Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;50248719]Has anyone ever had their SO look through your phone with you knowing, or the other way around? Opinions on this?[/QUOTE] If I had my SO go through my phone without asking me I'd feel like my privacy was extremely violated. There's nothing I have to hide and if she asked me to show it I'd be more than happy to show her, but if she took the liberty of going through herself it would definitely be a problem.

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;50248719]Has anyone ever had their SO look through your phone with you knowing, or the other way around? Opinions on this?[/QUOTE] Depends what point is served. I'm pretty care-free with my phone but if anyone I knew wanted to go through my message log or something I would tell them to fuck off.

I don't like to set rules about opening up everything with one another in my relationship, and I talked about this with my girlfriend. I'm pretty much ok with having no business about who she chats with on facebook or text. Nor do I get offended if she wants to answer her phone away from me. I'm ok with her wanting her privacy. Sharing EVERYTHING is tiring and I want her to feel free in the relationship. However, if she's texting someone and I'm lying next to her, she doesn't mind if I take a peek. The same goes the other way around. We like to have our privacy on things, it's healthier this way. We don't have to merge our existences together. Don't get me wrong. We're together, we share a lot and are pretty much transparent to one another. But I feel that people also need to have their own stuff no matter if they are together.

The issue is whether you're sharing everything out of convenience or necessity. Plenty of people are fine with their partner seeing/hearing their private conversations, but if someone feels like it's necessary to monitor all your texts (or would react badly/violate your privacy if you set that boundary), then you've got issues.

[QUOTE=Yahnich;50260047]i should stop using tinder, it's making me feel very unattractive[/QUOTE] Tinder is more for overly attractive people to find instant sex, not for normal people to find good relationships.

[QUOTE=Yahnich;50260240]i dont think thats true at all, i'm not even looking for a good relationship, i just want some validation that i'm marketable and not like broken goods or smth after getting out of a relationship[/QUOTE] Totally with you on this one buddy, but Tinder appeals to a very specific type of person regardless!

I feel like shit right now... I've been with this girl for 5 months now, we're pretty much in love, it's been like a dream, every time we're together we both feel great, never argued once. When it comes to sex we were both virgins, we slowly discovered each other, found nice ways to pleasure each other. However there is an issue; we've tried many times but failed to have actual sex. Every time we attempt it it hurt her too much. At the beginning she wanted us to sort it out ourselves, to try and find solutions without any external help. It was at that time I tried to get advice on here about possible reasons why it didn't work, and Pascall brought up vaginismus. I talked to my girlfriend about it but she dismissed it, said she didn't need psychotherapy, and said her friends told her it just needed more lubrication and forcing through. Obviously it didn't work, no matter how lubricated any attempt was way too painful for her and I couldn't even get in anyway. Every attempt she'd end up crying and feeling guilty for "not being able to do what every living being is programmed to do". Our sex sessions centered more and more on getting her aroused before another failed attempt, and less and less on mutual pleasure, which started to frustrate me somewhat. Eventually she started to admit that we need external help, even though she was reluctant to the idea we agreed on getting an appointment with the doctor. Yesterday night we went to a party and got somewhat drunk, after a while we went back to my room, played around a bit, and then some drunken discussion on the pillow before getting to sleep. She asked me if I'd consider marrying her one day, to which I responded yes but not too soon, and then I talked about my feeling of frustration, but she was already half-asleep. This morning after waking up, I fucked up and brought up the fact I was a bit frustrated sexually. She was shaken up by this, left soon after and I heard cry after she left. I felt very bad, just after she left I told her via text I didn't want to hurt her, that it wasn't a big deal. She said she felt guilty because we can't make love, I clarified to say it's not about that, but rather that we're so focused on having sex that we left aside pleasuring each other and that's what frustrated me. I told her I didn't want to make her angry, she said she wasn't angry at me. I asked her if she felt better after my explanation, no response, then "I need some days alone, please." Seeing this made me panic, we were supposed to see each other again this evening, and then spend the weekend exploring Paris. Like an idiot I entered full blown text panic mode, saying her ignoring me worried me, that I didn't want to lose her, before I came back to my senses and stopped. I really love her, I don't want her to leave me. [editline]5th May 2016[/editline] She just answered, she said she didn't answer because she didn't have her phone on her. She told me she'd call when she gets back home.

