does end up deciding the relationship won't work out, I can guarantee sitting down with her and trying to find peace will just end up getting messy. since you clearly want the relationship to go forward, your emotions will get the best of you, and the talk will quickly steer towards "but we're so good together, please give us another chance" which is probably why she wants to avoid a sit-down.[/QUOTE] I can understand why she wouldn't want to, I would have just let things go by now but we both consider ourselves to be best friends. Right before I said I'll talk in a few days the conversation was switching back to how it normally is. Which just gives me the idea that neither of us want to be apart. Should i just talk as we normally would and see where that leads after a few days or wait it out?

[QUOTE=loopoo;49697236]you make it seem like the lie you told her was awful, like you slept with this C girl and kept it from her. it really isn't that big a deal man, this is like highschool-tier bullshit. all it needs is an apology and i'm pretty sure it's fine. so what, you kept from this girl that you saw someone who you used to have feelings for. it ain't a big deal.[/QUOTE] Straight up. This is nothing to get upset over and she probably won't even remember it in a week or two. If she does, she's probably not a very good catch if she can hold a grudge over something so trivial. I haven't stayed friends with a lot of my exes, but those that I have I still see from time to time over dinner or beers or something. I always let the gf know what I'm doing and with who and it never seems to bother her since I'm honest about it. Funny, my roommate and her were together for over a year back in high school and it's never made any of us uncomfortable, we hang out together all the time.

[QUOTE=Aetna;49698097]Straight up. This is nothing to get upset over and she probably won't even remember it in a week or two. If she does, she's probably not a very good catch if she can hold a grudge over something so trivial. I haven't stayed friends with a lot of my exes, but those that I have I still see from time to time over dinner or beers or something. I always let the gf know what I'm doing and with who and it never seems to bother her since I'm honest about it. Funny, my roommate and her were together for over a year back in high school and it's never made any of us uncomfortable, we hang out together all the time.[/QUOTE] Yeah I texted her this morning that I did kind of overreact in how bad I felt about it last night. We're going on a date before I leave today so hopefully it'll go well. The way I'm going to handle it is just "well, that happened, nothing I can do it about, not a big deal and no need to get stressed because that will only strain things more." thanks for your help guys. i know i'm sort of a wreck sometimes but you guys really do help me out. thanks for putting up with my melodramatic bs

I just sent her a message saying hi, then I accidently hit the fb call button god damn it. Should i just have a normal convo with her?

NixNax, you just need to unwind a little and stop overanalyzing everything. There wasn't any need for you to bring up the fact you overreacted etc the morning after, you should have just left it out cause it really wasn't a big deal lol. From your posts in this thread, you've got a tendency to make mountains out of molehills and freak over the smallest incidents. If you don't fix that personality trait, you're gonna come across as very clingy and end up causing girls to distance themselves

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49695874]I told her I hung out with friends, but didn't tell her that C was there too. I instantly regretted leaving C out of the conversation. Anyways, a few minutes later, I bring C up in conversation and how I used to like her but then totally didn't want to be with her because reasons and basically started shittalking her. So then a few minutes later I say I saw her tonight while my friends and I were hanging out (trying to reverse my lie(???)) and then said we had fun. Then she called me out saying "You don't have to do that, you were shittalking her a few minutes ago then you said you had fun with her, you were kinda trying to manipulate me" and then I immediately owned up to it. And told her yeah that was a stupid thing to do. Then she told me she knew I was hanging out with C too the whole time. I immediately confessed that I did lie to her and instantly regret it.[/QUOTE] I don't get it. You're saying you lied to her because you didn't specify you were hanging out with C? And that's the entire reason? If that is the case, sorry to be really blunt, but quit being a pussy and get a grip. You are not in the position where you have to tell every minor detail to her, you might as well have overlooked that fact or just didn't bother to specify, why is that suddenly a problem?

and Jame just tell her it was a misclick and then yeah have a normal convo if she's helping it flow I awkwardly kicked someone out of our university chat group cause I misclicked when I wanted to look at their profile. it was a dude so it wasn't as creepy

