Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

You would be stunned at how many people feel the same way. Almost every person I know, no matter how social/extroverted they are, agrees that they find it easy to strike up a conversation with a random person but incredibly difficult to try and escalate that relationship by exchanging numbers, meeting up outside of class, etc. It's not unlikely that the reason exchanging contact info/setting up a date hasn't come up is because the other person doesn't know how to address it either.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51092722]There's nothing wrong with waiting and getting to know someone. You might be hesitant to ask because you're nervous, but it's also possible that your instincts are telling you to hold off because you haven't found an appropriate time to ask someone out yet. Instead of going straight to asking for a date, take time to get to know the person - exchange numbers and chat about common interests. In my case, when getting to know new people, the fact that I rock climb usually comes up and I often get a reaction like "oh, I've always wanted to try rock climbing", which often leads to us making plans. Aside from that, three of my friends conscripted me into going to a shooting range with them under the pretense that women get cheaper rentals or something. Finding a common hobby or an activity one of you wants to try (or a lame excuse like mooching off of their cheaper rates) is a great way to lead into asking someone out.[/QUOTE] imo the entire point of dating [I]is[/I] just getting to know somebody. Like if I don't know you very well, and I ask you out, it's not because I am in love with you and want you to be my girlfriend, it's just because something about you caught my interest and made me want to know more about you. You can call it "hanging out" or whatever, but it's the same thing really. I'm really not too shy about asking somebody out quickly -- not anymore at least. In the year or so before I met my lady, I had quite a few dates, and didn't much hesitate to ask anybody out who I thought I might click with, especially as I got more comfortable with it. It was just, like, "hey, can I take you out for coffee or something?" Nobody really made a big deal about it. Like, every now and then I'd get, "I really don't know you that well," sure, but I'd just be like, "yeah, I don't know you that well either. I think I'd like to, though. Could be fun!" I got rejected a few times, sure, and not every date ended up with a second, but I never had any [B]notably bad[/B] dates, and nobody I ever asked out like that made a bigger deal out of it than it was. We'd either meet, chat, and things would either click or they wouldn't. No harm done. Generally speaking, I think most people know the moment they meet you whether they'd ever consider going out with you. It's not love at first sight, it's just, [I]"yeah, s/he's cute, seems nice. Could be fun."[/I] So,I say that if you think you might be interested in somebody, it's better to ask them out sooner rather than later. If you hang on to the idea of [I]what might be[/I] and nurse it into a big crush before you've even seen if the other person is even entertaining that notion, you're setting yourself up for some potentially painful letdowns.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51095485]You would be stunned at how many people feel the same way. Almost every person I know, no matter how social/extroverted they are, agrees that they find it easy to strike up a conversation with a random person but incredibly difficult to try and escalate that relationship by exchanging numbers, meeting up outside of class, etc. It's not unlikely that the reason exchanging contact info/setting up a date hasn't come up is because the other person doesn't know how to address it either.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Big Dumb American;51095571]imo the entire point of dating [I]is[/I] just getting to know somebody. Like if I don't know you very well, and I ask you out, it's not because I am in love with you and want you to be my girlfriend, it's just because something about you caught my interest and made me want to know more about you. You can call it "hanging out" or whatever, but it's the same thing really. I'm really not too shy about asking somebody out quickly -- not anymore at least. In the year or so before I met my lady, I had quite a few dates, and didn't much hesitate to ask anybody out who I thought I might click with, especially as I got more comfortable with it. It was just, like, "hey, can I take you out for coffee or something?" Nobody really made a big deal about it. Like, every now and then I'd get, "I really don't know you that well," sure, but I'd just be like, "yeah, I don't know you that well either. I think I'd like to, though. Could be fun!" I got rejected a few times, sure, and not every date ended up with a second, but I never had any [B]notably bad[/B] dates, and nobody I ever asked out like that made a bigger deal out of it than it was. We'd either meet, chat, and things would either click or they wouldn't. No harm done. Generally speaking, I think most people know the moment they meet you whether they'd ever consider going out with you. It's not love at first sight, it's just, [I]"yeah, s/he's cute, seems nice. Could be fun."[/I] So,I say that if you think you might be interested in somebody, it's better to ask them out sooner rather than later. If you hang on to the idea of [I]what might be[/I] and nurse it into a big crush before you've even seen if the other person is even entertaining that notion, you're setting yourself up for some potentially painful letdowns.[/QUOTE] You guys are super rad, I appreciate the words! Hopefully I can keep the perspective on this stuff and stop making such a big deal about things. Life is to short to keep worrying about shit like this lol.

