• The Depression Chat - Symptoms, Assistance, Medicines and More.
    2,595 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Monty Pie-thon;28534197]I feel like such shit right now and not being able to recognize and identify what i'm feeling is only contributing. Is guilt a common symptom of depression?[/QUOTE] everythings a symptom of depression it seems.
[QUOTE=Freze;28512461]i had a breakdown.. 5 minutes ago.. my mom is frustrating me.. i dont really know what to do.. i was about to take my jacket and walk to my dads place..[/QUOTE] = my problem :suicide: Let me state my horrors. [quote] My parents are both divorced, and always have been since i was 4. (I was suicidal at the age of 6, because of huge upheavals between the two worlds i used to call 'family', but only now know as 'parent A, parent B'.) [b]MOM:[/b] -Has unusually high 'company demands'. For example, if she wants to go to the shops, i must come along for company, or i get put in a situation. A fucking terrible one... -Mom's family has what i call "unseen protocol", example if i get up to get a glass of water, i MUST ask everyone else if they want something while i'm in the kitchen! -Once again, unusually high demand for company, in the effect that i should be watching TV with her instead of gaming. This results in me becoming exceptionally bored, and i start smoking mass amounts of weed so i don't die of boredom. -Argument cycles. IF i 'step out of line' and wish to do my own thing instead of hanging around her, such as gaming for only 2 hours, she will argue like i committed the unforgivable sin! These arguments typically start over dumb shit, and despite me attempting to cease the argument by retreating, she will follow me to my room, open the door, and stand in the doorway like a fucking moron, arguing until i just want to die! She seems to love arguing, and when she leaves that doorway (usually after she disowns me), i shut the door and bar it, then proceed with smoking and listening to discordant music for hours on end. However, if the argument is over me not travelling in the car with her, she will come home with a banquet of food for me, as of to put me on a guilt trip :geno: I've had enough of these arguments, you know what happens if you keep bending a piece of metal right? So you can see the math adds up: Mom demands SO MUCH, that when i want to get away and spend time with Ageus (My computer), mom will come in and absolutely fly off the apeshit handle at me! If i don't comply with HER, she shuts down the whole house's power, which is damaging Ageus. If she gets what she wants, i suffer. If i "get my way" i suffer worse. It's a fail-fail. [b]You can see why i want to move out![/b] But the other party isn't any better... [b]DAD:[/b] -Is/was/is a bit of an alcoholic... If he drinks too much, he flies off the handle, and well... That's what drove me to mom's in the first place. -Is a hypocrite! Mainly about my smoking of grass. He dishes out annoying lectures, yet after he drinks a bit he actually smokes bud WITH me! His current girlfriend does the same, but worse because she is a R/N, but then she smoke pot with me, so what the FUCK! -Never stops critisizing how much i hate. I hate because of my anger. I want to kill everything. Often i wish that i'd wake up and i was the last person on earth. But anger and depression are on the same plane right? You can see that because of my parents i'm depressed, and that gets turned into anger, which results in HATE HATE HATE. I'm a spiteful person for a reason... -Dad's girlfriend's kids. One is older, near my age, and he's cool... ususally. Otherwise he gets his kicks by scaring me, just randomly giving me frights. I'm NOT the person to frighten. I hit him for it yesterday, but i'm... abnormally weak from being underweight (again, a result of DEPRESSIONNESS). So he hit me back, which was twice as had as my full-strength hit, anf my arm was completely fuckered. I actually nearly cried from this, mainly because i'm so fucked over by everyone in my life, all anyone needs to do is touch me, and i'll go spiralling down into a depression pit. Now the other kid, an 8 year old prat. He is absolutely spoiled, and is a total jerk. I need to praise him and call him 'awesome', because if i say my true thoughts on how FUCKING IRRITATING