You can get through it. Definitely have her see a doctor about that sort of thing. And maybe stick to handjobs or oral in the meantime? You can find ways to climax in other ways than just straight up penetration.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50262065]You can get through it. Definitely have her see a doctor about that sort of thing. [I]And maybe stick to handjobs or oral in the meantime?[/I] You can find ways to climax in other ways than just straight up penetration.[/QUOTE] That's what I meant to say when I told her about my frustration (although she told me before she didn't want to do blowjobs without condoms because the one time she tried it on a dude it tasted terrible. Does it really taste that gross?), try to solve the problem but find alternate ways to climax in the meantime, but I think I didn't word it properly and she understood it as "it frustrates me that we can't have sex". I clarified it so I hope she's not as upset now, still waiting for her call.

Some people might just be more sensitive to the taste. Oral kind of grosses me out, personally, but I'm the type of person who can't take a piece of gum out of my mouth and put it back in so.. Hope it works out for you buddy. Just try and keep open communication with her and you should be alright.

I guess next time I'll try some other brand of condom, maybe I'll be more sensitive. Not really my priority right now though. I try to have open communication, however sometimes when something upsets her she hesitates to tell me. One night I couldn't get it up because of nervousness so we watched a movie in bed instead, she looked upset so I asked her several time if she was okay, she insisted there was nothing. Then in the middle of the movie she broke into tears and asked me if she turned me off. I reassured her, though it took a while, but I think it's an issue that she keeps those things to herself and I don't know how to convince her to do otherwise.

It happens sometimes when someone has low self esteem and I'm sure feeling like there's something wrong with her isn't helping much. Of course, you have to set a limit for yourself of how much of that you can handle without it being a detriment to yourself. Dealing with someone with low self esteem or low self confidence can be pretty hard. I would just look for ways to reassure her every now and again without her even needing to ask. Real simple little compliments on how she does this or that or just nice words. It helps when you're proactive about that sort of thing.

I'm kind of the teasing type, so sometimes I make jokes about her short stature or her lack of strength, but given the way she responds to it I think she actually likes that. Obviously I don't do jokes about sensitive subjects such as our sexual issues, though. I guess I'll have to talk to her about that openly to be sure my behavior doesn't have a negative impact on her self-esteem. I do sometimes make her compliments about her look or sexiness, or being skillful at things I suck at.

Well she knows I like shorties so I guess we're safe on that front.

Teasing is a thing that I've gotten more strict about, personally. I used to put up with a hell of a lot in high school, even guys giving me really hard pokes in the ribs because they thought it was funny how I reacted. Comments about my appearance or things I liked were generally the "mean teasing" type and I kinda realized that it was starting to make me feel really bad about myself. I don't generally put up with it anymore. I don't mind it sometimes, but you really have to be someone I trust, otherwise it just feels like an insult I guess. It differs with a lot of people. You just never want it to get to the point where all you're doing is making fun of someone, even if it's supposed to be in good fun.

Nah that's a thing that I have issue with too. Maybe a little looser than you, but I'm definitely not about hugging strangers or people I don't know REALLY well. The bane of my existence were weird guys in early college that I sort of kind of knew in high school asking "Where's my hug?" when we would see each other out in public.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50262306]Nah that's a thing that I have issue with too. Maybe a little looser than you, but I'm definitely not about hugging strangers or people I don't know REALLY well. The bane of my existence were weird guys in early college that I sort of kind of knew in high school asking "Where's my hug?" when we would see each other out in public.[/QUOTE] I see these guys and even as a man they make me uncomfortable. It's like, good for you if that helps you pick up chicks I guess, but to me it just seems like such a forced frat-douche move to pull. I remember in high school when I started dating my ex there was this guy in her math class that was always pestering her about hugs.. He would literally text her before class and ask "can I get a hug after class?" lmao

I guess I can acknowledge that I've never been one for hugs or any kind of prolonged physical contact, like touching feet while watching tv or on a roadtrip, that is, with people I'm not socially close. But since college started I've been noticing that I tend to be socially permissive when people around me - including myself - are high or drunk. I'm still unresponsive to physical contact, of course, but doesn't bother me that much. Go figure

I've never had any troubles with hugging, it just happens and feels like 'hey ur more than just another friend' if I do it with friends. I guess that it is some kind of confirmation but it's not like I get dissapointed if someone doesn't want to. Winking on the other hand is impossible to do without looking like a retard with a tic. I wonder, do you guys wink? It's a really good way to flirt if done good imo if you know how to pull it off in style :v:

