this is what i always say about friends with benefits
it would be naive and dumb to think having sex won't stir up feelings, the scientific facts are against you
Dark_Light, I could go on and explain how you are probably too close to her and that you need to walk away if she is ever going to change and actually be happy, but I think I'm going to sum all of that up in a better message: find a new girl.
[QUOTE=Evilan;28512440]"You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."[/QUOTE]
I always preferred my grandfather's version of it: "You can lead an ass to water, but you can't make it stop being an ass."
Yeah I know, I know it isn't exactly the best idea to continue this very unstable relationship I have with her, but really the sex doesn't bother me. Ironically, she's the one unsure of her feelings now, which I guess isn't really fair on her (however she did say the other day that this is what she wants, and I do too). I feel exactly the same as I did before we decided to get 'back together' (as in start having sex again). It isn't even a regular thing, we've only fucked once properly since we decided to, but we often hook up/other shit.
But anyway, after writing that post I decided that we probably shouldn't continue, but to be honest I probably won't stick to that because I don't see the sex as the problem. Eh, call me naive and stupid, and yes I know sex scientifically leads to an emotional connection, but I really don't care if we have sex or not. That isn't the issue here (or maybe I'm just talking with my dick). Like I said, even in the periods where we didn't have sex, I still felt the same way about her, and cared about her in the same way. It's a separate thing altogether in my opinion.
Like you said Flak, the best way I see this ending is if eventually I meet another girl to distract myself with. I mean already, when I'm talking to other girls (most of which have boyfriends because there seems to be a drought of single women around here), I don't even think of her. I don't really want a girlfriend anytime soon, I'd rather just focus on myself and my studies (final year of high school etc), which for the most part I am doing. But that just leads to a whole other issue; watching her care less and less about school, when it's starting to matter most. We used to be topping classes together and shit when we were together, so I can't really ignore the fact that I have, or at least had, a positive effect on her life.
But in any case, I've chosen to definitely distance myself a little, physically and emotionally. I won't be active in the relationship anymore, and if she needs someone to talk to or hang out with, I'll be happy to be that person, but aside from that I think I'll just stay back and do my own thing. What do we think of that?
Thanks all <3.
Wow fuck this took a while to read
I've been lurking in this thread and reading bits at a time since LA was deleted and I'm really glad to see that most of the regulars have found their way here and despite what I initially thought, seeing all these new people posting is actually quite nice
Really, if some sort of love advice section didn't exist with you guys here, fp would be so much more bland in my eyes
100 km between us, but my girlfriend is horny. Oh no. :smith:
Time for a road trip.
No car, no time. :smith:
time for cyber
Maybe in the evening. Maybe.
Finally got the guts to tell her how i feel and she said she feels the same :D
Feels good man
I feel forever alone reading all these posts. All my contact with girls (romantically) has been a failiture to some degree, Snogging a ugly girl sober, making things very awkward between a female friend and being completely confused with two girls at the same time. Fuck mid-teen relationships.
[editline]10th March 2011[/editline]
Especially with fucking aspergers.
[QUOTE=Kingy_why;28530155]Especially with fucking aspergers.[/QUOTE]
Quit blaming all of you're social problems on a fake condition.
[QUOTE=baqua;28533402]Quit blaming all of you're social problems on a fake condition.[/QUOTE]
Grammar win.
[QUOTE=baqua;28533402] on a fake condition.[/QUOTE]
well i wouldn't necessarily disagree with you but it's not fake just because you can suppress and fight it
is cancer fake because you can recover from it?
I hate not having any friends I can genuinely trust. I always find myself holding back half of what I'm going to say. I guess
[QUOTE=baqua;28533402]Quit blaming all of you're social problems on a fake condition.[/QUOTE]
Is one allowed to blame being emotionally inept?
And it is far from "fake." Something that can be so tracked is far from fake... I think...
[QUOTE=mookman22;28534764]I hate not having any friends I can genuinely trust. I always find myself holding back half of what I'm going to say. I guess[/QUOTE]
I have just decided to not worry about not trusting. I have taught myself to just be as honest as I can.