HE GODDAMNWELL IS, he'll start a whole rack of tantalizingness, calling me every name he can think of, and if i call him 'a fucking dick', he hides behind his mom, she'll overhear something, and then all HELL comes down on me. So the kid wins, i'm beaten down... usually for the umpteenth time a day, and then my dad lectures me again. I never win anywhere i go :frown: [/quote] May or may not be enough information, but you can see how crazy this really is. Well, see my view. [release] [highlight]LOLNUBS' situation[/highlight] -Once again, torn between two families, Mom hates dad and Dad thinks mom is terrible. They are both right and wrong, YES my dad is a bit of a greedy money-head, BUT he and i get along really well. YES my mom is a fucking weirdo, but we also have a special bond. I only wish i could stick with both, but they won't marry again, not fucking EVER! I can see why :gibs: -Ageus (computer) is my only true companion, and it doesn't even think for itself, yet it fulfills my desires, and doesn't whinge and whine. The only issue is supplying it with power, but that is neglible to it's benefit. Ageus plays my music when i'm down, and plays my games when i'm angry or bored. Best of all, she doesn't complain about me at all, and doesn't whinge about me smoking. -I smoked all the weed in the world to ponder this situation, and i still come up with nothing, nothing at all. Mom's crazy. Dad has a few issues, and his woman's kids drive me insane. Actually, both sides drive me INSANE! (my dad just critisized me for using a double-enhancement in a sentence :byodood: ) I just came to stay at dad's for a while, and my mom has flown right off the wingnut and is saying all kinds of crazy shit like "I predicted you were moving back with him, i' RIGHT! He's giving you all his shit so you'll stay there!" True, my dad is giving me some stuff, but i wasn't planning on LIVING here again, i moved out for a reason. But now i'm reconsidering... But dad is almost as weird: "Are you staying here or not? i need to know so i can tell the child support agency, i'm going to have to pay your mom $$$ in a week, and we need that money to pay for you." He is thinking about money, and is asking me to make up my mind whether i'm living here or not ASAP, when my plans never included a durastic move, only pick up my new revision of Ageus (Upgrading Ageus to MKIV :3:)... -I graduated Year 12, and attempted to enter training to become an Electrician. But my life is constantly being ruined (i'm sure it's J.C.), so i didn't succeed in getting into my mediochre dream either. Dad is offering some form of work, but it may not be reliable enough, and i'll [u]have[/u] to move here and put up with this chaos, and my mom's "pre[b]dick[/b]tion" will be right, and she'll be right on the phone to my crabby old grandmother :geno: But if i stay with my mother, i won't have any gurantee for work, i actually CAN NOT find a job up there, so i'll be scraping around on my ass. And be going crazy. -I'm going crazy! I'm depressed as all hell, which is making me a very nasty person. But i don't know what to do! Mom's a freak, dad's place is chaotic hell, and either way this piece of metal is constantly bending around, it's only a matter of time before it goes :suicide:[/release] Only you know of this situation. Can you help? What am i to do to save my entire world from collapsing? Should i stay at my mother's and attempt to salvage the situation? Or should i move to my father's and attempt to bunker down there? [b]Or should i try the unimaginable, get my own house and attempt to live independently, which i am capable of, but at 17 without my ideal electrician's licence will be FUCKING HARD?[/b] PS. Sorry about any crabbyness, i was really down, and am now angered because everyone is EXPECTING everything of me... Why can't i just be left alone?
[QUOTE=lolnubs;28541287] Only you know of this situation. Can you help? What am i to do to save my entire world from collapsing? Should i stay at my mother's and attempt to salvage the situation? Or should i move to my father's and attempt to bunker down there?[/QUOTE] Go see a professional therapist who has experience in helping people move on extreme depression and can help you make good choices. At the present you are in no condition to live by yourself.
