Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not worth it in the long run to date someone with depression.

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[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50875427]It isn't bad as long as they're not a complete child and have learned how to cope, treat, and be mature about it[/QUOTE] My point remains. Why bother yourself with a problem you, nor your partner, can't control what so ever? You're better off finding someone who doesn't have such issues.

[QUOTE=Mr. N;50875377]The worst part about that is getting attached if you decided to deal with it, you feel like some hero. You get taken for granted and[B] used like a goddamn dog in the end.[/B] [editline]13th August 2016[/editline] Not worth it, if this girl has those sort of issues it's not worth the affection, it'll blow up.[/QUOTE] I've not experienced this, but I have experienced girls becoming attached to me/dependant on me way too quick because I'm willing to help them with their problems. I respect myself but still help them... but I'd rather be with someone who's happy already.

[QUOTE=Mr. N;50875377]The worst part about that is getting attached if you decided to deal with it, you feel like some hero. You get taken for granted and used like a goddamn dog in the end. [editline]13th August 2016[/editline] Not worth it, if this girl has those sort of issues it's not worth the affection, it'll blow up.[/QUOTE] that's not projection at all [editline]12th August 2016[/editline] goddamn have any of you actually dealt with depression or are you being armchair psychologists again

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50875889]that's not projection at all [editline]12th August 2016[/editline] goddamn have any of you actually dealt with depression or are you being armchair psychologists again[/QUOTE] I've dated several girls in the past who have had depression in various degrees. Wouldn't do it again. Just because we view dating people with depression in a negative manner doesn't mean we don't have experience with it or we know everything about depression. We're just smart enough to distance ourselves from that shit.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50875889] goddamn have any of you actually dealt with depression or are you being armchair psychologists again[/QUOTE] Depression comes in both extreme and non-extreme variants. One is workable, one is not.

[QUOTE=phygon;50876015]Depression comes in both extreme and non-extreme variants. One is workable, one is not.[/QUOTE] you're not wrong but viewing depression as something that's "wrong" with someone is fucking dumb for a lot of reasons you're not going to find someone that has no issues, that's impossible. besides, you nerds are on facepunch so it's not like you're perfect either

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50876241]you're not wrong but viewing depression as something that's "wrong" with someone is fucking dumb for a lot of reasons [/QUOTE] Viewing depression as an undesirable trait for a partner is literally 100% reasonable. There's nothing wrong with it being a deal-breaker entirely if it's too severe, either. That's why I had to break it off with my ex. [quote]you're not going to find someone that has no issues, that's impossible. besides, you nerds are on facepunch so it's not like you're perfect either[/quote] I didn't said I wanted someone with no issues, I said I wanted someone with managable issues, like "I need to do better in school" or "I need to get more self confidence so I can stand up for myself more" and not "my dad emotionally abused me for years and now whenever anyone raises their voice around me I close into my shell and go practically nonverbal" I want to have fun in a relationship, not "fix" someone who I'm also fucking. I want to be with someone who's a positive force, not a negative one. That's perfectly reasonable.

not being able to support someone with depression is perfectly fine as long as it doesn't lead to you advising other people to not try it out for themselves or determine whether or not they can handle it for them b/c you are not them and so you have literal no say in what they should or should not do not that anyone's doing that here but if you do you're rude and probably don't do that

