• The Depression Chat - Symptoms, Assistance, Medicines and More.
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[QUOTE=RainbowDash;30004147]I am sorry did I make you sad?[/QUOTE] There are times when I blame myself for the way people treat or view me. But then I look to others that resemble me and see their actions, and then I see why. Sadly, there are times when I am powerless, so I just pick up my guitar and write music. It got me through a lot of things in life, and helped me avoid making most stupid decisions I made. Death is pretty common thing in the family. I attend a funeral on a yearly basis so far in my life. I lose some small things, and big things that are there for sentimental reasons, materialistically worthless. And although there times when I'm sad, I realize that although I have lost something, if I just man up and keep moving forward, I'll forget about it eventually. I don't really find myself in any form of therapy at all, and there are times when I just begin to hate the things that I have loved that I lost. Eventually, I realized the lack of any kind of therapy can turn long-forgotten grief into spontaneous hatred, taking the form of any emotion/action, especially laughter. Overall, despite small jolts of laughter, when I'm alone in my room, late at night, things just start culminating in my head and I am just reminded that I'm depressed, even when things are going great for me. The past is a bitch, the present is a friend with a hand behind his back, and the future is just a rehash of the past. And the morning after, I tell myself to quit being such a big baby, and run off to class.
I'm pissed as shit, Facepunch. This cat I know, er...I've seen at school, is a real fucking asshole. He called out this one ditzy, naive, chick who's clinically depressed (or at least I'd guess.) saying that she told people she wanted to fuck him, etc, etc. Well the fucker posts this thing on Facebook about how she's an attention whore, blah blah bullshit, how they wanted to fuck, exposing her naivity "what does sex feel like" etc. etc. The fucker and his asshole friend just played her and told her that they were "serious" and would be "fucking Wednesday. I wanted to comment and just tell him he's a fucking asshole, but this dude is kinda batshit. He went to juvie for at least 6 months for something. He's a sketchy ass character. Anywho, my suicidal (at one point) friend comments on this, who has been used by her boy-friends comments saying "This is hilarious." I was so angry I couldn't fucking see straight. I ended up just sending her a message privately asking her how she could possibly think this was funny. I think the girl that he was antagonizing has already been to a mental institution for trying to kill herself. (Rumors, but it's the general gist I'm hearing from her close friends.) I'm just so angry right now, not even at the kid for making fun of the girl, but my friend who has been used like this, and cut herself, and cried, and all this bullshit to comment on another person's pain and personal sufferring. I just can't fucking stand it.
Its nice to know how unreliable your friends are cause they got a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[QUOTE=Galex7471;30019138]I do.[/QUOTE] I've grown up my whole life with a stay-at-home dad who has bipolar disorder. I'm not sure how other people act with bipolar disorder, but it seems as if my dad uses it as an excuse to simply be lazy all day and have everyone feel sorry for him. Is this the case with you? Or is my dad simply lazy and wants everyone to take care of him?
[QUOTE=Zareox7;30036997]I've grown up my whole life with a stay-at-home dad who has bipolar disorder. I'm not sure how other people act with bipolar disorder, but it seems as if my dad uses it as an excuse to simply be lazy all day and have everyone feel sorry for him. Is this the case with you? Or is my dad simply lazy and wants everyone to take care of him?[/QUOTE] I call myself the most boring person in the world because of it, but I don't expect everyone to feel sorry for me. I'm frustrated because it's still a relatively new diagnosis and now I know it's never going to go away, but so long as I do everything my doctor tells me, I can live a decently normal life. I can't drink and I have to adhere to a very strict sleep schedule, which is why I say I'm boring, but I was never the life of the party before my diagnosis so it's not too huge of a change. Actually, I was encouraged to do both before I was officially diagnosed because although I had never had a manic episode my dr. thought everything about me was screaming bipolar. The only time I've found it's even started to affect others (most people have no idea I have it) is when I first found out and I was miserable and complaining about it to my mom (who pointed out that I was doing spectacularly on a rather new medication and in my lifetime they'll be coming out with better drugs) and periodically when my sleep schedule gets thrown off my boyfriend will start to notice more subtle mood swings (neither true mania or depression, but smaller ups and downs) all day long, which leave him feeling a bit confused. I'm probably also going to have to get a doctor's note when I finally get a job because if my sleep schedule gets thrown off too badly I run a very high risk of being hospitalized. I'm not sure how I compare with others, I've been told that I'm very good at managing and being proactive with my mental health because I've had so many instances where I've allowed it to get out of control and I never want to go back there. Sometimes it is hard, I was lucky enough that I don't seem to have as severe bipolar as others do (or I've just learned to manage it over the years without realizing it), but I do have absolutely crippling anxiety so I know how hard it is when you throw everything at it and nothing seems to help, as is the case with some people and might be the case with your dad. I've [b]finally[/b] gotten my anxiety under control enough for me to live with it in the past few months, but it's still a ton of work I have to do every day to manage it and I fought to get to this point for over 20 years now. If it weren't for the fact that I'm insanely strong willed, I honestly doubt I'd be were I'm at in life right now.