I don't know what to do any more. I've been feeling so helpless ever since I lost my job. The thing is, I have been mentally unstable my whole life or at least as long as I can remember and it just takes a trigger with me. That was the trigger this year. I feel like I have no future. Like I can't amount to anything. No matter how hard I feel I try, I always end up failing. I tried so hard in school only to fail. They only let me graduate because they wanted me the fuck out of the school. I failed two semesters of college and got put on academic restrictions. I'm in EMT class now and I am deathly afraid I'm going to fail my first test. If one fails two tests in the EMT class, they get kicked. No exceptions. If you miss a class, you're kicked. No exceptions either. This is all that's left for my future. If this falls through, I have nothing. The military probably won't want me because I'm fucking nuts. My dad kicked me out at 19 because "I was failing school" and that he "wants to teach me a lesson about the real world." I fucking told him so many times.... doctors, social workers, and fucking EVERYONE shouted at him telling him his methods were absolutely detrimental to my health. He didn't fucking listen. He kicked me out anyway. He is so wrapped up in his own god-damn ego he thinks hes right all the time. "Oh after your mother and I divorced, I felt just like you do now." BULL FUCKING SHIT. That is fucking apples and computer chairs you fucking asshole. They are two different things in a completely fucking category. You dealt with SITUATIONAL depression. I on the other hand deal with CLINICAL depression. They are treated COMPLETELY FUCKING DIFFERENTLY YOU TWIT. No matter how many people have told him that it is different, he still tries to compare himself with me. "Oh, you'll get over it eventually like I did." Of course you got over it. You were able to move on from something that actually happened. My shit started when I was born. A measurable chemical imbalance you fucking moron. FUCKING LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!! He thinks he can motivate me by helping pay my rent. Fuck. He spent over 14,000 dollars - FOURTEEN THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS and counting in rent and food over the last year and a half trying to prove a point which he never realizes will ever work for me. In fact, it has hurt me even more and he DENYS it has and swears up and down that it was the best choice for me. He just wanted fucking privacy so he can bang his new wife every night or something. Every time I lash out telling him money won't fix my problems, he fucking goes off saying how he's just going to stop paying my rent then and let me deal with it on my own. YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU CUNT. YOU KNEW I WAS NOT MENTALLY STABLE NOR FINANCIALLY STABLE TO LIVE ON MY OWN, AND NOW YOU'RE THREATENING ME TO CUT ME OFF? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH? ---- I can't find a stable job. If I find a job it's minimum wage bullshit that can't support me. I have expenses of excess of 1200/mo. In 3 more months when I turn 21 and the government finds out I'm not in school taking 12 credits anymore, I get kicked off my healthcare plan. I have no healthcare after that. I can't go back to school and take 12 credits because I'm on an academic restriction because I did so shitty for two semesters in a row. I have to prove I can do well with 6 credits first. The next semester starts in August I think. I've tried the meds the docs gave me, but after a while they stop working and then I get switched to a new one which does the same. Now I'm sitting here with the only medicine I have left, xanax, which does a shitty job since it only lasts for like 6 hours, then I get slapped with reality again. Plus I only have like 4 more doses even if I stretch it thin. I'm not even going to therapy. I need therapy. I just recently got a doctors referral, but I can't even bring myself to pick up the phone and call the shrink to make an appointment. I don't know why, I just can't. You know how people say "I feel like I've lost touch with reality?" Well I feel the exact opposite. I feel reality took it's big dick and slapped me right in the face and then took a shit right on me. I don't know how to go on any more. I really don't.
[QUOTE=Master117;28546190]I don't know how to go on any more. I really don't.[/QUOTE] Think about this: Your'e just old enough to live, sure your dad is an ass, but i bet you can prove he's an ass by being something... Doing what he did not. I on the other hand can't live out there, everyone (even the poster above you) knows this, and thus i'm jammed in with a dead family. Which, to me, is worse than roughing it. And i know how you feel about reality too, i just know EVERYTHING i do in life is just a waste OF my life. I'm better off writing a book, or making a game/movie, i'ts better to share my vision in a fantastical story than to join the 'cattle' in an endless struggle of "business". Add up your pros in life. Smoke some weed, and let it let YOU think deeply about the situation, and come up with a damn good plan. Stick with schooling wherever possible! Get those year 12 credits, i did, and i barely went to school because i was so fucked over. Yet i still passed, i ascended to where no fuck-stick could look down at me, and if they do, they are just as low as the asses running the world. That single stepping stone is as secure as a construction yard with many hundreds of walls surrounding it. Also, don't be afraid to have an imagination, hell, i have a whole world in my mind, and whenever reality sucks so much, i'll escape to my world, and maybe even ask the people there for advise. Turns out, it's only logic i knew all along, but just needed someone else to highlight it for me, whether it be my friends pointing it out, or my imaginary friends pointing it out. (And those with imaginations are the ones who write the best books, and make the best movies!) You may be depressed, but by simply mulling over the problems with logical thinking, and then putting effort into the solution, you can achieve much more than your father ever did. (But, the xanax is only going to shut off your logic processing... Try grass instead, believe me it works. My mom uses xanax, and it does her no good at all. Only makes her a friggin zombine :frown:)
I'm starting to notice the effects of the Flouxetine I'm taking. I don't feel anything pretty much. Don't know if it's a good thing or bad thing, I'll just have to wait and see.
