Sex, Girlfriends and Shit VII: "Power Moves For High Quality Women" - General

Are there really women who are interested in sex? I know how ridiculous this question sounds but it occurred to me tonight and it really got me thinking. I have never seen a situation where a woman who wasn't somehow offput when anything vaguely physical was mentioned. Couples, no matter how well they seem to get along and how much they seem to be affectionate toward each other, as soon as one of them mentions anything sexual, the woman goes "ew". Classrooms of women, every class I have attended where the subject came up, all of the women collectively go "ew", even in college. Married couples, been together 30 or so years, and yet when kissed the wife still recoils with that angry disgusted look on her face. I've never even heard of a woman instigating sex, except in fiction, and even then only fiction written by men. Like, does that happen? Are there women who are interested in sex? I remember from my biology and sociology classes that women don't have the same physiological need for sex that men do, at least not the same magnitude, but surely there must be women out there who aren't totally adverse to the idea? As I move forward with my life I realize that sexuality is a part of me I cannot ignore and basically, before I put any real effort into improving myself, I want to know if I have a reason to even try.

Wh- What kind of women have you been around.

what [editline]17th November 2016[/editline] how old are you

[QUOTE=Pascall;51384419]Wh- What kind of women have you been around.[/QUOTE] Just people I used to see at work and school, the mall, my sister's friends, my friends sibling's friends. People like that. My parents. [QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51384437]what [editline]17th November 2016[/editline] how old are you[/QUOTE] I'm 23.

women, and this may be surprising to hear, are also people who have bodies perhaps you're thinking that just because women aren't always actively fucking, they don't have sex drives. for some reason a lot of guys think that if a girl came up to them and was just like "hey you wanna fuck" they'd be totally down, and this isn't even the case for most guys, let alone girls i don't even want to break down your post because most of it will just be variations on "what" and "why" and "that's clearly wrong" [editline]17th November 2016[/editline] then again you're being polite about it at least so i think i will try and answer it honestly

I mean most people are not very sexual in public places around strangers (or family, even?). So of course they're gonna pull away from sex talk or sexual advances in places where people can see them that have no business being privy to their sex lives. And some people don't like PDA in public either. Doesn't mean they're not sexual people in private though.