[QUOTE=Live2becool;51095092]Thanks for the response dude. I guess I just have an extremely difficult time deciphering between which time is right and which is wrong. It just always ends incorrectly in the end. [B]Like if I found someone interesting in my class, I don't want to ask them out if we aren't even half way into the semester....[/B] but then I end up just not saying anything by the end of it. I know in the inside I could make another person in a relationship feel loved... just starting it is the most difficult task for me. Oi vey.[/QUOTE] I did, and it went just fine. We had barely spoken, except for a couple of exchanged "hellos" as we'd walk by each other on the way into the room. I asked her out for coffee, she said something like, [I]"really? Why? We haven't talked that much."[/I] I said, like, [I]"yeah, I know, but you seem interesting. I'd like to get to know you, at least."[/I] Went out that weekend. We didn't really click, and I was a little bit disappointed because I had spent a few weeks trying to work up the courage to ask her (I was still pretty shy about this stuff), but it wasn't hostile or awkward or anything. We had some coffee, talked about our lives a little bit, and went our separate ways. She felt awkward about it for a couple days, apparently, because she approached me after class to apologize for not returning my call when I invited her on a second date, but all I had to say was, [I]"hey, honestly, it's okay. Sometimes people just don't click, you know? I'm not angry at you or anything like that."[/I] And then everything was cool. We'd chat a little bit after class every now and then, since we'd walk the same way for a while on our way to our next classes, and it was all fine. Honestly, man, my recommendation is to just ask her out. The above is basically the worst case scenario, other than her just saying "no thank you" or "Sorry, I have a boyfriend," or something like that. [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Live2becool;51095625]You guys are super rad, I appreciate the words! Hopefully I can keep the perspective on this stuff and stop making such a big deal about things. Life is to short to keep worrying about shit like this lol.[/QUOTE] No prob, Bob. That's the ticket, yeah. Just remember that dating doesn't have to a big fat hairy deal. Keep it friendly, casual, and understanding, and you'll be fine.

I think it really varies based on the person and the situation. I still think dating is a casual thing, but it is also an escalation of your relationship from being people who talk in a convenient situation to people who go out of their way to see each other. I know a guy who walks with me between classes every day and we always have amazing conversations, but seeing each other outside of school has kind of been put on the backburner. I still enjoy getting to know him even if it's at a very slow rate, and it gives me time to evaluate my feelings toward him. [QUOTE=Big Dumb American;51095571]If you hang on to the idea of [I]what might be[/I] and nurse it into a big crush before you've even seen if the other person is even entertaining that notion, you're setting yourself up for some potentially painful letdowns.[/QUOTE] I think this is the main difference for me. I rarely get crushes on people and lately I haven't really gone out of my way to pursue romance. Usually I just have certain people I haven't ruled out yet (people I click with and am attracted to who don't seem to hate me), but if I realize my feelings aren't returned I just cross them off that mental list of choices. [editline]23rd September 2016[/editline] But if you are nursing a crush, in that case it would probably be better to ask the person out and get it over with.

