The Depression Chat - Symptoms, Assistance, Medicines and More.
2,595 replies, posted
Having asperger sucks, getting depressions every few months really tear on me.
[QUOTE=Evilan;31949683]I just started reading a book called "Beat Low Self Esteem With CBT" by Christine Wilding and Stephen Palmer. It's pretty good and even though I'm no longer depressed, it still lifted me up on a shitty day. It's literally the first book I've read that questions everything I've ever thought negatively about myself, better than the therapists I've been to in the past. I high recommend you guys give this book a looking, because it covers way more than just simple "Feel Better" strategies that I've been using lately.[/QUOTE]
What sort of strategies?
I am a lazy asshole so I probably won't even look at it besides what you say about it here.
Why is it that I have a respectable amount of friends and a good family life, and still I feel really lonely.
Edit: Can anyone even tell my why I am depressed? Nothing significant happened to cause this, it just happened.
Edit 2: Anyone wanna play Borderlands with me? Add me on steam if you do.
I had 2 parties last night, it was the most fun I've had in ages. I talked to some chick all night and ended up with her number by the end of it :D
[QUOTE=Super_Nova;31893253]Depression + Anxiety + School is not a good mix. I lost my father to a heart attack a few years back, I am worried about losing my grandma who isn't in the best shape, and my aunt tried to commit suicide recently and she might have cancer in the ovaries. I was seeing a psychologist, but I don't anymore. I was involved in a bad car wreck that made me afraid of highways. I can't get on one anymore without having a bad panic attack and having the driver turn around and take me back home. Ugh.[/QUOTE]
Update: So a few days ago in school, there was a senior presentation thing. Anyways, my anxiety started to raise until it was intolerable, and I couldn't make it. I had to interrupt him in the middle of the speech, since no other teachers were there, to leave. I never felt so humiliated in my life. I gotta get our of school. I'm far behind already, my fears always rise up, I can't sit still, can't concentrate. I gotta get out.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;31961488]What sort of strategies?
I am a lazy asshole so I probably won't even look at it besides what you say about it here.[/QUOTE]
A lot of what's in it is stuff you've heard before about what brings your self esteem to a pitfall and how to work it back up. But a lot of it is about preventing your self esteem from being completely shattered by something as minuscule as a stray negative thought. I really can't do the book the same amount of justice that the authors do. It's pretty short, like 200 or so pages, but with all the helpful things it has you do, it lasts a couple of days. I'd give it a shot if nothing else helps.
It's like I fucking had to deal with all this bullshit in my life in the past 5 years. There was a fire at my house in 2006, we were displaced for 8 months at the cost of tens of thousands of dollars, my entire family was all emotionally scarred. My Father had to deal with his alcoholism and has gotten better. My Mother has slowly been withering away do to her depression and due to an ulcer that has prevented here from eating half of the food she used to eat, though fortunately she has improved since she sought help. My Brother has had school problems and problems with drugs and anger issues, luckily he's been cleaning up his act and he's actually going to be able to go to a good college now. He's still like a completely different person than he was when he was younger. I've had my own troubles to deal with also. it's like I'm constantly having this inner existential crisis where I can't understand why everything just is the way it is. I try to open up to my therapist and my family and close friends, but I just can't will myself to show the 'real' me because I feel like if I show how convoluted, selfish, and stupid I really am, I'll be looked on like a totally different person. I can't do anything besides dick around on this stupid computer, and I'm not even good at anything like programming or modelling or level design. I fucking hate myself and everything that's happening to me right now.
It's amazing we've all stayed together as a family and helped each other with our problems.
[QUOTE=kaine123;31982698]It's like I fucking had to deal with all this bullshit in my life in the past 5 years. There was a fire at my house in 2006, we were displaced for 8 months at the cost of tens of thousands of dollars, my entire family was all emotionally scarred. My Father had to deal with his alcoholism and has gotten better. My Mother has slowly been withering away do to her depression and due to an ulcer that has prevented here from eating half of the food she used to eat, though fortunately she has improved since she sought help. My Brother has had school problems and problems with drugs and anger issues, luckily he's been cleaning up his act and he's actually going to be able to go to a good college now. He's still like a completely different person than he was when he was younger. I've had my own troubles to deal with also. it's like I'm constantly having this inner existential crisis where I can't understand why everything just is the way it is. I try to open up to my therapist and my family and close friends, but I just can't will myself to show the 'real' me because I feel like if I show how convoluted, selfish, and stupid I really am, I'll be looked on like a totally different person. I can't do anything besides dick around on this stupid computer, and I'm not even good at anything like programming or modelling or level design. I fucking hate myself and everything that's happening to me right now.