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51384414]Are there really women who are interested in sex? I know how ridiculous this question sounds but it occurred to me tonight and it really got me thinking. I have never seen a situation where a woman who wasn't somehow offput when anything vaguely physical was mentioned. Couples, no matter how well they seem to get along and how much they seem to be affectionate toward each other, as soon as one of them mentions anything sexual, the woman goes "ew". Classrooms of women, every class I have attended where the subject came up, all of the women collectively go "ew", even in college. Married couples, been together 30 or so years, and yet when kissed the wife still recoils with that angry disgusted look on her face. I've never even heard of a woman instigating sex, except in fiction, and even then only fiction written by men. Like, does that happen? Are there women who are interested in sex? I remember from my biology and sociology classes that women don't have the same physiological need for sex that men do, at least not the same magnitude, but surely there must be women out there who aren't totally adverse to the idea? As I move forward with my life I realize that sexuality is a part of me I cannot ignore and basically, before I put any real effort into improving myself, I want to know if I have a reason to even try.[/QUOTE] Time for a post breakdown, WHEE (just waiting for Guy to see this tbh) [quote]Are there really women who are interested in sex?[/quote] Yes, it is not just a weird ritual they put themselves through because they need to create more children so their family legacy doesn't die with them. For some reason, it's enjoyable. [quote]Couples, no matter how well they seem to get along and how much they seem to be affectionate toward each other, as soon as one of them mentions anything sexual, the woman goes "ew".[/quote] This kind of makes me sad, because it means either you've never been in a relationship (or at least a decently long one) or you've never been in one where you both feel comfortable enough with each other. (Or, I suppose, you're religious and are abstaining or dating someone who is abstaining for religious reasons) I've never gotten an "ew" from mentioning anything physical. "No"? Yeah, gotten that a few times. But rarely will the concept of our genitals rubbing together be gross (although it probably should be because it's objectively disgusting as an idea) although obviously context matters and if i tried to do anything somewhere where it was clearly not an appropriate place to do it, an "ew" would probably be warranted. although we've done stuff in places you're definitely not supposed to do things ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) [quote]Classrooms of women, every class I have attended where the subject came up, all of the women collectively go "ew", even in college.[/quote] I can't tell if this is a joke or not. When you say "where the subject came up", are you describing like classes on Biology or something? Because if someone's talking about reproduction or sex and you hear quiet murmurs of "ew gross" ripple through the room, you're in a middle school. If someone stepped up to the front of the class and was like "hey does anyone in here want to fuck me?" an "ew" might be more warranted. It does seem slightly more warranted here, though, presumably the thought of having sex with just any random person (depending on the circumstances) isn't particularly great by itself. [quote]Married couples, been together 30 or so years, and yet when kissed the wife still recoils with that angry disgusted look on her face.[/quote] Are you watching sitcoms or just reading r/relationships? Or watching your own parents? Because that one makes me sad. If the mere touch of a kiss makes someone recoil with anger and disgust, that's not a functioning relationship. Like at all. (Again, unless the context calls for it, like at a funeral while she's trying to give a eulogy) [quote]I've never even heard of a woman instigating sex, except in fiction, and even then only fiction written by men.[/quote] [quote]I've never even heard of a woman instigating sex, except in fiction, and even then only fiction written by men. Like, does that happen?[/quote] ...yes? I'd hope so. Granted, this part specifically is where it gets a little weird because you have to start looking at how arousal works. In fact, I will explain (and I will draw a fancy diagram for you) so basically there are two "types" of arousals: spontaneous and reactive. spontaneous is the one you're probably familiar with as it's much more prevalent in men. basically men just get horny for no reason, which i'm sure you've noticed. reactive is different, reactive is just what it sounds like. you don't start horny but you'll get there after some prodding (some refer to this as "foreplay" which is, weirdly, not a myth) [img]http://i.imgur.com/rKUkDjm.png[/img] i think i forgot an axis label at the bottom but whatever you can pretend that is a chart of how prevalent each type of arousal is, usually it's a combination of both but that combination is different for different people ANYWAY what that means is that generally speaking, men are more likely to initiate sex or general intimacy, but that doesn't mean women don't want it, necessarily [quote]I remember from my biology and sociology classes that women don't have the same physiological need for sex that men do, at least not the same magnitude, but surely there must be women out there who aren't totally adverse to the idea?[/quote] See chart above. Women are not averse to the idea of sex, they just don't necessarily think about it all the time and they're not all horned up 24/7. [quote]I cannot ignore and basically, before I put any real effort into improving myself, I want to know if I have a reason to even try.[/quote] well that one DOES make me sad, because i'm guessing it means either you've never tried to get into a relationship, you did and you expected it to just work out without having to put any work in, or you enjoy reading r/incel and feel like you're heading down that road yourself and i feel like i need to throw this in here because it sort of feels like a pattern even if it's not, but there's no real harm in saying this [I]women are not obligated to have sex with you or anyone else[/I]

You've given me a lot to think about, especially that spontaneous/reactive concept. I never considered that. I want to thank you for taking the time to give me an actual reply, it means a lot to me. For the record, I don't go on reddit. Not to be elitist or anything, I just don't like the layout.

I only mentioned it because there's a subreddit (presumably they're not all contained on reddit but it's the only place I've seen it) for "incels", people who believe they are "involuntarily celibate" and it gets really redpill-y and disgusting. Which I do not think you are, for the record, but it's something important worth mentioning.

[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;51385707]My girlfriend has a bigger sex drive than I do since college took my libido hostage[/QUOTE] My situation is the exact opposite, uni work has stomped her sex drive into the ground.

