Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=sheridanm;50938873]She lost her job and everyone threw a going away party at the bar/restaurant she worked at, also a party at her house. When we went back there I literally saw her spark that shit up. Shocked me to say the least. I feel like a complete tool thinking back on it as I was warned about this chick, but I didn't want to believe the guy who told me that she was bad news from the get go. Was it you or someone else that said something about chicks from high school? Yeah, most chicks I've known in high school that I still talk to this day, mostly through social media is where I see this shit. In real life it gets much worse. I should've mentioned that to begin with shouldn't I? Facebook: More cancer everyday. Even so, in person it's just as bad. As with most stereo types I've known to see all the 16 and pregnant, the single forever club shit (memes chicks post about hating men everyday). I made that a big deal because it's mostly what I see and hear all the time. Did I also mention I'm from New Zealand? I might as well have relations with a sheep at this rate. Another stereotype... That last joke was pretty baaaaaaaad[/QUOTE] This is just so awkward man, here is a real top life tip: Sometimes we say stupid shit, something ill thought through that we don't really mean, doesn't make sense or is indefensible or just poorly explained or phrased or not put with the right context. We all do it, we all make mistakes. The best thing to do is to just say yeah, I fucked up, I'm sorry, own it and walk away from it, people will leave it be. The other option is the above posts in this thread.

You are in control of your own social media exposure. If you see shit from people you don't wanna see, then unfollow those people. Maybe someone wants to be single forever, who gives an actual fuck. No one is entitled to a romantic relationship. If they wanna be single, let them be single. If they're saying stupid shit about men, ignore them?? Standing on the sidelines grumbling about it like "damn fuck these sluts for not letting dudes get it in" doesn't help you or them. Quit looking for excuses to be bitter and work on self improvement and developing lasting relationships with people who are open to them.

[QUOTE=sheridanm;50938842]Double edit motherfucker!: You keep referring back to the original post instead of what I'm posting now. Past tense, kay?[/QUOTE] Sorry my mistake, I thought it was a safe assumption that you wouldn't go through a large ideological shift in the span of 20 minutes

[QUOTE=grr164;50938797][b]WELL[/b] if anyone who isn't currently trying to yell at each other needs some advice, I'm your friendly neighborhood ladies man/love guru/alcoholic and I'd be more than happy to help you through your troubled times.[/QUOTE] I've lacked interest in getting into a relationship and I'm now starting to kind of wonder why I feel like this. Is it perhaps about the time, work and commitment involved in one? Or is it just my own discouragement? I've never been in one before so I don't really know or understand what it's like.

Romantic relationships aren't a requirement for contentment with your life, nor are they something that everyone needs. Some people are perfectly happy with platonic relationships for a portion, majority, or the entirety of their lives. It depends on what you think you need to be happy. And if a relationship doesn't seem to come into that category of need, then that's okay. Even if that never changes. Things might change and they might not but I don't think it's a bad thing to not feel like a relationship is necessary for you right now. On a similar vein, while a relationship would be nice, I know my life situation right now is probably not the best to sustain a relationship and I'm okay with that too. It's all up to you, man. It may be that because you've never had one, you're not sure if it something you need or want but honestly, that mild apathy might make it a little easier to transition into one if or when you're ready to do so because you're not putting so much emphasis that you start setting yourself up for failure. You do things when you're ready and even if you're not ready for a good few years, there's nothing wrong with that.

