• The Depression Chat - Symptoms, Assistance, Medicines and More.
    2,595 replies, posted
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;28638326]cut back on it maybe?[/QUOTE] Well, my psychiatrist said that I should take 60 mg a day of it, Ill go with it for a week and if it gets bad because honestly this isn't bad, just wierd, then I'll cut back.
I had a depression for about 10 years (didn't kill me, but I had an extremely hard time learning things in school, getting up, and finding meaning and purpose with what I did and so on so fourth), which then turned into a severe depression for about 2 years, which almost got me killed quite a few times, partly because I didn't want to be here, and partly because I was "in love" (more of an obsession about a girl though) and she didn't like me back. I kept talking to her though, trying to keep my hope up in school, but past that I didn't know what to do and ended up just.. Loosing all hope again. That was back then; I almost died but I didn't. I found someone else, whom I love more than anything in the entire world. My world was complete and I was .. Truly happy. We got engaged (and still are) and I still love her. But now I'm getting "drawbacks" again. It started out as tiny periods of days where I would just be blank, have no feeling in the world and hate myself, and .. Generally being quite depressive/depressed and self-destructive. Over the following months, it got worse, and now I'm almost in a depressed-state every day, especially when she's not around me (which is about once a month at best). Should I do anything about this, like to to the doctor, or a psychiatric person or something? Or should I do something else?
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;28631121]mystery solved. but really, this explains everything.[/QUOTE] But I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should try to win her over or not. It's probably too late to do that... I just don't know what I should do...
[QUOTE=slayer20;28639092]But I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should try to win her over or not. It's probably too late to do that... I just don't know what I should do...[/QUOTE] It's an option. Another option would be to move on. Both are equally good, except the second one might take longer for you to accept. Although you might go higher that way.
[QUOTE=T3hGamerDK;28639428]It's an option. Another option would be to move on. Both are equally good, except the second one might take longer for you to accept. Although you might go higher that way.[/QUOTE] I've tried moving on. I mean, it's been about 4 years since we've dated. I've had crushes on girls before, but every time I see her, it's different...
[QUOTE=slayer20;28639505]I've tried moving on. I mean, it's been about 4 years since we've dated. I've had crushes on girls before, but every time I see her, it's different...[/QUOTE] I possibly know the feeling, but I think what you should do is confront her. Even if she says whatever you don't want to hear, you'll have closure.
"Move on, im with tim and im happy with him we have plans for the future...i love tim and im sorry buy my only feelings for u are as a friend nothing more and i would like to stay just that friends" What the fuck do I do
[QUOTE=slayer20;28640864]"Move on, im with tim and im happy with him we have plans for the future...i love tim and im sorry buy my only feelings for u are as a friend nothing more and i would like to stay just that friends" What the fuck do I do[/QUOTE] Find someone else.
[QUOTE=slayer20;28640864]"Move on, im with tim and im happy with him we have plans for the future...i love tim and im sorry buy my only feelings for u are as a friend nothing more and i would like to stay just that friends" What the fuck do I do[/QUOTE] Move on. Hopefully you have closure knowing that you've done something rather than nothing now. Any time is better than never.
[QUOTE=slayer20;28640864]"Move on, im with tim and im happy with him we have plans for the future...i love tim and im sorry buy my only feelings for u are as a friend nothing more and i would like to stay just that friends" What the fuck do I do[/QUOTE] Teach whoever wrote that basic grammar. I could barely read it. Also, stay friends?
[QUOTE=slayer20;28639092]But I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should try to win her over or not. It's probably too late to do that... I just don't know what I should do...[/QUOTE] that question, can be better answered in the love advice thread [editline]16th March 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=slayer20;28640864]"Move on, im with tim and im happy with him we have plans for the future...i love tim and im sorry buy my only feelings for u are as a friend nothing more and i would like to stay just that friends" What the fuck do I do[/QUOTE] scratch that; move on.
Depressed and psychotic, reporting in.
[QUOTE=Cypher_09;28651548]Depressed and psychotic, reporting in.[/QUOTE] Want a hug?
[QUOTE=Jookia;28654606]Want a hug?[/QUOTE] I could use a hug.
We could all use a hug. Let's just turn this into an orgy of embraces.
I'll join in.
I've started writing with a girl. I'm not sure about how I feel. She's like, really nice and all. I don't know really. [editline]18th March 2011[/editline] It's the first time I've been talking this much to someone since my depression started. About 6 months ago.
