• Maverick's Love/Relationship/Social Advice Megathread
    3,562 replies, posted
That's why you ask them out on a date and don't ask them to go out with you. Saying "Will you go out with me?" implies multiple dates. Saying "Want to go out with me to the movies on Saturday?" clearly states that it will be a single date with no commitment to a relationship yet. Slight manipulations of words make huge differences.
[QUOTE=Big Ben;28263692]Fuck it, next time I see here I'm just gonna go for it, no point beating around the bush about it. If she says yes, fantastic, my confidence will skyrocket, if she says no... well, I guess I'll stay sad and lonely until someone else comes along.[/QUOTE] Don't be sad and lonely, be happy either way because at least you had the balls, thats an achievement in itself.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28263802]That's why you ask them out on a date and don't ask them to go out with you. Saying "Will you go out with me?" implies multiple dates. Saying "Want to go out with me to the movies on Saturday?" clearly states that it will be a single date with no commitment to a relationship yet. Slight manipulations of words make huge differences.[/QUOTE] Even then it gets misunderstood, the whole idea of the term 'going out' with someone annoys the hell out of me. At what point did someone decided that a friendly activity was an appropriate term for a state of relationship...
[QUOTE=Sockpuppetss;28259528]Maverick I have a problem I have a girlfriend of 6 months and we are happy and never fight and hang out a lot and it's always fun why am I not like the average facepuncher?!?!?[/QUOTE] let's see after three years [editline]24th February 2011[/editline] [QUOTE=kaskade700;28262030]This letter contained a lot of female thoughts I could not relate to[/QUOTE] this made me laugh really hard don't know why
This thread has renewed my desire to come to FacePunch! I was about to give up once Love Advice got taken away... [editline]24th February 2011[/editline] Not to mention that, even though it is located in General Discussion, I feel like most people will take the thread seriously just because so many displaced LovePunch members have relocated here temporarily and take it seriously themselves. The atmosphere helps. Plus there's a whole new crowd of people to talk to.
About the girl and notes thing. We already know each others names, so do I still do it or what?
Someone virtually slap me! She is in Guatemala, and now I have to wait a month! Sobo, what you gotta do is the exact same piece of advice Maverick would give me: just ask. You gotta just go for it, sack up and ask out.
So my ex is being weird because she's acting guilty and shit. Basically long story short: My ex broke and I broke up for like a month back in September, and during that time she was flirting around/talking to this guy from her work (that she thought was cute before we broke up, but didn't have any real feelings for him). At the same time, she still treats me like we're going out by letting me kiss her, hold her hand, whatever shit you do when you go out with someone (I still had strong feelings for her). Basically, she was getting the best of both worlds. However, I never knew about the other guy, and when I finally found out, she freaked, felt really bad, and she basically stopped talking to this guy for awhile and we got back together (he basically told her to stay broken up with me or they would never be friends LOL, but then started talking to her later. By the way, they met at her work.) So we dated for a few more months, and come a month or two a go she and I broke up because I found out she had been doing drugs (pot, crushing up and snorting pills, etc.) and I told her I wouldn't date someone like that. By this point, we had been dating for almost 2 years. So right after we break up, she gets back with this guy again, (we're talking like days to a week after we break up) and starts actually dating him, but she tries to keep it secret from me. Surprise surprise, her friends are my friends too and I'm pretty close with her brother, so I eventually find out. I also learn that shes been partying and lying about working, because her friends would get her to hang out with them (I would too) and they would actually go to her work and notice she wasn't there, but actually gone and partying somewhere. I never knew this too, because I told her I wouldn't party if she wouldn't. And now, she's tried to talk to me three times since we broke up. The first time, it was through a text message, but I never answered back. The second time, she comes up to me and almost starts crying saying how she never wanted us to never talk again (because I never talked to her after I broke up, any time we talked she started the conversation) and I told her if she really cared she wouldn't have lied to me, and then there's the third time. The third time, she basically corners me at lunch and tells me how sorry she was for lying to me and how she is just "friends" with the guy she is with and everyone was just feeding me bullshit (lol), and I basically went off on her saying she was only with him because he's an easy rebound and that I didn't like her anymore. She was crying her eyes out the whole time, and I told her I didn't know why she was because her tears weren't going to fix anything. Seriously, she could've recreated the amazon river at this fucking point, I didn't give a single fuck that day. She also told me about how she still had feelings for me (not those words exactly, but