Quick followup: Funnily enough, I [I]did[/I] eventually get a second date with that girl. Years later, she found me on Facebook and messaged me. We chitchatted a little bit, and she brought up that date we had. She said that I was the only person who'd ever just approached her out of the blue to ask her out like that, and she found it really flattering. She said she'd been thinking about it lately, and asked if I wanted to go out again. [I]This[/I] date actually did go pretty badly though, haha. Same as last time, we failed to really click, and I actually ended up really putting my foot in my mouth! I had a date with somebody else the next day and I couldn't stop thinking about her. When "School Girl" asked me what I wanted out of a relationship, I tried to put into words what attracted to me to the other girl and ended up sounding like a fucking creep. I tried to explain that I loved to be loved, and I wanted a relationship where my partner knows she can rely on me to help her and support with whatever it is in her life that she may not be confident about or struggling with. What I said wasn't exactly, "[I]I want a girl who isn't confident and struggles with a lot of things,"[/I] but it was close enough to almost immediately make her scoot a few inches away hahaha Happy ending though: the girl I went out with the next day and I [I]did[/I] hit it off. We're still together, in fact! Been living together for almost three years now! :)

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;51095730]Quick followup: Funnily enough, I [I]did[/I] eventually get a second date with that girl. Years later, she found me on Facebook and messaged me. We chitchatted a little bit, and she brought up that date we had. She said that I was the only person who'd ever just approached her out of the blue to ask her out like that, and she found it really flattering. She said she'd been thinking about it lately, and asked if I wanted to go out again. [I]This[/I] date actually did go pretty badly though, haha. Same as last time, we failed to really click, and I actually ended up really putting my foot in my mouth! I had a date with somebody else the next day and I couldn't stop thinking about her. When "School Girl" asked me what I wanted out of a relationship, I tried to put into words what attracted to me to the other girl and ended up sounding like a fucking creep. I tried to explain that I loved to be loved, and I wanted a relationship where my partner knows she can rely on me to help her and support with whatever it is in her life that she may not be confident about or struggling with. What I said wasn't quite, "[I]I want a girl who isn't confident and struggles with a lot of things,"[/I] but it was close enough to almost immediately make her scoot a few inches a way hahaha Happy ending though: the girl I went out with the next day and I [I]did[/I] hit it off. We're still together, in fact! Been living together for almost three years now! :)[/QUOTE] The timing of all of that is really interesting. I'm glad to hear everything worked out in the end tho!

Yeah, I was pretty conflicted about having a date with two women one after another. On the one hand, I was [B]really[/B] looking forward to my first date with the girl who turned out to be my love, but we hadn't actually met yet (we had been talking on Tinder), and I knew there was always a chance that we wouldn't click once we met in person. On the other hand, I did once have a good little crush on school girl, and I had grown a lot more sure of myself since our date several years prior. I thought there was a good chance that we could hit it off. [B]And on the third hand[/B], I was more than a little chuffed that I had gone from somebody who was so awkward and shy that I couldn't get a date after high school until I was in my early twenties, to somebody who was now being pursued by two beautiful girls at once. I may have been a little drunk on the novelty of that. I figured I'd just go on both dates, and see how I felt afterwards, but I ended up being so excited for my date with my now-girlfriend that I wasn't very involved on my date with School Girl. I feel a little bad about that, but I can at least take some comfort in the fact that, as far as School Girl knows, the reason why I was a little distant on that date is because I'm a creep who likes damaged women haha

snip

So i finally went and tried out that prone bone stuff. How did i miss this? That was fantasic.

Feels good mayne

I dream to trap a man with a broken condom.

Same

[QUOTE=HookerVomit;51097658]I dream to trap a man with a broken condom.[/QUOTE] :scream:

[QUOTE=HookerVomit;51097658]I dream to trap a man with a broken condom.[/QUOTE] If it was broken couldn't he just leave through the hole?

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51098393]If it was broken couldn't he just leave through the hole?[/QUOTE] Well then how would he breathe if it were intact? Duh.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51098393]If it was broken couldn't he just leave through the hole?[/QUOTE] I feel like more than half the people on earth are mistakes and a product of deception. I wasn't serious about that post, but I 100% believe this.