When I am asked a question, if I feel uncomfortable answering it, I give an indirect, yet still honest, and truthful, answer. Just say, speak, it is all you have to do. After a while you will learn the ease of it.
I mean, people say their kids have ADD too, just because they never taught their child any real discipline. I think in many ways, it's just a way to excuse social awkwardness, and legitimizing one's position as a doctor or parent (depending on the circumstance). I guarantee if 99/100 "aspies" got out in a crowd for any damn period of time, they'd be able to adapt just as well as the next guy, with the same amount of experience.
It's way too damn easy to pass off your social ineptitude on self-diagnosed (or even "medically" diagnosed) Aspergers. "Herp I can't read empathy i'll never have friends bawww" is a pretty convenient way to avoid your problems and do nothing to actually fix them.
yeah thanks for your fucking input guys
people study this shit for years and go to school and do case studies, how fucking glad i am that a bunch of people on forums who at most have a high school degree and a completely limited understanding of the subject have freed us from researching ADD and aspergers
thank you so much, i am so happy
It's ok hun, calm down.
fucking, black people and dinosaurs are different zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[QUOTE=thisispain;28537697]yeah thanks for your fucking input guys
people study this shit for years and go to school and do case studies, how fucking glad i am that a bunch of people on forums who at most have a high school degree and a completely limited understanding of the subject have freed us from researching ADD and aspergers
thank you so much, i am so happy[/QUOTE]
Hey calm down man, no need to get all butthurt over it. You of all people should know that psychologists are sometimes too quick on the trigger when diagnosing depression, ADD, and aspergers. Especially the ones who get kickbacks from the drug companies.
Some people get a little too gung-ho once they crack open the DSM.
[QUOTE=FlakAttack;28538147]You of all people should know that psychologists are sometimes too quick on the trigger when diagnosing depression, ADD, and aspergers. [/QUOTE]
that is a totally different statement than saying it's imaginary
basically what i'm saying is don't pretend you guys really know anything because you don't
it's not an attempt to say anything of substance or quality, it just serves to show how "alternative" and free-thinking you are but all it does is make you come across as a tit
i'm just being honest
[editline]10th March 2011[/editline]
tldr: you aren't as smart as you think you are
[QUOTE=thisispain;28538211]that is a totally different statement than saying it's imaginary
basically what i'm saying is don't pretend you guys really know anything because you don't
it's not an attempt to say anything of substance or quality, it just serves to show how "alternative" and free-thinking you are but all it does is make you come across as a tit
i'm just being honest
[editline]10th March 2011[/editline]
tldr: you aren't as smart as you think you are[/QUOTE]
well that was retard-idly arrogant.
[QUOTE=ScoutKing;28538508]well that was retard-idly arrogant.[/QUOTE]
arrogant? how so
Honesty == Arrogance obviously. Not that I know anything.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28236376]If you go up to a girl that's a friend and casually say "Hey, want to go out with me to a movie on Saturday?" (once again, I emphasize the importance of saying go out, not hang out), she's not going to activate panic mode in her brain. It's a casual approach that invokes no sense of awkwardness. If she declines by giving you an excuse, you just shake/laugh it off and say it's cool. She'll think you bought the excuse and viola, the friendship continues as normal.[/QUOTE]
This would be very useful information for me except under any sort of emotional stress in a social situation my face lights up redder than the devil's dick. I'm pretty good at keeping my feelings under control and all but that's one thing I can't get a handle on.
"Hey do you want to go out to the movies with me on Saturday?"
"Um, no, sorry I have to make up a bullshit excuse that day."
"Oh okay, that's totally cool-"
"Are you okay you look like you're about to spontaneously combust"
"No trust me I'm totally fine"
"YOU LOOK LIKE AN EMBARRASSED LOBSTER WHO'S JUST RUN A MARATHON I'M CALLING A DOCTOR"
You need to be more chill. Ice helps. v:v:v
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;28540080]This would be very useful information for me except under any sort of emotional stress in a social situation my face lights up redder than the devil's dick. I'm pretty good at keeping my feelings under control and all but that's one thing I can't get a handle on.