[QUOTE=Galex7471;30041831]I call myself the most boring person in the world because of it, but I don't expect everyone to feel sorry for me. I'm frustrated because it's still a relatively new diagnosis and now I know it's never going to go away, but so long as I do everything my doctor tells me, I can live a decently normal life. I can't drink and I have to adhere to a very strict sleep schedule, which is why I say I'm boring, but I was never the life of the party before my diagnosis so it's not too huge of a change. Actually, I was encouraged to do both before I was officially diagnosed because although I had never had a manic episode my dr. thought everything about me was screaming bipolar. The only time I've found it's even started to affect others (most people have no idea I have it) is when I first found out and I was miserable and complaining about it to my mom (who pointed out that I was doing spectacularly on a rather new medication and in my lifetime they'll be coming out with better drugs) and periodically when my sleep schedule gets thrown off my boyfriend will start to notice more subtle mood swings (neither true mania or depression, but smaller ups and downs) all day long, which leave him feeling a bit confused. I'm probably also going to have to get a doctor's note when I finally get a job because if my sleep schedule gets thrown off too badly I run a very high risk of being hospitalized. I'm not sure how I compare with others, I've been told that I'm very good at managing and being proactive with my mental health because I've had so many instances where I've allowed it to get out of control and I never want to go back there. Sometimes it is hard, I was lucky enough that I don't seem to have as severe bipolar as others do (or I've just learned to manage it over the years without realizing it), but I do have absolutely crippling anxiety so I know how hard it is when you throw everything at it and nothing seems to help, as is the case with some people and might be the case with your dad. I've [b]finally[/b] gotten my anxiety under control enough for me to live with it in the past few months, but it's still a ton of work I have to do every day to manage it and I fought to get to this point for over 20 years now. If it weren't for the fact that I'm insanely strong willed, I honestly doubt I'd be were I'm at in life right now.[/QUOTE] I know that my dad used to change his medications a lot when I was younger, and it seems like only recently he's stuck to the medicine he has now. At the moment, he takes mood-stabilizers, anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I care about my dad a lot, but he just seems to be... over dramatizing it. It's very difficult for me to understand it though, as I've never experienced another person with bipolar disorder. I've never known him without bipolar disorder so it gets difficult to understand who he really is sometimes. It's hard to know when in a single day, he goes from happy to depressed, and then back again. I know, though, that my dad has a very poor sleep schedule. He goes to bed at probably 3 in the morning, then wakes up at 7. From there, he will take multiple naps throughout the day.
I've been mildly depressed for a while, and there's a few things that trigger it. Is there any way to stop that? When I remember those things, it just ruins the rest of the day for me.
[QUOTE=milkandcooki;30054226]I've been mildly depressed for a while, and there's a few things that trigger it. Is there any way to stop that? When I remember those things, it just ruins the rest of the day for me.[/QUOTE] I doubt it's possible to completely block out (compartmentalize) the negative things you're thinking about, so maybe develop positive coping skills?