she said she hadn't moved on). I also explained how I knew about her relationship with the guy; she was basically kissing up all over him after a week of us breaking up (her friend was there and told me about when I told her about this conversation, to let me know that she was still lying to me). She told me she was only with him because it was easier for her to be with someone she could relate, i.e. emotionally damaged like her. I told her friends about the conversation and they told me that basically she knows she doesn't have this guy forever (he's going to the marines over the summer), and she's trying to talk to me because of that. They also said she was lying about being "just friends" with that guys and blahblah whatever. Also, this guy and I have never met in person, but he hates me for literally no reason (unless my ex makes me out to be a huge douchebag to him or something, I don't know). So, after this wall of text, I just want to know what to do. I can't ignore her out right, I share the same first class of the day with her and the same lunch time (We have 7 classes and two lunch times), I don't talk to her at either times and I try to avoid her at all costs, and yet at the same time I'm still hurting 'cause she's with this guy and the dishonesty throughout our relationship. The only good thing is that it's my senior year in highschool and we're going to different colleges. The bad thing is that I have 2 months left, which means two more months of us. I'm sad and lonely, but she has that guy, and I don't whether she feels guilty or if she still has feelings for me. Either way, I know it's a dumb to even think about being with her again, and I just want to go away and meet other people and get away from her. Yet at the same time, I don't know if I still like her, or if I just want to fill that void back in my life where she used to be. Wall of ex problem text ugh
[QUOTE=Lolthanio;28266281]So, after this wall of text, I just want to know what to do. I can't ignore her out right,[/QUOTE] As much as you can, I think that is going to be what you are told to do. My guess is that you will be told to do your best to do such.
[QUOTE=Foghorn;28259765]I've had a pretty messy love life and I'm only 18. :geno: I got dumped (again) in November, but wasn't too cut up about it and got over it pretty quick, and was quite relieved to be honest as I don't think I was ready for it. So I went back to seeing an old ex (again) and seeing other people and hooking up for a night, and for a while it was nice, I mean everyone goes through that stage of "fuck why haven't I just stayed single all the time, I LOVE IT!" and I really did but now I sorta think I'm ready to get back onto the dating scene but I'm also terrified of it turning into more than just dating. Cos (here's the confusion) I want something serious, but I wish there was a guarantee that it wasn't gonna fail :( I know that's not possible. But I'm also worried about hurting the ex I'm still seeing cos he loves me, and I think really I do love him and kinda always will cos we have so much history. But I just can't go back there, although it would be convenient for us both, it just doesn't work - we don't work as a couple and we don't work as friends - we only work if we're doin' it. I dunno, I'm just scared and stuck at the moment, I dunno what to do for the best but I sorta feel like I'm stuck in a rut?? I have a date with this guy next Tuesday but I dunno if I'm feeling it. And there's this horrible part of me that's like "CANCEL IT THEN" but how will I ever make progress then? I'm gonna go, but you know when you have that feeling when you just KNOW that someone's more into you that you are into them? I don't want it to be too intense and stuff. Plus I don't really know how to do dates, I'm shy and I've not been on a date before lol... I might just smoke a massive zoot before I go, that'll relax me :v: I dunno, that's kind of a rant and a quesiton I guess. IGNORE ME.[/QUOTE] IGNORE ME makes me think of an episode of the Venture Bros. Was pretty funny. Anyway, Foghorn, you may not see it but you're still sort of dealing with your breakup. The toll a breakup takes is less like the car crash most people liken it to and more like an iceberg sneaking up on you. You know, the whole "only 10% of the iceberg is actually showing" thing. But I agree with Mav, dating some other guys would be a great way for you to get over it. And you really need to leave this other ex of yours... the guy doesn't deserve to be dragged around like this. As far as the expectations of dating go, try to be precise without being firm: you don't want to emasculate the man, you merely want to inform him. Personally, I'm getting over my own hump now. Somehow a month and half long relationship got me really bad and I had to turn down one girl and help another go back to her ex. I just didn't want to date. Finally coming out of it though, so I guess we'll see what happens. Shame so many couples made it through v-day this year, I was expecting quite a few more singles this year :/
Well, I don't talk to her, like I said. By ignoring her, I mean try not to look at her with awkward glances from time to time (we both do this, unfortunately). She sits two seats away from me too. Seriously, I try to get the message across that I don't like her. I just need to graduate and meet new girls/friends etc. etc. [editline]24th February 2011[/editline] Also I'm depressed because all my single friends are JUST now getting special someones/people to talk to too. Damn.
