[QUOTE=New Cidem;50645462]I need a little advice.[/QUOTE]
People do not change simply because someone asks them to. Either take it or leave it, don't expect someone to change who they are for you. You cite issues like "what if she gets arrested", but those are her risks to take, not yours.
[QUOTE=Sylvie;50649775]You can be addicted to a non addictive drug?[/QUOTE]
So are we going to deny that alcoholism exists now, too?
Also, if you think that dopamine is the ONLY factor in addiction, you seriously need to do some research. Addiction largely has to do with life circumstances/social support. Dopamine release alone does not guarantee someone will become addicted to a substance.
[QUOTE=Sylvie;50649775]It stinks like a [bad smelling thing], amirite? I don't hate people being high around me but I can't stand the smell either. Glad I stopped tbh.[/QUOTE]
I would liken the scent to something like urine and the musk of some kind of woodland animal. Again, if people like doing it, that's cool, go ahead.[sp]just don't do it near me ok fam thx bb[/sp]
I'm not a huge fan of the way weed smells either. Coupled with the fact that I have asthma and have a sensitive respiratory system with a tendency to develop bronchitis at the drop of a hat, I don't think I could ever date someone who smoked anything lol. Even people who vape.
I'd say that if you're gonna get into a relationship knowing full well that someone is doing something that you don't like, it's up to you to determine whether or not you'll be able to handle it if they don't want to change. You have to go into it knowing that they might not.
[QUOTE=NixNax123;50650964]awesome story here[/QUOTE]
This sort of shit makes me hopeful. Good luck my friend.
[QUOTE=Pascall;50651821]I'm not a huge fan of the way weed smells either. Coupled with the fact that I have asthma and have a sensitive respiratory system with a tendency to develop bronchitis at the drop of a hat, I don't think I could ever date someone who smoked anything lol. Even people who vape.
I'd say that if you're gonna get into a relationship knowing full well that someone is doing something that you don't like, it's up to you to determine whether or not you'll be able to handle it if they don't want to change. You have to go into it knowing that they might not.[/QUOTE]
My boyfriend has a vape and it doesn't affect my asthma too much unless he decides to leave all the doors and windows shut, which is rare.
He woke me up with it once though because it smells so damn sweet I thought he was baking something for breakfast.
[QUOTE=New Cidem;50651807]I would liken the scent to something like urine and the musk of some kind of woodland animal. Again, if people like doing it, that's cool, go ahead.[sp]just don't do it near me ok fam thx bb[/sp][/QUOTE]
If she "smokes a lot" (and by that I mean once a day or more), it's unlikely she's going to want to stop just for you. As someone who's been and knows quite a few people like her, that's one thing that may seem very unreasonable to the seasoned stoner, especially if all her qualities but that one are so important to you. Best course of action is to tell her how you feel, but ultimately you're probably going to end up tolerating it and working out your ways around it together. If you have genuine feelings for her, you could consider being the one who changes, instead of asking for change in someone else.
I warned my girlfriend and past girlfriends of my side habits right from the get-go, and it was never a problem. My current girlfriend ended up smoking with me on a regular basis, whereas before she genuinely didn't care for it.
I love the smell of weed, makes me thirsty and think of candy.
Call me a picky asshole, but I could never in a relationship with someone who smokes.
I hate the stench of both weed and cigs, plus having respect for personal health is a trait I admire.
[QUOTE=psychojake;50652417]Call me a picky asshole, but I could never in a relationship with someone who smokes.
I hate the stench of both weed and cigs, plus having respect for personal health is a trait I admire.[/QUOTE]
Even as a smoker, I don't blame you. Smoking anything in general is a pretty obnoxious habit all around. It's easily justifiable to not date someone because of a habit like that. I outright refuse to date anyone who smokes weed and have broken up with partners in the past because of it.
With that said, I don't think a person being a smoker means they have a lack of self respect or don't take care of their health. Its just pretty common that bad health and hygiene is synonymous with smokers.
[editline]5th July 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=someone101001;50652849]I'm very jealous sometimes and I feel that's been negatively affecting things
Anything I can do?[/QUOTE]
It's ok to be jealous, but it's not OK to act on it. Just suppress it and live with it.
