Embarrassing Situations Thread V1.0 - Oh, the shame! - General

[QUOTE=choco cookie;37734612]Had my first drunk experience about 4 days ago. On the walk back to the car with my friend I took my change from the bar and threw it into a sewage gutter and yelled, "A WISHING WELL!" Lost 10 bucks from that. Ran away from my friend into an alleyway and fell over. Next as I was walking back to my room I ran down the hallway, face planted, and when my friend was trying to pick me up I guess I was going to grab his hand to get up and I pulled it back and said, "Gotcha!" like it was some kind of joke. Tried playing CS:GO drunk, got banned on Facepunch from a post in which I don't even know what I posted or where, and had a drunk conversation with my Dad and another friend over Steam and I found out while I was drunkenly looking at the Hot Girls thread I told my friend I was seeing naked people and also that I was not wearing any pants. Here's the chat. [CODE][BFC] Cookie [UN]: daniel; dogmachines: ayup [BFC] Cookie [UN]: im uper drumkn41 dogmachines: drunk? dogmachines: the hell is drumkn [BFC] Cookie [UN]: drunk dogmachines: or uper for that matter dogmachines: haha lol dogmachines: really? [BFC] Cookie [UN]: i cnat type nroma lr or anything [BFC] Cookie [UN]: iysr liuejk asod prw dh;gbxb\141 [BFC] Cookie [UN]: ;oll.o9poloiloil dogmachines: stop hammering your keyboard [BFC] Cookie [UN]: im not hammering my keyoard [BFC] Cookie [UN]: um hjsut ryrtyyp indrflituj iqweioraS [BFC] Cookie [UN]: Sand i dpont knpqw wha56t gtgpypw[ET{Rqaw dogmachines: you back in japan? [BFC] Cookie [UN]: "sf/p;olil98ol\'olol [BFC] Cookie [UN]: il [BFC] Cookie [UN]: o [BFC] Cookie [UN]: loi [BFC] Cookie [UN]: l [BFC] Cookie [UN]: ol dogmachines: or just on normal Alaskan shit [BFC] Cookie [UN]: ikm nort ij kal;sdkaim in ja[aonb dogmachines: what [BFC] Cookie [UN]: um not inm LAKA [BFC] Cookie [UN]: IM IN JAPAN [BFC] Cookie [UN]: ;kolol,oll caps [BFC] Cookie [UN]: they havw s9mweetuniog called yhabe sake dogmachines: sake dogmachines: lol [BFC] Cookie [UN]: it rttateses cgross [BFC] Cookie [UN]: and i drnak 4 of them [BFC] Cookie [UN]: now i msuper creu nb dogmachines: bahaha [BFC] Cookie [UN]: i canrt type striafght [BFC] Cookie [UN]: 4 dogmachines: get ready for the hangover [BFC] Cookie [UN]: omg hangpver smaagneover [BFC] Cookie [UN]: Zhabfdogodroveri9ofjui -i9u d'fg dogmachines: see if you say that in a few hours [BFC] Cookie [UN]: i threeww up 6 tinmes [BFC] Cookie [UN]: it wasnt hat bad dogmachines: bahaha dogmachines: threw up six times doesn't sound "not that bad" [BFC] Cookie [UN]: itsliek [BFC] Cookie [UN]: you throw uyp then u try to sleep [BFC] Cookie [UN]: buit yu cant [BFC] Cookie [UN]: the ntyout try to d o other zstuff [BFC] Cookie [UN]: fi an type dogmachines: I bet I could convince you to do something crazy dogmachines: like give me money [BFC] Cookie [UN]: i bet you vouldnt dogmachines: my job pays shit [BFC] Cookie [UN]: i dare ytou to voice chat with me [BFC] Cookie [UN]: come at mne bro dogmachines: tell ya what dogmachines: I'll voice chat with you if you buy Borderlands 2 for me [BFC] Cookie [UN]: letsd go dogmachines: I hear you fine dogmachines: I'm Daniel dogmachines: are there other people there? dogmachines: I can't understand what you're saying [BFC] Cookie [UN]: typesos\ [BFC] Cookie [UN]: chyrabdioras [BFC] Cookie [UN]: s [BFC] Cookie [UN]: din i tpye daniel [BFC] Cookie [UN]: u do6jbyremr typitrt idotrn car emanre [BFC] Cookie [UN]: esi nkow know whatr [BFC] Cookie [UN]: i k nkowea [BFC] Cookie [UN]: ?[/CODE] I bought him Borderlands 2 the next day. Best thing about it all? No hangover.[/QUOTE] See I don't know how booze does that too you. I've been wasted and piss drunk so may times before and all it seems to do to me is make me relaxed and all the other usual effects but I can think clearly no matter what. Even when I drank enough to get hospitalized the cops couldn't tell I was drunk, good thing they never did a sobriety test.

