• Maverick's Love/Relationship/Social Advice Megathread
    3,562 replies, posted
yeaaaaah MaverickIB back with a vengeance! Seriously the deletion of LA sucks. I was kind of sad to think that Maverick wouldn't be able to give us advice anymore, but I feel better now that this thread exists. [editline]23rd February 2011[/editline] Hey besides my post, I want some advice. I am by no means a social outcast, but I still don't like my high school career so far. I realize I need to be more confident about myself, but no matter how hard I try to change I just haven't become comfortable with my image. Just two days ago, a girl was handing back our homework, and she asked if I was Matt, because I was the only person she didn't know the name of in our class. I definitely felt awkward, but I just said, "Yeah, thanks!" Out of class I feel very socialble, lunch is great everyday, and I do have a lot of friends. I just don't run with the popular kids. During our pep assemblies, I always wish I am down on the floor with the cheerleaders, and the teams, but I am not coordinated for sports, and I don't have a big desire to be on a team anyways. What was your high school days like man? I am already more than half way through, and I don't want to regret them later. What can I do to build my confidence? Yeah I also have interests in girls, but until I can feel good about myself, I can't really flirt with girls and stuff. Thanks man I appreciate any comments you have for me. Sorry for the weird writing too, I am not good at organizing my thoughts haha!
Shouldn't we allow threads regarding love advice to flood general discussion if we wanted the LA subforum back?
i am le sad :(
i'm sad because a close friend of mine might lose his house
[QUOTE=-Matt-94;28247869]yeaaaaah MaverickIB back with a vengeance! Seriously the deletion of LA sucks. I was kind of sad to think that Maverick wouldn't be able to give us advice anymore, but I feel better now that this thread exists. [editline]23rd February 2011[/editline] Hey besides my post, I want some advice. I am by no means a social outcast, but I still don't like my high school career so far. I realize I need to be more confident about myself, but no matter how hard I try to change I just haven't become comfortable with my image. Just two days ago, a girl was handing back our homework, and she asked if I was Matt, because I was the only person she didn't know the name of in our class. I definitely felt awkward, but I just said, "Yeah, thanks!" Out of class I feel very socialble, lunch is great everyday, and I do have a lot of friends. I just don't run with the popular kids. During our pep assemblies, I always wish I am down on the floor with the cheerleaders, and the teams, but I am not coordinated for sports, and I don't have a big desire to be on a team anyways. What was your high school days like man? I am already more than half way through, and I don't want to regret them later. What can I do to build my confidence? Yeah I also have interests in girls, but until I can feel good about myself, I can't really flirt with girls and stuff. Thanks man I appreciate any comments you have for me. Sorry for the weird writing too, I am not good at organizing my thoughts haha![/QUOTE] I was a massive dick throughout high school. My freshman year, I was a skinny asshole. My sophomore year, I was an average sized asshole. My junior year, I was a buff asshole. My senior year, I was a buff dude that fucking hated everyone (I went to a different school for my senior year and seriously hated everyone at my school). I didn't make a lot of progress when it comes down to girls in high school. My senior year is when I met the girl I fell in love with, but I handled that situation like a retard and it fell apart completely. I didn't really come out of my shell all the way until college rolled around. The thing about college is that you get a fresh start. Nobody cares about reputation, nobody cares what you did in the past. I was able to start off fresh as the person I've always wanted to be and everything has been sunshine and roses from that point. It's funny because now that I'm in college, tons of girls from high school have contacted me and told me that they had huge crushes on me, but I was engulfed in such a deep hatred that they were afraid to talk to me. Bottom line: High school sucks. Don't worry too much about it, just do as much as you can so your resume looks really good.
Senior year of high school and never really intimately interacted with woman until recently but whatever. Finally grew the balls to ask a friend out on a date and success! Thought to myself not long after "Dude! This shit is fucking easy!" If things don't work out in the long run, there are always other prospects. Thanks for the advice!
A lot of the time, asking a girl out shows her that you have balls. Sometimes that is enough to get her to look past whatever shortcomings you might have. That's why it actually works to your advantage when you ask a girl out when her friends are around. It shows that you have a massive johnson.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28248967]My senior year is when I met the girl I fell in love with, but I handled that situation like a retard and it fell apart completely.[/QUOTE] It's very comforting to hear this. It pretty much describes what's happened to me in the last year, and to hear it come from Mav, it makes me feel a lot better about my situation.
I am going to miss Love Advice.
[QUOTE=Dark_Light;28249189]I am going to miss Love Advice.[/QUOTE] I liked poking my head in sparingly, it's dissappointing to see this whole thing happen, although garry's gonna see what he did after all the megathreads pop up. All of them.
[QUOTE=BANNED USER;28247482]I made a girl think she liked me so she would go on a date with me, we ended up dating for 4 months before I just disappeared from her life. I'm not one for relationships.[/QUOTE] How do you make a girl think she likes you?