[QUOTE=Pascall;50876270]not being able to support someone with depression is perfectly fine as long as it doesn't lead to you advising other people to not try it out for themselves or determine whether or not they can handle it for them.[/QUOTE] Why is it bad to tell people to stay away from things that suck? Finding out if you're able or unable to support someone with a disability, especially depression, is a miserable experience. I found that I was perfectly capable of doing it but I choose not to because it is not at all worth it to support someone emotionally in that manner. Why is it bad to try and save someone from that same god awful experience? Like, if you know that a good looking dish at a restaurant is actually just a plate of dog shit, why wouldn't you warn someone about that? [editline]13th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50876241]you're not wrong but viewing depression as something that's "wrong" with someone is fucking dumb for a lot of reasons you're not going to find someone that has no issues, that's impossible. besides, you nerds are on facepunch so it's not like you're perfect either[/QUOTE] There is nothing irrational or cruel about finding depression a shitty thing to have in a partner. Nobody is under any obligation to look past a persons disabilities, mental or otherwise, when looking for a partner. There is nothing wrong with me saying I refuse to date people with depression or I refuse to date people who are cross eyed. This tumblrite thing of mental disabilities being beautiful really needs to stop. There is nothing beautiful about pretty much any disability, mental or otherwise. Depression is a mental health issue and it needs to be treated as such. Refusing to date someone with mental health issues is a perfectly rational thing to do; it doesn't make you an asshole and people shouldn't look down on you for it.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50876270]not being able to support someone with depression is perfectly fine as long as it doesn't lead to you advising other people to not try it out for themselves or determine whether or not they can handle it for them b/c you are not them and so you have literal no say in what they should or should not do not that anyone's doing that here but if you do you're rude and probably don't do that[/QUOTE] I mean, not that I necessarily agree with the "depressed partner = abort mission" thing, but it's an advice thread and telling somebody to avoid depressed partners is just as valid as every other piece of advice in here. I don't see what the big deal is.

It's not valid though because every person has a different tolerance of different things???? It's fine to tell people that it's difficult to be with someone with a mental or physical disability but to outright say it's "not worth it" is generalizing everyone else's ability to handle or deal with that sort of thing. Maybe someone can absolutely deal with their partner having depression, anxiety, or being physically disabled? Not only are you placing the label of "not worth it" on an individual who, despite their disability or disorder, may be a perfectly fine person to date by proxy of them being able to handle their own disability, but you are telling other people outright that they shouldn't bother. Which, again, I think is pretty rude. Like I said, I literally could not care less if someone finds a partner with a disability to be not worth it for themselves, but to go around and tell everyone as if they all think and function as you do to think and feel the same is silly and unnecessary. Advice is cool, dictating what someone else should or shouldn't do isn't. [editline]12th August 2016[/editline] Also you don't have to think "mental illness is beautiful" to want to be with someone who suffers from it. That is also a silly notion.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;50876424] This tumblrite thing of mental disabilities being beautiful really needs to stop. There is nothing beautiful about pretty much any disability, mental or otherwise. Depression is a mental health issue and it needs to be treated as such. Refusing to date someone with mental health issues is a perfectly rational thing to do; it doesn't make you an asshole and people shouldn't look down on you for it.[/QUOTE] Literally nobody said mental illness is attractive. No one called you an asshole for not wanting to deal with someone else's depression. You're being told you should stop telling others that depression is the be-all and end-all of a person and any relationships with them.

"yo bro I found my soulmate she has mild depression" "nah bro gtfo its not worth it cause shes depressed" It sounds fucking dumb, as if depression is the most important thing It can be dealt with, it can be worth it, it can even be totally ignored if it's not a big issue

[QUOTE=Pascall;50876491]It's not valid though because every person has a different tolerance of different things???? It's fine to tell people that it's difficult to be with someone with a mental or physical disability but to outright say it's "not worth it" is generalizing everyone else's ability to handle or deal with that sort of thing. Maybe someone can absolutely deal with their partner having depression, anxiety, or being physically disabled? Not only are you placing the label of "not worth it" on an individual who, despite their disability or disorder, may be a perfectly fine person to date by proxy of them being able to handle their own disability, but you are telling other people outright that they shouldn't bother. Which, again, I think is pretty rude. Like I said, I literally could not care less if someone finds a partner with a disability to be not worth it for themselves, but to go around and tell everyone as if they all think and function as you do to think and feel the same is silly and unnecessary. Advice is cool, dictating what someone else should or shouldn't do isn't. [editline]12th August 2016[/editline] Also you don't have to think "mental illness is beautiful" to want to be with someone who suffers from it. That is also a silly notion.[/QUOTE] I'm not saying everyone here is completely unable to take care of or tolerate someone with a disability, mental or otherwise. I'm just saying it is not worth the trouble in the long run. Clearly I'm not saying that people with depression or any other disability are human garbage, because thats obviously not the case. I just wouldn't date a girl with depression again, because they were all absolutely miserable experiences, and I'm trying to save other people the trouble. [editline]13th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=UzumakaiPatch;50877023]Literally nobody said mental illness is attractive. No one called you an asshole for not wanting to deal with someone else's depression. You're being told you should stop telling others that depression is the be-all and end-all of a person and any relationships with them.[/QUOTE] My comment was a general statement, not directed at towards anyone in the thread. Cool your jets bud. I never said that depression makes a person literally worse than Hitler, I just said it's not worth it to date someone with depression. I know and I have friends with people who are depressed, I just wouldn't date any of them.

