• The Depression Chat - Symptoms, Assistance, Medicines and More.
    2,595 replies, posted
It all seemsfar too simple to me..
I am social. but still it happens. it can happen even during sex, work or eating. things that should somehow take my mind off it. but it still happens! and it drives me insane! im close to a fucking breakdown here!
[QUOTE=Happy Goblin;30122525]I am social. but still it happens. it can happen even during sex, work or eating. things that should somehow take my mind off it. but it still happens! and it drives me insane! im close to a fucking breakdown here![/QUOTE] what is "it"?
Sigh, another weekend where I won't be hanging out with anyone. And this time its a long weekend. I wish I had more than one friend
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;30122739]what is "it"?[/QUOTE] Its these extreme "moodswings" that just makes me go from happy and laughing to suicidal.. It happening more and more often now, and its getting worse.
I just had my mom and dad tell me they think I'm depressed. What to think about this. :smith:
[QUOTE=Happy Goblin;30134255]Its these extreme "moodswings" that just makes me go from happy and laughing to suicidal.. It happening more and more often now, and its getting worse.[/QUOTE] If they're driving you so crazy that you think you're going to have a breakdown, call your doctor and see if you can't set up an emergency appointment. Because you're still feeling suicidal, I wouldn't be terribly surprised if they asked you to go to the hospital, but I'm not sure how those things work where you're from.
[QUOTE=Galex7471;30136081]If they're driving you so crazy that you think you're going to have a breakdown, call your doctor and see if you can't set up an emergency appointment. Because you're still feeling suicidal, I wouldn't be terribly surprised if they asked you to go to the hospital, but I'm not sure how those things work where you're from.[/QUOTE] Maybe, But they will need my parents approval to do so, and their not getting that..
Maybe it's the fact that I'm becoming alot more independent and I'm emotionally weak to handle it. But here it goes anyways: I quit school, It wasn't helping me ( spare me the shit some of you are about to give me please ). After that I started working fulltime. I work at a bakery. I'm like an apprentice baker. I know how to pretty much do anything there is to do in the bakery but I'm not officially qualified as a baker. I fucking hate working in a bakery, waking up early is not for me, the dry atmosphere of a bakery annoys me and if I show anything resembling feeling down or something, the people I work with think I'm pissed off at them and start behaving differently. My parents have opened this café resturant thing and moved the bakery downtown. This has brought so much work on them and my brother. And the result of this means the family life at my home is non-existent. All the family traditions are gone, we rarely eat dinner together now. I'm constantly tired and my diet is not healthy at all. And the only conversation me and my parents have are about health and how I should eat better. Oh and I'm socially awkward too. Which helps alot. I doubt somebody will read this, but writing this down might have helped a little. Things that have helped me a little so far: A project ( I'm working on a minecraft server ) Getting a new phone helped for some reason. And classical music.
[QUOTE=Wheeze201;30143450]Maybe it's the fact that I'm becoming alot more independent and I'm emotionally weak to handle it. But here it goes anyways: I quit school, It wasn't helping me ( spare me the shit some of you are about to give me please ). After that I started working fulltime. I work at a bakery. I'm like an apprentice baker. I know how to pretty much do anything there is to do in the bakery but I'm not officially qualified as a baker. I fucking hate working in a bakery, waking up early is not for me, the dry atmosphere of a bakery annoys me and if I show anything resembling feeling down or something, the people I work with think I'm pissed off at them and start behaving differently. My parents have opened this café resturant thing and moved the bakery downtown. This has brought so much work on them and my brother. And the result of this means the family life at my home is non-existent. All the family traditions are gone, we rarely eat dinner together now. I'm constantly tired and my diet is not healthy at all. And the only conversation me and my parents have are about health and how I should eat better. Oh and I'm socially awkward too. Which helps alot. I doubt somebody will read this, but writing this down might have helped a little. Things that have helped me a little so far: A project ( I'm working on a minecraft server ) Getting a new phone helped for some reason. And classical music.[/QUOTE] Becoming independent is hard and it does take some work getting used to and finding your own routine. I too found it hard to eat healthily when I first got out on my own, trying to cook healthily for one person (especially on a budget) isn't always easy. If you hate working at a bakery, is there any chance you could get another job? I know it's pretty hard in this economy, but since it sounds like your parents own both the bakery and restaurant (I could be wrong here), would it be possible for you to transfer to the restaurant? Working a lunch/dinner shift might be a better fit for you, or you could see if anyone's hiring for second shift so you could wake up later. One of my neighbor's has worked second shift for as long as I can remember because he's not a morning person. I hope you feel better. Bizet's Carmen usually cheers me up. :)
[QUOTE=Galex7471;30148653]Becoming independent is hard and it does take some work getting used to and finding your own routine. I too found it hard to eat healthily when I first got out on my own, trying to cook healthily for one person (especially on a budget) isn't always easy. If you hate working at a bakery, is there any chance you could get another job? I know it's pretty hard in this economy, but since it sounds like your parents own both the bakery and restaurant (I could be wrong here), would it be possible for you to transfer to the restaurant? Working a lunch/dinner shift might be a better fit for you, or you could see if anyone's hiring for second shift so you could wake up later. One of my neighbor's has worked second shift for as long as I can remember because he's not a morning person. I hope you feel better. Bizet's Carmen usually cheers me up. :)[/QUOTE] Thank you, I'll keep your advice in mind. Rated heart.