I want weed badly, I would not care about my problems anymore.
I have nobody. I can't confide in anyone or ask anyone for help. I feel lonely and depressed and worthless all of the time. Nothing seems worth living for. The only thing that gave me purpose in life is now long gone, and I have no hope of having it again. All I want is to be worth something to someone. But it seems that no matter what I do, people always end up hating or disliking me, or at the very best not giving a shit. It doesn't matter how generous or king I am towards a person, they always end up hating me. I don't understand what it is that I'm doing wrong. I'd give anything to feel loved, or to have someone to love, but nobody gives enough of a shit about me for that to happen. Even if someone did like me, they would have to go out of their way to show that to me, because I'm so self-deprecating that I assume everyone hates me. I feel like a waste of space and money. I've hidden my emotions for so long that people complain that I talk in monotone. I can't even cry when I want to. I'm 18 and I've never been kissed or even held someones hand. I've been depressed and suicidal since I was a preteen. I'm sorry my thoughts are so scattered, but I don't really know how to put everything I feel coherently. I have no desire to live. I have no hope left. I don't know what to do.
My shit may not be as bad as everyone elses. It probably isn't, it just sucks when you can't be truly happy for like 2 years. Only temporary. I've never been content with life. People say goto a consular and I am but shit doesn't work. I have god awful self confidence and I've tried to fix it but I think maybe, in some odd way, I prefer to be sad and depressed. I don't know. People will tell me how great I am but they can't be fo reel.
I need help identifying something. I'm absolutely convinced I've got some kind of mood/attention disorder because my thoughts are moving far too quickly and my moods are absolutely insane. It's affecting my daily life and I'm finding it difficult to function in a regular capacity, in addition to a massive loss of sleep. It's really quick, cyclic phases of energetic happiness, incredibly low-energy depression, high-energy rage, and low-energy emotionlessness. I'm also experiencing difficulty concentrating on any complex task for any extended period of time, and I'm losing around 4-6 hours of sleep a night. Some nights I haven't been sleeping. Beyond that, I'm finding my short-term memory having some difficulties. No auditory or visual hallucinations while aware and awake, though I've been experiencing some occasional disturbing thought processes and paranoia. I'll suddenly delve into this thought process of the most frightening things I can imagine, or even certain noises - it will drive me nearly to tears and cause me to run to the closest corner. I've experienced a few panic attacks in the past few months, though none recently. The last one was after a particularly bad breakup. Help or responses, advice, or even commentary would be nice. I have no one else to turn to as my parents and brother are fragile right now.
[QUOTE=Tim Henson;28722770]I have nobody. I can't confide in anyone or ask anyone for help. I feel lonely and depressed and worthless all of the time. Nothing seems worth living for. The only thing that gave me purpose in life is now long gone, and I have no hope of having it again. All I want is to be worth something to someone. But it seems that no matter what I do, people always end up hating or disliking me, or at the very best not giving a shit. It doesn't matter how generous or king I am towards a person, they always end up hating me. I don't understand what it is that I'm doing wrong. I'd give anything to feel loved, or to have someone to love, but nobody gives enough of a shit about me for that to happen. Even if someone did like me, they would have to go out of their way to show that to me, because I'm so self-deprecating that I assume everyone hates me. I feel like a waste of space and money. I've hidden my emotions for so long that people complain that I talk in monotone. I can't even cry when I want to. I'm 18 and I've never been kissed or even held someones hand. I've been depressed and suicidal since I was a preteen. I'm sorry my thoughts are so scattered, but I don't really know how to put everything I feel coherently. I have no desire to live. I have no hope left. I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] You have me. :)
So I just had a conniption. A preface... I started college in Ohio at a place called Shawnee University (Fall 2006). It was surrounded by this depressing little town which made it blatantly obvious that no one gave a shit. There was really nothing to do. I found friends on campus and had a good time regardless but my grades were hell and I found myself caring less and less. I ended the first year on academic probation. I begged and pleaded not to get kicked out of school and I was allowed in for a second year. The second year didn't fare any better. Mentally, I got worse. I was angry a lot, sulked practically everywhere and it was plainly visible because a lot of people constantly asked me if something was wrong. I brushed everyone off. I didn't ask for help. I never ask for help because I've never gotten any when I need it. Eventually I had a total breakdown and cried myself to sleep in a side classroom after a night of hanging out in the computer lab (avoiding schoolwork). The teacher that had that classroom woke me up. I freaked out. Around this time my family was in the process of moving to