:what:

So I was at this girl's house couple o'weeks ago. She invited me for some chimichangas and wine and shit and I naturally said 'yes' 'cause, Idk, that's a good thing for a thursday night, right? On a frontnote, we've been on a dry season where I live, police has come down hard on weed producers these last months and it's been getting harder and harder to get shit, and when you find it it's usually 3x the regular value. So ever since I ran out I stopped smoking it, that's about 5 to 6 weeks. So getting there she rolls this huge joint - big enough to impress me - and leaves it aside. Shit got along well, we talked, laughed, listened to music, cooked, all going pretty well until the point we decided "light it up? Fuck yes light it up". I don't know if it's how long i spent without smoking or the quality/quantity of her weed, BUT IT HIT ME LIKE A FUKKIN' HAMMER to the point where I just laid back on the couch and procceeded to act stoned. Like, fuuuuck, couldn't speak, couldn't organize my thoughts that fast, couldn't really say more than "ye, right, I know, it's fucked up right?!" and feeling gradually more selfconscious about it. And that was a fucking date, y'know, I couldn't just say "shiet I'm really stoned I'm going home thank you for the lovely evening" and tried to play things slow, but in the end nothing happened and even though she acted all cool and stuff, I couldn't shake the feeling of she thinking "fucking weak ass stoner". Guess I'll build my tolerance up again and call her out on a given weekend.

Going to ask out this girl in a couple days, but she's really really shy / anxious and not really sure how to deal with that? Like she had a really bad time with her previous boyfriend (a while ago now). Besides taking everything pretty slowly, is there anything else I should/can be doing?

[QUOTE=SataniX;51103985]Going to ask out this girl in a couple days, but she's really really shy / anxious and not really sure how to deal with that? Like she had a really bad time with her previous boyfriend (a while ago now). Besides taking everything pretty slowly, is there anything else I should/can be doing?[/QUOTE] Put her in neutral situations where she doesn't feel like there is a blaring spotlight on her. When people are seriously shy, I find it's best to be extra subtle with them and not put all the focus on them. It gets a little hard if you're an introvert, and they are too. Then you end up wanting to only talk so much and listen to them, but the person who is shy will really want to stay reserved until they think they can speak freely. It's all a matter of comfort, and it usually comes with time as long as the personalities match well.

[QUOTE=NO ONE;51106894]Put her in neutral situations where she doesn't feel like there is a blaring spotlight on her. When people are seriously shy, I find it's best to be extra subtle with them and not put all the focus on them. It gets a little hard if you're an introvert, and they are too. Then you end up wanting to only talk so much and listen to them, but the person who is shy will really want to stay reserved until they think they can speak freely. It's all a matter of comfort, and it usually comes with time as long as the personalities match well.[/QUOTE] Well, I'm pretty far from an introvert so I'm kinda worried about just overdoing it really? Can you explain more what you mean by neutral situations?

So, I'm having a bit of a... I wouldn't call it an outright problem, but it's been peeving me a little about my girlfriend. Basically, she doesn't really... Do anything without me, I feel. Like, sure, she'll hang out with her friends and do her own thing from time to time for half a day to a day or so, but if it's like a weekend or something, I [I]absolutely have[/I] to be in on it or it's not happening. Even if it is 100% her thing and I'm just being dragged along. Case in point, we both get a week off in a little while, and she wants to go to the other end of the country (calm down Americans, it's only like two hours. Denmark is tiny) to visit her mother and brother who lives there for a couple days. I'm... Not hyped, honestly feel that I have coursework for uni to do at home that's more pressing to me, and/or maybe arrange something with my own family for a day or two. Basically, visiting her family is down at number three of things I'd prioritize for my holiday. [sp]And then I'd like to have the house for myself so I can masturbate like a sick monkey and eat freezer-pizza every day[/sp] However, I feel she's sort of guilting me into going by (probably not consciously) pulling the ol' "she be sad > i ask what's wrong > she says nothing > i press issue > she says she'd really like me to go with her" routine. You know, sort of passive-aggressive it'd-really-make-me-happy sort of deal and I just don't know how to really deal with it without just giving up and coming along. What do, Facepunch? [I]Bonus info:[/I] Solution is [U]not breakup[/U]. This is a [B]single-issue problem[/B] in an otherwise very great relationship. Weekend-trips to family are literally the only case where she acts like this, she's not otherwise passive-aggressive or manipulative or anything. It's not a first-meet or anything. I've known her family for a good year and a half, if not a little more. It's not like we never go see her family together. It's roughly a once-every-second-month sort of deal, and same goes for seeing my family. Probably about a 60/40 split between time spent with hers and mine. No biggie. I don't hate her family (quite the contrary, they're pretty rad), but I do dislike being away from home and at other people's place for prolonged periods of time, since I feel that I get nothing I should be doing done, and I feel very dependent on the hosts for things to do, which I'm not a huge fan of. We've been together for a good two years, and she has almost never gone and visited the family without me in that timespan. I sort of have the feeling that some time alone with them without me dragged along would maybe be good for her, for 'proper' family time. TL;DR: GF wants to visit her family and more or less insists on dragging me along, I would rather stay and let her go alone so I can get stuff done at home in that week.