The fact that I can't make what I want to make is really eating me up, be it videos, music or paintings. So frustraaating! [editline]12th March 2011[/editline] I have these perfect ideas of things to make all the time, and I have the equipment but I never have actors. And also I suck at painting, even when I have a ton of practice I just can't paint what I imagine. And I just plain can't make music.
I have a really hard time creating stuff aswell, but ofcourse I'm more of an improviser than a composer.
I'm feeling absolutely terrible now. I sleep way too long, nothing is fun anymore, I feel like a wreck and I feel selfish as fuck complaining about it. I did make a very though promise though, I promised my best friend I wouldn't kill myself and I intend to keep that promise, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like a fuckcake. Got a doctors appointment set up, what do I do meanwhile?
[QUOTE=Spetzaz;28566163]I'm feeling absolutely terrible now. I sleep way too long, nothing is fun anymore, I feel like a wreck and I feel selfish as fuck complaining about it. I did make a very though promise though, I promised my best friend I wouldn't kill myself and I intend to keep that promise, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like a fuckcake. Got a doctors appointment set up, what do I do meanwhile?[/QUOTE] Workout, play some vidya, read a book, get out of the house. Anything to distract yourself from your depressing thoughts.
I did all of them except reading a book. Escapism has worse effect now though, and I don't find things like that fun anymore. I tried watching a movie, I couldn't concentrate on it and stopped watching half way though.
[QUOTE=Master117;28546190] I'm in EMT class now [/QUOTE] we share dreams it seems. but bro, if you're trying to take an EMT course/trying to be an EMT, you should really be extremely mentally strong first, so slow down on the course maybe.
[QUOTE=Spetzaz;28566163]I'm feeling absolutely terrible now. I sleep way too long, nothing is fun anymore, I feel like a wreck and I feel selfish as fuck complaining about it. I did make a very though promise though, I promised my best friend I wouldn't kill myself and I intend to keep that promise, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like a fuckcake. Got a doctors appointment set up, what do I do meanwhile?[/QUOTE] I don't have clinical depression or the sort, there are times i get depressed or even out of control. I found the best way for me to think " what do i want to still do? what can i do for others?" logically give yourself a list why you shouldn't feel depressed, as Life is unforgiving but still forgiving in the darkest corners of the world, If your young you have years to endure and feel rewarded throughout your life. there are the dark days but there the dawn that always come, Time wont stop for you but you can last as long you possibly want if you still have desires or dreams you wish to conquer. If that doesnt work try existentialism, give yourself a reason for your existence, have a ball do stupid stuff, or work for a greater good. This is life grab it by the reins and fuck as much you want, if you got morals follow them! you dont? oh well! suicide is a door but there so many other doors out there that sounds much more appealing. sorry for text wall =S
[QUOTE=Spetzaz;28562775]The fact that I can't make what I want to make is really eating me up, be it videos, music or paintings. So frustraaating! [editline]12th March 2011[/editline] I have these perfect ideas of things to make all the time, and I have the equipment but I never have actors. And also I suck at painting, even when I have a ton of practice I just can't paint what I imagine. And I just plain can't make music.[/QUOTE] Similar... I have my computer RIGHT here. It holds everything i want to do, i can play a game at any time an have a ball... But i just don't feel like it, or the game i try to :unsmith: at simply doesn't work :smith: (like Morrowind, the game just broke for the third time and i can't get there no more :frown:) I have a HAMMER, and some excellent mapping ideas, but 10 minuites in i just die. I can't map, and am forced to close the program... I have lots of music, yet i've heard it all. I can't find a song i want to listen to, when i have HEAPS of music here! I've got a good book, but how can i read? It's just not the time... FUCK i hate this "got lots to do, nothing to do" depression, it really depresses me! :smith:
[QUOTE=CorporalRoss;28575836]I don't have clinical depression or the sort, there are times i get depressed or even out of control. I found the best way for me to think " what do i want to still do? what can i do for others?" logically give yourself a list why you shouldn't feel depressed, as Life is unforgiving but still forgiving in the darkest corners of the world, If your young you have years to endure and feel rewarded throughout your life. there are the dark days but there the dawn that always come, Time wont stop for you but you can last as long you possibly want if you still have desires or dreams you wish to conquer. If that doesnt work try existentialism, give yourself a reason for your existence, have a ball do stupid stuff, or work for a greater good. This is life grab it by the reins and fuck as much you want, if you got morals follow them! you dont? oh well! suicide is a door but there so many other doors out there that sounds much more appealing. sorry for text wall =S[/QUOTE] No I do this. I do a lot of charity work. I donate near half my income to the national breast cancer coalition, I have volunteered for searching for people with Red Cross if they go missing and I pretty much do my best effort at making people feel better about themselves over the Internet or IRL. I'll admit it helps me feel better about myself a bunch but I still have these instances where I feel like total crap, and I always manage to find a reason to feel shitty about myself.