[QUOTE=Zareox7;30054185]I know that my dad used to change his medications a lot when I was younger, and it seems like only recently he's stuck to the medicine he has now. At the moment, he takes mood-stabilizers, anti-depressants, and anti-anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I care about my dad a lot, but he just seems to be... over dramatizing it. It's very difficult for me to understand it though, as I've never experienced another person with bipolar disorder. I've never known him without bipolar disorder so it gets difficult to understand who he really is sometimes. It's hard to know when in a single day, he goes from happy to depressed, and then back again. I know, though, that my dad has a very poor sleep schedule. He goes to bed at probably 3 in the morning, then wakes up at 7. From there, he will take multiple naps throughout the day.[/QUOTE] *hugs* That's got to be hard on you. According to my doctor it's possible for a lot of people with bipolar to manage it entirely through sleep: the only medications I'm on is a mood stabilizer for racing thoughts and anti-anxiety meds, the rest is solely dependent on sleep. I have no idea how it works, all I know is that it does an incredible job. Apparently sleep schedules are really tied into bipolar, one of my key symptoms that really clued my doctor in was that I've still never learned how to sleep through the night, even though most people figure that out as babies or toddlers. I just did a quick google search and here are some links if you're interested in reading more about it, they seem to make sense from my personal experience, but I'm no psychologist. [url]http://www.bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-sleep.html[/url] [url]http://bipolar.about.com/cs/sleep/a/0002_mood_sleep.htm[/url] [url]http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2007/12/11/regular-sleep-helps-improve-bipolar/[/url] [editline]25th May 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=FinalHunter;30054883][highlight]This is a serious post. Don't read it to rate me dumb, or laugh at me, read it to help me and for no other reason. Thank you ahead for any help.[/highlight] ---------------------------------------- [/QUOTE] Go see your school nurse or guidance counselor. Irritability is also a symptom of bipolar. Hormones really do do a number on you: when I was a teenager I was able to figure out when I'd get my period down to the minute solely on progression of suicide attempts and that does improve as you get older, but if you do have bipolar it won't get better with age. If it's affecting your life and relationships with others, it should be looked at by a doctor regardless as to what it might be.
[QUOTE=RainbowDash;30004147]I am sorry did I make you sad?[/QUOTE] [quote][b]RainbowDash[/b][/quote] Get out.
[QUOTE=FinalHunter;30054883][highlight]This is a serious post. Don't read it to rate me dumb, or laugh at me, read it to help me and for no other reason. Thank you ahead for any help.[/highlight] ---------------------------------------- I have a problem and I don't know how to address it. Do not bash my post and story because of my age, you'll just look like a giant douchebag because this is a serious problem I want help with and don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] This really isn't necessary, it just makes your post seem very hostile. None of us are out to get you. [QUOTE=Chekko;30055711]Get out.[/QUOTE] He's already banned, buddy. No point in replying.
[QUOTE=Nahyan;30020910]Overall, despite small jolts of laughter, when I'm alone in my room, late at night, things just start culminating in my head and I am just reminded that I'm depressed, even when things are going great for me. The past is a bitch, the present is a friend with a hand behind his back, and the future is just a rehash of the past. And the morning after, I tell myself to quit being such a big baby, and run off to class.[/QUOTE] I don't really know what to say to this but it really rings home for me.
So I have pretty much lost interest in everything. I can try and force myself to enjoy things. But that only lasts about a day, a little less usually. All I can think of doing is just sitting in my room doing nothing. I don't enjoy movies, games, friends, writing, developing. Nothing. Any ideas on what to do?
Last night, my only friend caught me trying to jump out in front of a train. had it not been for her i would not be here today. There are no words for how tired i am. i really just want it to end, yet this shit has been on for 9 years. Thats just a short update om my now 6th suicide attempt. failed again.
[QUOTE=Happy Goblin;30061038]Last night, my only friend caught me trying to jump out in front of a train. had it not been for her i would not be here today. There are no words for how tired i am. i really just want it to end, yet this shit has been on for 9 years. Thats just a short update om my now 6th suicide attempt. failed again.[/QUOTE] thats so horrible... There must be another way. move to another city, start it all over again, forget the past.