[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;50652864]With that said, I don't think a person being a smoker means they have a lack of self respect or don't take care of their health. Its just pretty common that bad health and hygiene is synonymous with smokers.[/QUOTE]
Oh yeah definitely, it was a bit pretentious of me to generalize, I'll chalk it up to my friends and family members who smoke regularly falling into that stereotype.
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50652883]
I will argue it is not okay to be jealous. If you [I]truly[/I] trust someone, you will not be jealous (depending on the type of jealousy we're talking about, i'm assuming involving her hanging out with the opposite sex).
Even keeping it inside will cause subconscious toxicity in your head, and will lead to negative actions or outbursts from pent-up jealousy.[/QUOTE]
Jealousy isn't just trust issues, it's insecurity and a lack of self confidence. Not being confident enough in yourself to the point where you think your SO is going to immediately jump ship first chance they get.
It's OK to be jealous just as long as you realize it's fucking dumb to be jealous and you don't actually act on it.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50651771]Also, if you think that dopamine is the ONLY factor in addiction, you seriously need to do some research. Addiction largely has to do with life circumstances/social support. Dopamine release alone does not guarantee someone will become addicted to a substance.[/QUOTE]
If Dopamine was the factor, I'd not have to go to rehab at all. However my factor is the environment I'm in is so toxic and they give me drugs I do drugs. I fucking hate it and do not want it yet it's a cycle I can't beat without help and never coming back to this house I live in. Addiction sucks and I hope the best for anyone with it. Doesn't help that I have ADHD on top of it which means I have two issues. YAY for my brain and environment!
[editline]5th July 2016[/editline]
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50653392]So, I suppose those are the issues/worries in my relationship as of right now. What do you guys make of this?[/QUOTE]
Well the ghosts thing could be true, it's just very hard to prove so I'd let that go.
Physical issues you can not hold against her she didn't choose that.
Not much you can do on the cat thing that's what she likes
Depression well you're gonna have to find out why she's depressed as that is the biggest problem. Which is not gonna help in any relationship, though that comes down to a question of is the life you have the cause of it etc?
For me I am a person who loves that physical contact stuff so that's just more how she is. None of that would annoy me personally as love like that is my deal, so that's on you.
For the christian thing well, I have no fucking clue as I've never got it. I'm a buddhist type so I mean if it's done out of love then I'd say don't hold it against her. Not to say give in, more accept it for what it is.
In the end you'll have to decided what's best for you, her, and if applicable kids. As if it's not working because you really aren't compatible for each other you may be better off finding someone more like you. In the end you'll have to think about it and make a decision that's best for everyone involved.
For me I just made the decision today to go to rehab and avoid my family after I'm out. For that's best for all involved in my situation, which is really shitty but in the end I'm really happy with that choice. In a year or two they will be too once they see how awesome I will become because of it.
So that's my thoughts. I am high at the moment so disregard my advice if you want because of that.
-had to snip this-
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50653922] I want an independent partner, not a leech.
[/QUOTE]
Talk with her about this. Tell her you aren't sure if you're ready to handle that. This is a serious issue that won't solve itself with time so it's best to bring it up with her as soon as possible, because delaying bringing this up will only make it worse.
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50653392]So I'm having break up thoughts about my girlfriend of 5 years, and I just need to vent.
She legit believes in ghosts, I do not. She "swears" her dead grandad locked her mom out of the house and I'm just there like "uhh huh..."
She is a christian, I am not. She says she "has faith that one day I'll be a christian" and even after I tell her that it isn't going to happen and to not get her hopes up, she simply replies "well I will always have faith." which I find really insulting.
She has physical issues with her bladder being on the wrong side of her body (just makes her have to pee often) and bad knees and blood sugar issues. I fear what this will turn into in the future.
She is a cat person, I am allergic.
She suffers from depression, which she takes medication for.
When we text, they don't really feel like conversations. I'm not sure what to describe it with.