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;28263476]nuh uh asking someone out is like being married to them![/QUOTE] And that's actually a way of thinking that goes around now for some reason. In recent years, "dating" has been renamed "hanging out" a lot in some places, and "asking someone out" means "asking to be a steady boy/girlfriend," which just leaves both people with mixed messages. Guys are too shy to man up and ask a girl out on a regular date, and a lot of girls don't have the lady balls to flirt since it's just "hanging out." Even when they do, it tends to leave shy guys with what they see as mixed messages, which freaks them out more. I was like this for a long time, but recently I've become the only guy I know in my high school that actual goes out on official "dates" and calls them "dates." When you guys learn to stop thinking and just ask as I figured out myself and as Maverick has always said anyway, and you just take dates as casual days to get to know someone better, it can actually eliminate your awkwardness and anxiety over dating before long like it did mine. Now I take a date as a nothing-guarenteed fun thing. If we have fun and it works well, we go on a second date, and if she doesn't want one, she doesn't want one.
Maybe I need to get a t-shirt printed up saying: "Just because I ask you out doesn't mean I am asking for a relationship!" In large red letters to get the message across. Maybe underlined a few times just to make sure. Although I disagree with you on one aspect, I know quite a few girls that flirt (or attempt to), think the main problem is they don't want to give the wrong impression to guys.
Maverick how many posts did you have before LA went under? And what's your opinion on ex sex? I have an ex who I now see regularly (pretty much daily) and for the most part she's my bro of another gender, but occasionally when drunk things start to become too close again. She also brings up sex a lot and says how she misses it, and I'm not sure whether that's supposed to be a hint or if it's just her talking about it as a friend. Anyway if we did start hooking up, do you think it would fuck up the friendship? I currently take most love advice from How I Met Your Mother. There was the thing about exes hooking up being impossible because feelings get too involved and someone gets hurt. Do you think that's necessarily true all the time?
People have very different feelings and views on sex. If she thinks of sex like just a normal, casual act and you're certain you can have sex without it meaning anything, go for it. Personally, I don't think I could ever have sex with a friend, or anyone really, without wanting it to go somewhere.
How well are you suppose to know her before asking her out? Not to the point where you text and hang out all the time obviously, but, should you atleast know her a bit or what?
So, when I get ready to ask her just be upfront about it? Like, "Hey, you wanna go out to see a movie with me this [weekend]?"?
[QUOTE=Robert Kubica;28267219]How well are you suppose to know her before asking her out? Not to the point where you text and hang out all the time obviously, but, should you atleast know her a bit or what?[/QUOTE] It doesn't matter. Asking her out early is ideal, but if you're already becoming friends it's still a good time to ask. If you know her a little bit you have the advantage of knowing how to make the date better for her (eg there's a girl I'll be taking to dinner this week hopefully, and I know that she's a vegetarian so I'll take her to this cool vegie bar in the city).