[QUOTE=shatteredwindow;28249331]How do you make a girl think she likes you?[/QUOTE] Act like someone you aren't? Pretend to be the guy of her dreams, maybe?
[QUOTE=WastedJamacan;28249154]It's very comforting to hear this. It pretty much describes what's happened to me in the last year, and to hear it come from Mav, it makes me feel a lot better about my situation.[/QUOTE] It's important to make mistakes in order to learn. I know giving people advice kind of goes against that philosophy, but I figure that if you can learn the lesson without making the mistake, why not give it a shot? If anything, at least it softens up the situation so the person doesn't make one gigantic mistake like I did. I messed shit up with that girl so bad that I was a complete wreck for a few months, wasn't fun, and if I can keep that from happening to someone else, I will.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28244006]Someone made a break-up guide in LA, but I never read it. Supposedly it was pretty good. If someone wants to write something up, I'll be happy to add it.[/QUOTE] Lucky I typed this shit on Word first. [QUOTE=Darky's Guide to: Breaking Up - Planning For, Dealing With, and Avoiding Bad Break-Ups] Hey all. After having recently experienced probably [url=http://www.facepunch.com/threads/1048696-Going-No-Contact-after-breakup-only-about-5-months-late?highlight=]the messiest break up in the history of relationships[/url], I thought I’d write a thread sharing some advice which I would have found greatly beneficial had I received it a lot earlier. So for anyone who has recently been shown the door (or been kicked out of it), or for anyone who feels as if the end is around the corner, I hope the following information can prevent you from going through all the nonsense I experienced. For everyone else, feel free to add any advice or relevant comments. Note, this is written from the perspective of a male in a relationship with a female, with the use of relevant pronouns. Most if not all of this advice can be used in any situation. [u][b]- Pre Break Up -[/b][/u] [b]Dump or be dumped[/b] If you feel as if your relationship is really starting to come to an end, regardless of how you may feel about her, [i]you should end it first[/i]. It hurts a lot more being the dumpee than it does to be the dumper. This is obvious really. If you initiate the break up, you won’t be caught off guard; you’ll be fully expecting it and therefore much more prepared for it. Furthermore, you’ll be the one in control of the situation, showing that you are confident and comfortable with the decision. Of course, don’t read this and decide that you have to immediately break up with your girlfriend to save yourself. I am talking about when you _know_ your relationship is at its final stages, and you’re both just waiting until someone finally bothers to say it. Don’t line up your next girl either, that’s just unfair for your current girlfriend. When the relationship is beyond repair, when that spark is gone, when there’s a problem that can’t be fixed, when either of you don’t feel the same way, etc... [i]When it’s time to end it, it’s time to end it.[/i] Delaying this and desperately grabbing at the last threads of a dying relationship comes across as clingy and insecure. [b]Breaking up is the end[/b] Before doing anything else, [i]exhaust all other options and realize that breaking up is the end[/i]; there’s really no going back. I personally don’t believe in ‘breaks’, to me they’re just a wussy way of delaying an inevitable break up. If there’s enough shit to warrant a break, the relationship is good as over. They have worked for some though, so perhaps they’re worth a try if you feel as though that’s what is needed. Maybe time and distance will allow you both to realize how much you really do like each other and make you appreciate each other more. Or maybe it’ll just give her the chance to go fuck ten other guys. [b]Talk shit through[/b] If you think there are some problems in your relationship, you should always put them out on the table with her first. They can’t do much about them if they don’t even know they’re causing a problem. Most of the time, you’ll be able to figure things out by simply discussing them and finding something which works for both of you. However, if there are some fundamental flaws which can’t be figured out, perhaps it’s time to revaluate why you’re with this girl in the first place. [b]Difference in feelings?[/b] It’s easier to feel lonely whilst alone than it is to feel lonely in a relationship you’re not happy with. If you feel as if she doesn’t feel for you as much as you do for her, there’s not much to do to save the relationship. Once the feeling’s dead, it’s almost impossible for it to be rekindled; you’re both just too comfortable by this point. Take a step back and look at yourself and how you interact with her. Are you smothering them? Are you being too available for them? Are you too clingy? Do you give in to all of their wishes? All of these things work against you, especially if you’re the male in the relationship. Give her some distance for a change, and try to be more challenging and less available. However, like I said, by this point it’s usually too late, and really all you can do is [i]make sure you do it right the next time[/i]. And vise versa, if you feel as if she is giving you more than you’re giving back and you both know it, it’s quite unfair to continue the relationship. You know you’re just waiting for someone else to come along more worth your attention and affection, and in the mean time you’re leading her along, essentially using her. You’re just delaying the inevitable, and like I said at the start of the previous paragraph, the only