I was summoned here, so here I am [QUOTE=Ardosos;51384414]Are there really women who are interested in sex?[/QUOTE] First, to be blunt, it is pretty presumptuous to think you know about others' private sex lives based on how they act around people they are less intimate with in public. I had an abusive ex who I used to also play WoW with - I was running a raiding guild and he was ranked below me. I remember one night while we were raiding, in a voice chat server full of 20 people, he made some comment about details of our sex lives. He wasn't overly explicit about it but I need you to understand how demeaning something like that can feel, especially as a woman. To me it felt like he had completely undermined my authority over this group. Men get lauded for their sexual conquests. As a woman, especially in a male-dominant scenario like that, there is a concern over becoming the guild/office/town slut. It doesn't give you status, it makes you seem lesser and more flawed. It is [b]not the same dynamic[/b] as "locker room banter" between guys. It also means that a group of people who you view platonically have now been invited to objectify you and think of you in a sexual nature against your own will. When you're of the more physically vulnerable sex and managing a group in person, that can go from being really uncomfortable to actually being scary/threatening. Yes, lots of women have high sex drives. I have even heard some sources suggest women have "higher" sex drives. I don't think there's an easy way to compare the two because men and women tend to have different perspectives on sex - for instance, women tend to fantasize about/focus on recollections of emotional intimacy in sex, while men tend to focus on the physical actions involved. [quote]Married couples, been together 30 or so years, and yet when kissed the wife still recoils with that angry disgusted look on her face.[/quote] So what is your sample size of married couples who have been married 30+ years who do this? There are plenty of couples who have been together for decades and have been able to foster a happy marriage. There are a lot of cultural reasons why women would claim less interest in sex or self-report lower rates of things like masturbation. Women have different sexual scripts than men. Traditionally, the norm has been for women to be sexually submissive. Just look at pretty much any heterosexual porn and you'll see that 99% of it is just power fantasies, often reaching such extremes as to be physically abusive of the woman to show dominance over her and humiliate her (is it any wonder why lesbian porn is the most watched type of porn by women in several countries such as the US?). Look at romance movies and you'll see that a lot of them involve a man pursuing a woman who has already told him to leave her alone and stop following her a dozen times - eventually she inevitably turns around and decides that the guy who secretly followed her home so he could get her address and send her flowers is actually great boyfriend material (this is from a real movie that I had the misfortune of watching with my mom). I will also mention that the gender gap between expectations of men and women is narrowing over time. People have eased off of the slut shaming and many men are attracted to dominant women. [quote]I've never even heard of a woman instigating sex, except in fiction, and even then only fiction written by men. Like, does that happen? Are there women who are interested in sex? I remember from my biology and sociology classes that women don't have the same physiological need for sex that men do, at least not the same magnitude, but surely there must be women out there who aren't totally adverse to the idea?[/quote] If you discussed this in your biology classes, then I assume you also remember that the reason why female mammals tend to be less promiscuous is because they are the one stuck dealing with pregnancy, giving birth, and parenting while males only have to impregnate them and then usually fuck off to look for other females after that. Our society no longer has that issue because of birth control and being sexually active as a woman is no longer as punishing as it was 100 years ago. [quote]As I move forward with my life I realize that sexuality is a part of me I cannot ignore and basically, before I put any real effort into improving myself, I want to know if I have a reason to even try.[/quote] I'll let you decide that for yourself. [url=http://i.imgur.com/5ycz0HI.png?1](1)[/url] [url=http://i.imgur.com/eMDu9J0.png?1](2)[/url]

[QUOTE=Legend286;51325706]Just so its not lost on the page before, and also... I messaged her basically saying I will wait until she's ready to talk to me and told her I understand that she thought she was ready when she wasn't. I just hope I'm right about her, because if I am I think that it will be difficult at first (mainly for her, I have felt good for the past few months being where I am now and it's looking like I'll continue to live here where I'm surrounded by amazing friends), but incredibly worth it.[/QUOTE] I think it's rlly rlly sweet how understanding, and how caring you are towards her, I hope things go well for you two in the long run!

[QUOTE=magicactus;51387987]I think it's rlly rlly sweet how understanding, and how caring you are towards her, I hope things go well for you two in the long run![/QUOTE] Thanks, she's got a lot of stuff going on with her family too - brother is going through divorce and she was gonna meet me tonight but there's been even more drama, but we're gonna go and walk around the art exhibition which is around the city on Sunday, so it's all good. Gotta be understanding and caring, otherwise what's the point in anything. It goes both ways, and I'm happy so far.

