As I live in the south, I base this story in the south, and on a southern-like person. Remember, there isn`t actually any proof that he is a surfer, I mean, it`s not like he carries around a surfboard all day. And for rewriting, yes, I probably will, this is more of a rough draft. And with a new co-author, EvilMuffin, hopefully I`ll be able to input some emotion, considering I don`t really have any. The internet has made me pretty much heartless.
[QUOTE=AshtonArdoin;21713009]As I live in the south, I base this story in the south, and on a southern-like person. Remeber, there isn`t actually any proof that he is a surfer, I mean, it`s not like he carries around a surfboard all day. And for rewriting, yes, I probably will, this is more of a rough draft. And with a new co-author, EvilMuffin, hopefully I`ll be able to input some emotion, considering I don`t really have any. The internet has made me pretty much heartless.[/QUOTE]
You live in the south yet English isn't your primary language?
I came from Germany because my cousins were here.
[QUOTE=T_T crai2;21667296]this was a fucking pain to read
1. paragraphs
2. grammar and punctuation
3. flow and charm
all nonexistant[/QUOTE]
^^ P. much
I'm either going to rewrite every day completely or have EvilMuffin edit it a bit, even though I don't like his writing to much, no offense.
This reminds me of my post-apocalyptic journal "Omen" but it moves faster and the apocalypses are completely different.
When are you going to add days 19-23 that I wrote?
Update, 19-21, still working on it.
Schweet. Whatta bout 22 + 23?
[QUOTE=EEvilMuffin;21933219]Schweet. Whatta bout 22 + 23?[/QUOTE]
Working on it.
I love these things :buddy:
Sadly, with daylight running low, I'll have to save it and view it later :frown:
[QUOTE=xeo xeo;21973669]I love these things :buddy:
Sadly, with daylight running low, I'll have to save it and view it later :frown:[/QUOTE]
Yay.
HOLY SHIT
I GOT RATED ARTISTIC.
Sorry guys, I've lost my computer, but that doesn't mean I can't still write! I've got a PS3, but sadly I can't access Google docs, so I'll be typing it directly into the post. (Speaking of which, I'm typing this on the PS3.) Expect a shitload of spelling errors and grammatical shortcuts, also expect 1 day entries, as the PS3 is unpredictable.
It reminds me of Day by Day Armageddon, only with less paragraphs... MUCH less paragraphs...
I know it's supposed to be a journal but jesus man, it's like, all big blobs of text.
Don't over use quotation marks. I can just imagine the narrator sitting there making the sign with his fingers and stressing the words sarcastically. This is bad because it makes the character come across as arrogant and sarcastic. That's not necessarily a bad thing but it doesn't exactly make the reader empathise with the narrator.
[QUOTE=ChestyMcGee;22146090]Don't over use quotation marks. I can just imagine the narrator sitting there making the sign with his fingers and stressing the words sarcastically. This is bad because it makes the character come across as arrogant and sarcastic. That's not necessarily a bad thing but it doesn't exactly make the reader empathise with the narrator.[/QUOTE]
I'm not trying for him to be sarcastic, that's how I write. The quotations that aren't the dialouge are supposed to be like a subtle wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
[editline]06:49AM[/editline]
[QUOTE=zpiscool;22145954]It reminds me of Day by Day Armageddon, only with less paragraphs... MUCH less paragraphs...
I know it's supposed to be a journal but jesus man, it's like, all big blobs of text.[/QUOTE]
Hopefully, when I get my computer fixed (tomorrow) I'll be able to do a shiton of grammar edits. I really don't why the english language uses paragraphs other than to emphasise a break in relativity, which most of my "blobs of text" do not do.
[QUOTE=AshtonArdoin;22159020]I'm not trying for him to be sarcastic, that's how I write. The quotations that aren't the dialouge are supposed to be like a subtle wink, wink, nudge, nudge.[/QUOTE]
I don't care what the author is [I]trying[/I] to get across , I'm telling you how it comes across to the reader. If you were trying to get a point across that is totally contrary to what I have gathered from the narrative then you have failed as a writer. The character comes across as arrogant and sarcastic. If you don't want the character to come across that way then you shouldn't have written the narrative in that manner. "Duh dats the way i write" isn't an excuse, it simply means that you need to change the way you write if you want to create characters that aren't sarcastic.
Yeah and the "subtle wink, wink, nudge, nudge" stuff isn't subtle.
[QUOTE=ChestyMcGee;22160585]I don't care what the author is [I]trying[/I] to get across , I'm telling you how it comes across to the reader. If you were trying to get a point across that is totally contrary to what I have gathered from the narrative then you have failed as a writer. The character comes across as arrogant and sarcastic. If you don't want the character to come across that way then you shouldn't have written the narrative in that manner. "Duh dats the way i write" isn't an excuse, it simply means that you need to change the way you write if you want to create characters that aren't sarcastic.
Yeah and the "subtle wink, wink, nudge, nudge" stuff isn't subtle.[/QUOTE]
And why do the quotations come across as sarcastic and arrogant, may I ask? It's because you've become accustomed to the way other people write, if we all write the same, then where is the originality and the creativity. The way some writers write are the sole reason I buy a book, many writers are considered..."outcasts", I suppose you could say, in the literature world because of the unique way they write. I personally prefer breaking away from the norm, although I try not to be to extreme, I still favor not succumbing to the regular. If we all did the same thing, nothing would be original.
Update, Day 22 and 23
Update, Day 24
[QUOTE=AshtonArdoin;22159020]I'm not trying for him to be sarcastic, that's how I write. The quotations that aren't the dialouge are supposed to be like a subtle wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
[/QUOTE]
There is a breadth of a line between "writing style" and "mistake", and you've clearly mixed the two up. Don't use a lot of quotations or parenthesis, it breaks flow. Breaking flow isn't part of any writing style, it's an outright mistake you shouldn't do.
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