Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

Life... On one hand, going on my first date almost 3 years ago, was the happiest day of my life. On the other hand, other encounters and activities made me mentally unstable for 4 years with panic attacks, therapy, and antidepressants. I don't think I'm fit for a relationship. But on the other side of the coin, reading on reddit etc about going shopping and gf stealing your hoodies, I feel way too alone. There's no middle ground, is there.. Should never have started talking with women honestly, could have avoided all this bullshit.

[QUOTE=junker154;49858935]We're at a point where we both live together and financial things mix up together. We talk about marriage and plan ahead, which makes things far more complicated. I try to be there for her and I support her in any possible way but it just looks like she isn't really willing to do anything to change her situation. As for the moment she is in this depressive loop where she doesn't have the will to do anything. She got a job now where I'm glad but it's only for 16 hours a week and half of the time she isn't going. Furthermore at home she does jack shit. She said she would at least help with the household but she does a bare minimum while I pay for everything and manage most of our stuff. I support her and try to be there for her but yesterday we had this talk because she simply ignored everything and she isn't talking to me. She ended up crying and having some really dark thoughts. I know how it feels because one time when I was unemployed and I pretty much failed at everything, I was in the same loop. You don't want to do anything and just hide yourself, living in misery. It's not the right way. Just right now she always talks about having a serious relationship and building a future together. How am I supposed to believe in such a concept if she doesn't do anything. She says she can't put up with the pressure at work because her life is such an eternal misery, she cannot cope with issues well and she needs professional help. This help is denied by healthcare, nor do her parents or anybody else want to help her out financially. I cannot pay for all of this either. It's a cycle that is unending. I know that I made the right choice when I got a decent job and started turning into somewhat of a human being again. Having a steady schedule and generally being occupied, it helps a lot but she doesn't believe in that. I'm sure that this might not work for everybody but feeling useful and being liked by people does help quite a bit. I'm not sure what to do at this moment.[/QUOTE] There has to be a line that you draw for yourself. There is a point where a depressed person who doesn't want to be helped, really [I]can't[/I] be helped. Ultimately, it's a personal choice whether or not to actively pursue the help that you need (by the way, check around at any local universities. sometimes they offer free mental health care sessions to the public) and if she's continues to make the choice to not try to help herself, even with the support you're providing, you've hit a wall that you can't continue to chip away at because it will take too much of your time and energy and ultimately you'll hurt yourself. I'd take some time and do a little bit more research on the professional help front. See what the options are, see what you could possibly swing because sometimes there are some free options that people don't consider because they don't know about. So I encourage you to do that. Another thing you can do is just ask her what sort of support she'd like from you. If she can give you an answer, it may help to figure out what you can do to get her back onto her feet. And if not.. Then like I said, you may need to have a conversation with yourself and figure out if you need to separate at this point to keep yourself from entrenching even further into something that ultimately won't be sustainable.

[QUOTE=Giraffen93;49859018]Life... On one hand, going on my first date almost 3 years ago, was the happiest day of my life. On the other hand, other encounters and activities made me mentally unstable for 4 years with panic attacks, therapy, and antidepressants. I don't think I'm fit for a relationship. But on the other side of the coin, reading on reddit etc about going shopping and gf stealing your hoodies, I feel way too alone. There's no middle ground, is there.. Should never have started talking with women honestly, could have avoided all this bullshit.[/QUOTE] I don't know your case completely but I can relate to your feeling of not feeling fit for a relationship just yet. I have the same thought kinda but I feel inclined to enter a relationship still. I'm thinking, will I ever feel fit for a relationship? what if going into a relationship is the thing that'll prepare me for future relationships / the one I go into? how can one ever know if they're ready for a relationship if they never go into the relationship to experience if it's okay or not? in the end, it's "just" a relationship. if you ever meet someone and you hit off, take it slowly and see what it feels like. if it feels cool, keep going. if it doesn't feel cool, break it off and be sad for a few days, but luckily that'll pass fast since you don't get the time to properly attach.

[QUOTE=PredGD;49859062]I don't know your case completely but I can relate to your feeling of not feeling fit for a relationship just yet. I have the same thought kinda but I feel inclined to enter a relationship still. I'm thinking, will I ever feel fit for a relationship? what if going into a relationship is the thing that'll prepare me for future relationships / the one I go into? how can one ever know if they're ready for a relationship if they never go into the relationship to experience if it's okay or not? in the end, it's "just" a relationship. if you ever meet someone and you hit off, take it slowly and see what it feels like. if it feels cool, keep going. if it doesn't feel cool, break it off and be sad for a few days, but luckily that'll pass fast since you don't get the time to properly attach.[/QUOTE] I'm just too mentally unstable to start something, if it doesn't work out instantly I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be in the bottom of the barrel again, and by then I'm not sure if anything will stop suicide.. I'm actively avoiding meeting/contacting new people/old friends just to avoid this. I meet a couple of friends sometimes maybe every other month but that's it, except from work and my dad.