Man this girl that I wanted to date, who decided to leave me on read a few times months ago even though she seemed into it has taken it to start commenting on my instagram pictures with cute emojis and all that so now I just feel a lil annoyed, she's not letting me forget about her and I do sorta still want to try to talk to her again. It's against my better judgement but I've no idea, I've got nothing else going on This is such a 21st century type of dating story it hurts

what does "leave me on read" mean

[QUOTE=E = MC Hammer;51393142]what does "leave me on read" mean[/QUOTE] [img]https://www.justaskgemalto.com/en/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/03/Instant-message-read-receipts-1.jpg[/img]

I feel bad for people like Ardosos, and I'm glad that you all answered his questions in a respectful tone. Without that respectful tone, people like him would probably assume that society hates him and lead him towards a darker path, akin to misogynistic Reddit groups. As a person who has also had very little, but at least some, relationship experience, I can really relate to him. I used to have a lot of weird opinions myself due to my inexperience, but browsing threads like these, filled with the opinions of people with more experience than myself, have helped change my way of thinking towards a more acceptable one. In fact, this thread has really helped me cope with my situation of dating inexperience. That's why I'm a lurker here, to better my understanding of the people around me, and perhaps, when I find another relationship someday, that I won't behave like a total creep.

[QUOTE=Colteh;51393055]Man this girl that I wanted to date, who decided to leave me on read a few times months ago even though she seemed into it has taken it to start commenting on my instagram pictures with cute emojis and all that so now I just feel a lil annoyed, she's not letting me forget about her and I do sorta still want to try to talk to her again. It's against my better judgement but I've no idea, I've got nothing else going on This is such a 21st century type of dating story it hurts[/QUOTE] have you considered just talking to her instead of passive aggressively texting/not texting

You're assuming I see this person daily :v: If I did this would be a non-issue

i mean i assumed you saw her enough that you were apparently interested in her

In just a little over two weeks, I'm taking my girlfriend on her dream vacation to Japan. I'm going to propose! BUT, there was almost a horrible mixup! We went to a burlesque show on Friday, and when ordering the tickets there's a field where it asks if you're celebrating anything. I wrote, "we're celebrating our dream vacation! We're going to Japan in a couple of weeks! I'm going to propose while we're there." The owner gives me a call, and congratulates me. She says she's very excited, and that she hopes we have a great night at the show. Later that evening, my girl and I stop at a restaurant next door to eat before the show. About ten minutes before we're set to go over, I get a text from a friend. This friend occasionally dances at the burlesque, and is the one who referred us to this venue because we hadn't heard of it before. She says, "So-and-so told me about your big plans! I'm so happy for you! They're going to make it a very special night. Hope you like it!" I sit there for a few minutes before my mistake dawns on me. When I wrote "I'm going to propose while we're there," they thought I meant I was going to propose THAT NIGHT, AT THE SHOW, and were preparing something special for it! I start cackling, because [I]fuck[/I], but I can't tell my girlfriend WHY I'm laughing. She gets extremely suspicious and starts prying for info, which I'm trying to casually deflect, all while I'm desperately texting my dancer friend to try and let her know it was all a misunderstanding. I spend the first half of the (fantastic) show in suspense, wondering if things are about to get humiliating. Finally, the hostess walks out onto the stage and says she has a big announcement. Two people in the audience are having a very special night, she says. Aaaand... She walks over to a different table, where a couple is celebrating an anniversary. Thank [I]God.[/I] The owner catches me after the show, while my girl is in the bathroom, and we have a laugh about the mix-up. God, that could have been disastrous.