[QUOTE=Galex7471;30054905]*hugs* That's got to be hard on you. According to my doctor it's possible for a lot of people with bipolar to manage it entirely through sleep: the only medications I'm on is a mood stabilizer for racing thoughts and anti-anxiety meds, the rest is solely dependent on sleep. I have no idea how it works, all I know is that it does an incredible job. Apparently sleep schedules are really tied into bipolar, one of my key symptoms that really clued my doctor in was that I've still never learned how to sleep through the night, even though most people figure that out as babies or toddlers. I just did a quick google search and here are some links if you're interested in reading more about it, they seem to make sense from my personal experience, but I'm no psychologist. [url]http://www.bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-sleep.html[/url] [url]http://bipolar.about.com/cs/sleep/a/0002_mood_sleep.htm[/url] [url]http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2007/12/11/regular-sleep-helps-improve-bipolar/[/url] [/QUOTE] Well, the reason that I seem to understand Bipolar disorder more now, than when I was younger is because I've done research on it since I'm worried that I might have it too. Mainly because of having a father who has it, and also with living with someone who has it, who happens to be the same person. But it would also explain how I've been feeling for the past two years. Like I said though, I've never ran into another person who had Bipolar disorder.
Sometimes, I kind of feel hopeless, going from happy, to just randomly sad over the smallest of shit. And after that, I end up chewing on my arm and daydreaming about my future, which is the same nightmare: Dropping out of high school, never getting a job, being shot by a mugger, then thrown into a gutter where wild dogs will fight over my rotting carcass. It's all extremely vivid, as well. Just felt like saying it. Other times, I just listen to the same mp3 on loop, of a piano song by akira yaomoka. Not sure what I should do, but it's getting tiring. It's hard to sleep, and I'll randomly start fidgeting in my seat during class, sometimes reacting quickly to sounds. i.e. A paperclip falls in the hallway: My head immediately faces the door. Other times I can't hear anybody, and can't talk. My arms and legs go numb, and I feel like a doll.
[QUOTE=D0C H.;30057773]So I have pretty much lost interest in everything. I can try and force myself to enjoy things. But that only lasts about a day, a little less usually. All I can think of doing is just sitting in my room doing nothing. I don't enjoy movies, games, friends, writing, developing. Nothing. Any ideas on what to do?[/QUOTE]I, too, would be interested in such suggestions.
[QUOTE=Sgt Doom;30074219]I, too, would be interested in such suggestions.[/QUOTE] I asked a while ago and no answer aswell.
I woke up today at 4 pm. I feel like such a waste of life. I had a dream about what I wish I had. What I almost could have had. When I woke up the reality set in that I had nobody. I can't go to my mother because I'm afraid she'll act the same way she did the last time something bad happened (she told me she wouldn't even bail me out if I went to jail). My father has never been an emotional support figure. And I pissed away the one person who actually cared about me outside of immediate family through my own stupidity. I'm alone. I cried for the first time in a long time. I just don't know what to live for anymore. I have no hope left. [editline]27th May 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=Sgt Doom;30074219]I, too, would be interested in such suggestions.[/QUOTE] It's hard to suggest anything to do when you say that you don't like doing anything. I know it's not your fault, but I don't know what you expect the rest of us to do. Depression makes things not fun. It sucks.
Guys i've come back to this thread numerous times over the past couple of months. Through varying phases of my depression and anxiety and there's just one thing i'd like to say: Don't pawn off someones ideas off as 'not understanding' what you're going through. I'll give you an example A couple of months ago, i was really bad, everything was completely awful. I stayed in bed until 3pm, stayed in my basement playing games because of what was happening in my life. My mom took notice, realizing something was wrong and we had a LONGG talk about everything, just got everything off my chest. And all i could think of when she was talking was 'you don't understand what i'm going through' but after a couple more days of wallowing i figured i may as well try what she said because continuing to sit in the basement wasn't working. And you know what? What my mom said that night really helped me, I just started doing things with my friends, having fun again. Getting out with your friends (Or even a walk by yourself) just clears your head, makes you get out and get your mind off your depression. I never thought i'd say it but my mom was right about what she said that night "Just go out, have fun with your friends. Get your mind off everything and good things will come" Im so grateful that i listened to her, especially when i first just thought 'She has no idea what i'm going through' The moral of the story is: Don't just pawn peoples opinions off as 'not understanding you' just take a shot with what they have to say. if what you're doing isn't working try something new! It worked for me I know it can help with ALOT of you. I related to about every third person on here almost identically a couple months ago. And now, yeah things aren't perfect but things WILL GET BETTER if you allow them too. I promise. EDIT: Sorry if this is poorly worded, or doesn't make sense. I just came across this thread when i was tired and i felt compelled to post something.
