Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50665487]Cheating, by definition, happens without your partner's knowledge or consent. I don't think that's the word you're looking for (at least, I hope it isn't).[/QUOTE] Yep, of course that's not what I meant, that's just what it's called in pro-exclusivity couples. Bad choice of word. Anyway, I'd really like to hear some arguments. Only valid one is about STDs, from what I have seen. And that's really not why many couples practice exclusivity, they are more about "loyalty" and I'd like to know just what in the fuck that means and why it's sensible.

Many scientists have argued that we are not actually biologically inclined to be monogamous and it's simply a cultural thing we've forced ourselves into. Not every society is monogamous. As I said earlier, the reasons for monogamy are often historical and no longer relevant in today's society. For instance, one factor was knowing the parents of offspring - in a monogamous society it's much easier to tell who the father of a child is. Our ancestors also originally mated in a non-monogamous and less orderly way, but changed their tactics because low-ranking males found that females were more responsive to caring/nurturing behavior from them. As a woman, it's also worth mentioning that monogamy tends to feel safer for us - as the physically inferior sex, trust is certainly a factor in becoming intimate with someone who could easily overpower you. Back to modern day - first take into consideration that, as social creatures, our understanding of our selves is based on our relationship to our society. Historically speaking, being socially accepted was the difference between life and death, and social validation still plays an enormous part in our self-esteem. Thanks to evolution, social rejection can have the same emotional impact on us today as the death sentence of social exclusion might have had for someone in a hunter-gatherer society. Since monogamous relationships are now a long-standing staple of our culture, this has a huge effect on how we view relationships and ourselves. It comes down to not meeting societal ideals of what marriage means. In a monogamous society it can be extremely invalidating to find out that your partner is unsatisfied being exclusive with you when you're led to believe that the majority of people end up in happy, loyal, monogamous marriages. It will lead most people to questions of whether they did something wrong to drive their partner away. But like I said, all of these issues are caused by ideals - visions of what a good marriage should be, even though the concept of marriage itself might not align with our biological needs. I personally would not be surprised if, as the traditional concept of marriage fades from our society, monogamy might eventually follow.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50665743]Many scientists have argued that we are not actually biologically inclined to be monogamous and it's simply a cultural thing we've forced ourselves into. Not every society is monogamous. As I said earlier, the reasons for monogamy are often historical and no longer relevant in today's society. For instance, one factor was knowing the parents of offspring - in a monogamous society it's much easier to tell who the father of a child is. Our ancestors also originally mated in a non-monogamous and less orderly way, but changed their tactics because low-ranking males found that females were more responsive to caring/nurturing behavior from them. Back to modern day - first take into consideration that, as social creatures, our understanding of our selves is based on our relationship to our society. Historically speaking, being socially accepted was the difference between life and death, and social validation still plays an enormous part in our self-esteem. Thanks to evolution, social rejection can have the same emotional impact on us today as the death sentence of social exclusion might have had for someone in a hunter-gatherer society. Since monogamous relationships are now a long-standing staple of our culture, this has a huge effect on how we view relationships and ourselves. It comes down to not meeting societal ideals of what marriage means. In a monogamous society it can be extremely invalidating to find out that your partner is unsatisfied being exclusive with you when you're led to believe that the majority of people end up in happy, loyal, monogamous marriages. It will lead most people to questions of whether they did something wrong to drive their partner away. But like I said, all of these issues are caused by ideals - visions of what a good marriage should be, even though the concept of marriage itself might not align with our biological needs. I personally would not be surprised if, as the traditional concept of marriage fades from our society, monogamy might eventually follow.[/QUOTE] As an ethnology/cultural anthropology student, I feel like I gotta chime in. Monogamy and Polygynia (e.g. having multiple wives) are the most common among the cultures of the world, with Polygynia usually being more of an occasional thing (having multiple wives is, naturally, not affordable to all households). Polyandry (multiple husbands) is a quite rare thing. Of 1231 societies listed in the 1980 Ethnographic Atlas, 453 had occasional and 588 more frequent polygynia, but only 4 are polyandric. Group marriage, where as multiple partners of both sexes make up a family unit are also extremely rare. The theory used to be that group marriage must have been the most ancient practice... Used to be. Among the most "primitive" or "natural" societies, monogamy is still the most prevalent - even in societies with polygamy, as seen above, it's either occasional or frequent, with monogamy being the "baseline". (Also, polyandry, the practice of having multiple husbands, in the examples we studied, involved multiple brothers marrying the same woman, which complicates things further.)