"Hey do you want to go out to the movies with me on Saturday?"
"Um, no, sorry I have to make up a bullshit excuse that day."
"Oh okay, that's totally cool-"
"Are you okay you look like you're about to spontaneously combust"
"No trust me I'm totally fine"
"YOU LOOK LIKE AN EMBARRASSED LOBSTER WHO'S JUST RUN A MARATHON I'M CALLING A DOCTOR"[/QUOTE]
that's when i jump into ultra-selfdeprecation tellpeopletoomuchaboutmyself mode
but usually they think i'm being silly and funny so it works out
allow me to adapt your situation
"Hey do you want to go out to the movies with me on Saturday?"
"Um, no, sorry I have to make up a bullshit excuse that day."
"Ah yeah well that is probably a better usage of your time really. Going to the movies would make us mindless peons who take the time to be distracted for about 2 hours in a week just so they could return to their shitty lives and shitty wives to be beaten down and depressed by life's crippling horror. it's not like the fucking movies where they can just kiss and make up and everything is sunshine and fucking title cards. In the real world the failure doesn't ascend in the job world, he grabs a gun and ends his life and the others around him just as miserable who didn't have the gall to off themselves even though they wanted to. Better off not going to the movies at all so we're not reminded of how awful our lives are. Just a fleeting glimpse of something we'll never have and it'll just feed our head bullshit and make our eyes hurt. Waste around money like it's nothing on overpriced soda and popcorn, never even fucking eating it while a starving child in Bangladesh is tearing apart batteries just to be able to buy a loaf of bread with stones in it. Instead of going to the movies, a much better thing would be grabbing the liquor in my cabinet and drinking till I either pass out or die. If I wake up then i'll just masturbate and sleep just like every other day."
"Huh."
[QUOTE=thisispain;28540801]that's when i jump into ultra-selfdeprecation tellpeopletoomuchaboutmyself mode
but usually they think i'm being silly and funny so it works out
allow me to adapt your situation
"Hey do you want to go out to the movies with me on Saturday?"
"Um, no, sorry I have to make up a bullshit excuse that day."
"Ah yeah well that is probably a better usage of your time really. Going to the movies would make us mindless peons who take the time to be distracted for about 2 hours in a week just so they could return to their shitty lives and shitty wives to be beaten down and depressed by life's crippling horror. it's not like the fucking movies where they can just kiss and make up and everything is sunshine and fucking title cards. In the real world the failure doesn't ascend in the job world, he grabs a gun and ends his life and the others around him just as miserable who didn't have the gall to off themselves even though they wanted to. Better off not going to the movies at all so we're not reminded of how awful our lives are. Just a fleeting glimpse of something we'll never have and it'll just feed our head bullshit and make our eyes hurt. Waste around money like it's nothing on overpriced soda and popcorn, never even fucking eating it while a starving child in Bangladesh is tearing apart batteries just to be able to buy a loaf of bread with stones in it. Instead of going to the movies, a much better thing would be grabbing the liquor in my cabinet and drinking till I either pass out or die. If I wake up then i'll just masturbate and sleep just like every other day."
"Huh."[/QUOTE]
Fuck me now
[QUOTE=JohnnyMo1;28540080]This would be very useful information for me except under any sort of emotional stress in a social situation my face lights up redder than the devil's dick. I'm pretty good at keeping my feelings under control and all but that's one thing I can't get a handle on.
"Hey do you want to go out to the movies with me on Saturday?"
"Um, no, sorry I have to make up a bullshit excuse that day."
"Oh okay, that's totally cool-"
"Are you okay you look like you're about to spontaneously combust"
"No trust me I'm totally fine"
"YOU LOOK LIKE AN EMBARRASSED LOBSTER WHO'S JUST RUN A MARATHON I'M CALLING A DOCTOR"[/QUOTE]
I get the same way. Gotta use it to your advantage, plenty of girls find nervousness and whatnot cute.
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