[QUOTE=sheridanm;50938763]Seriously? Do you not see how much you're projecting your anger? [B]Don't YOU, in regards to your post about how women are friend zoning SJW sluts?[/B] Dude... You have some real issues. [B]As do you, man. You really need to take some time to reflect on your attitude towards women. THAT is the root of your loneliness.[/B] "Im sure you won't" -So by default I'm proven to be an idiot just because you claim it to be true? Why reply? I don't see a point where you've basically just said that you've backed me into a corner. [B]And of the women you call sluts for not dating you... is that fair? Are you not pushing them into an ugly and pointless situation by being so hostile?[/B] Disregarding the hateful and judgemental accusations: [B]Again, man... please appreciate the hypocrisy you're demonstrating and consider what the crux of your problem might be. This conversation started because of YOUR hateful and judgmental tirade against women.[/B] I'm not completely against what I said however under the basis that my whole post was taken out of context. So here's my honest reply: I took what bad experiences I've had and posted without giving serious thought into what help or advice I could be given, as if I didn't need that advice, as if it was irrelevant. [B]You say you don't need advice or guidance, but it's clear as day that you do. Hell, you may need therapy. I'm not saying this to be mean, but because I'm legitimately concerned that you are getting in your own eay, and may need help learning how to quit being your own worst enemy.[/B] But now It's clear to me that as soon as someone like you comes along and jumps the gun so to speak, you can't even give me a chance to explain that one simple thing. Your advice is limited by your judgemental thoughts in trying to label me as a dickhead. [B]HOW are you not seeing the irony in this? The hypocrisy? You inject sinister intentions into why women won't date you, judge them, call them imoral sluts, and wmpotion ally dwgrade them. If you can see why his mean spirited atrack against you is cruel and offputting, why can you not see how your means pirated tirades against women are as well?[/B] The real irony here is that you seem to be under the delusion that I'm not open to listen to you, but it's the other way around it seems. [B]AGAIN. If you actually listened to the women who have "wronged" you, instead of becoming petulant and accusatory the moment you realized you weren't getting what you wanted, you wouldn't be here raising such a stink right now![/B][/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50939446]It'm really curious what has brought the rise of this odd "everyone friendzones me and is a slut" mentality (aka the "nice guys"). Maybe it has existed long before I noticed, or maybe it is just more vocal on the internet. Maybe a combination of jealousy of what happens on social media without knowledge that its just the highlights of peoples life? Or pressure in society to find a relationship, and wanting to find a scapegoat when you're unable to? I'm sure theres no singular cause in any case, but is sure would be an interesting study.[/QUOTE] I don't think its as new as you'd think. I know Nerf Herder was making songs making fun of that mentality in 2000. From "Lamer than Lame" off of "How to Meet Girls" [quote]How do I get through to a girl like you Workin' at the pretzel station at the mall Beautiful lips like Strawberry Quick I saw your boyfriend he looks like a dick You won't check me out 'Cause I work in the back at the Radio Shack I won't be surprised if you don't call me tonight 'Cause I'm lamer than lame Uncool in every single way But your boyfriend makes you wanna cry Don't you think its time you tried a different kind of guy[/quote] In the last chorus, it changes from "But your boyfriend makes you wanna cry" to "makes me wanna cry".

And here i thought the 60 new posts would have been about, sex, girlfriends, or shit.

[QUOTE=Birdman101;50940803]And here i thought the 60 new posts would have been about, sex, girlfriends, or shit.[/QUOTE] take that logic outta here, its facepunch

[QUOTE=Birdman101;50940803]And here i thought the 60 new posts would have been about, sex, girlfriends, or shit.[/QUOTE] I sometimes wonder if there actually is a difference between this thread and the Super Friendly Social and Love Advice thread :v:

[QUOTE=darth-veger;50940914]I sometimes wonder if there actually a diverence between this thread and the Super Friendly Social and Love Advice thread :v:[/QUOTE] Wait, what? I must be in the wrong place.

