Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=srobins;50328910]Like, I totally understand the stereotypical douche boyfriend image you're trying to avoid, but you are sooooooo far away from that dude, you need to understand that. Telling your girlfriend you're tired of getting literally no sexual gratification from your relationship doesn't make you an asshole at all. I understand that she had a bad experience with the other guy but I'm almost leaning toward the idea it's just a lame excuse not to give head. imo you should just ask her to at least give it a try, if only as a gesture to you and to the fact that she wants to make you happy as well. Maybe I'm the asshole here but it sounds a little selfish for her to sit around getting eaten out all day while your balls discover new shades of indigo dude.[/QUOTE] I'll see her tonight. She's agreed to work with me to solve our problems. That includes helping me figure out what the fuck she's so revulsed about, hopefully she won't try to dodge the question now. It's probably time she made some kind of effort to make our sexual relation balanced.

Why is my daughter flirting with me?

Can't help you with that one

-snip-

[QUOTE=danielmm8888;50332793]I posted this in another thread but I think it would fit better here A woman that I was in a relationship with, loved, trusted, shared almost every waking moment with has in the span of one day started acting completely different than her usual self, almost as if she's a different person, and subsequently broke up with me. We were in a happy relationship. Both of us were happy, and both of us kept telling each other how much we love and want each other. Heck, we even wanted to get married! I kept asking her why, but she just keeps saying that she's "a new person now" and that she does not ever want to talk to me again and I had to practically beg her to not block me, simply to keep me at least a bit sane. I don't know what happened and I keep blaming myself because of it, and I have even tried committing suicide because of it. But I'm scared that even after a month in a mental hospital, I will still keep hating myself. People would usually say "Just move on", but that's easier said than done when the woman you loved so much suddenly turned into somebody else.[/QUOTE] It is easier said than done, you've got that right. But you said yourself, she's a different person now than what she used to be, and surely that would mean that she's not the person you fell in love with any more. Having someone change and turn their back on you is probably one of the hardest things you'll have to deal with but there's not much you can really do with it. It's not your fault though. I was in the exact same position as are and it's incredibly hard. I had some of the same thoughts as you've had (if I had been taking the antidepressants the doctor had prescribed me a couple of months before, who knows where I'd be now). It's not worth that though, I can assure you. Just take things a day at a time, it's all you can do. Lean on people if you need to, they'll understand more than you think, and it can be surprising who you might get advice from. Eventually, things will work out for you, and you will likely meet someone who is a better fit for you, and that you will love as much, or more than you did the girl you were with. I'm still on the lookout for such a girl, but these things take time.

good dating apps? ( also I am confused about Tinder is it dating or just a hook up site ?)

[QUOTE=theevilldeadII;50334197]good dating apps? ( also I am confused about Tinder is it dating or just a hook up site ?)[/QUOTE] Depends what you make of it.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;50332392]Why is my daughter flirting with me?[/QUOTE] Try spinning a top, if it doesn't stop spinning eventually you're probably asleep or living in a porno. The only way out is to bang your daughter, hope that helps.

[QUOTE=srobins;50334489]Try spinning a top, if it doesn't stop spinning eventually you're probably asleep or living in a porno. The only way out is to bang your daughter, hope that helps.[/QUOTE] What is this, reverse freud?

Just fuck your daughter, if she develops mental problems then you were probably wrong about the whole flirtation thing. Good luck

Yeah but is she hot tough?

tinder is great had it for 1,5 weeks went on three dates I've been dating the third one for a month now she's amazing

Two weeks ago I got invited to a student party by my old crush (tl;dr: She had a crush on me too but I never realized it and when someone told me, it was already too late because she had a boyfriend then). I went there and talked to her, it felt really good and she was flirting with me and always seeked some physical contact with me but I just couldn't come out and flirt back. I've tried to have a few drinks but it didn't work. It felt so intimidating because she's pretty famous now and really good looking but I just see myself as this low life nothing. I haven't seen her in about 3 years now and around that time I got diagnosed with a bipolar depression and I didn't have a girlfriend and a lot of sex since then. I just lost my job too and then this. Reading this thread makes me feel better though, I really can't stand this depressed life anymore and need to work on it as hard as I can.