[QUOTE=ultra_bright;37737212]See I don't know how booze does that too you. I've been wasted and piss drunk so may times before and all it seems to do to me is make me relaxed and all the other usual effects but I can think clearly no matter what. Even when I drank enough to get hospitalized the cops couldn't tell I was drunk, good thing they never did a sobriety test.[/QUOTE] And I thought I was the only one! Y.N.W.A. I guess.

[QUOTE=choco cookie;37734612]Tried playing CS:GO drunk, got banned on Facepunch from a post in which I don't even know what I posted or where[/QUOTE] You mean [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1153907&p=37698529&viewfull=1#post37698529"]this one[/URL]? [QUOTE=choco cookie;37698529]you k ow wjhat thuis was the firstr theerae di found or saw nad decided touure a gcol guy so u type d soenmtho9ng cool. dSA [QUOTE=Mr Anonymous;37698521]Looks happy.[/QUOTE] for saomereason i layunging freally hgard hjahAShrew hu;o/ m [highlight](User was banned for this post ("Shitpost" - Autumn))[/highlight][/QUOTE]

Speaking of drunken shenanigans, about three months ago a friend of mine came over to my house and he set up his computer. We were going to LAN up and play BF2 and whatnot. We both get really into it and then my sister comes in and says "Hey, do you guys want to drink?" My friend and I just looked at each other and said "Yeah, why not." We get started with a couple of beers, and then my sister breaks out the vodka. After about 20 shots for the both of us, we hit the point where we could no longer stand. And then we made french fries, and watched that Kurt Russel movie 3000 Miles to Graceland. I don't remember much else about that night, but apparently I started crying, and my friend threw up. When I woke up the next morning, I was on my bed, and my friend was awake sitting at his computer. I went over to my PC and I noticed that steam was open. The "Search for a friend" window was up, and the words "i;m so drnk rit now" were typed into it. To this day I don't know [i]what[/i] the fuck happened that night. [editline]20th September 2012[/editline] Oh yeah, and there was this one time when I sharted at a KFC. Ever since that happened to me I have always been vigilant about farting.

It was for new years eve, and my now ex girlfriend came to stay at my house for a few days. Naturally we were doing our thing couple of hours before we had to go to a friends party I helped organize. We were couple of minutes in and somebody rang the doorbell, since parents were home I thought sure they're gonna go and get it. Well... they did not. The guest who was a friend invited himself up to my room, and came screaming through the door "I'VE GOT YOUR 5€! I'VE GOT YOUR 5€!". Quickly I stood up in shock, grabbed something, took the 5€ off him and escorted him out. To make matters worse, he was completely ironic about it and asked me "Is that your girlfriend?", I was about to replay with "No I have a thing for my cousins" but I just said "yes". It was an embarrassing situation but now when I look back at it, it was the funniest thing that happened to me for new years eve, the only better thing happened to my friend, he has a hot mother and everybody calls her a MILF and naturally wants to do something with her. When midnight was close we started counting down 5-4-3-2-1-HAPPY NEW YEAR. When we reached 0 all partners kissed but a friend called Nejc got a kiss from the MILF. To this day he provokes my friend with "Your mother kissed me nananana". Months passed and Nejc was on a buss when MILF called my friend and sure enough, Nejc did not know who was on the line, and had a massive debate on how, why, if, and when he will get laid with the MILF and over exaggerated the new years kiss. She heard the [i]whole thing[\i]