[QUOTE=Triot;50939072]I've lacked interest in getting into a relationship and I'm now starting to kind of wonder why I feel like this. Is it perhaps about the time, work and commitment involved in one? Or is it just my own discouragement? I've never been in one before so I don't really know or understand what it's like.[/QUOTE] Sorry for the long wait on a reply, I'm practically nocturnal because of my hours. It's okay to not be interested in a relationship, to some it might not seem like a sensible idea. I spent most of my formative years in a relationship and it really does take a certain type of person to make you [i]want[/i] to commit. If you haven't found that person, that's okay. For me the time and work are never really a factor, if you find someone you enjoy enough to spend years of your life with, work doesn't feel like work, and time flies by. The commitment is the only aspect I can see being a deciding factor, it is hard to dedicate yourself and your energy in such a way. But in the end you're only going to be willing to do that with the person who makes you not care about the commitment, or the time, or the effort. It's good that you're picky, that means when that one certain person who's right for you comes along, you'll know.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50939446]It'm really curious what has brought the rise of this odd "everyone friendzones me and is a slut" mentality (aka the "nice guys"). Maybe it has existed long before I noticed, or maybe it is just more vocal on the internet. Maybe a combination of jealousy of what happens on social media without knowledge that its just the highlights of peoples life? Or pressure in society to find a relationship, and wanting to find a scapegoat when you're unable to? I'm sure theres no singular cause in any case, but is sure would be an interesting study.[/QUOTE] Historically, women have often been considered property. Even today there is this lingering cultural view that a woman needs to have a husband and kids in order for her to be considered successful. I remember my sociology professor telling us how a student had asked her "are you broken?" because she was in her 40s and did not have children. It seems like some men make this assumption that if a woman is not in a relationship, she wants to get into one as soon as possible. Maybe they view saying yes to a relationship as the "default" response, rather than rejection being the default, and therefore assume there is something seriously wrong if a girl isn't interested in them. There is also the matter of locus of control, which refers to the amount of control a personal perceives they have over their own situation. It's worth mentioning that a lot of the time, people don't want to recognize how much control they have over their situation - if you recognize your power over a situation, it means knowing that you are the one choosing whether to act. If girls keep rejecting you, it is more comfortable to blame society and do nothing than it is to try to change yourself. Changing yourself also involves admitting that you are not perfect.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50941700]So would you say a lot of it is a series of mental gymnastics to make people feel better about themselves? Because there are ways to do that without shifting the blame and completely disrespecting an entire gender. I wish people could learn how to re-wire their own brain to turn emotions and thoughts into something productive and fulling. It's one of those things people can learn, but can't really teach to others easily.[/QUOTE] Reality is a harsh place

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50941700]So would you say a lot of it is a series of mental gymnastics to make people feel better about themselves? Because there are ways to do that without shifting the blame and completely disrespecting an entire gender. I wish people could learn how to re-wire their own brain to turn emotions and thoughts into something productive and fulling. It's one of those things people can learn, but can't really teach to others easily.[/QUOTE] I wish. Sometimes I think people are mostly okay and then I watch a Trump rally and see thousands of people cheering on a misogynistic asshole as he calls women names and says their worth is only based on their attractiveness. Then I check the news and hear about another Planned Parenthood being shot up, another victim told she had been asking to be raped. I am a white woman so I cannot identify as easily with other demographics, but our society has a long way to go in truly embracing the cultures that make it up. We cannot change how others act. However, to paraphrase Sartre, when man chooses, he chooses for all men. You cannot control how others behave but you can demonstrate your own values through your actions. In some ways, culture is a bubble - your own actions do not disappear, they bounce back. You might not change society on a scale too large to fathom, but you can touch individual people, and those people can do the same.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;50941802]when man chooses, he chooses for all men.[/QUOTE] Oh the irony. I'm not one to get involved with Politics, but don't you think you should judge someone based on their character, amongst other values or lack thereof and not on the fact that he's a man? I feel like this is the same issue we had that Martin Luther King Jr. addressed about race. Not that I'm totally against what you're saying, just the way it's coming off as. I hate gender bias and I don't agree with what Trump is doing either. The media is also just the tip of the ice-berg. People possibly get fired for not turning a blind eye and playing devils advocate, it's what they do to get ratings. Then you have someone like Alex Jones who just goes "'Murica! Guns! Obama's tryin' to teek our guuuuns!" I don't know who's worse between him and Trump, they seem to have a similar balance of stupidity. EDIT: This post is totally going to backfire after what happened yesterday, I just know it.

My apologies.

[QUOTE=sheridanm;50942028]This post is totally going to backfire after what happened yesterday, [b]I just know it.[/b][/QUOTE] Then why reply.

[QUOTE=grr164;50942052]Then why reply.[/QUOTE] Because giving up is stupid. You think after a failed attempt at conversation in the past is going to lead to failure in the future? I think not. It's a progression.

Sweetie, you need to start reading the full post before you write a response to it. Save yourself some time.