Meh, I've crashed. After a week, feeling somewhat motivated and feeling that I was actually going somewhere... I feel so low again.
fuck I'm done with love on the internet, i meet at great girl and we talk allot and then it turns out she is way younger than she says. it's the second time it's happened so far and it hurt worse every time. I'm not gonna cut myself but i would rather die than live to tomorrow (edit) scratch that, i'm cutting "i hate me" on the knuckles on my left arm.
[QUOTE=jani_killer;28587718]scratch that, i'm cutting "i hate me" on the knuckles on my left arm.[/QUOTE] Please don't do that. If you want to chat, I'm here. Or in PM. Or IM.
i'm on my cell right now but you can talk to me on msn with: [EMAIL="jen_tore@hotmail.com"]jen_tore@hotmail.com[/EMAIL]
Howdy. I don't think I've ever really put how I've been feeling for the past two years onto something that many people can read. I haven't even told my best friend about it. I think I did once, but that was a while back, not sure if he remembers. I wouldn't consider myself to be suffering from depression, but it's at least sadness of some kind. Well, for starters, I have vitiligo. If you don't know what that is, it's essentially where you get white patches all over your skin, and they slowly begin to turn you albino. You get completely pale skin, your hair turns white, the whole ordeal. Now, this is pretty embarrassing for me to say, but the nice thing about an internet forum is that you don't really know them, so they judge you less. This is something I need. The main area where my vitiligo is affecting is on my left eyebrow, half is pale, the skin around the eye is pale, and on my genitalia. This has caused me to kind of kill my self esteem. I probably should have told somebody in my family about me having it down there, but I honestly feel too embarrassed. I don't want to go to a doctor's and try to get it fixed, it's just too... embarrassing. I also have acne, though that problem is being treated, and is nearly gone, so that's something to look forward to. That's not as big of a deal as the vitiligo, at least as far as I can tell. I've been told to not be that bad looking, but I can't help but be nervous to pursue a relationship, and that maybe somehow something could screw up. I'm fifteen, never had sex, don't want a relationship for one (I'm more of a personality guy), but there's still the chance. Some people have noticed my pale eyebrow, none have been really negative reactions, most don't even realize it's a skin condition, just something like a birth mark or some stupid thing like that. That's okay with me. I also haven't had great luck with relationships. I don't know, I've screwed them up mainly, and while I really don't care for them so much anymore, I just can't help but think that I could fuck up another one. I talked to a girl, made friends with her, then began to have an interest in her. I asked her out after a few months, and she said no. I couldn't really talk to her after that, and neither could she, it was just awkward. After a few months, she ended up telling her friend she regretted it (overheard), and when her friend asked if I still liked her, I told her no. I was taken by surprise. Not sure why I said no to be honest, I just did. That was the end of that. The second one took a liking to me and I did to her, and we texted for a while, and she eventually after a week decided I hadn't talked to her enough, so started going out with someone else. This honestly wasn't my fault, and she pulled this right in the middle of a... Sad moment for me, where I was in a pissy mood. So I ended up calling her some things I shouldn't have, and regret it. Even though I think she was those words, I shouldn't have called her them. At the very least I learned from it. I apologized, but never pursued going out with her again, I didn't want to. Anyways, some girl is taking a liking to me, and while I think a girlfriend really might help my self-esteem, I just don't see it happening for a long time with her. She's the near opposite of me, and we're both a bit reluctant to say much. I'm one of those people that doesn't like to talk to people just for the sake of talking. I need a reason to. So that caused it to not really go anywhere... And my friend is also a gamer, fellow Facepuncher, we're into the exact same things. We're very similar, both great with computers, have a huge interest in them, same concepts on governments, and religious views. I can't help but feel that he's better at pretty much all of that than I am. So in that aspect, I feel not as good at anything compared to him. It sucks. [B]tl;dr I have vitiligo, a bit of acne, and fucked up a bunch of relationships. My friend is good at the things I am, and I can't help but think he's better than I am at them, making me feel worthless. I am overreacting to these things.[/B] I don't mind if you didn't read this, but it's great to type it out. My parents and everyone at school have no idea I'm depressed, but my best friend I think can tell something's going on, even though I don't think he's exactly sure. If anyone could recommend anything, or want more details, I'd be happy to oblige.