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;50875889]that's not projection at all [editline]12th August 2016[/editline] goddamn have any of you actually dealt with depression or are you being armchair psychologists again[/QUOTE] Projection because it happened to me multiple times yeah I guess. Like I'm not talking mild depression here, Im talking long term emotional dependence. It doesn't take a psychologist to know its draining and unhealthy to the end.

I mean maybe I'm just biased because I know plenty of people who have depression who can manage it with both mental exercises and medication, as well as people with mild depression who can handle it themselves (including myself if I'm being honest???) who would love to believe that they are perfectly capable of a healthy relationship and like to not think of themselves as "not worth it" but I mean sure. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whatever man.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50878166]I mean maybe I'm just biased because I know plenty of people who have depression who can manage it with both mental exercises and medication, as well as people with mild depression who can handle it themselves (including myself if I'm being honest???) who would love to believe that they are perfectly capable of a healthy relationship and like to not think of themselves as "not worth it" but I mean sure. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whatever man.[/QUOTE] I wouldnt get too caught up in it - sweeping generalisations are easy to make and we all do it - I had a bad experience of x therefore all people of type x will provide the same bad experience in future. Even though it probably isnt true it's human nature.

Feeling rather weird. Good female friend of me just broke up with her boyfriend today. We usually talk a lot, so we did too today. Her ex didn't like that we talked a lot, also didn't like it if we met eachother in real life (thus only happened once while they were together). Now, she recently moved in a new studio and told me that I was now actually able to come see the place without her ex bitching about it (without meaning anything else with it). Now, she also said "I'll come out with you some time in the city you live in", as she has never seen the place I live for the year we've known eachother. She said she'd just crash at mine and I told her I have 2 mattresses and a sofa available she can crash on, but later she said "I'll just sleep in your bed". She knows I'm not intending anything but she repeatedly said "Oh I really don't give a damn anymore if you now decided to confess love me or anything" I honestly don't know what I should do if she ends up crashing at my place after going out and something happens. Should I stop it or just let it happen? Don't really have feelings for her but she doesn't either for me.

[QUOTE=Cyberuben;50881267]Feeling rather weird. Good female friend of me just broke up with her boyfriend today. We usually talk a lot, so we did too today. Her ex didn't like that we talked a lot, also didn't like it if we met eachother in real life (thus only happened once while they were together). Now, she recently moved in a new studio and told me that I was now actually able to come see the place without her ex bitching about it (without meaning anything else with it). Now, she also said "I'll come out with you some time in the city you live in", as she has never seen the place I live for the year we've known eachother. She said she'd just crash at mine and I told her I have 2 mattresses and a sofa available she can crash on, but later she said "I'll just sleep in your bed". She knows I'm not intending anything but she repeatedly said "Oh I really don't give a damn anymore if you now decided to confess love me or anything" I honestly don't know what I should do if she ends up crashing at my place after going out and something happens. Should I stop it or just let it happen? Don't really have feelings for her but she doesn't either for me.[/QUOTE] Rebounds generally don't end well.