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;51400395]In just a little over two weeks, I'm taking my girlfriend on her dream vacation to Japan. I'm going to propose! BUT, there was almost a horrible mixup! We went to a burlesque show on Friday, and when ordering the tickets there's a field where it asks if you're celebrating anything. I wrote, "we're celebrating our dream vacation! We're going to Japan in a couple of weeks! I'm going to propose while we're there." The owner gives me a call, and congratulates me. She says she's very excited, and that she hopes we have a great night at the show. Later that evening, my girl and I stop at a restaurant next door to eat before the show. About ten minutes before we're set to go over, I get a text from a friend. This friend occasionally dances at the burlesque, and is the one who referred us to this venue because we hadn't heard of it before. She says, "So-and-so told me about your big plans! I'm so happy for you! They're going to make it a very special night. Hope you like it!" I sit there for a few minutes before my mistake dawns on me. When I wrote "I'm going to propose while we're there," they thought I meant I was going to propose THAT NIGHT, AT THE SHOW, and were preparing something special for it! I start cackling, because [I]fuck[/I], but I can't tell my girlfriend WHY I'm laughing. She gets extremely suspicious and starts prying for info, which I'm trying to casually deflect, all while I'm desperately texting my dancer friend to try and let her know it was all a misunderstanding. I spend the first half of the (fantastic) show in suspense, wondering if things are about to get humiliating. Finally, the hostess walks out onto the stage and says she has a big announcement. Two people in the audience are having a very special night, she says. Aaaand... She walks over to a different table, where a couple is celebrating an anniversary. Thank [I]God.[/I] The owner catches me after the show, while my girl is in the bathroom, and we have a laugh about the mix-up. God, that could have been disastrous.[/QUOTE] damn what a close call haha. Enjoy Japan and hope she says yes!!

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51384477]Just people I used to see at work and school, the mall, my sister's friends, my friends sibling's friends. People like that. My parents. I'm 23.[/QUOTE] You are aware that most women masturbate and watch porn as well right? [editline]20th November 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=jackattack;51385735]My situation is the exact opposite, uni work has stomped her sex drive into the ground.[/QUOTE] Did she received tell start taking birth control(or changed brands)? Because that can seriously fuck up your libido, mood and personality.

[QUOTE=taipan;51400675]Did she received tell start taking birth control(or changed brands)? Because that can seriously fuck up your libido, mood and personality.[/QUOTE] Stress is explanation enough for changes in sex drive. Lots of people lose their sex drive when they're unhappy or stressed.

So, I haven't been on Facepunch for about 2 years, but I was hoping to air out a potential problem I'm having and get some advice. I'm on a dating site and I start talking to this girl. She lives nearby, similar age, super nice, very similar interests, it's going great. I noticed on her profile that it said "looking for friends", so I decided to ask her about it. She said she's only looking for friends currently because she's in a new relationship, but she's not sure how long it's gonna last. She mentions how she's very open sexually, and he's never even kissed a girl, so there's a lot of weirdness there. I tell her that I'm cool with just being friends for now and maybe if things don't work out with him we can explore the idea of dating, and she's cool with it. Then I asked her a bit about what she meant by that she's "open sexually", and she started listing off all her kinks and stuff, and it's all the exact same as what I'm into, and so I tell her and go into a bit more detail about what I enjoy. As we continue this, she's getting much more open and I could tell she's getting much more interested in me. By the time we switch topics, we decide to start texting out of the app. We keep talking for the next two days, and every time she mentions her boyfriend, she's increasingly shaky on it. She says stuff like "It feels weird to call him my boyfriend" and "I think I'm gonna end it soon", and so I asked about what's going on with him. I tell her we seem extremely compatible, she's openly said he's not her type, like what's happening here? She tells me she wants to end it but she wants to let him down gently, which I understand. But then she says she might let it go on for another month and say the break up is due to her leaving their college. Now I'm already a little weirded out about her meeting guys on a dating app when in a relationship, but now, after she mentions that she has interest in dating me, says she may be letting this guy dangle for a month? And while that's happening, we may be hanging out on Tuesday. And weirder still, her best friend not only knows, but approves of me. That's good I guess, but she's okay with the other guy getting strung along too? I like her a lot so far but there's some concerns hanging me up. How do I know she won't do this when we're dating? Do I have less to worry about since she admitted herself that I have more in common with her than this guy? Should I tell her upfront that I'm concerned with her hurting this guy's feelings by letting him stay attached for a month where he could be getting over her and she wouldn't have to sneak around him?