[QUOTE=_Axel;50262212]I'm kind of the teasing type, so sometimes I make jokes about her short stature or her lack of strength, but given the way she responds to it I think she actually likes that. Obviously I don't do jokes about sensitive subjects such as our sexual issues, though. I guess I'll have to talk to her about that openly to be sure my behavior doesn't have a negative impact on her self-esteem. I do sometimes make her compliments about her look or sexiness, or being skillful at things I suck at.[/QUOTE] i knew a girl that had to have her hernia surgically removed, i'd definitely recommend she sees her ob/gyn

[QUOTE=_Axel;50262090]That's what I meant to say when I told her about my frustration (although she told me before she didn't want to do blowjobs without condoms because the one time she tried it on a dude it tasted terrible. Does it really taste that gross?), try to solve the problem but find alternate ways to climax in the meantime, but I think I didn't word it properly and she understood it as "it frustrates me that we can't have sex". I clarified it so I hope she's not as upset now, still waiting for her call.[/QUOTE] Tell her to try it at least once. Shower first, wash yourself good, and see what happens. Different people sweat different amounts, so one would assume every dick tastes different. I've never tasted a pussy that was the same as the last.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;50264955]Tell her to try it at least once. Shower first, wash yourself good, and see what happens. Different people sweat different amounts, so one would assume every dick tastes different. I've never tasted a pussy that was the same as the last.[/QUOTE] That's what I proposed. The answer was nope. Also she's worried about pre-cum which I don't think can really be avoided. To be honest I find this somewhat unfair given I regularly give her cunnilingus and never complained about the taste, but at this point it seems to be categorical on her part. The guy she blew must have tasted like rotten cheese or something... So, any good brands for thin condoms or tips for better sensitivity during oral? I've read lubricating the glans a bit before putting it on helped, I don't know if that's bogus or not.

[QUOTE=_Axel;50265192]That's what I proposed. The answer was nope. Also she's worried about pre-cum which I don't think can really be avoided. To be honest I find this somewhat unfair given I regularly give her cunnilingus and never complained about the taste, but at this point it seems to be categorical on her part. The guy she blew must have tasted like rotten cheese or something... So, any good brands for thin condoms or tips for better sensitivity during oral? I've read lubricating the glans a bit before putting it on helped, I don't know if that's bogus or not.[/QUOTE] Don't bother with condoms for a blowjob. It's like sticking your dick in a bleach bottle. Just ask for a handjob or ask for a BJ for birthday/christmas

[QUOTE=_Axel;50265192]That's what I proposed. The answer was nope. Also she's worried about pre-cum which I don't think can really be avoided. To be honest I find this somewhat unfair given I regularly give her cunnilingus and never complained about the taste, but at this point it seems to be categorical on her part. The guy she blew must have tasted like rotten cheese or something... So, any good brands for thin condoms or tips for better sensitivity during oral? I've read lubricating the glans a bit before putting it on helped, I don't know if that's bogus or not.[/QUOTE] i can only imagine that giving a bj to someone with a condom on would be 100x worse for both parties

It seems a little juvenile to be that opposed to giving oral without a condom.. It's like any other part of the body, the fact that it's a private part doesn't magically make it filthy and repulsive. I get that people have their own tastes and some people are more reserved than others but that just sounds a little silly to me, honestly. Not even being willing to [I]try[/I] when you're fresh out of the shower or something seems even more ridiculous.

[QUOTE=srobins;50265301]It seems a little juvenile to be that opposed to giving oral without a condom.. It's like any other part of the body, the fact that it's a private part doesn't magically make it filthy and repulsive. I get that people have their own tastes and some people are more reserved than others but that just sounds a little silly to me, honestly. Not even being willing to [I]try[/I] when you're fresh out of the shower or something seems even more ridiculous.[/QUOTE] I dunno if my only experience with oral was going down on girls who hadn't showered in a couple of days and/or who had hair on the vulva itself I probably would dislike it I can only imagine it's the same for chicks going down on dudes

Like, you're willing to put your face down there.. Check, you're willing to put a dick in your mouth.. Check, you're willing to use your mouth to make that dick cum.. Check, but as soon as you remove a thin layer of latex from the equation it becomes disgusting and repulsive? What's the issue here?

Some people just aren't into oral in general, but it's something worth discussing with her if you're doing nothing but giving and she's too hesitant to find a way to reciprocate.

[QUOTE=phygon;50265309]I dunno if my only experience with oral was going down on girls who hadn't showered in a couple of days and/or who had hair on the vulva itself I probably would dislike it I can only imagine it's the same for chicks going down on dudes[/QUOTE] I get that, but even if my experience had been terrible, I'd be at least willing to [I]try[/I], especially if I were steadily dating that person (as _Axel is) and they clearly didn't have hygiene issues.

-snipped for the other thread-