I'm not for suicide, but if a piano fell on me or an earthquake happened and I died, I'd be cool with that. I'm not a big fan of life. Society sucks, governments suck, look at Bradley Manning. I've never had true friends in my life, except for one who I still have. Right now I consider myself failing school as I can't deal with the pressure of English, as language is abstract rather than straightforward and logical. The only thing I'm half good at is maths and I'm doing an IT course so I can get an IT certificate II. I've given up any dreams as I doubt I'll even get a school certificate, let alone a high school certificate or any kind of maths acknowledgement so I can go to university. I dunno. I've pretty much given up on everything. I shouldn't of been such a slacker in school and missed those 4 or so years. If I knew where I'd be now, I wouldn't of. I'm a depressed moron who really doesn't need to exist. [b]AKA I'm a whiny bitch who messed up and is now feeling the repercussions of not paying attention in class.[/b]
Does anyone have any sleeping advice? I've had the worst fucking time trying to sleep for the past week with a combination of boredom and depression not helping. I'm not asking for life advice, just how to ease my mind enough to get some sleep.
Oh god, why am I posting here? I am freaking out right now. I am losing touch between hypochondria(?) and reality. I did not want to post this. fuckfuckfuckfuck
Me and my three close friends are borderline. One of us actually isn't, but because we get depressive quite easilly she kinda has dramatic mood swings too. We kinda try to help each other when one of us is down and all. But lately all four of us have been really down for different reasons and we kindof end up crying each in his blanket. Sux.
[QUOTE=Zally13;28596598]Howdy. I don't think I've ever really put how I've been feeling for the past two years onto something that many people can read. I haven't even told my best friend about it. I think I did once, but that was a while back, not sure if he remembers. I wouldn't consider myself to be suffering from depression, but it's at least sadness of some kind. Well, for starters, I have vitiligo. If you don't know what that is, it's essentially where you get white patches all over your skin, and they slowly begin to turn you albino. You get completely pale skin, your hair turns white, the whole ordeal. Now, this is pretty embarrassing for me to say, but the nice thing about an internet forum is that you don't really know them, so they judge you less. This is something I need. The main area where my vitiligo is affecting is on my left eyebrow, half is pale, the skin around the eye is pale, and on my genitalia. This has caused me to kind of kill my self esteem. I probably should have told somebody in my family about me having it down there, but I honestly feel too embarrassed. I don't want to go to a doctor's and try to get it fixed, it's just too... embarrassing. I also have acne, though that problem is being treated, and is nearly gone, so that's something to look forward to. That's not as big of a deal as the vitiligo, at least as far as I can tell. I've been told to not be that bad looking, but I can't help but be nervous to pursue a relationship, and that maybe somehow something could screw up. I'm fifteen, never had sex, don't want a relationship for one (I'm more of a personality guy), but there's still the chance. Some people have noticed my pale eyebrow, none have been really negative reactions, most don't even realize it's a skin condition, just something like a birth mark or some stupid thing like that. That's okay with me. I also haven't had great luck with relationships. I don't know, I've screwed them up mainly, and while I really don't care for them so much anymore, I just can't help but think that I could fuck up another one. I talked to a girl, made friends with her, then began to have an interest in her. I asked her out after a few months, and she said no. I couldn't really talk to her after that, and neither could she, it was just awkward. After a few months, she ended up telling her friend she regretted it (overheard), and when her friend asked if I still liked her, I told her no. I was taken by surprise. Not sure why I said no to be honest, I just did. That was the end of that. The second one took a liking to me and I did to her, and we texted for a while, and she eventually after a week decided I hadn't talked to her enough, so started going out with someone else. This honestly wasn't my fault, and she pulled this right in the middle of a... Sad moment for me, where I was in a pissy mood. So I ended up calling her some things I shouldn't have, and regret it. Even though I think she was those words, I shouldn't have