Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women"
5,001 replies, posted
My gf is away until next monday.
In the meantime a girl at a Con (way younger than me, she was around ger 20's at best) asked me to make out - to wich I respecfully said no. Even though i could get away with it easily.
Shame this never happened 10 years ago.
[QUOTE=Metaru;49745842]My gf is away until next monday.
In the meantime a girl at a Con (way younger than me, she was around ger 20's at best) asked me to make out - to wich I respecfully said no. Even though i could get away with it easily.
Shame this never happened 10 years ago.[/QUOTE]
It's like women can sense that you are in a relationship and immediately get 10X more attracted to you, when I was in my very brief relationship it felt like quality women were all over me but now I either get ignored or hit on by women who aren't relationship material.
[QUOTE=maeZtro;49746802]It's like women can sense that you are in a relationship and immediately get 10X more attracted to you, when I was in my very brief relationship it felt like quality women were all over me but now I either get ignored or hit on by women who aren't relationship material.[/QUOTE]
This, so much.
Back when I was with my ex, I usually used to hang out at a pub and there would literally be girls talking to me and they seemed way too interested in the things I told them, it was just smalltalk and they acted like they heard great stories being told.
Looks like I blew it on that girl, boys. Guess I learned a bit on how to control my anxiety I guess. Wish I didn't have it because it caused this entire thing but whatever
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49747552]Just learn from what happened and be better prepared for the future[/QUOTE]
How do you guys get over something like this, something you know you caused the downfall of? How do you get over regretting it?
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49747557]How do you guys get over something like this, something you know you caused the downfall of? How do you get over regretting it?[/QUOTE]
well clint eastwood fucked up a lot more lives than he saved but he's still the hero of the movie isn't he
read this and more in my new book Terrible Analogies 101: Least Likely Ways to Convince People
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49747593]By learning. It is a mistake until you learn from it, then it is a lesson.[/QUOTE]
Thank you. That helps a lot. I see myself as a better person from all of this. I learned how to not jump to conclusions, how to not tell stupid white lies for no reason, and how to just stay calm.
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;49747615]well clint eastwood fucked up a lot more lives than he saved but he's still the hero of the movie isn't he
read this and more in my new book Terrible Analogies 101: Least Likely Ways to Convince People[/QUOTE]
i don't know who clint eastwood is but okay
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49747618]
[B]i don't know who clint eastwood is but okay[/B][/QUOTE]
You what
Try not to think about her. I try not to think about mine but I still find out stuff about her. For example, one of the guys I work with plays cricket. So does the guy my first gf left me for. They play for the same team, and she went to watch them play.
She wouldn't come to watch me play gigs with my band, giving my all on stage with an amazing atmosphere, but she'll go and watch guys play cricket, the sport renowned as being the most boring sport ever created.
wut
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
also my recent ex suggested we be FWB, I don't have an issue with that, we're sensible with protection and whatnot and we both know it won't amount to more as we tried that anyway
[QUOTE=dcalde78;49748204]Try not to think about her. I try not to think about mine but I still find out stuff about her. For example, one of the guys I work with plays cricket. So does the guy my first gf left me for. They play for the same team, and she went to watch them play.
She wouldn't come to watch me play gigs with my band, giving my all on stage with an amazing atmosphere, but she'll go and watch guys play cricket, the sport renowned as being the most boring sport ever created.
wut
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
also my recent ex suggested we be FWB, I don't have an issue with that, we're sensible with protection and whatnot and we both know it won't amount to more as we tried that anyway[/QUOTE]
I don't recommend FWB with a recent ex; but it's up to you if you think it's doable
well I mean it's like a 100 mile round trip but other than that
i have to get this girl out of my mind. she has my hoodie though
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49748414]i have to get this girl out of my mind. she has my hoodie though[/QUOTE]
Yeah that seriously sucks. Had this girl last year that stole one of my favourite t-shirts and I drunkenly asked for it back a couple months ago.
Asking for it back was apparently a mistake because I got this long story about how it's all she has to remember me by or something which was creepy as fuck.
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
Still worth asking for imo.
well here's the dilemma
i leave for uni in a few hours, for 10 days or more maybe
and i'm not 100% sure it's all over (she just hasn't replied to anything i send her so I assume she just wants to be alone. i asked her if she wants to do anything before I go but I've gotten no response yet). i feel like she would tell me that we're over, or something. last time we talked she still sounded interested; i asked her to clear things up a little, and she said that we aren't just friends, but we also aren't "talking"; we just need to get to know eachother better before we commit to anything. but i guess that's over. so ???
[QUOTE=dcalde78;49748395]well I mean it's like a 100 mile round trip but other than that[/QUOTE]
Doesn't sound worth the effort tbh
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49748447]well here's the dilemma
i leave for uni in a few hours, for 10 days or more maybe
and i'm not 100% sure it's all over (she just hasn't replied to anything i send her so I assume she just wants to be alone. i asked her if she wants to do anything before I go but I've gotten no response yet). i feel like she would tell me that we're over, or something. last time we talked she still sounded interested; i asked her to clear things up a little, and she said that we aren't just friends, but we also aren't "talking"; we just need to get to know eachother better before we commit to anything. but i guess that's over. so ???[/QUOTE]
Closure is a bitch, you will never get the answer you want, move on.
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49748447]well here's the dilemma
i leave for uni in a few hours, for 10 days or more maybe
and i'm not 100% sure it's all over (she just hasn't replied to anything i send her so I assume she just wants to be alone. i asked her if she wants to do anything before I go but I've gotten no response yet). i feel like she would tell me that we're over, or something. last time we talked she still sounded interested; i asked her to clear things up a little, and she said that we aren't just friends, but we also aren't "talking"; we just need to get to know eachother better before we commit to anything. but i guess that's over. so ???[/QUOTE]
Not much you can do but find something else to occupy your mind then.