When things like self esteem and your life situation get in the way of what you want its never a good feeling, especially when you realize you probably could have had it if you just let yourself go for it. The important part is to not beat yourself up over it, just gotta accept that you weren't/aren't ready yet and be kind to yourself about it while you work on your life to improve things, otherwise it just digs the hole deeper.

[QUOTE=_Axel;50322610]My GF is in Prague for the week so we've only been chatting through text, this evening she was talking about how much she enjoys me giving her oral, and at some point she mentioned that she liked the taste when I kiss her afterwards. It upset me because she doesn't even want to try to return the favor without a condom because she claimed she tried once on a guy and it was horrible, so I told her that maybe she would like my taste too. Cue her saying "you know I'll never want to try that" to which I responded that I still don't understand why. First she said that she was disgusted by cum and thus didn't want any in her mouth, but then I told her I never mentioned ejaculation and would never do that without her consent. She didn't want to give an answer which worried me considering what she told me about the time she did it with the other dude, so I asked her if that fucker did anything bad to her. She was reluctant to tell me at first, but it turns out this cunt couldn't get it up despite her attempts so he blamed her by basically telling her she was ugly and did an awful job. Apparently all of her exes are fucking assholes, between that asswipe and the other dickhead who cheated on her. It seems to have taken a toll on her. So, given that we can't have sex for the time being given her condition, despite the fact we both really want to, it's kind of a one-way street with me pleasuring her orally and caressing her while she's reluctant to return the favor despite liking her own taste and having already done it to a fucking cunt who doesn't even deserve to be able to jerk off. I feel humiliated. I really want to tell her how I feel about this, to try and figure out a solution, but last time I told her I was frustrated sexually she broke into tears and was really upset. I feel I may come off as an asshole who demands a blowjob but I want her to imagine herself in my place. If she was the one giving oral regularly and I refused to even try to do the same she would probably be frustrated too. This really sucks because apart from that I feel really nice with her, but I'm starting to have a hard time bearing with this issue.[/QUOTE] You're not an ass hole and you're not in the wrong. Sex isn't just a 1 way street no matter how you do it. It's about reciprocation as much as it is about getting your own rocks off, anything else is just selfish and makes for a shitty experience for the other party. I honestly get the whole dick-sucking being nasty. The thought of it when I'm not horny seems disgusting to me, and I probably wouldn't put a dick in my mouth unless there was a lot of money involved. But if I were a lady, I would do it if my partner asked me too, especially if we weren't able to have sex. You don't want to admit it but your girlfriend is just being selfish and blaming it on an anxiety or self esteem issue. If she doesn't quit being such a prude, you're going to be stuck with a pretty shitty sex life for a while. [editline]18th May 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=JackDestiny;50340916]Two weeks ago I got invited to a student party by my old crush (tl;dr: She had a crush on me too but I never realized it and when someone told me, it was already too late because she had a boyfriend then). I went there and talked to her, it felt really good and she was flirting with me and always seeked some physical contact with me but I just couldn't come out and flirt back. I've tried to have a few drinks but it didn't work. It felt so intimidating because she's pretty famous now and really good looking but I just see myself as this low life nothing. I haven't seen her in about 3 years now and around that time I got diagnosed with a bipolar depression and I didn't have a girlfriend and a lot of sex since then. I just lost my job too and then this. Reading this thread makes me feel better though, I really can't stand this depressed life anymore and need to work on it as hard as I can.[/QUOTE] You should really focus on improving yourself and solving your issues before trying to find a relationship. It gets lonely but you could almost say it's selfish to jump into a relationship with mental baggage.

He isn't entitled to anything and she simply not wanting to do aomething isn't being selfish, dude. What she wants or doesn't want to do is her decision, and no one else's and it doesn't make her "a prude". At most, he deserves a mature response from her, and not tears and "getting upset", because that's not communication at all.