I feel a little awkward about posting about this, but really, I just need advice and the like. I've always been a shy, awkward person and have never really had any social skills. My mood has never been amazing, but late last year I had a rapid decline in how I was feeling, due to a number of factors. I've been bullied at school for about 7 years, the last 4 being the worst. It was a mix of mental taunting and occasionally physical violence, leaving me at a point of pretending I was too ill for school and having break downs when I was alone. During these years, although the bullying was affecting my mental state terribly, I managed to get through school. However, in my last year of school, the year I'm currently attending, the bullying came to a point where I couldn't take anymore. As well as this, my mother (who is my lone parent) began drinking heavily. Whilst drunk, she tends to become aggressive in her speech, and requires help to do simple things. This became a regular occurance, happening almost daily. I eventually had a complete mental breakdown, and became suicidal. My mother found me in the kitchen one day holding my cut wrists, and I was dragged to hospital. After this, I was given appointments with a psychologist and excused from school. I attended the psychologist weekly, but it felt like it was no help at all. I told her my thoughts up to a point, but didn't feel like I could tell her everything. During this time, I became unable to sleep. I would stay up for days on end, before eventually collapsing into sleep when I was unable to stay conscious anymore. This affected my mood further, leaving me at a constant low, and making me have aggressive mood swings. And in the present, this is where I'm at. My exams are currently taking place, but I feel like I'll automatically fail due to my lack of recent education. I don't go out, I hate socialising and the awkwardness of being around others. Just my pathetic little story, thought I'd contribute.
[quote=PrusseluskenV2]It's a thread for discussing depression and/or factors leading to it as well as advice, so it's no problem.[/quote] Yeah, just me being awkward again. [quote=PrusseluskenV2]Be proud of yourself for keeping up with it![/quote] Well, I coped up to this school year. I've been excused from school for about 6 months now, and I only go to do my exams and pick up work. [quote=PrusseluskenV2]Didn't the school do anything about it at all?[/quote] Not really, my school isn't the best. My mother contacted them quite a few times, but nothing was done other than them saying they would "keep an eye on me". All that did was make a couple of teachers glance my way occasionally, so not much use. [quote=PrusseluskenV2]How did she take your suicidalism?[/quote] She took it pretty badly, she didn't think I'd get to that point. She didn't really know how to cope with it at first, and her drinking became heavier for a little while, but she managed to pull herself together more and became a great support for me. She's really great, and she's one of the best people for me to talk to. [quote=PrusseluskenV2]Try finding a psychologist you feel like you can talk to (if you feel like you need that).[/quote]Meh, I'd rather not. The psychologist I've got currently isn't really that great, and seems to use repetitive methods. She'll ask me the same things each time, and I'll give her the same answers. Personally, I just want to stop going to the sessions, and not bother finding another psychologist. I prefer talking to my boyfriend and mother, and find it much more useful. [quote=PrusseluskenV2]For how long periods did you stay awake?[/quote] Usually about 3 days, now it depends. Usually from 1-3 days depending on my mood, etc. I've been offered medication, but I have a large dislike of taking any type of medication, so I refused. I know it has negative effects, and I've been making efforts to sleep more, but I find it extremely difficult. [quote=PrusseluskenV2]I sadly have no idea how the British school system is, so please elaborate on that; oral and/or written exam(s), and what subject(s)?[/quote] The exams are all written papers, and most of them involve writing one or more essays. The exams I've already taken are maths, English language and literature, science and religious education. I've yet to take geography and history. [quote=PrusseluskenV2]Do you have any good friends you ever are with?[/quote] I'm not the most popular person, but I do have 2 friends from school, along with my boyfriend. I don't see my friends too often, due to not attending school and I never really make plans outside of that. To be honest, I really dislike going out at all, so I don't make an effort to socialise at all. I spend the majority of my time with my boyfriend, and I'm happy enough with that.
