Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51189707]But she was also "joking" with him about cheating earlier so.. Kirbyfactor are you exclusive? A lot of people assume they're exclusive but if the discussion never took place then it's really an open relationship. I would have that discussion now if you haven't done so already.[/QUOTE] We've actually talked about that. We agreed an open relationship wouldn't work so we're both exclusive for each other. She seems less upset today, so things are probably back to normal.

[QUOTE=Levelog;51190103]I think the big misunderstanding is that you seem to think that "dating" is a clear cut line, which really isn't true. In mine, and many people's mind, going on several dates over a couple months and hooking up from time to time isn't "dating" as you're putting it. Sure, I agree once it hits boyfriend or girlfriend stage it's implied exclusive, but unless both partners are literally saying boyfriend or girlfriend it's not always so clear.[/QUOTE] This is the big thing I've wanted to say when reading through the last page lol. Because this is what ended up fucking over my last "relationship." This girl and I spent a whole lot of time together, sometimes in groups, sometimes just the two of us. We'd go out for lunch or dinner or movies but at no point did anybody say "This is a date" or "This is not a date" while really, a lot of the stuff we did together was functionally identical to a date. Like when we went to see a horror movie and she clung to my arm half the time, and at one point put one of my hands on her boob as some kinda joke. We even had sex on and off, and slept together plenty of times. When she had spring break this year I spent probably half the week at her house since she was home alone, and we slept together, made out, had sex pretty much every night. But at no point did either of us say "We are dating now" or "We are boyfriend and girlfriend." I just kept wrongly assuming that this was [b]implied[/b] and that it was what she wanted, until one day she tells me "I have a boyfriend now" and expects me to be really happy for her. She then went on to tell me that she saw every time we had sex as a mistake, and she regrets it and wishes it never happened. So yeah. There is a huuuuuge gray area between being in a relationship and casually dating and hooking up. I think this all has nothing to do with the original topic, but I felt like saying it. Exclusivity is the norm [i]when both parties agree that they're in a relationship[/i], but if nobody ever makes an explicit statement one way or the other, you can ride the border for months while both sides develop some heavy misconceptions.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51190114]When it's Facebook official, it's probably exclusive[/QUOTE] People don't need to post their personal lives all over Facebook for it to be official. That's like saying "your family isn't exclusive until you've put it on Facebook". I think it's just a choice of personal preference, some people like to put it on social network, others don't. Doesn't make a relationship any less real, and it certainly doesn't determine whether you're together as bf/gf, or just a casual fling - in other words, you don't need a Facebook status thing to remind you that you are exclusive with your partner or not. I know plenty of couples who have been together for years, but never really gave it the "Facebook official" label - and why should they? People should do what they want, and not for the validation of others. (Probably ranted a bit too much there, but you get my point).

[QUOTE=GisG56;51193882]People don't need to post their personal lives all over Facebook for it to be official. That's like saying "your family isn't exclusive until you've put it on Facebook". I think it's just a choice of personal preference, some people like to put it on social network, others don't. Doesn't make a relationship any less real, and it certainly doesn't determine whether you're together as bf/gf, or just a casual fling - in other words, you don't need a Facebook status thing to remind you that you are exclusive with your partner or not. I know plenty of couples who have been together for years, but never really gave it the "Facebook official" label - and why should they? People should do what they want, and not for the validation of others. (Probably ranted a bit too much there, but you get my point).[/QUOTE] I don't think RenegadeCop is seriously saying that relationships become exclusive/official when they become facebook official, it's a pretty common thing to joke about nowadays to tease a couple if they're not yet ~'facebook official'~. But the point is that the actual implication of putting a relationship on facebook is that the couple have agreed they are dating and have agreed so in a public space, to their friends and family. That's the kind of implied communication and acceptance that would mean the relationship has reached a point of assumed exclusivity. Obviously not all couples want to or should want to put their status on facebook, but it does handily clear up questions about a) does your partner see themselves as in a relationship and b) does your partner feel comfortable with the rest of the world knowing they are in a relationship. .. also facebook has all those relationship options for 'open/closed/it's complicated' so that would probably give you a hint as well..