One of my favorite philosophical texts I've read was the one Iwas paraphrasing - "Existentialism is a humanism". It's available for free online and is maybe 30 pages, I strongly recommend everyone read it. [editline]24th August 2016[/editline] Oh I just realized they mentioned the name in the post you linked

[QUOTE=sheridanm;50938842]In many different points in my life I've been called nothing but creepy and other shit that was uncalled for. [/QUOTE] you send all these weird little messages to people then delete all the negative ones in your profile no creepy and controlling behavior here, no sir

[QUOTE=darth-veger;50940914]I sometimes wonder if there actually is a difference between this thread and the Super Friendly Social and Love Advice thread :v:[/QUOTE] I made one post in that thread 3 years ago with a joking tone, and got instantly crucified for being a totally misogynistic woman hating psychopath. Never posted there again. This place is so much nicer. [sp]just gotta get rid of cyke somehow[/sp] [editline]24th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50942123]This thread is now Sex, Girlfriends, and Philosophy[/QUOTE] aaww I missed the conversations we had about shit and ass-wiping techniques.

[QUOTE=Birdman101;50942497]I made one post in that thread 3 years ago with a joking tone, and got instantly crucified for being a totally misogynistic woman hating psychopath. [/QUOTE] The issue is that people there deal with people who totally sperg out all the time so anything that might be borderline weird/creepy will be interpereted that way even if it's just something that's difficult to talk about and hard to deal with

[QUOTE=phygon;50942523]The issue is that people there deal with people who totally sperg out all the time so anything that might be borderline weird/creepy will be interpereted that way even if it's just something that's difficult to talk about and hard to deal with[/QUOTE] Which doesn't make it super friendly like it is thought to be

People post the same questions in both threads and the same people regularly post in each. Whatever distinction you're seeing is anecdotal. [editline]24th August 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=RenegadeCop;50942123]This thread is now Sex, Girlfriends, and Philosophy[/QUOTE] Some might prefer it to "Sex, Girlfriends, and Shit Talk"

There's sometimes a quick "jumping the gun" moment where users who have seen multiple people mess up in terms of relationships with other people by doing some of the most selfish, inane, unthought of things and thus the reaction is to, because of how often it happens, vilify them until they're corrected. Which definitely doesn't make the thread Friendly, I agree. But occasionally you'll get a hard headed user who doesn't read, take time to understand, or even bother listening to advice given (ahem...) and it results in annoyance and negative feedback from the group because of it. I think a lot of us are guilty of thinking that we can poke fun of someone until they change their ways, but I think in most cases, being mostly chill and at least making an effort to be understanding can go a long way. But frustration with people who don't listen or read properly can quickly boil over. And this is Facepunch where that can happen real quick. I try to give people a chance to learn. As I think we all should. But it's also important to realize that you can't strong arm someone into being a better person. They wanna be dumb and shitty, they're probably gonna be dumb and shitty no matter what you do.

I take pride in my dumb shittiness.

Also its pretty important to point out that both threads pretty much have exactly the same regulars At the end of the day though, the thread can be very friendly provided the person needing advice is being reasonable and receptive. But you're coming to people for advice and these people don't know you, have no obligation towards you and aren't getting paid to help you, so if you're saying something immediately offensive then you're not going to get let off the hook as easily as you would like to be Anyway as we were discussing misogyny etc my housemate posted this on facebook and it is a really good read, something that I have read only a little about before and not as much as I would like but I think if you are a guy it is definitely worth reading the whole thing. Its 50 pages so just take a night at one point to read it or skim through it [url]https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B0UUYL6kaNeBTDBRbkJkeUtabEk/view?pref=2&pli=1[/url] To summarise its about the idea of emotional labor and the difference in expectations of emotional labor between men and women - basically that men don't really do much of it and offload a lot of it onto significant others when they're in long term relationships, particularly marriages. Its a collection of forum posts but the sheer volume of them and the sheer number of people talking should give an insight into why this is a common issue that I think every man in a relationship should at least address with themselves

This is a fantastic read, thank you for the link. My psychological measurements professor spoke to us about her own research into compassion fatigue as well as burnout. Secondary trauma has shown to often be as severe as primary trauma - caregivers can experience traumatic stress disorder every bit as severely as their clients. This overload of stress often leads to compassion fatigue in health care/mental health professions. This is also applicable in relationships - someone can be as deeply affected by their loved one's stress or trauma as they are, sometimes more. Tangentially related, I suppose, but I thought it was relevant to the topic of emotional labor.