Interesting stuff, thank you for sharing! I'd imagine the reason for the tendency originates with identifying parentage of children - correct me if I'm wrong but it seems most societies are patriarchal. Are you aware of any other benefits to monogamy that I missed that might lead to that overwhelming tendency? (Unrelated to anything, but I'm on Season 5 of DS9 right now and FINALLY know who your avatar is.)

[QUOTE=Looking4DatFk;50665422] I mean seriously, if you are one of those who consider "cheating" bad then can you give me a valid argument for it?[/QUOTE] Breaking your partners trust is probably the worst thing you can do in a relationship, hold physical abuse. Doesn't matter if you're fucking a random stranger, their best friend, or taking $20 from their wallet without their consent. If you're lying and cheating on your partner, then you're inevitably going to hurt them emotionally, which is shitty. Doesn't matter what your opinions on non-monogamous relationships are; unless you have express consent from your partner, then you're an ass hole. If you two sit down before hand and have a very intimate discussion on the matter and come to the conclusion that you both consent to a non-monogamous relationship, then thats fine. I doubt anyone would take an issue with that unless they're a holy-roller moralist or something.

[QUOTE=Looking4DatFk;50665422]I personally hate romantic and sexual exclusivity. I believe the desire to enforce such things stems from jealously, self-esteem issues and the fear that your partner might start loving you less. [editline]7th July 2016[/editline] Or just plain old conforming to what everyone else is doing without actually questioning it for once. [editline]7th July 2016[/editline] I mean seriously, if you are one of those who consider "cheating" bad then can you give me a valid argument for it?[/QUOTE] You promise your partner exclusivity by starting a relationship with them withouth explicity and very clearly stating that it is an open relationship, beacause in this society we assume "in a relationship" implies exclusivity. So by cheating you break that promise you made to your partner, fundamentaly damaging the trust and, in consequence, the relationship.

She's keeping our cat too. Fuck me man, I can't win. It's like she couldn't care less that I've got a heart [editline]8th July 2016[/editline] How do I replace her in my mind? I need a good cuddle buddy... I want another cat

It's ok man. As George Harrison wrote in Life of Brian "Always look on the bright side of Life". I'm taking a Fitness Walking Class in college, and there is this cute Asian girl who I had a crush on for the past month. But, only to find out she had a boyfriend already...

the cat too??? the heartless ice queen

[QUOTE=GÃ©za!;50666003] (Also, polyandry, the practice of having multiple husbands, in the examples we studied, involved multiple brothers marrying the same woman, which complicates things further.)[/QUOTE] I was an anthropology major, so refresh my memory, isn't that group in Nepal or that area and the reason they think the practice came to be was to preserve the limited amount of property?

[QUOTE=bdd458;50676645]I was an anthropology major, so refresh my memory, isn't that group in Nepal or that area and the reason they think the practice came to be was to preserve the limited amount of property?[/QUOTE] You're probably thinking of the Toda people, who live in Southern India. Can't exactly recall, but preserving a limited amount of property sounds like it would definitely factor into fraternal polyandry.