Fuck one literally just happened, made my own Pickled eggs and pickled beetroot at home a while ago (With Chillis in the vinegar as well) and remembered I had them last night so I went through a good 8 pickled eggs and quite a few beetroots. Fast forward to about 10 minutes ago, at work, needed a shit incredibly bad, it felt like the great god Zeus himself was trying to force himself out of my arse, I hastily made my way to the gents toilets, oh god, they're occupied, fuck it, ladies toilets here I come, the god will not be a prisoner no longer, assume the position on the toilet and let loose the most violent and painful shit I have ever experienced, I was shaking from the pure force of it. Proceed to finish up, wipe, flush, wash hands, about to walk out of the door, "Not today you fucker." ROUND TWO. Belt undone, jeans dropped, clenching the toilet and preparing for round two, as soon as I begin, The fucking door opens and lo and behold one of the ladies from an office upstairs walks in, she stands there in shock and pure terror, I freak out tell her to get out try to close the door, forget I'm still unleashing a violent beast from the depths of my bowels, get off the toilet, shit everywhere around the bowl, on the seat and some on the floor. The pure amount of embarrassment I have just felt is absolutely horrible, I cleaned everything up and I'm now at home, curled up in my bed, feeling shame, embarrassment and regret for ever eating those fucking eggs and beetroot. it just occurred to me that I unlocked the door just as I was about to leave after the first battle with Zeus and then round two hit me and I completely forgot about the fucking lock.

Yesterday I fell on my hip playing football and got a hip pointer, that in itself is not embarrassing, but my ultra-religious grandmother who cares for me a lot heard me shout "CHRIST", and she looked horrified Sorry Grandma :(

I just walked out of my room into the common area to make breakfast as usual, and my suite mate who is also making breakfast, looks at me and yells "WHAT THE FUCK!". He's pointing to my white shirt that is now soaked in blood. Before I could make a break to my room to clean up, the dorm manager comes in for our monthly inspection (of course he fucking would). Only to meet me soaked in blood, and my suite mate holding a cutting knife. I would assume that it looked pretty damn convincing, and the meds they gave my probably made me look like I was dying. The blood was actually from my wisdom teeth removal a few days ago. 2 of the sockets burst again. Fuck :v:

[QUOTE=ScreamingGerbil;37633292]I was trying to get into my house today, so I opened the door and moved in. But my foot decided to be an asshole and block the door so it didn't open all the way and I slammed the side of my face into the door. My house was full of guests. Got a bruise now :C[/QUOTE] I smack myself in the face with the side of the door so many times. Hurts so bad.

My dad, my brother and I used to go hiking on the bluffs of Hart Park in Bakersfield quite frequently. One particular path we would sometimes take was basically a set of "dirt stairs" since the side of the hill was pretty steep, and right next to the steps is a slippery dirt slide type deal. Anyways, I sprinted up the stairs, leaving my brother and dad behind (my brother was scared of falling down, so my dad was there to catch him just in case) and I decided to sit at the beginning of the dirt slide and watch them. I slipped. So there I was, sliding all the way down the hill while my brother and dad watched and laughed. I was actually kind of surfing on my left foot and using my hands for balance, so my hands felt like fire afterwards. My shorts had ridden so far up that my dick was clearly visible, and it looked like I was wearing a thong. I never hear the end of it.

I have a rather bad cold right now, so I'd spent most of today feeling like death. To make matters worse there were no available seats on the bus home from college, so I had to stand. This bus was REALLY crowded. We were packed into it like fucking sardines. I was holding on to one of the poles with one hand, and my other arm was smooshed up against other passengers because it was so crowded. Of course, my body decides that now would be a good time to sneeze. Hard. I couldn't get either of my hands in front of my face in time. It went EVERYWHERE.

I'm on the train right now and I just released a MOAF (Mother Of All Farts) and I swear I shat myself. No one noticed but even near shtting yourself is embarrasing. Edit: [I]Shitty[/i] page king huh guys? :v:

(obligatory owned post)

Accidentally messaged a girl I was texting "Hey, you wanna take a shit today?" instead of " You wanna do shit today?" needless to say I curled into a fucking ball and sobbed spaghetti

[QUOTE=Sardonus;37750889]Accidentally messaged a girl I was texting "Hey, you wanna take a shit today?" instead of " You wanna do shit today?" needless to say I curled into a fucking ball and sobbed spaghetti[/QUOTE] Joke it off or dismiss it, if you go silent she might think you're serious and have some fucked up fetish (unless you know her enough, guessing by the informality it might be so).

[QUOTE=Sardonus;37750889]Accidentally messaged a girl I was texting "Hey, you wanna take a shit today?" instead of " You wanna do shit today?" needless to say I curled into a fucking ball and sobbed spaghetti[/QUOTE] instead of acting like a shit you could have just said "i meant to say do shit today" or something

Was about 4, my mother was was talking with some other woman who had a baby with her, and she starts giving attention to it. There can only be one. Picked up a stone and chucked it as hard as I could at the baby, luckily it was only a glancing hit (was a bit too young to feel embarrassment but still).