[QUOTE=_Axel;50322610]My GF is in Prague for the week so we've only been chatting through text, this evening she was talking about how much she enjoys me giving her oral, and at some point she mentioned that she liked the taste when I kiss her afterwards. It upset me because she doesn't even want to try to return the favor without a condom because she claimed she tried once on a guy and it was horrible, so I told her that maybe she would like my taste too. Cue her saying "you know I'll never want to try that" to which I responded that I still don't understand why. First she said that she was disgusted by cum and thus didn't want any in her mouth, but then I told her I never mentioned ejaculation and would never do that without her consent. She didn't want to give an answer which worried me considering what she told me about the time she did it with the other dude, so I asked her if that fucker did anything bad to her. She was reluctant to tell me at first, but it turns out this cunt couldn't get it up despite her attempts so he blamed her by basically telling her she was ugly and did an awful job. Apparently all of her exes are fucking assholes, between that asswipe and the other dickhead who cheated on her. It seems to have taken a toll on her. So, given that we can't have sex for the time being given her condition, despite the fact we both really want to, it's kind of a one-way street with me pleasuring her orally and caressing her while she's reluctant to return the favor despite liking her own taste and having already done it to a fucking cunt who doesn't even deserve to be able to jerk off. I feel humiliated. I really want to tell her how I feel about this, to try and figure out a solution, but last time I told her I was frustrated sexually she broke into tears and was really upset. I feel I may come off as an asshole who demands a blowjob but I want her to imagine herself in my place. If she was the one giving oral regularly and I refused to even try to do the same she would probably be frustrated too. This really sucks because apart from that I feel really nice with her, but I'm starting to have a hard time bearing with this issue.[/QUOTE] There is nothing wrong with you, don't think that. It isn't your fault. Me and my gf share kinky stuff all the time that we'd like to do all the time and suggest things to one another. There's nothing wrong with that. She just repressed some parts of her sexuality due to past trauma. You need to be patient and caring about her feelings. And I have no doubt that you are. My girlfriend had the same problem with his ex. She still has some complexes and insecurities about her body and performance because of that asshole. (who still keeps harassing her after a year and a half). Anyway, when we first started having sex, it was awkward as fuck, because she was assuming I was expecting her to act like a porn star or something, like her ex would do. She almost broke up with me because of that... She also had this problem where she would just close up and sex would hurt her and I had to stop (which I did immediately). She would cry over it because she wanted to perform and it was such an unconscious instinct that it frustrated her into crying. For a week or two, our sex usually ended up halfway through with her crying on my shoulder and me just hugging her and trying my best to make her feel safe and let her know that I wasn't pressuring her to perform. We talked and she eventually opened up about her ex (and some other assholes), who apparently are the source of all this. The fucker was so insecure about his performance that he was totally shit in bed. She says she wouldn't even feel excited, just pressured and uncomfortable, because the guy was literally trying everything and she wouldn't feel a thing. So she got to the point of not enjoying sex. He noticed it and started blaming her, mocking her sexual appearance and trying desperately to make it work like in porn. It got to that point, the guy was so frustrated that he thought it was a performance issue, so he started mimicking everything he saw in porn. And from that point it got really really weird... She warned me at first that she was "frigid" and had problems getting excited and I used to test the limits a bit and try some stuff and she wouldn't let me and I respected that. I remember that I was only being able to have sex in missionary position at a certain rhythm, otherwise it would hurt her. It was weird and I like doing crazy shit in bed but ONLY if the other person's into it. It took a lot of patience, a lot of putting my frustration aside and building some trust and understanding. I noticed she needed a lot of emotional care and I've been doing my best to care for her. And now most of the problems regarding sex are pretty much gone. We've been having really intense orgasms and trying new stuff in bed all the time. She told me that I was the first guy who made her feel excited just from thinking about sex. She says sex is spontaneous with me, and that she usually masturbates thinking about it. (and I feel the same way - it only takes one look and we're snu-snuing for the rest of the afternoon). She still has some insecurities though. She sometimes thinks that she's not performing well enough, or that she owes me to be perfect in bed... "I'm sorry but I can't stop thinking that I'm not performing the right way". And I've been telling her over and over that there's no reason to think that, and that I'm not having sex for a performance and want her to enjoy herself. Our sex as been pretty much improving from week to week. Anyway... All this to say that, as long as you don't make issues a no-talk zone (of course without pressuring her), explicitly but respectfully tell her about what you want to try and excites you. Trust will be built. Don't worry.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;50343645]He isn't entitled to anything and she simply not wanting to do aomething isn't being selfish, dude. What she wants or doesn't want to do is her decision, and no one else's and it doesn't make her "a prude". At most, he deserves a mature response from her, and not tears and "getting upset", because that's not communication at all.[/QUOTE] Wanting something without giving anything in return sounds selfish to me. And she is being a prude. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. She has every right to withhold sex entirely and not be willing to do certain things; everybody does. I'm just saying a person whose not open in the bedroom is boring and may make a relationship stale. [editline]18th May 2016[/editline] Not saying every girl who refuses to take a fist in her ass is a prude, but someone whose not willing to reciprocate what they want from their partner sucks.