[QUOTE=srobins;49696038]I got dumped on Wednesday by my first real girlfriend, and wow lol. I feel like I've been living in a bad dream for the past few days, and I'm so busy I feel like I barely have time to be upset. I'm in school all day M-F and then I spend Sundays working 12 hours a day in what boils down to a customer-service position, so it's been all fake smiles and chit-chat for the past few days since the breakup. It feels like I'm on autopilot. Tell me it gets better yall ;__;[/QUOTE] It gets better. I've been there, a bad dream is a great way to describe it. And it does suck, a lot. Get caught up in your work, go out with friends when you can, try a new thing or two (don't get yourself hurt), try to grow as a person and, feel the feelings and distract yourself when you can. After about a month, you'll feel less terrible all the time, but it'll still hit you from time to time. How long it'll be before you feel "good" again is hard to say, because that involves coming to terms with things and that shit is complicated, but it [I]will[/I] happen and it [I]will[/I] make you stronger. Trust me, I'm at the ass-end of the process right now, fell out of a 3 and a half year relationship a year ago, went through sadness and some bitter anger, tried new things, dated around a bit (after a few months to chill the fuck out), learned a LOT about myself, and now I'm just getting back into a stable relationship with someone who fits me better than I could've ever imagined. I feel truly good for the first time in a year. It just took a while, and some really bad moments, but it's worth it. Given time and the fact that you could get a "real" girlfriend in the first place, I have no doubt it'll be the same for you. Just hang in there!

[QUOTE=Jame's;49698339]I just sent her a message saying hi, then I accidently hit the fb call button god damn it. Should i just have a normal convo with her?[/QUOTE] Come the fuck on, what would you do with a random friend on FB if that happened? Do the same you would've done.

[QUOTE=Dark RaveN;49698360] If that is the case, sorry to be really blunt, but quit being a pussy and get a grip. You are not in the position where you have to tell every minor detail to her, you might as well have overlooked that fact or just didn't bother to specify, why is that suddenly a problem?[/QUOTE] It's more of the fact that I shittalk C just for the fact to distance myself from C and then say C was fun to hang out with. Like she said she felt like I was trying to manipulate her. [editline]8th February 2016[/editline] You're right though. I need to stop being such a bitch

You should also not shit talk other people in that kind of situation. Just gives off the impression that it's your go-to method for dealing with a situation that makes you uncomfortable or one that you're not sure how to handle.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49698674]You should also not shit talk other people in that kind of situation. Just gives off the impression that it's your go-to method for dealing with a situation that makes you uncomfortable or one that you're not sure how to handle.[/QUOTE] It's somewhat how I cope with things and I'm trying to work on that. Like part of my mind is overreacting about this and how she'll be even more distant from me because of what happened but in reality it's the first not good thing that happened between us and nothings going to come out of it. But I'm learning to realize when that happens and stop myself. Because I am blowing all of this way out of proportion. The long ass text I sent her last night was so stupidly dramatic that I cringe reading it (just basically profusely saying I hope she can still trust me and stuff). That's the last straw for me. If I keep this up this isn't going to work. I need to grow some goddamn balls.

that kinda behaviour flies when you're young since everyone's all relatively new at dating and everything, but once everyone has a bit of emotional maturity and experience, pulling a stunt like that (longass dramatic text) is just a surefire way to get yourself ditched asap

[QUOTE=loopoo;49698800]that kinda behaviour flies when you're young since everyone's all relatively new at dating and everything, but once everyone has a bit of emotional maturity and experience, pulling a stunt like that (longass dramatic text) is just a surefire way to get yourself ditched asap[/QUOTE] I realize that. I'm not going to bring it up today either when I see her. I don't want to be that kind of person who's stupidly dramatic like that. I let my emotions get the better of me.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49698695]It's somewhat how I cope with things and I'm trying to work on that. Like part of my mind is overreacting about this and how she'll be even more distant from me because of what happened but in reality it's the first not good thing that happened between us and nothings going to come out of it. But I'm learning to realize when that happens and stop myself. Because I am blowing all of this way out of proportion. The long ass text I sent her last night was so stupidly dramatic that I cringe reading it (just basically profusely saying I hope she can still trust me and stuff). That's the last straw for me. If I keep this up this isn't going to work. I need to grow some goddamn balls.[/QUOTE] I learned a while ago, especially with the internet, to only post or say something you'd be willing to have all your friends know, in fact, assume it. Only say things you are willing to stand behind and justify if you are confronted by ANYONE. Hell, sometimes I tell people other than the person I'm interested in that I think they're (the person I'm interested in that is) cute, because chances are someone is going to blab.