[QUOTE=Pascall;50878166]I mean maybe I'm just biased because I know plenty of people who have depression who can manage it with both mental exercises and medication, as well as people with mild depression who can handle it themselves (including myself if I'm being honest???) who would love to believe that they are perfectly capable of a healthy relationship and like to not think of themselves as "not worth it" but I mean sure. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Whatever man.[/QUOTE] Like I saod, im not shitting on all people with depression or saying theyre incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship or anything like that. But dating someome with a mental illness is like russian roulette. Not worth the gamble in my mind.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;50881580]Like I saod, im not shitting on all people with depression or saying theyre incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship or anything like that. But dating someome with a mental illness is like russian roulette. Not worth the gamble in my mind.[/QUOTE] Yeah but see your entire set of posts was telling everyone they should never date someone mentally ill as opposed to posting saying that it wasn't your cup of tea, so you actually sort of were shitting on people with depression whether you intended to or not

[QUOTE=darksoul69;50881574]Rebounds generally don't end well.[/QUOTE] I don't either me or her are even slightly thinking of a relationship. She's literally coming over to just hang and go out, have a drink, without it meaning anything. But we got to know eachother after a tinder date and that's how we became friends. So there is some physical attraction between the two of us, nothing more. I'm just not sure what would happen if we actually ended up sleeping together, despite me not knowing if it's actually even getting that far. Doubt it, but still, don't know if I should stop it might it happen.

[QUOTE=killerteacup;50881609]Yeah but see your entire set of posts was telling everyone they should never date someone mentally ill as opposed to posting saying that it wasn't your cup of tea, so you actually sort of were shitting on people with depression whether you intended to or not[/QUOTE] Fair enough but ill stick to my guns here. Its not worth the risk to date someone with a mental illness that may never go away. I dont mean to shit on people with disabilities or outright refuse to date them, my girlfriend of 6 months is paralyzed from the thighs down and os confined to a wheelchair and is nearly blind, but dating with someone with a mental disability is a huge risk that really isnt worth taking in my opinion, especially a mental illness. Ill leave it at this so's not to shit up the thread since theres nothing more i can really add to this

[QUOTE=Cyberuben;50881639]I don't either me or her are even slightly thinking of a relationship. She's literally coming over to just hang and go out, have a drink, without it meaning anything. But we got to know eachother after a tinder date and that's how we became friends. So there is some physical attraction between the two of us, nothing more. I'm just not sure what would happen if we actually ended up sleeping together, despite me not knowing if it's actually even getting that far. Doubt it, but still, don't know if I should stop it might it happen.[/QUOTE] Well if shes not trying to start another relationship and it's "just sex" I'd put money on it being for revenge. Her ex was trying to dictate her actions by not letting her come over to your place, talk to you, etc. If she tells the ex that she slept with you as a way to get back at him.. expect him to come knocking on your door.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;50881661]Well if shes not trying to start another relationship and it's "just sex" I'd put money on it being for revenge. Her ex was trying to dictate her actions by not letting her come over to your place, talk to you, etc. If she tells the ex that she slept with you as a way to get back at him.. expect him to come knocking on your door.[/QUOTE] He broke up with her, plus the guy doesn't know me and she seems to be completely hating him. Meh, will see when and what happens I guess...

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50881667]Quit saying stuff like this? "I'm not saying you shouldn't date depressed people... but it's the same as putting a revolver to your head and pulling the trigger"[/QUOTE] Yea obviously this was a direct comparison and not a blatant metaphor.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;50882576]Yea obviously this was a direct comparison and not a blatant metaphor.[/QUOTE] It was a bad metaphor.

[QUOTE=Cyke Lon bee;50881580]Like I saod, im not shitting on all people with depression or saying theyre incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship or anything like that. But dating someome with a mental illness is like russian roulette. Not worth the gamble in my mind.[/QUOTE] In the UK alone 1 in 4 people will suffer a mental health problem in any given year. I simply don't believe that makes a significant amount of the population a risky date, mental illness is such a broad spectrum that making such a statement incredibly stupid.