Embarrassing Situations Thread V1.0 - Oh, the shame! - General

A while back, I went to sleep rather tired I woke up in my parent's bathtub with my mom going "WHAT THE FUCK" i was completely nude and had tissue attached to my mouth i dont even know man. I do some weird shit when I'm sleep walking. Another time when I was sleep walking I got on my computer and apparently played WoW, because I woke up on my keyboard. I glanced at the screen and was a level higher and in stormwind.

[QUOTE=Suttles;38039382]Another time when I was sleep walking I got on my computer and apparently played WoW, because I woke up on my keyboard. I glanced at the screen and was a level higher and in stormwind.[/QUOTE] [URL="http://www.facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=631191"] This reminds me of something... [/URL]

After a bit of a crazy vodka filled night that I can't remember any of, I woke up to find myself at my friends house with the worst hangover ever. I stupidly hydrated myself with a bottle of orange juice, and I had some chips for breakfast (it was the only food in the house). My house was rather far away, so I had a long trip ahead of me. I hopped onto the tram and instantly started feeling ill as soon as it started moving. I managed to keep everything down until the SECOND STOP AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. In one huge eruption, I munted all over myself, the trams floor, seat and window. Right as this happened, a guy walked onto the tram and just stared straight at me in shock :v: I then had a fun time walking the remaining distance home with orange puke all down my white shirt! Also, the next day I got on the tram and the SAME GUY got on and gave me a funny look, I laughed so much.

[QUOTE=someguyihate;38044056]After a bit of a crazy vodka filled night that I can't remember any of, I woke up to find myself at my friends house with the worst hangover ever. I stupidly hydrated myself with a bottle of orange juice, and I had some chips for breakfast (it was the only food in the house). My house was rather far away, so I had a long trip ahead of me. I hopped onto the tram and instantly started feeling ill as soon as it started moving. I managed to keep everything down until the SECOND STOP AWAY FROM MY HOUSE. In one huge eruption, I munted all over myself, the trams floor, seat and window. Right as this happened, a guy walked onto the tram and just stared straight at me in shock :v: I then had a fun time walking the remaining distance home with orange puke all down my white shirt! Also, the next day I got on the tram and the SAME GUY got on and gave me a funny look, I laughed so much.[/QUOTE] You should've looked him dead in the eye and ask: "Did you come back for more?"

Two days ago, I was at a party and I've had my braces on for quite some time. The loud music and all the assholes drove me away from the main life of the party. I find myself outside and find a hot Filipino nerd from school in the tree house listening to her own music and eating a dozen pack of donuts. "Uh, sup?" I say to her, she just replies with "Donuts and meh..." That's cool I guess. ._. We talk a bit, we listen to each others music and end up making out due to boredom. This goes on for however long but then we tried to pull our faces apart. Fuck. Her braces, and my braces, were [B]hooked.[/B] We couldn't untangle them, partially due to the fact that we couldn't see our own mouths. We knew most of the people at the part so we couldn't bear to face them. The hospital was only two blocks away so we decided to sneak over there and see if they could help. It was like a three-legged race except it was our faces tied together and she had eaten something garlic-like while at the party. We awkwardly stumble our way to the hospital and we try to explain what had happened but we could barely talk. I eventually make enough sense and the nurses piss themselves laughing and take us to that room where they do what emergency rooms do. We wait on a wheelie bed for five minutes while we wait for a nurse to attend to us. Out of the blue, a teacher from school is being rushed into the room with about twenty nails lodged in his arm (He hasn't told us yet why he had nails in his arm). He is obviously deep in pain and they sit him on a bed, carefully removing each nail while he whines. They take about half out until he finally notices these two dipshits on the bed opposite him with their mouths connected at a weird angle. He looks like a stunned mullet until he realises what had happened to us then explodes with laughter. The nurses take their chance and rip all the other nails out and this guy doesn't even notice. He made a deal that we have to get B's or better on our IT assignment in return for keeping our stupid little incident a secret. :suicide: tl;dr, My braces get stuck on some other braces, we see a teacher while we fix it and he ransoms our dignity in return for hard work.

So, I have no clue why in the FUCK someone on steam would tell me this, but last night I was chatting with a random on my steam friends, and he was all concerned because "i found this brown spot on my ballbag and its gotten bigger over the past couple months and fuck" so I wonder if he checked the internet (which he said yes to) and then he thought of asking his parents. And he went to go do so. Oh btw, I know none of you are going to believe that it was a random, I have no screenshots so you'll have to go on the trust system. Whatevskis. So anyways, he comes back, and I didn't know this, but his parents have separated and he's living with his mom (i guess his dad was there for a visit then he left :\) so he goes and asks his MOM. "So yeah I went to go ask my mom and she looked it up on the internet and she told me that it was bruising from masturbation." I laughed so goddamned hard.