[QUOTE=acds;37751043]Joke it off or dismiss it, if you go silent she might think you're serious and have some fucked up fetish (unless you know her enough, guessing by the informality it might be so).[/QUOTE] she responded instantly with "wait WHAT do you want me to do" and I told her it was a typo and it was all good but like the initial shock was there

Man, I got so many of these... My best one I think so far is a sex one. My fiancee and I are having sex, this was way before we had gotten engaged. So I didn't have any condoms at the time, and we didn't give a fuck, so as I am pulling out I feel myself cum. I look on her stomach and noticed that there was no cum. "Oh fuck" I thought to myself. I looked at her pussy and tried to see if I came inside her, then I heard her "Sean...Sean" I looked up at her...some how my cock had turned in to a howitzer and fired a shot right at her face, covering a good 95% of her face in cum...she had this look of terror and confusion, which I find odd, because she swallows, but boy did I laugh hard...

[QUOTE=acds;37751086]Was about 4, my mother was was talking with some other woman who had a baby with her, and she starts giving attention to it. There can only be one. Picked up a stone and chucked it as hard as I could at the baby, luckily it was only a glancing hit (was a bit too young to feel embarrassment but still).[/QUOTE] For some reason I didn't read the part where you said you were 4, and thought this happened only moments ago. [sp]Though in all fairness I'd probably do that at my age anyway because I still get jealous[/sp]

[QUOTE=thingshappen;37740371]You mean [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1153907&p=37698529&viewfull=1#post37698529"]this one[/URL]?[/QUOTE] Oh jeez. Thanks.

Here's something that happened ~2 weeks ago, FP. So here's the scenario. It's a morning, I'm late and therefore in a hurry. I quickly get my deodorant (which is awkwardly penis-shaped, don't ask why I have no idea) from my desk and whip it on. Then I place it directly in my morning-meal leftovers, which had been baked in the morning sun for half an hour. Which means melted chocolate. I just sort of blush it off and put it back onto my desk, you couldn't actually see the chocolate on it because it was on the bottom of it. I go to school, come back and my mother looks pretty awkwardly at me. She goes to my room, gets the deodorant and looks at me. There my mother was, with a penis-shaped object with a brown substance on the end. I explained it literally as it was but there's no way in hell she's ever going to believe me :suicide:

Here I got another sex one. So my fiancee and I are going at it, I decide I want her in the doggy position. As I am pounding away at her, she decides the best thing to do at that moment is to try and tickle my boulders. At this time I was not aware that she had put her hand between her legs in order to grab my balls. Now Facepunch you all have known me for awhile now, and you know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed...so when she did this, my mind told me "HOLY FUCK HER PUSSY GREW A HAND!" My dick said "YOU KEEP GOING! YOU DO NOT STOP, MARINE!" So that's when I decide to just cum (she's on the pill) So as I was in a state of shock, horror, and confusion and I came...It's felt so weird. Like feeling good, but scared at the same time.

"do not stop marine!"

yeah during middle school i thought this girl was cute and after months of small talk and the advice of my best friend, I went and asked her out to the movies.. Then my best friend started to laugh like crazy.. and I was suddenly engulfed in spaghetti because the best friend already asked her out the previous weekend and she said yes. Some other story with the said friend. I went over his house for a sleepover and during dinner with his parents he says "yeaae man have u been to visit dr jewish (some girl i liked, long story nickname) for any appointments?" The table just went silent and i uttered a slurred "...no?" Lastly at the end of year 10 he moved schools and on the last day he shook hands with other mates but we hugged. Yeah you see girls hugging guys but never the guy - guy. I almost broke into manly tears too we've been school mates since grade 5 to present, it was hilarious in grade 5 because we were both new and everyone thought we knew each other previously. Also we could talk about everything including seafood (porn). I remember once sleepover he said "Dude you gotta take a look at this, some couple had sex on a public bus its INSANE!!!" ... "Dude what the?!!?