Colorado. My dad got a new job and they were moving out there with him after about six months of him traveling from Ohio. They were going to live in an apartment for the better part of a year while they searched for a house and they didn't expect me to join them. Well, after the total freakout I had and I explained how I was feeling and such they suggested I come out to Colorado. I did. To this day I think this is the worst decision I have ever made. Everyone I know and whom I can call my friend lives in Ohio. The two people who are my best friends, people who I trust enough to consider starting a business with, are in Ohio. I didn't realize what I was leaving behind without thinking. The apartment they had only had room for three people so I slept in the living room on a fold out couch for a year. I had no privacy, no place to just sit with my own thoughts, no place to get any real school work done. On the subject of school, I dropped out of Shawnee and was signed up for Front Range Community College before I even got into the state. I dunno if people here are in a community college but they are not the place to meet people and try to get to know other students. People come, they sit in class, they leave because they have better shit to do like jobs or kids or more classes. So in this year of being in the apartment, not having any privacy, going to class and not meeting any new people, I was getting more and more depressed. It was visibly affecting me. I was still failing most of my classes but I had the sense to withdraw so they didn't hit my already awful GPA. I had a job but quit eventually because I basically sat in a booth all day making sure people didn't jack any gas from the supermarket. I would have massive mental fits, dark moods for days eventually leading to crying or arguing, I got into shouting fights with my family constantly. After a year in the apartment we found a house. I was still at FRCC, still didn't have a job, still didn't have any friends or any kind of social outlet. But we had a house! I had my own room! It was awesome! This would be a good thing, right? Change and such. Well, it wasn't. I still failed and withdrew from classes because I didn't have any time management skills, I still had no friends, I was still going to the same shitty community college but now I had a room to hide in. It's now about three years since we moved into the house and nothing has changed. I have "dark mood" build ups for days until they turn into a massive wave of depression, leading me to become aggressive or locking myself away. I have no motivation in school and I still don't have a major. I have no friends and no kind of place I can try to be social. I have no job and when I try to search for one I get rejected, leading me to stop looking for jobs in general because of expecting rejection. I don't sleep well, I don't eat every meal. At this point I've pretty much locked myself in my room because I'm afraid of fucking everything up. I don't know what to do anymore. I've seen cognitive psychologists to try to help me with school, I've seen an emotional psychologist to try to help me emotionally, I've taken some herbal supplements to try to curb the depression but if I miss even one day of them, which happens a lot because I can forget why I came downstairs for something, I get a hard hit of depression. I haven't taken any prescription drugs because I'm against that stuff but I'm really debating going to a doctor and saying "Fucking give me something." I'm at a loss as to what to do anymore and I'm destroying my life by doing nothing. Tonight I had another episode of anger after giving someone a ton of shit I shouldn't have. I stewed for a few hours before blowing up over some trivial shit and then came down really hard. Like I said, I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
[QUOTE=NuclearAnnhilation;28722969]People say goto a consular and I am but shit doesn't work. I have god awful self confidence and I've tried to fix it but [B]I think maybe, in some odd way, I prefer to be sad and depressed[/B]. I don't know. People will tell me how great I am but they can't be fo reel.[/QUOTE] I think I know what you mean. It's odd. I think part of it might be that, being like my own worst enemy, I feel a strange sense of satisfaction in seeing myself suffer.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, going to go get anti-depressants. Is there anything I should know/be prepared for? What will they ask me?
It's not a job interview, why the hell would you need to prepare yourself to answer personal questions from a doctor.
[QUOTE=Tabarnaco;28738211]It's not a job interview, why the hell would you need to prepare yourself to answer personal questions from a doctor.[/QUOTE] So he doesn't forget something?
If he can't answer questions about his own identity he'd have to be diagnosed with some form of amnesia or identity disorder.
[QUOTE=Mr. Someguy;28734294]I think I know what you mean. It's odd. I think part of it might be that, being like my own worst enemy, I feel a strange sense of satisfaction in seeing myself suffer.[/QUOTE] I pretty much hate myself as nobody else will do it for me. Maybe I enjoy being depressed because it's predictable: A constant emotion.
[QUOTE=Tabarnaco;28742077]If he can't answer questions about his own identity he'd have to be diagnosed with some form of amnesia or identity disorder.[/QUOTE] People forget. Maybe he doesn't want to leave the interview, get out to the parking lot, then remember he forgot to mention something important.
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