@Mlisen I had almost 8,000 posts. So I lost over 5000. Interaction with exes is a bad idea in most cases. I don't consider sex all that special, so I wouldn't risk spending time with an ex just to get some pussy. Regardless, there's girls I can call for that that don't involve me risking my emotional stability. @Robert You don't have to know her at all. I have asked girls for their names and then asked them out despite knowing nothing but their name (which they just told me). The whole point of asking a girl out is to get to know her. You guys have to keep in mind that dates don't have to be fancy shmancy things at nice restaurants. The first date should be a laid back outing where you do something fun and have a good time, like bowling, mini golfing, ice skating, shit like that. I like the movies because I am a very physical person and show up at movies extremely early. It's a recipe for talking to the girl before the movie starts, then doing stuff like holding her hand and whatnot during the movie. However, if you're not as brave as I am, the movies probably isn't a good idea for a first date. @Big Ben I know it sounds ridiculous, but yes. Sure, you shouldn't tap a girl on the shoulder and have the very first thing you say be "Wanna go out with me?" but you should deliver the line somewhat quickly if you don't know the girl very well. That's why I like the whole deal with giving her a piece of paper with my number on it. It not only eliminates the sometimes-awkward moment of exchanging personal information if she says yes, but it allows me to get in and get out of there as quickly as possible. Remember, the less you say, the smaller the chances of you making a fool out of yourself.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28267551] @Big Ben I know it sounds ridiculous, but yes. Sure, you shouldn't tap a girl on the shoulder and have the very first thing you say be "Wanna go out with me?" but you should deliver the line somewhat quickly if you don't know the girl very well. That's why I like the whole deal with giving her a piece of paper with my number on it. It not only eliminates the sometimes-awkward moment of exchanging personal information if she says yes, but it allows me to get in and get out of there as quickly as possible. Remember, the less you say, the smaller the chances of you making a fool out of yourself.[/QUOTE] What should be my opener then? I'm not great at making small talk.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28267551] Remember, the less you say, the smaller the chances of you making a fool out of yourself.[/QUOTE] That said you'd want to have at least made an impression. If you're not that exceptionally attractive then she's got no real reason to call you if you haven't come off as funny, smart, interesting etc.
[QUOTE=Big Ben;28267660]What should be my opener then? I'm not great at making small talk.[/QUOTE] If you're really terrible at thinking of something to say, just be honest. "So I was trying to think of an excuse to come talk to you but couldn't, so I've decided to just come over and wing it. What's up baby girl?" She'll probably find you hilarious. Shit like that works almost every time. When I get particularly brave at parties, I modify it and say: "So every time I've seen you tonight, my pants have moved. Explain to me why this is happening." The point is to not worry about saying something slick or whatever. Just go up to her and be yourself. Relax. Don't worry about impressing her or whatever, just talk to her like you'd talk to a normal person.
can a guy be gay for lesbians
Holy shit an actually good advice thread. Never thought I'd see such a thing on Facepunch.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28267777]\ "So I was trying to think of an excuse to come talk to you but couldn't, so I've decided to just come over and wing it. What's up baby girl?" [/QUOTE] I'm so using this.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28267777] When I get particularly [B]drunk[/B] at parties, I modify it and say: [/QUOTE] Fixed it for you.
when did you start dating, Maverick
I don't know any fucking girls worth trying for, I've decided. I've been thinking about the same girl for too long and it's pretty ridiculous, since I've fucked up every chance I've had with her. There had been a time but it went ages ago and moving on has been the hardest thing for me. I asked out one girl when I tried to move on, got rejected, didn't feel too bad about that but we're barely what you'd call friends because of it. But then it was back to thinking about that same person and that's obviously done no good for me. I blame the facts that 1: I'm horribly unmotivated about everything and 2: everybody else is either too good a friend, ugly, too old/young, a slag or has so much competition for them that it's not even worth the effort (or any combination of the five). also my lack of good looks and charisma don't help
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28267777]"So every time I've seen you tonight, my pants have moved. Explain to me why this is happening."[/QUOTE] I want to know how often you got away with doing this without getting a 'gtfo creep' look thrown at you. Then again, you are Maverick.
The trick to not looking like a creep is to say it in a serious/joking manner. As in, you are pretending that it is serious but she knows you're joking. It's hard to explain. If you go up and do it with a creepy smile, of course you're going to sound creepy. I have literally never been treated like a creeper despite saying some fucking strange things to girls simply because I know how to deliver lines like a champ. Examples: "I would like to put my face in your breasts, but I need you to sign a waiver first." "I'm sorry, I didn't hear anything you just said because I was too busy imagining you naked." *Upon walking up to a girl* "So I'm just going to skip all the small talk bullshit, since we both know neither of us gives a shit about what our majors or favorite colors are. Want to hang out at my dorm later tonight?" "You are an attractive individual, so I decided to come talk to you." "Wait, before you ignore me, I do MMA, was a star football player and have 1500 dollars in my checking account." I've been dating for a few years now.
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