My mother caught me playing a text based porn game I found on another forum. The challenge was to beat the game without loosing your virginity when the entire game was focused around getting laid. I had to explain this to her about 100 times and I even told her that I removed my dick in game. Awkward as fuck explaining this to her.

Funny gay story time! I usually fap in the mornings, but I woke up a little late today and didn't have time. So, I toughed it out and went to school anyways, albeit very horny due to a lack of fapping. We had to do a little experiment of sorts in psychology today involving sitting on someone else's lap. I was paired up with this incredibly cute guy who I've been kindasorta crushing on since the start of the school year. Anyways, I'm asked to sit on his lap. He smells great, and I can feel the outline of his dick. I don't get a boner or anything, but I'm aroused as fuck. Then I get up and sit back down in my seat, and I feel a messy squish. I ask to go to the bathroom to investigate...apparently, I spontaneously came. On the plus side, nobody noticed. And it was the last period of the day.

I don't think you're going to be a good fuck buddy because you ejaculate by like, dryriding.

[QUOTE=cheetahben;38051012] ULTIMATE GAYLORD[/QUOTE] well that's just fucking weird

In my freshman gym class some kid asked what we were doing today and without thinking, I yelled out "sex on a stick". No idea where that came from.

I don't know if it's common to ejaculate at the feel of your homosexual crush, but I would recommend some endurance training if this is the case.

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;38050986]My mother caught me playing a text based porn game I found on another forum. The challenge was to beat the game without loosing your virginity when the entire game was focused around getting laid. I had to explain this to her about 100 times and I even told her that I removed my dick in game. Awkward as fuck explaining this to her.[/QUOTE] link?

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;38050986]My mother caught me playing a text based porn game I found on another forum. The challenge was to beat the game without loosing your virginity when the entire game was focused around getting laid. I had to explain this to her about 100 times and I even told her that I removed my dick in game. Awkward as fuck explaining this to her.[/QUOTE] source? [editline]16th October 2012[/editline] -Snip-^^^^^^

[QUOTE=HazzaHardie;38051952]link?[/QUOTE] it's kinda furry ok it's actually full blown furry I only read all the scenes that require a yes or no option because I don't want to say yes to brutal anal rape one of the scenes involved a bee girl wishing to impregnate you with her stinger I don't have the link to it but I can look it up if you still want it

-Snip-^^^^^^

[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;38052324]it's kinda furry ok it's actually full blown furry I only read all the scenes that require a yes or no option because I don't want to say yes to brutal anal rape one of the scenes involved a bee girl wishing to impregnate you with her stinger I don't have the link to it but I can look it up if you still want it[/QUOTE]That just makes it more awkward :v:

[QUOTE=RobyYe;38052470]That just makes it more awkward :v:[/QUOTE] She was reading my character description and started to question some of the wording in there like "virgin anus" and "void testicles"

[QUOTE=HazzaHardie;38051952]link?[/QUOTE] Just search Corruption of Champions.

My classmate told me to write random shit on a piece of paper for a video he's making in film class today. I wrote "nibble my doggy ears" Now everyone thinks I mean it goddammit compwhizii

[QUOTE=Game Zombie;38053229]Just search Corruption of Champions.[/QUOTE] Isn't it pretty much every possible fetish combined into one horrifying text adventure? Here's a story: Two weeks ago my German class had an Oktoberfest celebration after school, and I participated in the soda drinking contest. I have a really sensitive gag reflex and it was a terrible idea but I didn't really give a shit at the time. They poured about ten liters across a bunch of plastic cups, and had two teams of five. We start chugging, I'm barely able to get each one down but I'm still doing okay. At about the eighth one I start feeling something coming up, but keep ignoring it since we're behind. Big mistake. I'm in the middle of drinking one when I just spit it out and vomit all over the table. And in the cups. And myself And our teacher. It then started a chain reaction of everyone vomiting everywhere, patio, trees, hell one guy's backpack got slimed. It was fucking hilarious.

[QUOTE=Stinky;38054249]Isn't it pretty much every possible fetish combined into one horrifying text adventure?[/QUOTE] Yes. Protip: Never play any flash games found on /b/ on a Friday.