[QUOTE=BarnacleDrive;51194016]I don't think RenegadeCop is seriously saying that relationships become exclusive/official when they become facebook official, it's a pretty common thing to joke about nowadays to tease a couple if they're not yet ~'facebook official'~. But the point is that the actual implication of putting a relationship on facebook is that the couple have agreed they are dating and have agreed so in a public space, to their friends and family. That's the kind of implied communication and acceptance that would mean the relationship has reached a point of assumed exclusivity. Obviously not all couples want to or should want to put their status on facebook, but it does handily clear up questions about a) does your partner see themselves as in a relationship and b) does your partner feel comfortable with the rest of the world knowing they are in a relationship. .. also facebook has all those relationship options for 'open/closed/it's complicated' so that would probably give you a hint as well..[/QUOTE] Oh, okay. My bad, perhaps he was just chucking it out there as a joke then. I agree with that, I guess putting it on fb makes some people feel like it is exclusive officially - I was just saying that whether you change that status or not, doesn't make it any more or less official than what you both have agreed on during the conversation had about what they are in terms of a relationship. I should have made that more clear. I do see what you are saying, but as you and I both said, it's up to the couple and people shouldn't shame those who don't want to make their relationship and its details known to everyone. Yeah, i get your point, I was just saying that you don't need it to know on a personal level, where you are at with your partner.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51194247]I didn't mean to start on the topic of "showcasing relationships" I actually never post ~sweet messages~ on facebook to my girlfriend, and I think people who do are missing something in their relationship if they need validation from the public.[/QUOTE] I partially agree, though I think some people just like showing public appreciation for their beloved (and are not missing something from their relationship/nor validation from public), much like people do grand romantic gestures when proposing to someone they love. I don't judge either, people can do as they like.

The ones who do that every day are the worst.

That's why as soon as I start officially dating someone I just block them on facebook. No annoying posts that way.

There's a writer named Gary Chapman who we discussed in my marital adjustment class who proposed that there are several different "love languages" through which people express their affections. These differences can often cause conflicts when two people have different "languages" - one person might primarily express their love through words of affirmation, while their partner may not value words of affirmation and not recognize the sincerity behind the act. Just something to think about when judging how others show their love.

Yeah, it gets annoying when it's different. My ex had me get a snapchat once. That lasted roughly 4 days of her sending me stupid shit several times a day so I uninstalled it.

There's a name for that, actually, and I know Guy an I have talked about it, but I can't remember what it's called. Basically just being in the room with someone while you're both doing your own shit is still bonding and honestly it's REALLY nice

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51195112]My language would be pretty mute. Being able to be in the same room and do things you can do alone - and being comfortable with it, is love to me.[/QUOTE] That's categorized under "quality time". The 5 languages aren't referring to verbal spoken languages like English, they're referring to the styles in which you communicate your affection. Quality time was the most commonly expressed priority among my classmates (poll taken among ~150 people) with about 90% of us voting for that as most important. I personally prioritize acts of service. [editline]12th October 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51195140]There's a name for that, actually, and I know Guy an I have talked about it, but I can't remember what it's called. Basically just being in the room with someone while you're both doing your own shit is still bonding and honestly it's REALLY nice[/QUOTE] I think the term I actually used when we were discussing it was under a slightly different context - "parallel play". This can certainly fit into what people consider "quality time", though I'd imagine the parameters for what quality time actually is can vary from person to person.

i lost the drive for sex in my relationship. we've been together for 7 months and for the past 2 or so months i just dont feel attracted to my gf like i used to be. sex feels like a chore and i'm only doing it to keep her happy. i dunno where to go from here.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;51194893]There's a writer named Gary Chapman who we discussed in my marital adjustment class who proposed that there are several different "love languages" through which people express their affections. These differences can often cause conflicts when two people have different "languages" - one person might primarily express their love through words of affirmation, while their partner may not value words of affirmation and not recognize the sincerity behind the act. Just something to think about when judging how others show their love.[/QUOTE] I just orederd that book on amazon today, you crazy mind reaing witch