[QUOTE=PrusseluskenV2;30206675]It's a thread for discussing depression and/or factors leading to it as well as advice, so it's no problem. Sounds exactly like me. I'm incredibly shy and socially awkward. Makes it really hard for me to get any new friends. Personally I've been bullied since kindergarten, but differently from you I've not managed to do homework, actually care about lessons and nor have I actually attended school. I've stayed home over two months since Christmas. [B]Be proud of yourself for keeping up with it![/B] Didn't the school do anything about it at all? Sounds incredibly hard. I'm sorry for the part about your mother, that must be rough. How did she take your suicidalism? Try finding a psychologist you feel like you can talk to (if you feel like you need that). Most people (including myself) fall into a state of denying any psychological help if their first time didn't feel like it worked. For how long periods did you stay awake? Two-three days/nights or more? It can be harming if you go too long without any sleep, I'd recommend trying some sort of (possibly natural) medication if it gets too bad. (If you still experience insomnia(?)) I sadly have no idea how the British school system is, so please elaborate on that; oral and/or written exam(s), and what subject(s)? You're not alone about not enjoying the company of others. I personally prefer to be alone (hurr durr forever alone :smith:) and while it might not be the best thing to do it keeps me happier than being dragged along with some people I dislike to the mall and carry stuff around for them like I'm a trolley. Do you have any good friends you ever are with?[/QUOTE] Wow. You sure do try to help a lot in this thread. [img]http://www.facepunch.com/fp/ratings/heart.png[/img]
Even relating to someone about something you're going through can really help.
I'm a bit concerned with my well being right now. I've been having some overwhelming feelings of loneliness, it's not that I don't have friends, but I can't really say that I feel particularly intimate with them. I enjoy their company, but I feel as though I have thoughts in my mind that I've never felt I could share with anyone. These feelings get particularly bad when I ask someone to hang out, and they can't. I remember driving home today in a very good mood, but right now I feel miserable.
I had a dream last night that involved my brother (who I am pretty close to) basically telling me he hates me and wanted me to kill myself. Then, in my dream, my father basically agreed with him. It ended with me leaving the house, planning on jumping off a building. It was probably one of the worst dreams I've had in a long time. I often have this ominous feeling that makes it seem as if nothing matters because my life is going to be over soon. Does anyone else get this?
Whenever I have dreams involving other people, the other people usually reflect something about myself. I don't always know what it means, though. The other night I dreamt that I carefully opened up my chest and severed a piece of one of my ventricles of my heart with a scalpel. Blood was everywhere, and no one cared. I didn't even care. My body was just an experiment to me. It made me think about my sense of self-preservation and I wondered if it were possible that I thought no one really should care about me. Either that, or I've been watching too much House. :v:
I always have happy dreams it seems. Really can throw off your day if you have a weird dream.
[QUOTE=Klammyxxl;30211510]I'm a bit concerned with my well being right now. I've been having some overwhelming feelings of loneliness, it's not that I don't have friends, but I can't really say that I feel particularly intimate with them. I enjoy their company, but I feel as though I have thoughts in my mind that I've never felt I could share with anyone. These feelings get particularly bad when I ask someone to hang out, and they can't. I remember driving home today in a very good mood, but right now I feel miserable.[/QUOTE] Pretty much this. The only people I feel "close" to are my only really living relatives: My mother and my sister. Of course there are things I can't tell them. And my friends (which I have very few of, but Im ok with that. Im an ambivert but lean towards introvert. So I have no problem with few friends) But I don't feel like I can get close to them because I have seen the way a single action can turn them completely against somebody they were friends with. I am really emotionally walled up, so it takes A LOT of effort to care about somebody and to get close to them for me. And I just don't feel like it's worth the effort of really, really (I mean like enough to be family) caring about them because I don't have a shadow of a doubt that if I did that one thing just right, they would drop me in a second without a second thought. Therefore, warranting my feeling of loneliness.
[QUOTE=D0C H.;30213076]Pretty much this. The only people I feel "close" to are my only really living relatives: My mother and my sister. Of course there are things I can't tell them. And my friends (which I have very few of, but Im ok with that. Im an ambivert but lean towards introvert. So I have no problem with few friends) But I don't feel like I can get close to them because I have seen the way a single action can turn them completely against somebody they were friends with. I am really emotionally walled up, so it takes A LOT of effort to care about somebody and to get close to them for me. And I just don't feel like it's worth the effort of really, really (I mean like enough to be family) caring about them because I don't have a shadow of a doubt that if I did that one thing just right, they would drop me in a second without a second thought. Therefore, warranting my feeling of loneliness.[/QUOTE] I don't even feel close to my family. It seems like every time I talk with my mother, we end up arguing about something stupid. And I haven't really talked to my dad since I was a kid, he doesn't seem to listen at all whenever I talk to him. I just want to find someone that's interested in me. It seems like any effort I make to reach out never comes back in return. I'm starting to lose my motivation to talk to others, which is terrible because most of my energy comes from socializing. It really makes me feel like a terribly uninteresting person, I feel so empty right now.