So yesterday I arrived late to university thanks to the metro. I ran as fast as I could to the department building and went inside the lab. I put my things down, it was first lab class and I never saw those faces before. The lab had only one chair free in which there was this big fat guy I then sat next with. He asked me if I had a group yet and took out his things for me to sit next to him. So I sat there for like 15 minutes and started to think how weird that all was since I had no idea of what the teacher was writing on the board. So, five minutes later, as soon as my colleague starts his computer I see I was in the wrong class. It said "Signal Theory" and I was suppose to be in Digital Systems II. Damn. I picked up my things and as I was running outside the professorcloses the door in front of me and says: "Hey, You! Where do you think you're going!?", and everyone starts staring at me. I then tell "I'm in the wrong class". And everyone starts laughing at me. He just gives me a sarcastic eye roll and opens the door. "Get out of here..."

[QUOTE=W0w00t;37761006]"do not stop marine!"[/QUOTE] Haha. Made my day.

Ugh i have been waiting for something like this for ages so i can get this shit off my chest!, alot of mine stem from the Army Cadets in the UK. On the reciept of the word of command "prepare to Double, DOUBLE!" you fucking double (run), i accidently shouted at the top of my voice "prepare to Double, DOUBLE TIME!". Fuck that was so embarassing. I once broke down in class shortly after my dad passed away, all because my class mates said some meaning less pathetic thing. I was once tea bagged in real life, woke up while the guys balls were on my head (while i was in the cadets), somehow my entire school found out, them last 3 years were some of the worst 3 years of my life. When asked why i wasnt in school for a week i openly said "I had dioreha" little did i know there were some girls outside who mocked me for weeks. While in cadets there were numerous field craft/battle exercises we did, where i would occasionally fuck up and make the whole thing go wrong. I once got drunk and told a girl i loved her and supposedly started trying to make out with her I once got drunk and flashed my dick at about 100 people in a dance hall I once got drunk and told everyone how depressed i was after loosing my dad I once missed out 1 single word of command in a drill competition and that made us loose the competition by like 1 point. 40 people failed because of my mistake, i was then humiliated by an officer and got a bit fucking upset about it. i once had an inspection from a top officer (a brigadier) and i didnt quite catch what he said so instead of saying "could you repeat that" i just said "sir". Little did i know he asked "what did you enjoy the most out of the entire course?" We had a cancer charity "tag" day, where you would make a dontation for wearing something red/pink (breast cancer) i didnt wear anything red/pink but did make a donation. Then months later i felt that as i didnt wear red/pink at the next tag day i wore my red rugby jumper, was called a hobo or told i was from a poor family alot that day. in french lessons i sat next to a black kid, joking about his hair (black hair but was acting like a blonde) i called him a malteser. was kicked out the class for racism. In primary school i called a black girl a monkey because she was pulling the same face my mum (who isnt black) used to make when she would pretend to be a monkey. My neighbour once came round shouting at my dad when he was in the house, i was out painting the front fence, i just froze, scared shitless and wet myself at the age of 8. A colleague at work put engineers blue on my glasses, so when i took them off, i had blue oilly/greasey shit all over my face, i got her back tho by throwning a bag of flour over her. She didnt react well and my colleagues (thought the fact the suck her arse) didnt speak to me for two weeks. we once had some decorative lights stolen from our front garden, we called the police, then about 30 min later a police car drives past outside, i think they have missed the house, so i run out waving my arms trying to flag down the police car, and when they stop they think oh shit something bad has happened then i say, ahve come bout our lights? they say wtf no were looking for a stolen car. once called a police officer "mate" and he stopped me dead and said WE ARE NOT YOUR MATES!, what a cunt, i was helping them too. [editline]22nd September 2012[/editline] just remembered another at my school the teachers would sometimes go outside and be "on duty" during the break/lunch times pretty much making sure shit dont happen, me and my small group of mates were talking n messing about, i had a mouth full of drink and my mate lewis made this joke, i burst out laughing, but so that the drink didnt go over my mates i turned to my left and sprayed it all over a teachers legs/feet. turned out it was my maths teacher who i was going to have about 5 minutes after the break. luckily nothing happened as it was a mistake

[QUOTE=Warlord_1011;37763436]Ugh i have been waiting for something like this for ages so i can get this shit off my chest!, alot of mine stem from the Army Cadets in the UK. [/QUOTE] Shit, I'm in the ACF too, it's so easy to be completely embarrassed if you fuck up.

i was in it for 5 years, and despite my fuck ups i became a cadet sgt major, lead the drill team to finally win in my last year. I also represented Kent at Bisley for the shooting, perhaps the two things i didnt fuck up