[QUOTE=junker154;49858935]I'm not sure what to do at this moment.[/QUOTE] Depression itself causes a lack of motivation. It can be especially difficult to make a significant, sudden lifestyle change, especially when you're depressed - rather than asking someone to just get their shit together overnight, it might be better to set small goals. When it comes to housework, if you aren't already doing this, maybe you can make an arrangement/schedule for which nights each of you do certain chores (like the dishes). If you set specific times it needs to be done, it's harder to put it off. You do need to consider that unless this depressive phase has been caused by a specific circumstance in her life (like some sort of significant change), it's not going to go away overnight. There's nothing stopping it from recurring as an issue in the future even if she's able to get out of her slump now. Depression might cause a lack of motivation, but lack of motivation is not an excuse for slacking on responsibilities. You can be depressed and still go to work every day and keep your house clean. These are not issues caused by depression. Even if she seeks treatment for her depression, it is probably not going to affect her negligence in those areas and how easily she allows her emotions to sway her behavior/override her responsibilities (unless she sees a counselor who helps her with those areas as well).

I totally agree with you on that. The thing is that her depressive state just results in the slacking of responsibilities. Which is my main concern, she disregards everything. I understand when a person lacks the motivation but doing nothing only makes it worse.

My point there was that depression alone doesn't cause people to slack on responsibilities. You can experience unpleasant emotions and still continue with your responsibilities despite them. It's not a symptom of depression, but of lack of self-discipline, and dealing with her depression isn't going to improve her self-discipline.

From personal experience, my girlfriend never wanted to do anything because of her depression and her not doing anything made her depressed so vicious cycle stuff. Id have to nag her to get up and do stuff, now she's fighting off depression and now she has her bad days but she's now more productive. My advice would be to get to her to do something. Even small, have it snowball. But the big factor is that you have to motivate her as well, and when she's feeling productive you can explain self discipline and the like.

Dated a girl in high school from spring 2011, my sophomore year, until what should have been my sophomore fall 2015. Which is an eternity as a teenager. I left my university fall 2014 to be with her since I was an hour away. She decides to leave and goes to school 900 miles away in Florida. Finally get my shit together and go back to my dream school this past fall, have a class with my ex's best friend this semester. We immediately hit it off as if we had been best friends our whole lives. Get drunk with her one night and we fuck. We decided that officially being together would be a terrible idea since she still works for my ex's parents during breaks from school, there's so much stigma attached to fucking your best friends ex, and she has some commitment issues from her last relationship. I can't think of a time I've been happier. No dependency on the other person, we hang out, play video games, watch movies, and just be ourselves together, but we don't feel the [I]need[/I] to always be together. And the sex is out of this world. Life is strange sometimes.

find her butthole then go up. works every time.

Sooo... How do you tell your SO that you'd like her to perform some minor physical change? She really turns me on but being a brunette her body hair is more visible, which in most areas isn't a problem but it's a little too dense for my taste on her forearms and it's a bit of a turnoff at times :S She already shaves her armpits and trim it down there so I guess it won't be a big deal for her, but still, I don't want to upset her or come off as superficial. I'm quite hairy myself and I asked her if she wanted me to change that a bit,she told me she actually likes it that way.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;49876290]I did it. It took me five years, but I did it. I can now accurately find the clitorus instead of guestimating![/QUOTE] It moves about and in the heat of the moment I find it hard to keep track. Teach me sensei.

So I've got the opportunity to move into a 2 bed place that I can afford, the only thing being I'll be staying with me ex (the recent one that's not a cunt). The only issue I see is either of us bringing people back but I think setting a rule of "if you bring someone back, tell the other person and don't be too loud" should pretty much sort that. It's taking 20 miles off of my daily commute, which means less mileage on my car and less fuel money, I should be able to afford it no problem when the bills are split between us.