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;50343645]He isn't entitled to anything and she simply not wanting to do aomething isn't being selfish, dude. What she wants or doesn't want to do is her decision, and no one else's and it doesn't make her "a prude". At most, he deserves a mature response from her, and not tears and "getting upset", because that's not communication at all.[/QUOTE] I don't think anybody is saying he's "entitled" to anything.. But he's definitely getting a raw deal and the girlfriend doesn't sound very concerned about helping him out. Being unable to have sex due to a medical condition (assuming she actually has one) is already a pretty big deficit for Axel to deal with, but it's not her fault so what can you do. But when it comes to the blowjob thing, the fact that she won't even try just sounds a bit inconsiderate. Ultimately it's up to Axel what he wants to do about the situation (obviously) but personally I don't think I could be in a romantic relationship with someone and never have sex, especially if the other person is making the decision not to do anything.

Sex is a two way street. There needs to be, at the very least, communication and a dialogue as to what both parties are comfortable with and what both parties expect to receive. If there's a mismatch somewhere along the way, you either compromise or end the relationship, if it's that important of a thing. If she doesn't want to give oral then that's well within her right, but you need explain to her how it seems unfair to you. Maybe offer her an alternative or decide that maybe exchanging oral isn't going to happen unless it goes both ways. Either way, the issue won't be resolved without communication. And if it turns out that expectations for sex aren't being met on both ends, then maybe it's time to work something else out or go your separate ways.

[QUOTE=UzumakaiPatch;50334235]Depends what you make of it.[/QUOTE] what do you mean by that exactly ? because I don't plan on ever saying anything besides " meet for coffee " also besides tinder what els is good?

[QUOTE=Pascall;50347392]Sex is a two way street. There needs to be, at the very least, communication and a dialogue as to what both parties are comfortable with and what both parties expect to receive. If there's a mismatch somewhere along the way, you either compromise or end the relationship, if it's that important of a thing. If she doesn't want to give oral then that's well within her right, but you need explain to her how it seems unfair to you. Maybe offer her an alternative or decide that maybe exchanging oral isn't going to happen unless it goes both ways. Either way, the issue won't be resolved without communication. And if it turns out that expectations for sex aren't being met on both ends, then maybe it's time to work something else out or go your separate ways.[/QUOTE] Lack of communication in sex, especially is the main reason why people repress their sexuality so much. It usually leads to people wanting to try something new but being too afraid to tell the other person. So they try to slide the subject surreptitiously in every conversation or through naughty jokes and teases. And it will come out weird as fuck to the other person. My past relationship was like that. There wasn't a conversation about "I want this, I want that." or "I like this, I like that". It was weird. I constantly had to hint it and get frustrated at her face of confusion. Also there was a lot of stigma. I was a man so I had to accept every sexual thing she wanted to do. "cause that's what men do, right?". And every time I'd suggest something she'd make me feel like I was some kind of rapist pervert. Jeez, people. Talk to each other, that's why you're together. Talk to each other or it gets weird!