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51195848]i lost the drive for sex in my relationship. we've been together for 7 months and for the past 2 or so months i just dont feel attracted to my gf like i used to be. sex feels like a chore and i'm only doing it to keep her happy. i dunno where to go from here.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51196344]So ive been with my gf for 7 months and over the past 2 minths ive been losong interest. Sex feelsa like a chore and i just wanna spend time by myself. She loves me more than anything else in the world and i dont want to hurt her, but i have a feeling its going to happen eventually im just waiting for the right time to break up. We also live together and i dont want to kick her out. [editline]13th October 2016[/editline] Im just feeling really down about it, its always on my mind and ive started smoking again[/QUOTE] can anyone give me some advice on what i should do? i feel like i want to break up with her just to be single, i dont want to be in a serious relationship anymore. i havent said anything to her and it would be really unexpected for me to just come out and do it.

i found out i like pennis

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51197179]can anyone give me some advice on what i should do? i feel like i want to break up with her just to be single, i dont want to be in a serious relationship anymore. i havent said anything to her and it would be really unexpected for me to just come out and do it.[/QUOTE] Communication with her is probably the best thing you can do here. Just tell her that sex isn't satisfying to you anymore. Is there any reason for that? Do you want to try different things in bed (bondage etc) ?

[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;51197199]Communication with her is probably the best thing you can do here. Just tell her that sex isn't satisfying to you anymore. Is there any reason for that? Do you want to try different things in bed (bondage etc) ?[/QUOTE] no im just not really attracted to her anymore

[QUOTE=MisterLANCE;51197190]i found out i like pennis[/QUOTE] I prefer nickels personally

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51197179]can anyone give me some advice on what i should do? i feel like i want to break up with her just to be single, i dont want to be in a serious relationship anymore. i havent said anything to her and it would be really unexpected for me to just come out and do it.[/QUOTE] moved in with her too soon bro. well if you feel this way it would be bad for the both of you to keep the relationship up

i know but her parents moved away and she had no where else to go. i keep flip flopping from i want to end things to i still love her and dont want to miss out on her.

If you're conflicted about ending the relationship, it might not hurt to see a counselor before you decide. Sometimes people lose sexual interest in their partner because of other factors in the relationship that are bothering them. It's not uncommon for people who have been together a long time to start putting in less effort toward impressing each other - that can often be a factor in loss of sexual interest as well.

How often are you having sex? If you're living with someone and porking at any possible moment it loses its spark real fast. That said, seven months isn't exactly significant so don't get too broken up about it if things don't work out, I'm sure she'll move on. As for the whole living together situation, this is why you don't dive into living together so early on; from the sound of things, it'll be difficult but she will probably be able to move back in with her parents (or you will, depending on who's paying the bills). Give it time and see if things change and if you can't find yourself invested in the relationship anymore you gotta call it quits. Having a discussion about the future is probably in order, but it depends on how dire you feel the need to separate.

yeah moving in at seven months feels way too soon i'd say at least a year, minimum. probably like two.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51197560]i know but her parents moved away and she had no where else to go.[/QUOTE] How long has she been living with you?

we've been living together for about 2-3 months. we used to have sex a lot before we started living together but then it went from every other day to once a week, now its more like i'll attempt it once a week and get bored.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51200555]we've been living together for about 2-3 months. we used to have sex a lot before we started living together but then it went from every other day to once a week, now its more like i'll attempt it once a week and get bored.[/QUOTE] So within two months of moving in with you her parents move? That doesn't seem odd to you? It sounds to me like her parents told her she couldn't come with them which is why she moved in with you.

[QUOTE=Pat.Lithium;51200555]we've been living together for about 2-3 months. we used to have sex a lot before we started living together but then it went from every other day to once a week, now its more like i'll attempt it once a week and get bored.[/QUOTE] You fell for the trap, moved in too early. (General couple trap, not implying anyone consciously did anything)

[QUOTE=Yahnich;51200578]so ive been single for a solid 6 months now and i still have not a single desire for a new relationship, like i've actively sabotaged things ive had going on feels strange[/QUOTE] I'm in the exact same boat, dude. My ex broke up with me at the end of February and I got over it but just haven't wanted a relationship since then. Occasionally I'll have a very mild crush on someone and the instant dating them becomes a real possibility, I lose interest. The most intense feelings I've had for someone in the past month can be summed up as "if this person asked me out for coffee, I would probably consider saying yes".

[QUOTE=darksoul69;51200639]So within two months of moving in with you her parents move? That doesn't seem odd to you? It sounds to me like her parents told her she couldn't come with them which is why she moved in with you.[/QUOTE] no her parents were moving to another state, she didnt want to leave me so she stayed with me.