[QUOTE='[LOA] SonofBrim;49698365']It gets better. I've been there, a bad dream is a great way to describe it. And it does suck, a lot. Get caught up in your work, go out with friends when you can, try a new thing or two (don't get yourself hurt), try to grow as a person and, feel the feelings and distract yourself when you can. After about a month, you'll feel less terrible all the time, but it'll still hit you from time to time. How long it'll be before you feel "good" again is hard to say, because that involves coming to terms with things and that shit is complicated, but it [I]will[/I] happen and it [I]will[/I] make you stronger. Trust me, I'm at the ass-end of the process right now, fell out of a 3 and a half year relationship a year ago, went through sadness and some bitter anger, tried new things, dated around a bit (after a few months to chill the fuck out), learned a LOT about myself, and now I'm just getting back into a stable relationship with someone who fits me better than I could've ever imagined. I feel truly good for the first time in a year. It just took a while, and some really bad moments, but it's worth it. Given time and the fact that you could get a "real" girlfriend in the first place, I have no doubt it'll be the same for you. Just hang in there![/QUOTE] Cheers, I appreciate the perspective.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;49698873]I realize that. I'm not going to bring it up today either when I see her. I don't want to be that kind of person who's stupidly dramatic like that. I let my emotions get the better of me.[/QUOTE] On the bright side man, you getting hilariously over emotional over something this trivial probably means you like her a lot. Take it easy and dont over react.

-nvm-

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49700696]On the bright side man, you getting hilariously over emotional over something this trivial probably means you like her a lot. Take it easy and dont over react.[/QUOTE] We had a great date today before I left and I'm now fully confident in us going forward (:

This might be a weird question, but how do I approach this girl I've had sex with a few times, when she always tell me she wants to pretend it never happened and forget all about it? This has happened about three times now and it's always the same. Like, yesterday, I had her over to watch the super bowl, we're cuddling on the couch, and after no more than 3 beers we start fooling around, eventually we're both naked, and this continued for a good 3 hours. Left a decent wet spot on the couch. Then, this morning, I get the text from her "Hey sorry man I was so drunk last night I barely remember driving myself home. Can we just forget about it and never talk about it pretty please" and this is the first contact between us since last night. Only thing is, I WANT to be able to talk about it. I think it'd be a lot healthier to actually address what happened and why, not just sweep it all under the rug and repress it and pretend it never happened. And to make one thing perfectly clear, these are occasions where we're BOTH drunk, and she's always the one to initiate all the sexual turns the night takes. Like she's the first one to kiss me, she'll straight up tell me to keep a hand on her butt (and get a better grip), she takes her clothes off, etc. So I know the problem isn't me pressuring her into situations she doesn't like. But I want to know WHAT the problem IS, and she just wants to take the conversation off the table entirely. It's frustrating.

So just tell her you want to talk about it, even if its over text message or whatever. If you cant figure out how to subtley bring the conversation about, then just straight up ask her.

[QUOTE=Loofiloo;49702495]This might be a weird question, but how do I approach this girl I've had sex with a few times, when she always tell me she wants to pretend it never happened and forget all about it? This has happened about three times now and it's always the same. Like, yesterday, I had her over to watch the super bowl, we're cuddling on the couch, and after no more than 3 beers we start fooling around, eventually we're both naked, and this continued for a good 3 hours. Left a decent wet spot on the couch. Then, this morning, I get the text from her "Hey sorry man I was so drunk last night I barely remember driving myself home. Can we just forget about it and never talk about it pretty please" and this is the first contact between us since last night. Only thing is, I WANT to be able to talk about it. I think it'd be a lot healthier to actually address what happened and why, not just sweep it all under the rug and repress it and pretend it never happened. And to make one thing perfectly clear, these are occasions where we're BOTH drunk, and she's always the one to initiate all the sexual turns the night takes. Like she's the first one to kiss me, she'll straight up tell me to keep a hand on her butt (and get a better grip), she takes her clothes off, etc. So I know the problem isn't me pressuring her into situations she doesn't like. But I want to know WHAT the problem IS, and she just wants to take the conversation off the table entirely. It's frustrating.[/QUOTE] You should probably stop fucking her, its gonna end up as a toxic relationship for you where she basically just uses you for sex when she is drunk. But when she sobers up she cringes at the idea of the fact that she slept with you. I highly recommend bailing earlier rather than later so you don't end up getting emotionally hurt. [editline]9th February 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49702590]So just tell her you want to talk about it, even if its over text message or whatever. If you cant figure out how to subtley bring the conversation about, then just straight up ask her.[/QUOTE] Honestly though for something like this, forgo the while subtle shit and just ask. Too many people beat around the bush for far too long when it is just so much easier to ask people what you want to know. Like I could understand not wanting to bring it up if it was the first time it happened but its happened multiple times which is pretty bullshit. You can't keep doing that to someone without any explanation so he should straight up ask her and not settle for her dainty "pretty please" bullshit.