Was on vacation in the mountains in Georgia, real hillbilly territory. My sisters BF and I brought our rifles because we heard there was a shooting range near by, and we'll jump at any chance to shoot at things. Since the driveway we parked on was up a 90 degree angle, it would have been easier to take my moms car than to move several cars to get mine out and take it. We follow my GPS in my moms car to a national park, not where we wanted to go. We pull in and theres 2 cops pulled up next to each other, I guess talking. We sit there for a minute trying to figure out where to go when we pull out, the GPS is still giving us issues so we pull into a bank parking lot to try and work it out. The cops had followed us over and hopped out to talk to us and see what was up. We explained to them that we were just looking for a shooting range and the GPS we had gave us terrible directions. They were cool guys, and they gave us directions to a public range with no range fee. One of the officers said "It's at the end of a dirt road, so I hope you don't mind getting your car dirty". Without thinking, I looked at him and said "I don't mind, it's not my car". I almost shat a brick after I said that, and my friend was laughing to hard to help me out of the situation. Luckily my moms license plate is our last name, so I was easily able to explain that it was my moms car. He laughed it off and drove off. The range was nice though, had a fun day.

So this one was from a few weekends back, one of our friends is Irish and makes it a point to head to his uncle's house and get pissed drunk every weekend and decides to invite some of us over. His uncle has a decent liquor cabinet and we decide to keep it simple and get cherry whiskey, rumple minze (minty shots mmm), coors light for beer pong and mikes + blue moons for side beers. Anyways a point that has to be made is that his uncle has a 1 year old dog who is some kind of weird mix, and basically came out as this giant wiener-dog creature. The thing was the ultimate stereotype of a cute dog, it walked around all dopey and had those folds on its face that made it look so fucking jolly. The issue was it would piss fucking everywhere ENDLESSLY if you even fucking touched it out of excitement of meeting new people. Anyways we're deep into about 5 games of beer pong, not mentioning the shots and side beers we have all had, we are pretty fucking wasted. Let me remind you that the location I am in is none other than the lone star state, and thus every household has its own entire arsenal. The games are taking place in the garage and there were a good 4 firearms, 3 bb guns, and 1 bow. Obviously before getting drunk we locked up the firearms, but we left the bow thinking "what could possibly go wrong with this thing, it isnt even a compound, I doubt one of us drunk off our asses could use it." You tend to forget things when drunk, and the irish friend always has this competition where he tries to out drink his cousin who also regularly visits on the weekends to get drunk. So the cousin is obviously a lot more sober than my irish friend and keeps baiting him into taking BOTH THEIR SHOTS. So in the end my poor bud goes through about half a bottle of cherry whiskey under the course of 10 minutes. Here we have our friend now standing up spewing some bullshit you cant even understand about him being the "alpha" and that he can take any shit like a man. It was one of those moments when everyone looks in the same direction and gets the same idea. Except all of us knew it was fucking stupid except the irish friend. He looks at the bow for a good 5 seconds, licks his lips and looks back at us and says I shit you not "motuh fufkas, i am alfa an can tay-cake thet bow, to tuh chessss!" Of course he wanted us to go out back and fire this fucking bow at his chest. We compromise with him and get the bow and also grab one of those MMA dummies that is in the shape of a dude and his torso, but doesnt have arms or legs and hope we can keep him entertained with shooting the dummy. Of course it wasn't until we get out in the yard with that damn thing that we realize we have no arrows, and proceed to look for fucking sticks to fire off this thing, like that would even work. They all begin drunk rambling and arguing, which gets the buddy riled up who starts yelling about how we are pussies and wont shoot him because we probably cant hold the bow since we leave fuzz on our cans (he got angry earlier because people leave fizz in their cans after shotgunning, and got so drunk he started calling it "fuzz") and at about this time I find a pretty straight branch from a pine cone tree. So lets establish the situation. Here I am, extremely wasted, holding a bow in the backyard at 2 am with a pretty straight fucking stick. I see 2 friends leaning and covering the tan dummy, and see this big irish guy screaming REALLY FUCKING OBNOXIOUSLY about how we're all pussies and then the phrase finally penetrates my fucking skull. "shooth tuh bowwww yuh pussie!!!!!! He was 3 feet away and that was all I needed. I drew the bow back with that stick in a moment of ultimate concentration and let the bow fire. A couple of things happened. 1. The dog ran over to my irish friend because he was yelling and it got him excited to play. 2. The stick only traveled a few feet, so it went HARD and hit my irish friend in the stomach with the same sound you associated with a fat man doing a belly flop off a 15 foot high diving board. 3. In my surprise at the stick hitting him I dry fired the bow and it recoiled into my face (obviously was not holding it correctly in the first place), knocking me backwards and giving me a nose bleed. My irish friend stands there a good full second in complete silence with those big "oh fuck" eyes, then proceeds to bend at a 90 degree angle and projectile vomit all over the fucking dog. This god damn dog flips shit and begins yelping and sprinting around the yard spraying piss and knocks over this glass table with an umbrella in it, bending the umbrella and cracking the fucking glass. The uncle slams open the fucking back door hearing all this noise holding a bottle of jack daniels and sees 2 wasted fuckers punching a MMA dummy and laughing their asses off, his irish nephew still spewing vomit on his knees, me crawling to the garage by my arms dripping blood off my face, the dog sprinting around covered in god awful bile and pissing every few seconds, and his fucking patio table lying on the ground fucked up. Such is life.