[QUOTE=metallics;49748455]Doesn't sound worth the effort tbh[/QUOTE]
you'd be wrong
also I have a 40 mile round trip every day for work anyway
[QUOTE=dcalde78;49748468]you'd be wrong
also I have a 40 mile round trip every day for work anyway[/QUOTE]
You may say that now, but 100 miles worth of money and finding something to stick your dick in locally is +++
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=dcalde78;49748468]you'd be wrong
also I have a 40 mile round trip every day for work anyway[/QUOTE]
I don't see how a long commute is relevant, just means you're piling on even more miles
living here you get used to driving long distances is what I mean, everything is really rural and there's dick all you can do about it
it won't be a hugely regular thing anyway, but we're both in need of some action
why am i crying about this girl that i only knew for a month???? what the fuck. this is so stupid.
Probably because she stole your hoodie. That just ain't right.
[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;49745000]So...that was a weird end to the day. GF and I went out for most of the day then came back to my place and made tacos (she mostly did the work and i tried to not burn my own house down) and then we watched a movie on my couch and then things kind of got heated so i was like "hey this couch is not very comfortable but my bed's p sweet wink wink" and she was like "yeah let's do that" but once we got in my room she kind of quieted down and started shaking a bit and was just like "i'm kind of scared" and then we had a LONG conversation
(bear in mind we had a conversation yesterday about like boundaries and consent and shit)
but in the middle of that conversation she was just like "look i like you a lot and i really want to do this but ive always been really bad with physical contact, like i couldn't even hug people until my senior year of high school"
and i told her that my priority is her being happy and comfortable and that i didn't wnat to push her into anything and i didnt think she was weird or broken or whatever etc etc (i'm a good person, i know) and she calmed down and then we ate some ice cream and i drove her back home
but the thing that kind of stuck was that thing she said. I didn't really want to ask because I was scared of the answer and also she'll tell me whenever but to me that says either EXTREME anxiety or some kind of assault. And if it's the latter it happened...well, early, presumably.
i didn't push the issue at all, obviously, but does that read that way to anyone else?[/QUOTE]
It really depends on how open she is about this sort of stuff. Like you said it could be extreme anxiety or she could have some trauma from her past. You can press a little bit if she's an extremely open person but the safest route is to just let her tell you on her own time. She's obviously not comfortable with sex but I wouldn't avoid it completely. If you just stop touching her and act like you're not attracted to her, you'll just send her the wrong signals. Just next time you make out with her, go easy on the groping and try not to shove your hand down her pants.
Don't tell her to initiate the stuff on her own because she never will. If she's truly shy and anxious about sex, when she's eventually comfortable with the idea of it, she may never initiate it out of shyness/embarrassment or something along those lines. Be gentle, be subtle, and don't be assertive or aggressive. Shit takes time.
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49748447]well here's the dilemma
i leave for uni in a few hours, for 10 days or more maybe
and i'm not 100% sure it's all over (she just hasn't replied to anything i send her so I assume she just wants to be alone. i asked her if she wants to do anything before I go but I've gotten no response yet). i feel like she would tell me that we're over, or something. last time we talked she still sounded interested; i asked her to clear things up a little, and she said that we aren't just friends, but we also aren't "talking"; we just need to get to know eachother better before we commit to anything. but i guess that's over. so ???[/QUOTE]
So what did you do to fuck it up? Cause the last time you were panicking like this her phone just didn't have service.
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49748527]why am i crying about this girl that i only knew for a month???? what the fuck. this is so stupid.[/QUOTE]
Shit sucks man, but you'll get over it. I had my first semi-serious relationship at the end of last year, and she broke things off early in January of this year. I felt like shit for the first few weeks, and it still kinda hurts, but I'm doing a lot better already. And it's only a month later now.
For me it helped to just get right back into the dating game, and get my mind off of her.
[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;49748711]
So what did you do to fuck it up? Cause the last time you were panicking like this her phone just didn't have service.[/QUOTE]
Probably seemed too clingy and needy due to acting on anxiety (I panicked after that time too, few pages back). But I'm sure her phone is fine because she was posting snapchat stories and shit these past few days. She hasn't responded to anything these past few days and she knows I'm leaving today. I need to know what's happening and she could've sent me a message on facebook or anything.
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
Can you blame me though? Like, I'm leaving today, I need to know what this is or at least have my hoodie if this isn't going anywhere.
[QUOTE=NixNax123;49748872]Probably seemed too clingy and needy due to acting on anxiety (I panicked after that time too, few pages back). But I'm sure her phone is fine because she was posting snapchat stories and shit these past few days. She hasn't responded to anything these past few days and she knows I'm leaving today. I need to know what's happening and she could've sent me a message on facebook or anything.
[editline]15th February 2016[/editline]
Can you blame me though? Like, I'm leaving today, I need to know what this is or at least have my hoodie if this isn't going anywhere.[/QUOTE]
She can post snapchats via wifi while not having cell service, IIRC.
What messages have you sent her recently? Have you tried calling her?
If you're so certain she's lost interest, just text her and ask if she's lost interest. If she has, ask for your hoodie back.
[editline]16th February 2016[/editline]
It's fine to be anxious in a relationship, especially when you meet someone who seems to good to be true. What fucks you up is when you act on your anxiety. It's not abnormal to get worried when she breaks contact for a few days or doesn't respond back when you send a "risky" text or something. But when you start acting on your anxiety and accusing her or interrogating her about shit, or exposing your anxiety, thats when you ruin relationships.
You need to learn to calm down and take deep breaths before you start sending text messages.
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