[QUOTE=_Axel;49877693]Sooo... How do you tell your SO that you'd like her to perform some minor physical change? She really turns me on but being a brunette her body hair is more visible, which in most areas isn't a problem but it's a little too dense for my taste on her forearms and it's a bit of a turnoff at times :S She already shaves her armpits and trim it down there so I guess it won't be a big deal for her, but still, I don't want to upset her or come off as superficial. I'm quite hairy myself and I asked her if she wanted me to change that a bit,she told me she actually likes it that way.[/QUOTE] You can tell her your preference but never, under any circumstances, make it sound like she's obligated to do any of it. Because that's kind of shitty. [editline]6th March 2016[/editline] Having some pretty dark forearm hair myself, if someone told me they preferred me without it I'd probably tell them to deal with it because shaving your arms takes ten years and then you have to KEEP doing it and it would likely add an entire fifteen minutes into my shower routine which is already like 45 minutes long so that's not happening lmfao. But who knows idk your girlfriend might not have an issue, but that's why you don't make it like a deal or no deal kind of thing. Can tell her what you might like, but if her answer is no, gotta understand the reasons why. In addition to the simple fact that she just might not want to.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49878489]You can tell her your preference but never, under any circumstances, make it sound like she's obligated to do any of it. Because that's kind of shitty. [editline]6th March 2016[/editline] Having some pretty dark forearm hair myself, if someone told me they preferred me without it I'd probably tell them to deal with it because shaving your arms takes ten years and then you have to KEEP doing it and it would likely add an entire fifteen minutes into my shower routine which is already like 45 minutes long so that's not happening lmfao. But who knows idk your girlfriend might not have an issue, but that's why you don't make it like a deal or no deal kind of thing. Can tell her what you might like, but if her answer is no, gotta understand the reasons why. In addition to the simple fact that she just might not want to.[/QUOTE] Well no shit, I won't make a big deal out of something petty like that. Didn't know it took so much commitment compared to something like shaving your beard in the morning though. Guess I underestimated that.

I'd say it's about on par with shaving your legs except you have to use your non dominant hand to shave at least one of your arms and that just makes it take longer and leaves you more prone to razor slips and cuts. Idk people in general who shave their arms have my respect because it's gotta be annoying to get done lol.

[QUOTE=Pascall;49879198]I'd say it's about on par with shaving your legs except you have to use your non dominant hand to shave at least one of your arms and that just makes it take longer and leaves you more prone to razor slips and cuts. Idk people in general who shave their arms have my respect because it's gotta be annoying to get done lol.[/QUOTE] My girl shaves everything, everyday, except for her vag, where she gets bi-weekly brazillians. Never been with anyone who gets disgusted by their body hair as much as her.

How do you guys get into big parties? They've never really been my thing but I'm basically just accepting any and all invites and throwing myself into big parties as sort of "shock therapy" lol, but I just can't get into it really. I feel like everybody is already busy or in a conversation and I don't want to be the weird guy nobody knows that just walks up and stands next to everybody having a conversation lol Edit: Oh, I forgot there's a social thread and this isn't really relationship stuff so.. I'll xpost over there.

Bring a friend or two that you think would work well in that environment and then follow their lead, but don't only talk to them. It's nice having a small friend group around you when you're meeting new people, it makes you more confident and thus it's less awkward.

Get brickfaced really quickly and make a fool of yourself. Social awkwardness instantly gone. Works every time at least half of the time.

I feel at a complete loss. My girlfriend has relapsed and is hurting herself again, she says she's lonely and miserable and I don't know what I can do to help. It's a long distance relationship, we've been together for 1.5 years and I just got back yesterday from visiting her for a week. She didn't hurt herself while I was there but I think she is again now. I just don't know what I can do...

the[sp]10/10[/sp]girl that asked me out earlier is really really experienced in sex stuff and already knows I've got nearly no experience, and that's somehow even cuter to her. she's a planeride away and i'm crashing at her place while visiting to go to a convention together, and every time I act nervous she dismisses the thought of me being awkward because she's already fully anticipating it and likes it. I'm still wrapping my head around how things end up that good less than a month after a really rough friendship with another girl. This also isn't the first time i've met someone out of state and i've known this girl for a long time so it's all still some new stuff to be heading into, she's been overwhelming me because I feel afraid i'll fuck it up but she just seems to know my situation better than I do and openly accepts my quirks I think i've had really unhealthy relationships up until now, because for as long as my life I felt like relationships were just trying to show someone else you love them and the payoff was them accepting it, the idea someone else loves you that much too is just scary to adjust to

i wish i was better at conversation, i've got like 15 tinder matches on standby

I had one and she never replied :v:

they reply to me but the conversations are boring, no common interests and then either i stop replying or they stop replying.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49890833]they reply to me but the conversations are boring, no common interests and then either i stop replying or they stop replying.[/QUOTE] Just be goofy, tell jokes, and be funny; your tinder matches don't care about your hobbies or interests or how your day is going so far.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49890833]they reply to me but the conversations are boring, no common interests and then either i stop replying or they stop replying.[/QUOTE] Try talking to them like you talk to your friends. Assuming you don't just talk about CS:GO stats all the time though.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;49890833]they reply to me but the conversations are boring, no common interests and then either i stop replying or they stop replying.[/QUOTE] send a GIPHY of something terrible

i've had quite a few tinder matches by now but I've only been on a date with like, 2 of them, and carried on speaking to around 5 or so. 90% of my conversations die though because it's just boring. i think i'd rather meet someone by actually speaking to them irl.

Okay i had 14 matches, i said hey to all of them at the same time, i think 3 of them unmatched me because they disappeared but the rest remain. This will be fun