[QUOTE=NixNax123;50650964]ok jesus fucking christ what a goddamn story so some of you may remember that girl from a WHILE ago, with the April Fool's text. well, after not talking for 3 months, something happened! a few days ago, i hung out with friends and she was there (most of our friends are mutual) and we had a good time. close friend told me that her and her abusive boyfriend (of around 3 years) had recently broken up. i played it cool. two days ago, we go skating and hang out pretty much the entire day. she actually started crying about her ex while we were watching a movie, and i helped her through that. but other than that it was a really good day. she told me upfront that i'm the only person she really opens up to and talks with. i still played it cool, but i knew emotions might have been there. then, yesterday, she asked me to come over to her house during the evening. we go into her room and she asked if i wanted to watch a movie. then we put one on (The Wall)... and suddenly cuddle up on her bed. like, holding hands, spooning, all that stuff. we didn't kiss (i could tell she wasn't ready for that so i didn't try after she turned her head from an obvious opportunity). but the point is, there was an obvious connection between us. then we go for a walk in the morning and we talk about it a bit. she said that she liked me and didn't think i liked her, and it was the same for me. and she thought we had really amazing chemisty. she even said she liked hanging out with me more than she did with her boyfriend when they were dating. we don't talk about it much until a few hours later, where she says she's not ready for a relationship right now because she feels really closed off and she thinks that she should get over her current feelings so as to not bring them into a new one (completely understandable, as i told her). but she told me that she does have feelings for me, and i told her that i am interesting in pursuing something with her, but only when she's ever ready. she was really receptive and she said she doesn't regret what we did, and that she still wants to hang out with me and stuff. i basically told her that i completely respect her feelings and i don't want to pressure her into doing anything she doesn't want to. but i'm just really happy all that's out there now. hopefully things turn out well (i'm not expecting anything), but if they do, wish me luck (:[/QUOTE] I don't know why I'm sad and can't get past this. I'm telling myself to treat this as a "We are really close friends that tried stuff but it didn't work out" situation where we are still close friends but for some reason my mind always drifts to the worst possibility that this creates a void in the friendship. Which is completely untrue because we hung out for like 12 hours together until like 6am the day after this. And had a blast! If was really fun! I don't know, I'm just venting. And then yesterday we hang out with my other close guy friend and he sensed tension in the air and talked to both of us individually. So he straight up asked her "do you like Nick" and she said "I'm not ready for anything yet" never a "no". She's in a really rough place, just out of a big relationship, so it's hard to pinpoint exactly how she feels. It's probably hard for HER to do that. But I want to be someone to help her through that like I've been doing, not make it worse. You guys see where I'm coming from?

I don't deserve her.

[QUOTE=The bird Man;50682188]I don't deserve her.[/QUOTE] you deserve someone who cares about you! no matter what mistakes you make [editline]9th July 2016[/editline] (i'm being really vague with my advice because i don't know the specifics so sorry if this doesn't fit at all)

I know I don't visit this thread very often or well, at all actually. I broke up with my girl friend a couple months ago and have been sort of idly visiting dating sites and I HAD to share this with someone and I figure this is the best place on FB to do so. [t]https://i.gyazo.com/ceec3adbb062be6602ca99d6f9411098.png[/t]

i feel like "no religious nutcases" is immediately hypocritical

I'm sat here trying to work out what kind of person they're actually looking for

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;50685572]I'm sat here trying to work out what kind of person they're actually looking for[/QUOTE] A special snowflake carbon copy of themselves, that way they never have any conflict to deal with in their relationship.

until the day comes where they argue about who can esoterically work the occult in the most pan-African movement friendly way

My girlfriend is going to Florida for the weekend with her ex because their families are friends. Idk how I feel.

is that more like "her family is going with her ex's family" or "her and her ex are going" or "her and her ex's family are going"

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50689272]is that more like "her family is going with her ex's family" or "her and her ex are going" or "her and her ex's family are going"[/QUOTE] Both the families are going

that's probably the best scenario for you i'm sure it'll be fine, but i understand why you're a bit...cautious

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;50685572]I'm sat here trying to work out what kind of person they're actually looking for[/QUOTE] Someone who's completely submissive. If you're desperate enough to deal with their hilarious demands, you'll probably do pretty much anything.