It's amazing we've all stayed together as a family and helped each other with our problems.[/QUOTE]
My family also experienced a house fire recently. Last year, actually, just before Christmas. Everything fell apart for everyone. We had to go live with my grandma in the house where my grandpa committed suicide in 2006. My parents were having marital problems and my brother was dealing with shame for actually starting the fire, and I was doing a lot of emotionally, sexually, and physically self-destructive things that I won't go into right now, since I'm replying to your post, not writing about my own issues. My point is, I can relate. The fire triggered a lot of emotional problems for my family as well and we're still dealing with it, so I completely understand where you're coming from there.
Everybody is convoluted, selfish, and stupid, or at least has been at some point. And if they say they haven't, they're lying. If your therapist begrudged you for that, that would be going against the very point of his or her job. And if your family begrudged you for that...well, they'd all be hypocrites. They're all having emotional problems too. Don't think you're more fucked up than everyone else, because you're not. It doesn't sound like that should be comforting, but knowing you're not alone in your emotional instability somehow makes it easier, especially when your own family can relate to you. At least they know you're not just going through "teenage angst" or the blues. They'll get you more than anyone else, not only because they're your family, but because they probably empathize.
How are you selfish, anyway? Why do you hate yourself? Just wondering why you'd think that, but feel free not to answer if that's something you're not comfortable posting.
[QUOTE=kaine123;31982698]I've had my own troubles to deal with also. it's like I'm constantly having this inner existential crisis where I can't understand why everything just is the way it is. I try to open up to my therapist and my family and close friends, but I just can't will myself to show the 'real' me because I feel like if I show how convoluted, selfish, and stupid I really am, I'll be looked on like a totally different person. I can't do anything besides dick around on this stupid computer, and I'm not even good at anything like programming or modelling or level design. I fucking hate myself and everything that's happening to me right now.[/QUOTE]
You really need to learn how to accept yourself. Believe me when I say this that everyone is inheritantly selfish. Whether it be wanting to get past your depression or achieving something monumental in life, these are all selfish decisions. They aren't something you should feel shitty about, rather something you should embrace and listen to.
Another thing is few people want to reveal themselves and even fewer people care to memorize every part of your existence. Take solace in that the selfishness of others prevents them from caring who you are, because it will help you realize others shouldn't influence how you feel about yourself. The only person who should influence your decisions are those close to you, not those you hardly know or keep at arms' length. It just isn't worth it.
Lastly, open up to those who care for you. Be it your family or therapist, they are there to provide you unconditional support. It's probably scary as fuck to open up to them, but if you want any real and lasting change, it starts with owning up to your problems instead of wallowing in your own pity. The pitiful never change.
i just want to cry. still somehow deep inside makes me feel better.
Don't be sad strafe
[QUOTE=Str4fe;31990930]i just want to cry. still somehow deep inside makes me feel better.[/QUOTE]
Let it out man. Humility is a luxury that we can all afford from time to time.
"I never asked for this" ~ FP Depression Thread.
[QUOTE=Super_Nova;31964448]Update: So a few days ago in school, there was a senior presentation thing. Anyways, my anxiety started to raise until it was intolerable, and I couldn't make it. I had to interrupt him in the middle of the speech, since no other teachers were there, to leave. I never felt so humiliated in my life. I gotta get our of school. I'm far behind already, my fears always rise up, I can't sit still, can't concentrate. I gotta get out.[/QUOTE]
I know exactly what you mean. Anxiety attacks are the worst thing ever, especially in social situations. I left my high school because I had very few/no friends all year because everyone was in their little social cliques and no "clique" was willing to accept me. It made me feel like shit so I gave up on my studies, and as a result of these things, towards the end of the school year I started getting these horrible, horrible anxiety attacks in the middle of class. I couldn't go back, it was just such feeling of fear, dread, misery, humiliation, helplessness, etc. I had to leave, so I did. In retrospect, it was a chain reaction of sorts. No friends>Giving up on studies>Anxiety attacks>Leaving school.
So been having lots of problems in life recently. Last night was the first time in years that I prayed and the first time I've ever legitimately thought of killing myself. It was scary.
[QUOTE=Unwallis;32005835]So been having lots of problems in life recently. Last night was the first time in years that I prayed and the first time I've ever legitimately thought of killing myself. It was scary.[/QUOTE]
That's good that it scared you. Suicide should always be viewed negatively and not as a rational thought.
I have been down lately, about the past week or so.