called her them. At the very least I learned from it. I apologized, but never pursued going out with her again, I didn't want to. Anyways, some girl is taking a liking to me, and while I think a girlfriend really might help my self-esteem, I just don't see it happening for a long time with her. She's the near opposite of me, and we're both a bit reluctant to say much. I'm one of those people that doesn't like to talk to people just for the sake of talking. I need a reason to. So that caused it to not really go anywhere... And my friend is also a gamer, fellow Facepuncher, we're into the exact same things. We're very similar, both great with computers, have a huge interest in them, same concepts on governments, and religious views. I can't help but feel that he's better at pretty much all of that than I am. So in that aspect, I feel not as good at anything compared to him. It sucks. [B]tl;dr I have vitiligo, a bit of acne, and fucked up a bunch of relationships. My friend is good at the things I am, and I can't help but think he's better than I am at them, making me feel worthless. I am overreacting to these things.[/B] I don't mind if you didn't read this, but it's great to type it out. My parents and everyone at school have no idea I'm depressed, but my best friend I think can tell something's going on, even though I don't think he's exactly sure. If anyone could recommend anything, or want more details, I'd be happy to oblige.[/QUOTE] What's with people with vitiligo having a white eyebrow? I've known of two other people like that. I get jealous. :smith: Anyway, I can't imagine that any girl worth your time would mind the vitiligo on your genitalia. If she does, dump her. The most criticism you will ever probably get for your vitiligo and acne will be from yourself. You're only 15. There's plenty of time for relationships and eventually sex. That's really not the thing you want to rush. Just let it happen when it happens. I'm just like you when it comes to talking to people. I just don't feel comfortable doing it if I don't have a real reason to do it, even if I like the person and I'm looking for an excuse to say something. :/ That's something I can't really give you advice on because I'm guilty of the same thing.
[QUOTE=Zally13;28596598] I don't think I've ever really put how I've been feeling for the past two years onto something that many people can read. I haven't even told my best friend about it. I think I did once, but that was a while back, not sure if he remembers. I wouldn't consider myself to be suffering from depression, but it's at least sadness of some kind. Well, for starters, I have vitiligo. If you don't know what that is, it's essentially where you get white patches all over your skin, and they slowly begin to turn you albino. You get completely pale skin, your hair turns white, the whole ordeal. Now, this is pretty embarrassing for me to say, but the nice thing about an internet forum is that you don't really know them, so they judge you less. This is something I need. The main area where my vitiligo is affecting is on my left eyebrow, half is pale, the skin around the eye is pale, and on my genitalia. This has caused me to kind of kill my self esteem.[/QUOTE] Oh wow, I have the same thing. It's on my eyebrow, eyelashes, nose hairs, and 'stache. People tend to think it's awesome, though. [img_thumb]http://i.imgur.com/Fb7HT.jpg[/img_thumb] Are you naturally dark-skinned? If you're caucasian it's really hard to tell if someone even has it. In either case, if anyone is shallow enough to dislike you based on this, they're not worth your time.
Guys' I have just not felt any happy emotions, everything is becoming monotone and I'm not feeling excitment in stuff I like. Can you help FP :smith:
So after a week of contemplating I sent an email to samaritans, although now I feel stupid Why does it have to be so awkward fuck
Try to be happy, is all I can say. Dancing always makes me feel better. Here's a good song to start ya off with. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqrxW-pEq3Q[/media]
[QUOTE=Higuys;28611176]Try to be happy, is all I can say. Dancing always makes me feel better. Here's a good song to start ya off with. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqrxW-pEq3Q[/media][/QUOTE] Dancing used to make me feel better too, I used to dance with my ex to some anime she liked, imagine a tall 17 year old guy dancing to the Lucky Star intro, complete with all the actions! It's also 3 in the morning so I don't think dancing would be appreciated by my parent or neighbours :v: I notice sending that email seems to have taken some thoughts off my mind and listening to that has made me a little happier thanks :)
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