So I started dating this girl I had been talking to for a few months who is from my hometown and I really just have a general question about the feelings I've been experiencing and stuff. I'm really confused as to why I feel this way about relationships, but basically, I really have a hard time looking past myself in relationships. I kind of used to think it was trust issues but really it's just me being a very self centered person and an overly conscious person. In previous relationships I've found difficulty finding a REAL connection with another person and they usually don't last all that long because of my sensitivity and because of my overthinking of everything. The problem is that being someone who is incredibly self conscious I tend to get stuck on the little things in a relationship. Specifically me being incredibly disappointed when I'm told that the other person is busy and can't spend time with me. Another thing is just a feeling of aggravation when she doesn't text or snapchat back when I OBVIOUSLY know that she is busy because she said "well I'm shopping now" or "I'm going to get dinner with my family." And I really can't figure out why I'm so frustrated when I can't talk to her. Like I almost feel like relationships and falling for someone makes me go a little insane and throw what I'd usually be thinking out the window. She is so calm about everything on the other hand while I'm extremely up tight and I've honestly pretty much told her all of this and she said she doesn't think I'm weird for my paranoia/worrying and that she understands that. I understand she's busy at the moment because she's a senior in high school and I just finished my first year of college so I have a ton of free time and she doesn't because of projects and stuff but I really want to know if you guys have any tips other than "get a hobby" because even when I'm doing things I love or being distracted by something I still think of her. Like, I'm honestly just looking to find love for once in my life and I don't want to ruin something again with her because we enjoy a lot of the same stuff and could honestly just sit there for hours and talk to each other about stupid stuff and still enjoy ourselves. Losing that kind of thing would suck. I just need advice on not overthinking things and not being upset when she doesn't respond or when she has other plans that are more important at the moment. Is this just a kind of thing that's sorted out with time or should I be doing something to make things better. One more thing to note is that I haven't seen her since last tuesday because she had a few essays to write over the weekend and she was also at her dad's house so he probably wouldn't have let her leave. During the school week it's a bit difficult for us to hangout and I have work during the week on some nights so our schedules don't align all that great. The good news is that she said I can "have her to myself this weekend" so I'm excited. I just want to be able to keep the cool after this weekend when I might not get to see her for another week or so. So yeah.

[QUOTE=SurfLapras;50351542]~Essay~[/QUOTE] Doesn't really sound like we can help you really. You've said yourself you understand why something shouldn't be a problem, yet you strongly react as if it was. That's a more personal issue than some generic relationship advice can solve.

[QUOTE=Private Zoglow;50340271]tinder is great had it for 1,5 weeks went on three dates I've been dating the third one for a month now she's amazing[/QUOTE] Had it for three weeks: two were fakes/scams, four have never replied back, and one I've been talking to since Saturday is 100 miles away. I'm cautiously optimistic about her, but still. [QUOTE=SurfLapras;50351542] So yeah.[/QUOTE] I have kind of a similar issue and really it's just social anxiety stemming from the fact that you don't want to be alone or lose that person. All you can really do is remind yourself that they are busy and that you don't have to be in constant contact to maintain a relationship. You may even have trust issues from this same anxiety and you want to kind of keep tabs on her, in some way, taking mental notes of what she says she's doing attempting to find some kind of slip.

So would the best idea be to just let it go when she stops responding and just assume she's okay. I am definitely a sufferer of anxiety issues in this situation as well as in others and it's a genetic thing in my family so it's there but it's definitely fightable. The counselor I was seeing for a while told me the best way to fight this is to find something like pinching yourself that reminds you "get away from the bad thoughts" and that seemed to work for a while for the problem I used to have. Might consider that for my anxiety again.

[QUOTE=SurfLapras;50352395]So would the best idea be to just let it go when she stops responding and just assume she's okay. I am definitely a sufferer of anxiety issues in this situation as well as in others and it's a genetic thing in my family so it's there but it's definitely fightable. The counselor I was seeing for a while told me the best way to fight this is to find something like pinching yourself that reminds you "get away from the bad thoughts" and that seemed to work for a while for the problem I used to have. Might consider that for my anxiety again.[/QUOTE] Pace yourself, give a day or two or a week where you don't initiate contact and then contact her. If she contacts you between then that's fine, if not that's also fine. Let her contact you, meanwhile you distract yourself with other matters. If you do feel like contacting her keep it simple and not accusatory just something like "How's it going?" From what you've described there's not enough to suggest there's a problem between you aside from personal longing.

Yeah! Everything is going great! I'm just easily distracted by my own personal disabilities that it makes it seem like I'm not going to last in a relationship which I think that's just the anxieties you described about not wanting to be alone.

So I think I may have found out my girlfriend is cheating on me. If it is it's over for sure... I don't know what to do if it's true. We've been together for almost three years and I was planning on buying a ring soon. I just booked us a vacation and I was gonna do it there in a few months. We've been a good distance from each other since I graduated (about a year) but I thought we'd be fine. I also don't really have any friends yet where I've moved.

[QUOTE=Meller Yeller;50352781]So I think I may have found out my girlfriend is cheating on me. If it is it's over for sure... I don't know what to do if it's true. We've been together for almost three years and I was planning on buying a ring soon. I just booked us a vacation and I was gonna do it there in a few months. We've been a good distance from each other since I graduated (about a year) but I thought we'd be fine.[/QUOTE] What makes you believe she is cheating?