She is insecure and immature relationship-wise. She wants to constantly hold my hand and constantly have physical contact when sometimes I just want to sit and relax. I feel like I have to hold her hand when I drive, when I would prefer to have both hands on the wheel. Sometimes when I mess with the TV, she'll hold out her hands expecting me to jump into them when I'm trying to mess with the TV, then pretends to pout when I don't do it immediately. Like I have to drop everything to satisfy her "physical contact" quota.
When were together, we both laugh and enjoy each others company, but I don't know if we'd ever be friends if we weren't in a relationship, if that makes sense.
I just have a big "I am unsure" feeling right now, which seemed to come up all at once. (Actually it came up today when she said she "has faith" I'll become a christian, even though I said I am happy with being nonreligious)
So, I suppose those are the issues/worries in my relationship as of right now. What do you guys make of this?[/QUOTE]
These all seem kind of nitpicky to me, feels more like you are just generally unhappy with the relationship and looking for an excuse to get out or a way to justify it to yourself.
I think you need to sit down and ask yourself really what it is that is making you unhappy. These are all things that I doubt have appeared magically overnight - you've happily put them aside for 5 years. Figure out what it is and talk it through with her.
An unrelated note but hell this is what I miss about my last relationship
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50653392]I feel like I have to hold her hand when I drive, when I would prefer to have both hands on the wheel[/quote]
It wasn't holding hands, she just used to rest a hand on my thigh, but hell driving feels a lot more lonely without it
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50653392]So I'm having break up thoughts about my girlfriend of 5 years, and I just need to vent.
She legit believes in ghosts, I do not. She "swears" her dead grandad locked her mom out of the house and I'm just there like "uhh huh..."
She is a christian, I am not. She says she "has faith that one day I'll be a christian" and even after I tell her that it isn't going to happen and to not get her hopes up, she simply replies "well I will always have faith." which I find really insulting.
She has physical issues with her bladder being on the wrong side of her body (just makes her have to pee often) and bad knees and blood sugar issues. I fear what this will turn into in the future.
She is a cat person, I am allergic.
She suffers from depression, which she takes medication for.
When we text, they don't really feel like conversations. I'm not sure what to describe it with.
She is insecure and immature relationship-wise. She wants to constantly hold my hand and constantly have physical contact when sometimes I just want to sit and relax. I feel like I have to hold her hand when I drive, when I would prefer to have both hands on the wheel. Sometimes when I mess with the TV, she'll hold out her hands expecting me to jump into them when I'm trying to mess with the TV, then pretends to pout when I don't do it immediately. Like I have to drop everything to satisfy her "physical contact" quota.
When were together, we both laugh and enjoy each others company, but I don't know if we'd ever be friends if we weren't in a relationship, if that makes sense.
I just have a big "I am unsure" feeling right now, which seemed to come up all at once. (Actually it came up today when she said she "has faith" I'll become a christian, even though I said I am happy with being nonreligious)
So, I suppose those are the issues/worries in my relationship as of right now. What do you guys make of this?[/QUOTE]
Mate, if you're not happy with the relationship you need to tell her. It seems you just aren't a good match.
Also yeah, people not accepting your world view are hard to even befriend. I can't see myself in a relationship with someone like that even.
People of different beliefs can without a doubt be in a great, stable relationship together. But not if they don't accept one another for believing something else. Don't need to understand or agree, just need to accept that they see the world differently. If your partner can't do that for you when you're not trying to talk her out of being a christian then it's just going to be really unsettling for you whenever religion is brought up.
My dad's Agnostic and my mom's Catholic, and they hardly ever bring up religion. They just let eachother believe what they want and go about their business regarding it.
But if it's really important to her (the fact that she "has faith" you will change eventually), you might have a problem.
It's really hard to talk someone out of something that's been ingrained in their head for so many years.
But good luck, dude.
Guys, how often do you think average guy comes across marriage material in his life?
I don't mean like looking at some random hot chick and considering her a marriage material, I mean more like being in relationship and realizing that you could marry the person because you two vibe well? Because she respects your independence, is intellectually stimulating, supports you, fucks good, is interested in same shit as you, etc.
Is it once-in-a-lifetime thing or does it happen with every second or third girlfriend?
2nd question: What would you say are the general pros/cons of marrying an older woman? Like 7-10 years older than you.