[QUOTE=Klammyxxl;30226078]I don't even feel close to my family. It seems like every time I talk with my mother, we end up arguing about something stupid. And I haven't really talked to my dad since I was a kid, he doesn't seem to listen at all whenever I talk to him. I just want to find someone that's interested in me. It seems like any effort I make to reach out never comes back in return. I'm starting to lose my motivation to talk to others, which is terrible because most of my energy comes from socializing. It really makes me feel like a terribly uninteresting person, I feel so empty right now.[/QUOTE] I know a little how you feel. I can talk to my family, but pretty much only superficially. I just dont feel comfortable sharing most things with my family. (Some important stuff I can't share due to some childhood "trauma") So Im left with no one to [u]really[/u] talk to. I'm not much of a talker. Typically quiet actually. But there are some things I just need to get off my chest every once in a while.
How is everyone?
[QUOTE=Zareox7;30295616]How is everyone?[/QUOTE] Depressed.
[QUOTE=Zareox7;30295616]How is everyone?[/QUOTE] Lonely. But trying to force myself to enjoy little things. It actually helps.
Im finally getting treatment, talked to my teacher about it all one more time, and i now get Prozac and weekly consultations with a psykiatrist. It helps just knowing that finally something is happening. for once im not directly suididal, i have hope!
Do any FPers have experience with bipolar disorder? I may be under the effects of it yet I'm hoping I am not. Starting from a few months ago, I've been experiencing up/down mood "swings" which last approximately one and a half weeks each. For instance, around the third week of May to the beginning of June I felt very well yet since the beginning of June I've almost felt as if I've lost all hope to go on through the day. Either way, I seem to be coming back up but as soon as I get home from school I feel like an absolute wreck. However, these events have been occurring for the past few months as I've said. I am even more concerned because my sister had (and only recently conquered) bipolar disorder for a few years since she was around twenty-two (I am seventeen at the moment). I am suspecting that I may be under the influence of bipolar disorder but I don't know hoe much longer I can suffer under this state because the past few months have been an emotional hell for me.
[QUOTE=HellSoldier;30313091]Do any FPers have experience with bipolar disorder? I may be under the effects of it yet I'm hoping I am not. Starting from a few months ago, I've been experiencing up/down mood "swings" which last approximately one and a half weeks each. For instance, around the third week of May to the beginning of June I felt very well yet since the beginning of June I've almost felt as if I've lost all hope to go on through the day. Either way, I seem to be coming back up but as soon as I get home from school I feel like an absolute wreck. However, these events have been occurring for the past few months as I've said. I am even more concerned because my sister had (and only recently conquered) bipolar disorder for a few years since she was around twenty-two (I am seventeen at the moment). I am suspecting that I may be under the influence of bipolar disorder but I don't know hoe much longer I can suffer under this state because the past few months have been an emotional hell for me.[/QUOTE] If your sister had it (she managed to conquer it? That's awesome! I was told it was lifelong...) you should probably talk to a doctor about it, since there's pretty strong evidence that it runs in families. I'm a firm believer in that if it's affecting your life and day-to-day activities it should be checked out by a doctor anyways, though. I knit a lot when I get depressed and that seems to help. I haven't found much, outside of a strict sleep schedule and taking my meds every day, to alleviate mood swings. I hope you feel better soon! [QUOTE=Happy Goblin;30310529]Im finally getting treatment, talked to my teacher about it all one more time, and i now get Prozac and weekly consultations with a psykiatrist. It helps just knowing that finally something is happening. for once im not directly suididal, i have hope![/QUOTE] Oh man, I loved Prozac, I almost wish I could still take it. How long have you been taking it? It took 8 days to kick in for me and everything started looking up (and I stopped sleeping all freaking day). Glad you're feeling better and hope it just keeps getting brighter for you!
[QUOTE=Galex7471;30314170]If your sister had it (she managed to conquer it? That's awesome! I was told it was lifelong...) you should probably talk to a doctor about it, since there's pretty strong evidence that it runs in families. I'm a firm believer in that if it's affecting your life and day-to-day activities it should be checked out by a doctor anyways, though. I knit a lot when I get depressed and that seems to help. I haven't found much, outside of a strict sleep schedule and taking my meds every day, to alleviate mood swings. I hope you feel better soon![/QUOTE] I should stress that by "conquering" bipolar disorder she was able to sufficiently diffuse its influence on her day-to-day life after use of medication and talks with medical specialists who provided her with helpful techniques and strategies to coping with the disorder. Either way, I'm most likely going to visit a specialist and talk about my situation within the next few weeks before I leave for a class trip to Rome and hopefully I'll be better by then. So far, I've found that interviewing myself through pen and paper seems to help me. That is - questioning my state (mainly when I'm down, I may want to begin writing down my up swings as well) and answering the questions silently, and other times not, through a small notepad I keep. It gets used often but it definitely helps.
Its only my 3rd day now with it. I don't think its them, but the fact that im getting help now, thats what gives a boost of hope.
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