I started a new highschool and I do not fit in at all, I am pretty much opposite from how the people in my school are. During breaks etc. I do maths etc. try to spend a lot of my time working instead then just sitting there doing nothing for 20-30+ minutes inbetween lessons. I am not a big fan of sports etc. but I am going to start jogging before school to get in-shape. They live in a crime filled half shitty tpart of town full of old Tenements(I lived there a few years ago, not fun) and I live in a suburban area with very very low crime rate. I try to make friends, but whenever I go to sit down next to them they just pull the chair away etc. makes you feel really shitty and un-wanted.
My friends told me to not care, but its [b]HORRIBLE[/b] to go in a school and have 0 friends. I got a friend I have known for about 7-8 years now in the year above me, but I am lucky if I get to talk to him once a week. I have pretty much lost the will to do anything except study, only thing that takes my mind off it. I don't feel like talking with friends, I lost my appetite. The only time someone actually listens to me and doesnt ignore me is whenever they need help with studying etc.
Sorry for any mistakes in my spelling, English is not my native language and I am quite tired.
[b]EDIT:[/b]
Fun thing, I had to teach some guys in my class today because they did not know what a galaxy was :v:
[QUOTE=Evilan;32006815]That's good that it scared you. Suicide should always be viewed negatively and not as a rational thought.[/QUOTE]
I don't think taking a scolding tone with a suicidal person is helpful or constructive
[QUOTE=Zeke129;32011031]I don't think taking a scolding tone with a suicidal person is helpful or constructive[/QUOTE]
We can start a new argument again, but all I did was reinforce that suicide is not some thing anyone should consider.
[QUOTE=Evilan;32006815]That's good that it scared you. Suicide should always be viewed negatively and not as a rational thought.[/QUOTE]
this isn't the thread to be a condescending prick in
[editline]29th August 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Evilan;32011985]We can start a new argument again, but all I did was reinforce that suicide is not some thing anyone should consider.[/QUOTE]
the only thing you've reinforced in this post is that you don't have a clue about depression. depressed people don't just consider suicide for the hell of it. they can't help it.
[QUOTE=JDK721;32013294]this isn't the thread to be a condescending prick in
[editline]29th August 2011[/editline]
the only thing you've reinforced in this post is that you don't have a clue about depression. depressed people don't just consider suicide for the hell of it. they can't help it.[/QUOTE]
I don't think he was trying to be condescending.
[QUOTE=JDK721;32013294]this isn't the thread to be a condescending prick in
[editline]29th August 2011[/editline]
the only thing you've reinforced in this post is that you don't have a clue about depression. depressed people don't just consider suicide for the hell of it. they can't help it.[/QUOTE]
Then get out if this isn't a thread for "condescending pricks"
How is saying that "suicide is bad, and no one should consider it and that people should resist it" demonstrate a lack of understanding?
I love how you open your post with an insult before you even try to refute his "statement"
Try harder please.
[editline]30th August 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=MedicmanV500;32013490]I don't think he was trying to be condescending.[/QUOTE]
He wasn't.
He was just saying that it's a good thing that, that person can attach a negative emotion/aspect to the thought of suicide.
It's much easier to steer clear from something if you have a negative emotion attached to it. (that shit is common sense)
Here's a post I made back in the day that's pretty relevant now, touches on some things in this thread and also touches on some things that I can see coming up soon.
I'm quoting it almost word for word, read my bit afterwards too.
[release]
Anyone who says the following phrases is an idiot:
- "Suicide is selfish"
- "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem"
You're probably wondering [b]why[/b] those phrases are idiotic. It's a very simple reason: they are always uttered by people who are not suicidal and have never been suicidal. People who have no right speaking to the mindset of someone who is.
"But what makes you qualified to do just that, Zeke?" is what you may be asking. Good question! It may surprise you to learn that I had a rather lengthy period of my life where I was suicidal and actually attempted it once.
For anyone who has never had any type of mental problem before, imagine the worst pain of your life. You're probably thinking of a broken bone or maybe you got stabbed or something. And yeah, those are terrible. But they're understandable. Your mind knows where the pain is coming from and why. Nerve endings are sending pain signals to the brain which is interpreting it as "jeeze pal, you should get [injury location here] checked out soon". That's how physical pain works. Mental pain is different. (I'll speak only to depression here, but many people have other issues (I did) that I won't be getting into) Instead of it being a centralized thing, it's more of your mind itself being engulfed by _____ (I don't have a word for it). A religious person might interpret it something to the effect of their soul being injured instead of their body. An atheist (most of FP) will draw a blank because it really is something that doesn't have english words to describe.
In addition to the fact that [i]it fucking sucks[/i] and completely takes your life away from you, it actively prevents you from trying to get rid of it. It's easy to say "just go to a shrink" but there are numerous factors at play that make this a challenge:
- Depression steals your motivation to do anything beyond the bare minimum needed to survive and function at a minimal level. (Eat, sleep, drink, shit, shower)
- Western and Asian societies (read: the majority of the world) stigmatize people with mental health problems.
- Because it is unlike anything you've ever felt before, it's impossible not to believe that your situation is unique and you end up feeling like nobody will be [i]able[/i] to help you.
This runs nicely into why the phrase "permanent solution to a temporary problem" is idiotic. To someone who is suicidal, it does not feel temporary. [b]By nature of the condition[/b] it's nearly impossible to believe otherwise. This goes for depression developed by bullying, by a shitty job, or just randomly. (I'm going to say that bullying makes it worse because it means that you have that many more people out there who have no interest in helping you) Now that you know why [i]that[/i] phrase is dumb (and you'll stop using it), let's look at the other one:
"It's selfish". And to that I ask, is it selfish to wish to die if you're suffering from chronic physical pain? I think most facepunchers here are for euthanasia in those kinds of situations, right? So why should this be different? We've already established that depression:
- is extremely painful
- gives the illusion of permanence
so would it not be selfish to expect someone in this situation to remain alive just so you don't have to feel bad? Aren't people entitled to be relieved of their pain if they so choose? Hopefully now you'll stop using this phrase, as well.
[/release]
With that being said, it's absolutely not something that you should dwell on. It'll destroy you if you don't attempt to seek help from professionals, loved ones, or even anonymously on the internet. The anonymity of the internet is a godsend for people who are suicidal and ashamed of it, and many people in this thread (myself included) are available to help you through it. If you feel like you have no hope left you can PM me or add me on steam and I'd be more than happy to talk with you about it.
But despite what some posts in this thread may indicate, it's not your fault. You aren't to blame for it, anyone who tries to scold you or say you're being irrational doesn't understand. Ignore them. And don't kill yourself because you're cool and sexy
[QUOTE=JDK721;32013294]this isn't the thread to be a condescending prick in[/QUOTE]
Quit trying to start shit.
This may not be the thread to post in, but does anyone else have online friends that you enjoy talking to literally as much as real life friends?
I mean, don't get me wrong, everyone needs a couple of good IRL friends, but honestly I love chatting to and playing video games with these two guys whom I've never met at all just as much. I don't understand how we forged such a strong trust, we share literally almost everything and I'm sure we've all benefited from it
what I'm trying to say is, I guess, online friendships, in my experience, can be every bit as valid as real life friendships, so don't take shit from someone who scorns "internet acquaintances", they're just like penpals of the modern age anyway
praise the fuckin internet
[QUOTE=Turnips5;32013966]This may not be the thread to post in, but does anyone else have online friends that you enjoy talking to literally as much as real life friends?
[/QUOTE]
I have a couple internet friends who I've told things to that I'd never tell my real-life friends, so in a way they're closer.
[QUOTE=Zeke129;32013985]I have a couple internet friends who I've told things to that I'd never tell my real-life friends, so in a way they're closer.[/QUOTE]
Exactly, it's like different parts of you are revealed first and your friendships develop accordingly
Zeke I disagree with some of what you're saying, and I feel that your approach of calling people "idiots" for using phrases that don't agree with a suicidal mindset (which for the most part are true, IE suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem) is a little hypocritical when you say you won't scold people on this issue.
[editline]30th August 2011[/editline]
[QUOTE=Turnips5;32014019]Exactly, it's like different parts of you are revealed first and your friendships develop accordingly[/QUOTE]
People are surprisingly open on the internet I notice, mainly because they're more "anonymous"
Guys, Guys I didn't take his post negatively or see him as scolding and I fully understand what he is trying to say so lay off him please. And I rationally know that suicide is stupid and I'm not normally like this at all. Its just unfortuanately my ability to cope with all the crap in my life has been destroyed completely over the last few weeks.
I don't think I'd classify myself as severely depressed, I went to a therapist anonymously at my Uni who suggested that I have an anxiety disorder and when that is at its worst that I do suffer from depression. I guess the reason I wrote here is the coping resources I have now, will most likely not be here in 5 or 10 years, and that thought scares me.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;32014030]Zeke I disagree with some of what you're saying, and I feel that your approach of calling people "idiots" for using phrases that don't agree with a suicidal mindset (which for the most part are true, IE suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem) is a little hypocritical when you say you won't scold people on this issue.[/QUOTE]
It's hard to stay completely calm when someone is utterly insensitive
you don't really hurt anyone's feelings when you point out someone's idiocy, all you do is embarrass them for a bit and hopefully they become a better person for it
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