[QUOTE=Riller;51123777]So, I'm having a bit of a... I wouldn't call it an outright problem, but it's been peeving me a little about my girlfriend. Basically, she doesn't really... Do anything without me, I feel. Like, sure, she'll hang out with her friends and do her own thing from time to time for half a day to a day or so, but if it's like a weekend or something, I [I]absolutely have[/I] to be in on it or it's not happening. Even if it is 100% her thing and I'm just being dragged along. Case in point, we both get a week off in a little while, and she wants to go to the other end of the country (calm down Americans, it's only like two hours. Denmark is tiny) to visit her mother and brother who lives there for a couple days. I'm... Not hyped, honestly feel that I have coursework for uni to do at home that's more pressing to me, and/or maybe arrange something with my own family for a day or two. Basically, visiting her family is down at number three of things I'd prioritize for my holiday. [sp]And then I'd like to have the house for myself so I can masturbate like a sick monkey and eat freezer-pizza every day[/sp] However, I feel she's sort of guilting me into going by (probably not consciously) pulling the ol' "she be sad > i ask what's wrong > she says nothing > i press issue > she says she'd really like me to go with her" routine. You know, sort of passive-aggressive it'd-really-make-me-happy sort of deal and I just don't know how to really deal with it without just giving up and coming along. What do, Facepunch? [I]Bonus info:[/I] Solution is [U]not breakup[/U]. This is a [B]single-issue problem[/B] in an otherwise very great relationship. Weekend-trips to family are literally the only case where she acts like this, she's not otherwise passive-aggressive or manipulative or anything. It's not a first-meet or anything. I've known her family for a good year and a half, if not a little more. It's not like we never go see her family together. It's roughly a once-every-second-month sort of deal, and same goes for seeing my family. Probably about a 60/40 split between time spent with hers and mine. No biggie. I don't hate her family (quite the contrary, they're pretty rad), but I do dislike being away from home and at other people's place for prolonged periods of time, since I feel that I get nothing I should be doing done, and I feel very dependent on the hosts for things to do, which I'm not a huge fan of. We've been together for a good two years, and she has almost never gone and visited the family without me in that timespan. I sort of have the feeling that some time alone with them without me dragged along would maybe be good for her, for 'proper' family time. TL;DR: GF wants to visit her family and more or less insists on dragging me along, I would rather stay and let her go alone so I can get stuff done at home in that week.[/QUOTE] Uhh just tell her you'd rather stay home? I mean you say there's no problem in your relationship but if you can't say "I'd prefer to stay here I have coursework to do and my own family to visit" and come to an understanding then there is something squiffy in your communication department

[QUOTE=Riller;51123777]We've been together for a good two years, and [B]she has almost never gone and visited the family without me in that timespan[/B]. I sort of have the feeling that some time alone with them without me dragged along would maybe be good for her, for 'proper' family time.[/QUOTE] That's not healthy.

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51124114]That's not healthy.[/QUOTE] Exactly why I'd rather she went alone for once. That, and of course my own egoistic goals, but mostly just to have some time alone with her family instead of me being there all the time.

Is tinder plus worth it if I get a half off offer?

[QUOTE=Svinnik;51125374]Is tinder plus worth it if I get a half off offer?[/QUOTE] I bought it one night while drunk in Oslo and it's okay.

How do I comfort my girlfriend when she's in pain because of her period? She's having a really bad time but obviously there's nothing I can do to make her pain go away, and saying 'it'll be alright just hold on a few days' doesn't work either.

Cuddle