I've been going out for 2, nearly 3 months with this girl, suddenly she stopped talking to me unless I reached first and when I always invited her to go out or do something she always had an excuse. Saturday morning, early afternoon, I decided to ask directly and the answer was that she had been out of long relationship of years and it felt weird or don't know how to feel seeing someone else again for a period of time. I got to the conclusion and told her that what she wanted was more casual and with different people, she agreed and "dumped" me right there, on the spot. Is it just her, was it me? IDK... it felt weird to me, Saturday I didn't feel anything, yesterday at lunch it finally hit me and I got somewhat sad and upset.

There's nothing wrong with you, you just wasn't her type (I don't understand the situation completely). Time to meet other people, and realize they're far better, and one day you'll think back and say to yourself "Wow how could I be so much into that chick, this is way better". I'm not good with these sort of things, just speaking from experience.

[QUOTE=Dahaka32;50696685]I've been going out for 2, nearly 3 months with this girl, suddenly she stopped talking to me unless I reached first and when I always invited her to go out or do something she always had an excuse. Saturday morning, early afternoon, I decided to ask directly and the answer was that she had been out of long relationship of years and it felt weird or don't know how to feel seeing someone else again for a period of time. I got to the conclusion and told her that what she wanted was more casual and with different people, she agreed and "dumped" me right there, on the spot. Is it just her, was it me? IDK... it felt weird to me, Saturday I didn't feel anything, yesterday at lunch it finally hit me and I got somewhat sad and upset.[/QUOTE] sounds like she just wasn't interested my dude, move on, find someone else or do your own thing Me and my ex started talking after about a year and a bit (I posted about this before lol sorry guys) but she basically just accused me of sleeping with another girl and got confrontational about it, and then when I said I didn't understand what she meant she started telling me to "forget about it" and tried to play it off as her just being "jealous" when there's nothing to be jealous of I think I know who she's accusing me of sleeping with, let's call her K me and K have been friends for a long time and have slept together in the past, but that was about 4 months ago at a party and we've basically just agreed to be friends since my ex has never accused me of this kind of thing before - our last relationship ended because of a communication problem - but I'm trying to decide whether this is basically a red flag which I should be concerned about or if it's understandable that she's concerned about me talking to a girl that I've put Percy in the play-pen with in the past, even if me and said girl are just friends now

[QUOTE=IAreLegend;50699246]sounds like she just wasn't interested my dude, move on, find someone else or do your own thing Me and my ex started talking after about a year and a bit (I posted about this before lol sorry guys) but she basically just accused me of sleeping with another girl and got confrontational about it, and then when I said I didn't understand what she meant she started telling me to "forget about it" and tried to play it off as her just being "jealous" when there's nothing to be jealous of I think I know who she's accusing me of sleeping with, let's call her K me and K have been friends for a long time and have slept together in the past, but that was about 4 months ago at a party and we've basically just agreed to be friends since my ex has never accused me of this kind of thing before - our last relationship ended because of a communication problem - but I'm trying to decide whether this is basically a red flag which I should be concerned about or if it's understandable that she's concerned about me talking to a girl that I've put Percy in the play-pen with in the past, even if me and said girl are just friends now[/QUOTE] Why do you have to answer to your ex about who you're sleeping with now? When you say "started talking" do you mean "got back together"? Because that's the only way I can see it being any of her business, or even mattering to her

My GF and I are long-distance for the summer do you guys have any tips or things to do with your long-distance SO We've been doing Facetime and playing games together so far and I'm gonna visit her in a month

So last night I planned to stop by this diner I met a cute waiter at a few weeks ago when I knew he was working. Ended up missing him because a Scyther showed up after I parked and I went off chasing it. One more thing to add to that laundry list of Pokemon Go-related misfortune.