What about marrying much younger one? Like 7-10 years younger?
Now of course it varies greatly from case to case but I want to hear what usually tends to happen, what inclinations are there.
Well then, guess we broke up. Ok.
[QUOTE=Looking4DatFk;50658545]Guys, how often do you think average guy comes across marriage material in his life?
I don't mean like looking at some random hot chick and considering her a marriage material, I mean more like being in relationship and realizing that you could marry the person because you two vibe well? Because she respects your independence, is intellectually stimulating, supports you, fucks good, is interested in same shit as you, etc.
Is it once-in-a-lifetime thing or does it happen with every second or third girlfriend?
2nd question: What would you say are the general pros/cons of marrying an older woman? Like 7-10 years older than you.
What about marrying much younger one? Like 7-10 years younger?
Now of course it varies greatly from case to case but I want to hear what usually tends to happen, what inclinations are there.[/QUOTE]
I cant say for ratios and stuff, but I just bought a ring for my first girlfriend of 3.5 years. I am excited.
[QUOTE=Looking4DatFk;50658545]Guys, how often do you think average guy comes across marriage material in his life?[/QUOTE]
The boring but most objective answer I can come up with for you is that, based on the US Census Bureau's 2015 census, only 32% of Americans ages 15+ have never been married, ~50% are currently married, and 10% are divorced.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50661124]The boring but most objective answer I can come up with for you is that, based on the US Census Bureau's 2015 census, only 32% of Americans ages 15+ have never been married, ~50% are currently married, and 10% are divorced.[/QUOTE]
Where did the other 8% go?
shotgun weddings
[QUOTE=metallics;50662289]Where did the other 8% go?[/QUOTE]
6% widowed, 2% separated (was too lazy to edit this in to my other post/didn't want to be any more pedantic)
I've never really understood marriage, especially when you're young (late teens/early twenties, which is where I'd place most of FP if I were to guess).
How and when do you look at your partner and then say, "yep, this is it for me, I'll enjoy being with this person for the rest of our lives, regardless of how we'll both change?" I know that it's not supposed to be a sure thing and everything with relationships involves risk and trust, but it's just never occurred to me as something I'd want to do, and it's definitely never crossed my mind with anyone I've been involved with.
I guess all the TV bullshit of 'the one' and 'you just know' has me sceptical, as well as most people I know having divorced or single parents. I don't even really see what the purpose of it is either. Unless you're polygamous you're usually not supposed to see other people anyway, so there's no change there. I guess there are tax benefits, but that seems divorced (heh) from the whole romantic notion of the act. There is the obvious 'having kids out of wedlock is sinful' thing, but that also seems outdated and needlessly traditional.
Marriage as legal process is kinda backwards anyway. What marriage truly means for me is when you decide to stick with a person no matter what happens, live together and be in company of each other whenever possible, support each other unconditionally.
The original reasons for marriage weren't really about love to begin with, but most of them are no longer relevant in modern society. The idea of committing to one life partner also goes against our instinct to constantly seek change and improvement in our lives. It's no surprise that, now that moral obligations like religion and children are less prevalent, fewer people are interested in getting married.
[QUOTE=Looking4DatFk;50664162]Marriage as legal process is kinda backwards anyway. What marriage truly means for me is when you decide to stick with a person no matter what happens, live together and be in company of each other whenever possible, support each other unconditionally.[/QUOTE]
A nice ideal, but no long-term relationship has ever been as easy as you make it sound.
I personally hate romantic and sexual exclusivity. I believe the desire to enforce such things stems from jealously, self-esteem issues and the fear that your partner might start loving you less.
[editline]7th July 2016[/editline]
Or just plain old conforming to what everyone else is doing without actually questioning it for once.
[editline]7th July 2016[/editline]
I mean seriously, if you are one of those who consider "cheating" bad then can you give me a valid argument for it?
Cheating, by definition, happens without your partner's knowledge or consent. I don't think that's the word you're looking for (at least, I hope it isn't).
That said, even in swinger couples, usually only one partner is actually interested in being non-exclusive and the other is just going along with it because they don't have a choice.
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