I fucking hate when there's the last of something in the fridge or cabinets You go "well it's been here for 2 days now, no one seems to want the last one", so you eat it. Next thing you know you are being bitched out because you ate it, ect. Happens with drinks too, I get the last sip of coke and I get bitched out, yet no one has even wanted it for 2 days.

[QUOTE=Stinky;38054249]Isn't it pretty much every possible fetish combined into one horrifying text adventure? Here's a story: Two weeks ago my German class had an Oktoberfest celebration after school, and I participated in the soda drinking contest. I have a really sensitive gag reflex and it was a terrible idea but I didn't really give a shit at the time. They poured about ten liters across a bunch of plastic cups, and had two teams of five. We start chugging, I'm barely able to get each one down but I'm still doing okay. At about the eighth one I start feeling something coming up, but keep ignoring it since we're behind. Big mistake. I'm in the middle of drinking one when I just spit it out and vomit all over the table. And in the cups. And myself And our teacher. It then started a chain reaction of everyone vomiting everywhere, patio, trees, hell one guy's backpack got slimed. It was fucking hilarious.[/QUOTE] [img]http://zhost.tk/u/59/left-4-speed-boomer_o_gifsoup_com.gif[/img]

[QUOTE=1chains1;38057031]-piss, vomit, pain, and blood-[/quote] This sounds like a really bad erotic short story

[QUOTE=Suttles;38057683]I fucking hate when there's the last of something in the fridge or cabinets You go "well it's been here for 2 days now, no one seems to want the last one", so you eat it. Next thing you know you are being bitched out because you ate it, ect. Happens with drinks too, I get the last sip of coke and I get bitched out, yet no one has even wanted it for 2 days.[/QUOTE] Goddamn fucking this. Every fucking time I take the last bit of Coke from the fridge, someone else wants it, even if it's been there for a few days untouched.

[QUOTE=Da_Maniac_;38061780]Goddamn fucking this. Every fucking time I take the last bit of Coke from the fridge, someone else wants it, even if it's been there for a few days untouched.[/QUOTE] my mom woke me up to bitch at me for eating the last bit of the cereal " I HAVE NOTHING TO EAT AT WORK TODAY FDFDSFDSFDS" it was stale too i was just hungry I told her this and she's like "STOP MAKING EXCUSES", which is another thing that pisses me off. When people think you are lying 24/7, and never tell the truth. I rarely tell a lie, yet my parents never believe me. ;-;

About a year ago, After I finally graduated high school, I was always a closet bisexual, still am, because my closest friends are really big Homophobs and it's weird that they haven't found out yet. But one time, it was a Friday night and in this public park we have, is a bathroom and in the men's, there's a stall with a glory hole someone made, now it was mostly made of a gag joke, but sometimes people seriously use it, well I was still a virgin gay, (I had sex with women before, was just to scared to actually get a boyfriend because of what other would think of me) so I decided to keep it anonymous and waited for another guy to do the deed. Well about ten minutes pass before someone finally came in, I gave a little cough to let him know someone was waiting, now two thoughts ran through my head either A) He was actually going to do it. B) This guy is a top gay hating redneck that is going to bust through the stall and ring my neck while yelling biblical rights down my throat. so all in all, I was a nervous wreck, but turns out. He actually did it. But pulled back, I was a bit confused so I moved my head in a bit closer, and BAM, it hit me in the face, I got stunned and fell back, only to notice the shoes. My eyes went wide, it was the same pair of shoes my best friend wore. I slowly croaked out "K-Kyle?" And I could just feel him freeze and tense up. It was him, the biggest homophobic I knew. We were both frozen for what it felt like hours. He finally just stepped out and left. I felt sick to my stomach. A bad thing is, we work at the same place, same shift. We didn't talk for a good while. Well, a year has passed since then and were cool, it was never brought up again, but it is still in the back of my head, just branded there forever.