[QUOTE=Str4fe;30065617]thats so horrible... There must be another way. move to another city, start it all over again, forget the past.[/QUOTE] Thats easier said than done. Mainly because i go to a boarding school, which is just next to these previously mentioned train tracks.. But just to sum up what happened since my last post. My friend told a teacher that things had gone too far for me or something, and i needed help. So my teacher approaced me and kept on asking about it until i simply broke down and told about it all.. Now she has told my parents and they start acting like they give a fuck.. and guess what they did to cheer me up.. they bought me a gift they said... Sure helped.. I have cried more the last 24 hours than i have the last 9 years all togeather.. and that a lot.
I personally have a total emotional wall. Something traumatic happened to me when I was three, which I've never told anyone (except a really close friend). I used to cry about it all the time, which resulted in my parents believing I was a cry baby instead of asking what I was crying about. I'd get spankings and belted every time I even got teary eyed. As I got older, I became extremely anti-social because of this. I've always felt disconnected from my emotions. For example sometimes I'll get teary eyed over something like the death of a family member or a pet, but I don't actually feel it. I know I'm sad, but inside theres nothing. I have a total lack of empathy for anything.
What i've been posting in here is not really anything people can give me a solution to. so heres a question that someone might be able to help me with.. I can be happy, smiling and laughing, and then a short moment after, i get suicidal, sad and miserable for no reson really.. So far all my psykiatrist and parents blame are my Retalin, and just plain teenage moodswings.. I simply can't belive that.. someone help me, im tired of feeling like a freak caught in my own head.
[QUOTE=Happy Goblin;30097725]What i've been posting in here is not really anything people can give me a solution to. so heres a question that someone might be able to help me with.. I can be happy, smiling and laughing, and then a short moment after, i get suicidal, sad and miserable for no reson really.. So far all my psykiatrist and parents blame are my Retalin, and just plain teenage moodswings.. I simply can't belive that.. someone help me, im tired of feeling like a freak caught in my own head.[/QUOTE] Anything specific bring on these thoughts? I found i was (and still am, to some extent) like this and what brings it on for me is when im in my room alone or something, so i start to run all these shitty situations through my head.
[QUOTE=sniper3124;30105074]Anything specific bring on these thoughts? I found i was (and still am, to some extent) like this and what brings it on for me is when im in my room alone or something, so i start to run all these shitty situations through my head.[/QUOTE] When im alone is one of the scenarios it happens.. its not that i can't take insults or rough humor.. can't really thing of any more really.. it just happens all of a sudden
My suggestion is to just get out more, don't sit by yourself and wallow, that's what happened to me. Hang out with your friends, family, make sure you're doing something to keep your mind off everything. As for the Retalin, it may have an effect what's causing this, however it is most certainly not the main cause. Just stay active and keep your mind off everything, worked for me.
[QUOTE=sniper3124;30107613]My suggestion is to just get out more, don't sit by yourself and wallow, that's what happened to me. Hang out with your friends, family, make sure you're doing something to keep your mind off everything. As for the Retalin, it may have an effect what's causing this, however it is most certainly not the main cause. Just stay active and keep your mind off everything, worked for me.[/QUOTE]I got a bike, had more social contact then ever before. It made me feel great about myself and I appreciate my friends more.
its amazing how a pair of new shoes, and new jeans can make you feel better about your self.
im feeling down again, what do
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