[QUOTE=BlueFlash;51404629]I like her a lot so far but there's some concerns hanging me up. How do I know she won't do this when we're dating? Do I have less to worry about since she admitted herself that I have more in common with her than this guy? Should I tell her upfront that I'm concerned with her hurting this guy's feelings by letting him stay attached for a month where he could be getting over her and she wouldn't have to sneak around him?[/QUOTE] I mean, I think you're answering your own questions a little here. I've done the same shit she's done before though. Be in a current "alright" relationship, find someone who's new and exciting and start talking the original bf/gf down to them. On her part (and as to why she's probably taking a while to dump him and trying to come up with an excuse rather than doing it out of the blue) she probably just doesn't want to confront him outta nowhere. Nothin' weird about that. They could do it to you, yes. Completely possible. I think you've got more sympathy towards what other guys deal with when dating with being strung along than she does (obviously). Hence why they're concerns to you and she's just trying to figure out how to hop gently from him to you maybe without hurting anyone's feelings. It's tough. Anyway those are just my assumptions on it.

Got a friend who is interest in a FWB arrangement. Still haven't seen here yet due to being busy this weekend. She asked yesterday if Monday (today) is doable. I say "Yeah, no problem" and go to my car after the conversation to drive to my D&D game. Car doesn't start, battery died for some reason. Most likely it is either old, the connections have corrosion or some other car BS :why: So I gotta sort that out, most likely won't see her till next week as Thursday to Sunday I'm going away due to work. :suicide:

good luck cos its likely gonna get messy

[QUOTE=BlueFlash;51404629]So, I haven't been on Facepunch for about 2 years, but I was hoping to air out a potential problem I'm having and get some advice. I'm on a dating site and I start talking to this girl. She lives nearby, similar age, super nice, very similar interests, it's going great. I noticed on her profile that it said "looking for friends", so I decided to ask her about it. She said she's only looking for friends currently because she's in a new relationship, but she's not sure how long it's gonna last. She mentions how she's very open sexually, and he's never even kissed a girl, so there's a lot of weirdness there. I tell her that I'm cool with just being friends for now and maybe if things don't work out with him we can explore the idea of dating, and she's cool with it. Then I asked her a bit about what she meant by that she's "open sexually", and she started listing off all her kinks and stuff, and it's all the exact same as what I'm into, and so I tell her and go into a bit more detail about what I enjoy. As we continue this, she's getting much more open and I could tell she's getting much more interested in me. By the time we switch topics, we decide to start texting out of the app. We keep talking for the next two days, and every time she mentions her boyfriend, she's increasingly shaky on it. She says stuff like "It feels weird to call him my boyfriend" and "I think I'm gonna end it soon", and so I asked about what's going on with him. I tell her we seem extremely compatible, she's openly said he's not her type, like what's happening here? She tells me she wants to end it but she wants to let him down gently, which I understand. But then she says she might let it go on for another month and say the break up is due to her leaving their college. Now I'm already a little weirded out about her meeting guys on a dating app when in a relationship, but now, after she mentions that she has interest in dating me, says she may be letting this guy dangle for a month? And while that's happening, we may be hanging out on Tuesday. And weirder still, her best friend not only knows, but approves of me. That's good I guess, but she's okay with the other guy getting strung along too? I like her a lot so far but there's some concerns hanging me up. How do I know she won't do this when we're dating? Do I have less to worry about since she admitted herself that I have more in common with her than this guy? Should I tell her upfront that I'm concerned with her hurting this guy's feelings by letting him stay attached for a month where he could be getting over her and she wouldn't have to sneak around him?[/QUOTE] No idea how you could trust someone who starts dating you while still in a relationship with someone else.

[QUOTE=Dominic0904;51405457]Got a friend who is interest in a FWB arrangement. Still haven't seen here yet due to being busy this weekend. She asked yesterday if Monday (today) is doable. I say "Yeah, no problem" and go to my car after the conversation to drive to my D&D game. Car doesn't start, battery died for some reason. Most likely it is either old, the connections have corrosion or some other car BS :why: So I gotta sort that out, most likely won't see her till next week as Thursday to Sunday I'm going away due to work. :suicide:[/QUOTE] if the battery is old, the recent cold weather will have killed it off :eng101: