The Depression Chat - Symptoms, Assistance, Medicines and More.
2,595 replies, posted
Ugh. My aunt just bitched at me. She works a lot and is always stressed out, but she never tries actually sitting down and just talking to me, instead opting to make me feel like shit (not on purpose) and swearing a few times throughout. She says I just don't want to do the schoolwork, and that I am just looking for the easy way out by saying I want to drop out and get my GED. I just want to go to work, but I can't because she said "I'm not taking you to get your license until you start putting in effort" when I don't want to, I can't stand school. I hate the people, the work is basically useless. I know I'm in my senior year, but I've reached my breaking point. Enough bullshit.
I also just don't believe I'm smart enough for school. She says that's bull, because I'm smart in other things but whatever.
What's making you feel like that - the whole fuck school type of deal I mean?
[QUOTE=Pedro the Fuzzy;33792300]What's making you feel like that - the whole fuck school type of deal I mean?[/QUOTE]
I just don't see the point. My aunt says if I put my mind to it I can find a good job, but I think that's just fairytale type bullshit. The economy is shit, finding a regular job would be hard enough as it is. I just want to like, become a Paramedic. Or get famous as a musician, which I know is unlikely but I am going to do it in my spare time and try to promote the songs I make. Anyways, like I said I just hate it, I have anxiety too, and had to get pulled out because my anxiety got bad this year. I turned to online, but it just ain't working.
Well if it is your senior year, I'd just say rough it out. You've made it this far.
Yeah, I already reached my breaking point, dude. There is no roughing it out. Plus I already fucked up first semester. It's either repeat or get my GED.
[QUOTE=Tobba;33784741]I'm gonna do an attempt at getting professional help, if they cant do anything properly for shit (which I dont expect, Swedens system is fucking terrible) I'm going to kill myself[/QUOTE]
I looked it up for you, Sweden is ranked as having one of the best systems to treat mental illness so you're likely in good hands
Leaps and bounds ahead of the US
I'd just like to make a short post, which hopefully doesn't drag out too much. I apologize in advance if this becomes somewhat of a rant.
I feel that a lot of people overlook depression. Not a lot of people understand that it's not something you ask for. It's something that is forced upon you. I understand that a lot of it comes down to how you cope and deal with depression how you fill one void with something, good or bad. It does annoy me how a lot of people seem to think that it's just someone overreacting to small things or similar, when in reality it goes a lot deeper.
Some people suffer from depression simply because of a lack of a specific chemical in the brain or simply just don't have a equilibrium of chemicals. So technically the same thing. I found it hard when my parents would say things like. "You are young there's nothing to be depressed about you've had it easy." Sure maybe not everything has been negative, but is it just me that finds certain small things add up into one big ball of cluster-fuck and seem to drag you down.
My view on getting help depends on who it is you get. I've always refused to pay for Psychiatrist help. And even if I had there's still a 50/50 of getting someone who will help or won't help. I had the problem of landing someone who wasn't very counterproductive with my problems. I did however find a LOT of help in Group CBT Meetings. (For those unaware - CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.)
It actually made me feel so much better to have a place to meet others from all ranges. It was nice to be able to sit down with a group consisting of people ranging from my age (19) to those in there mid 20's, some in there Mid life stage so 50's and even a couple of older people in there good 70's. I know it's not for everyone but it REALLY helped maybe some of you guys could look into it and try it too.
I'm by no means whatsoever clear of my problems but I'm a lot better than I used to. I found ways to ease the down feelings. Simple things like listening to music or what I personally find very soothing and I know this might sound odd, but. If you have a bass system, but some of your favorite music on and turn the bass up, stick your feet against the subwoofer and close your eyes. Sing along. Maybe it might work for you.
I also found ease in smoking. It's a very bad habit I know, but it's only like 2 or 3 smokes a day. Or if you find that you want to smoke more, smoke them in halves. So that way you prolong the smoking but still stick to the same amount. Of-course this isn't for everyone and I understand many would be disappointed by my choice to smoke. I'm just trying to give examples of what helps me and what could by similarity help you. I'm not condoning the habit by any means.
I think I've ranted a little too much and I also apologize for my somewhat terrible English.
I hope someone finds at-least a little help in this post even if that chance is somewhat diminutive.
Been clearing my mind all day, then I go to one of those baww threads on /b/, it sucks when all of those images relate to you.
I've also been taking some time off from talking to my best friend, since we've been fighting for the past couple of days. I've also been drinking a lot, but no matter how much vodka I put into me, I still feel regret and anger inside.
Drinking is merely just a short term fix. You need something productive if you are going to use short term fixes. Unfortunately becoming dependent on Alcohol is not a good way to make yourself feel better, especially vodka which is proven to actually make you feel more depressed, can't remember where I read it, or if one of my doctors told me that, in anycase Vodka and drinking bad and counterproductive to making yourself feel better.
[editline]20th December 2011[/editline]
Doctors and such can only show you what to do, they can't do it for you, or hold your hand all the way. There's somethings you are gonna have to do yourself, even as much as you don't want to.
It still pisses me off how no one is taking this seriously that I know in real life. I actually don't know what I am at this point, can someone "diagnose me"?
If I'm with friends and having fun, I feel great. Sure, I might get a small feeling of shit at some moments during this time (thinking why am I having fun, people are having a worse time, why should I be having fun, etc.), but for the most part I feel like taking on anything.
Then, at different points I feel like shit. Mostly if I'm by myself and I have time to think. I think about [B]everything[/B] that is bad. I think of people that have it much worse than me, and yet I am depressed, but I do realize depression is just a chemical imbalance. I think of people in war that won't be able to be home for Christmas. I think of how america is going to shit. Everything.
Probably the worst thing is that my family isn't taking this seriously. My mom just thinks I'm "empathetic" and my dad thinks I should just push through it. My dad is depressed also, but his parents passed away recently, so I think it's because of that. Which this also makes me sad, because I worry about how my dad is doing. I also worry about my mother and her mom, because they are closer than two peas in a pod and have been since my mother was born. I don't want to see my mother go through that amount of pain if my grandma passes away.
Really, probably the only reason I haven't killed myself already is for a couple of reasons:
Music
My family, I don't want them to mourn me and go through depression that is greater than mine.
Religion (This is controversial, I know, for facepunch. Only reason this is here is because I think that if there is a Hell, I know that it will be a million times worse than whats going on now.)
But anyway, I also am finding my friends annoying. This was expanded upon in previous posts, but none of them are taking this seriously, and are joking about me killing myself.
Also, if there is anyone I hate the most, it is scenes and emos. They annoy the fuck out of me. Apparently they like to look like they want to kill themselves. Meanwhile there are people around the world that are actually thinking about killing themselves.
[editline]19th December 2011[/editline]
Also forgot to mention that my parents yell at me constantly for my slipping grades. Which [B]how the fuck[/B] do they think that will help [B]anything.[/B] It doesn't make me want to do stuff, it just makes me want to [I]not[/I] do things more. It makes me feel worse, making me not function and go into a lock-down mode.
Finally convinced myself (through a lot of persuasion from my boyfriend) to seek help and address my emotional issues (mainly depressed and anxiety) and stress which has been pretty much crippling me.
I told everything to my boyfriend, and he's being overwhelmingly supportive, and has been helping me through the whole process. I would have given up trying to fix everything if I didn't have him.
I told my college what's been going on and the work which has been crushing me has had the deadlines extended. Massive relief.
I've told my doctor everything, and how it's affecting my life and body in physical and mental ways, he wrote the notes which I gave to my college. I've been back many times, in the past few months, to relieve physical stress symptoms I've been getting.
I've also contacted counsellors/therapists/whatever you call them, and I'm going to see one after I come back from a Christmas trip to see my boyfriend for the first time in 4 months.
Hardest part was telling my parents all that's been going on in my life, and for the first time in a long time, they're talking to me as an equal, and being very understanding and supportive.
I'm on the long and tough road to recovery, but for the first time in months, if not years, I feel like a huge burden has been removed from my mind. After telling my parents about my issues (which a lot stem from them), I feel like a massive weight has just been pulled off my chest.
Feels good.
Also feeling better here.
Been thinking a ton, really trying to get under my logic behind the thoughts I have while I'm mad fucking depressed and suicidal.
I've been feeling nervous and even guilty over this girl I hardly knew but liked so much. Coming to terms with infatuation, getting up and over the bullshit. Realizing she saw right through me for a good reason, and I will always respect her for that though she may always remember me as some kind of creep. Can't help but think of how wrong I've been, but it feels good to admit it.
Gaining some self-esteem for the first time in what feels like forever. Getting some breathing room. For the first time in a while, I feel like I've had a really decent day.
Last day of school before break is tomorrow, I can hardly wait. Getting out of school around noon to see a psychologist. Honestly can't wait to see a new perspective on my nonsense. Things aren't looking so grim.
[QUOTE=iggy650;33805660]Also forgot to mention that my parents yell at me constantly for my slipping grades. Which [B]how the fuck[/B] do they think that will help [B]anything.[/B] It doesn't make me want to do stuff, it just makes me want to [I]not[/I] do things more. It makes me feel worse, making me not function and go into a lock-down mode.[/QUOTE]
I know this, exactly. Every moment my mom gets, she feels the need to remind me of how poorly I'm doing in school. More specifically, she has to lecture me every night about how important it is to wake up on time. I haven't been on time for school in months. I'm seriously slipping, and its obviously not helping, but I don't think my mom what else to do.
Does anyone in here have major problems because of apathy and absolutely no motivation? I just don't care about anything and its impact on my life has been huge. I feel like nothing is important in life. I dropped out of high school because I just didn't give a shit about school and I'm working on getting my GED now but i'm still feeling lethargic.
ok fuck this
up until recently i was able to tell myself that my grades ultimately didn't matter because i was already set with my mighty fine english skills except i will be completely unable to get a job or even make it out of france without a degree WHICH i cannot get because i am awful at every other subject
the worse thing has to be that i cannot possibly base my worth as a person on something else than my grades because i am ALSO awful at everything else, be it being physically fit or attractive or even socially fluent
well i have no idea what to do. this is quite the dilemma
I failed every single subject at school and it fucked me over quite badly, just give it your best. Atleast if you get a pass even a low pass, you'd of still shown effort to try and pass it. I failed because I spent my years doing other things instead of doing my work and when it came to it. I never understood a damn thing and I cannot write by hand.
As for the whole. Physically fit if it's something that bothers you then it's something to work towards and quite a bonus to help you feel less depressed. Exercise and routine work wonders or atleast did for me. And being "Attractive" Doesn't have to be a main concern. I understand that the large population are very shallow. But you can't fall in love with someones looks if they don't have what counts inside then what's the use. You will find someone that will love you for you, not for how you look.
Besides if you wish to get physically fit it will make you feel better, and also help you I guess look more attractive. Always positives to it. Just gotta look for them and work for them. :)
the thing is i have pretty much been barely working the past few months and even then i had quite a hard time focusing on the actual lecture and i was rather just thinking about what the fuck i was going to do and god fucking damn it
it appears everyone i see can maintain an amazing level with barely any work whilst even when i work my ass off i barely reach the average grade
[QUOTE=Moupi;33815344]the thing is i have pretty much been barely working the past few months and even then i had quite a hard time focusing on the actual lecture and i was rather just thinking about what the fuck i was going to do and god fucking damn it
it appears everyone i see can maintain an amazing level with barely any work whilst even when i work my ass off i barely reach the average grade[/QUOTE]
Have you ever considered doing the work but adding a twist to it. I am unsure if it's just me but when I do things now after leaving school, so like when I'm working out money and such I close my eyes and visualize everything I'm trying to work out, I found it so much easier to understand and work things out.
I get it may not quite be the same situation for you. But it's an idea. If not try creating yourself a different workflow. Or if it's possible try and spend some time thinking of all the things that might be causing a somewhat subconscious distraction making it hard to concentrate or devote your actual intellect towards the work and see if you can narrow it down and fix what it is or come to some sort of ease with it so that you can concentrate fully again?
Sorry if this is of no use. I'm just trying to say whatevers on my mind at this moment incase it can help.
maybe i could work this out if i didn't have more than a year of work to catch up with and wasn't a fucking ball of nerves at every given moment of the day
i honestly think i fucked up and that there's no way i can fix this at this point but my biggest worry is still what the fuck am i going to do
i planned to become an english teacher or even a translator considering people always tell me i am very good at the language but without any sort of degree i won't make it and i can't get a degree simply by being good at english
again i am not so sad about this as i am VERY worried and anxious and generally nervous
I am thinking more and more about killing myself. Nobody else I know has my problems, nobody helps or understands whatsoever. I really summed it up in my last post. I think that the most painless way to die would be cyanide, its quick and easy, simple.
[QUOTE=Moupi;33815887]maybe i could work this out if i didn't have more than a year of work to catch up with and wasn't a fucking ball of nerves at every given moment of the day
i honestly think i fucked up and that there's no way i can fix this at this point but my biggest worry is still what the fuck am i going to do
i planned to become an english teacher or even a translator considering people always tell me i am very good at the language but without any sort of degree i won't make it and i can't get a degree simply by being good at english
again i am not so sad about this as i am VERY worried and anxious and generally nervous[/QUOTE]
Even if you don't achieve what you want this time around it's always possible to redo or take the course or schooling to improve upon it at a later date. Not all is lost. Infact in a way it could be quite useful if you did go and redo it, you'd understand where you maybe went wrong last time, and how if at all you can improve or completely redo anything that was either wrong or not entirely up to par.
It depends what exactly you struggle with and which aspect. If it's general learning and taking it in that's hard. Then you might be the kind of person that learns easier and can apply the learning practically rather than theoretically. It could even be that you struggle to understand something because it is learnt of the context of application on some subjects. If possible try and bring work after writing it down and apply it to something practical and exerting. I'm not sure if you understand what I mean. But like for example. With Science you can write down all the structures, physics and mathematical formulas but still struggle to understand it unless you can make a somewhat practical experiment from it.
Sorry if this doesn't help you. I'm just trying to help in whatever way I can.
[QUOTE=flamehead5;33818527]I am thinking more and more about killing myself. Nobody else I know has my problems, nobody helps or understands whatsoever. I really summed it up in my last post. I think that the most painless way to die would be cyanide, its quick and easy, simple.[/QUOTE]
Maybe your problem is one in the same. Because no-one has the problems they can't understand, therefore show no sympathy nor can they help. And do you really think killing yourself is actually going to resolve and make things better. As much as you may not think it. People do care and will care. People might not understand or even find it hard to take in or grasp that you feel different to them and as such do not show as much compassion as you'd wish.
But taking your own life, is not and will not be productive or help, neither you or anyone you know.
[QUOTE=flamehead5;33818527]I am thinking more and more about killing myself. Nobody else I know has my problems, nobody helps or understands whatsoever. I really summed it up in my last post. I think that the most painless way to die would be cyanide, its quick and easy, simple.[/QUOTE]
Send a PM to me, mate, and hopefully we can find a time to talk (I'm probably about 5-10 hours later than you), nobody will ever fully understand your troubles but people care and will try. Listen man, you're strong, you've hold up for so long now, talk to somebody. I'll be there and do my best if you want it. Just send a PM and we'll find a way, don't worry about it, things are going to be ok.
Great, my aunt thinks the root of my depression is because I masturbate a lot. She thinks that's why I spend all my time on the computer. Wooooow.
[QUOTE=Super_Nova;33825782]Great, my aunt thinks the root of my depression is because I masturbate a lot. She thinks that's why I spend all my time on the computer. Wooooow.[/QUOTE]
Tell her she's the root to your depression. Whether there's any truth in it or not. It ought to shut her up.
[QUOTE=Super_Nova;33825782]Great, my aunt thinks the root of my depression is because I masturbate a lot. She thinks that's why I spend all my time on the computer. Wooooow.[/QUOTE]
Wow, hahaha, that's actually kinda hilarious but that's gotta suck.
[QUOTE=PrusseluskenV2;33818615]Cyanide isn't simple or easy at all. Read up on the guy that killed Franz Ferdinand.[/QUOTE]
The cyanide pill had expired
So you people are talking about suicide?
I sometimes wonder when holding a sharp pen: "What if i stroke this thing in my throat, what would it feel like to fade away..."
[QUOTE=Jamie1992GSC;33803605]
It actually made me feel so much better to have a place to meet others from all ranges. It was nice to be able to sit down with a group consisting of people ranging from my age (19) to those in there mid 20's, some in there Mid life stage so 50's and even a couple of older people in there good 70's. I know it's not for everyone but it REALLY helped maybe some of you guys could look into it and try it too.
[/QUOTE]
Group therapy is one of the reasons I've been strongly considering checking myself into a psychiatric facility, there aren't any support groups locally
[QUOTE=Zeke129;33834420]Group therapy is one of the reasons I've been strongly considering checking myself into a psychiatric facility, there aren't any support groups locally[/QUOTE]
Well the facilitys aren't quite as....straight forward as you may think, although where you live and where I live maybe very different.
I know my thing says I'm in Canada, but I don't live here, just visiting, I've no idea what they are like here. Maybe you do as you are in Canada too. I am from the UK.
If you think it may help then definitely worth a shot that is ofcourse if you are totally sure it won't back fire horribly.
[QUOTE=Gen;33833818]So you people are talking about suicide?
I sometimes wonder when holding a sharp pen: "What if i stroke this thing in my throat, what would it feel like to fade away..."[/QUOTE]
It would suck. You would aspirate on your own blood, and even then probably not even die.
+ you would be guaranteed having a tub stuck down your throat, or a trach if you damaged your airway enough.
AKA it would suck, take forever if it was effective and it would hurt like fuck, being singly the worst feeling of your life thus far.
So next time that thought crosses your mind, remember that it simply won't work/will hurt like fuck.
[QUOTE=safety charles;33839841]It would suck. You would aspirate on your own blood, and even then probably not even die.
+ you would be guaranteed having a tub stuck down your throat, or a trach if you damaged your airway enough.
AKA it would suck, take forever if it was effective and it would hurt like fuck, being singly the worst feeling of your life thus far.
So next time that thought crosses your mind, remember that it simply won't work/will hurt like fuck.[/QUOTE]
It would hurt like fuck? Perfect :(
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