thing worse than being alone is being in a relationship where you don’t feel equally respected or loved. It’s better for the both of you to end it. [b][u]- The Break Up -[/b][/u] [b]What do[/b] This shouldn’t need much explanation. Be proper enough to do it in person. Anything else will be seen as cowardly. What you say is up to you, but make it clear that the relationship is over. Organize a ‘swap’, of all the belongings you’ve accumulated of each others. This could be the next day, within the next week, whenever. Just don’t delay it for too long. You want to get this part over quickly before you feel as if you have to change your mind or whatever. The time of that ‘swap’ is perfect for some break up sex as well, as it’ll probably be the last time you interact with each other in a while. Break up sex is fine, it’s probably the best sex you’ll ever have with her. Just make sure both of you know it is break up sex (I kinda made the mistake of having sex first, twice, then told her I wanted to stop talking. She now hates me). Don’t make any false promises or lies; if there’s any time to be honest, it’s now. Remaining friends after a break up is fine; you just need to make sure there’s a significant ‘cool down’ period after the break up for all feelings to die down. [b][u]- Post Break Up -[/b][/u] [b]Don’t be the loser[/b] This part sucks. The immediate post-break up period, you’re bound to feel completely lost, lonely and miserable. Having to let go of someone you had a connection with is going to strain your emotions big time. However, no matter what, [i]do not crawl back to her[/i]. Do not say it was a mistake, do not say it was your fault, do not say you can change. It’s time to bite the fuck down on your tongue and move forward. To make this easier... [b]No contact[/b] [i]Go no contact[/i]. I can’t stress this enough. This was the biggest mistake I made, which made the 5-6 months following my break up a ridiculous waste of time full of mixed messages and muddled emotions. No, contact. Go to the extremes if you have to. I personally blocked her on MSN (knowing I’d be tempted to talk to her, as well as wanting to avoid being reminded of her every time I saw her sign on), and deleted her on Facebook (seeing status updates/wall posts from her would be a constant reminder every time I refreshed my News Feed). Luckily it was during school holidays so I didn’t have to deal with her in person (we sit next to each other in one class :/). She called me three times on the first night to call me a dickhead, but after that I decided to ignore calls. She didn’t call after that anyway. It’s up to you if you want to go all out with no contact and flat out ignoring all attempts at contact. Do what is comfortable but be strict on yourself if you feel yourself missing her and don’t ever cave. The overall idea behind no contact is simple. Out of sight, out of mind. If you continue to talk to her, it’ll take a lot longer for your feelings to leave you, essentially delaying the time it takes for you to ‘move on’ or ‘get over’ her. Vise versa, if she’s the one struggling to shake her feelings, it’ll hurt a lot more but it’s much better for the both of you in the long run. By remaining close or even intimate, you’re just fucking with each other’s heads. False hopes are created, consciously or not. Sure, it’s comfortable to remain close, nobody wants to be alone, but it is much, much better for the both of you if you break away from each other, at least for a while until you can both confidently say you’re over it. [b]Out of sight, out of mind[/b] Make a small box and put away all the mementos of her, all the cute notes, the little gifts, whatever. You don’t have to burn them or anything drastic, just put them away so you don’t have to stumble upon them later. Again, out of sight, out of mind. I also chose to delete all the photos of us together on FB. I did however make a folder on my computer full of all the shit related to her and dumped all the pics in there with everything else. I’d recommend doing the same. [b]Remember the bad and not the good[/b] Don’t look back on all the good times. Sure, you had a lot of fun with her and you can think of many nice memories together, but don’t think of this shit; it doesn’t help you at all and only makes you feel worse. [i]Instead, focus on the negatives.[/i] Think of all the things you didn’t like, all those things you put up with, all the red flags you should have noticed, all the times she bothered, upset or frustrated you. [i]You broke up with her for a reason, don’t forget. Realize that this is for the better.[/i] [b]Dealing with post breakup pain[/b] The next few days, weeks, perhaps months; they’re not going to be fun. Expect to feel a lovely mix of regret, misery, guilt, anxiety, hate, frustration; all those great feelings. Sometimes, you’ll be fine and happy it’s over. Others, you’ll want nothing more than to be with her again. You just have to bite your lip and get through it. Don’t crack during this period of no contact. It’ll show your weakness, and express to her that you can’t be happy without her. If she cracks and talks to you, you should be friendly and polite, but making sure to remind her of what you’re doing and why. It’s a better idea to avoid all contact whatsoever. Otherwise it just lengthens this period. I personally found the following to be quite an effective way of keeping myself going. During those times where I was able to think rationally about the break up, when I was realizing that it was a good thing, and that I just had to move through it, I wrote my thoughts down to a document on my computer. Anything that I was thinking, all the realizations and reaffirmations, all positive shit. Then later when I was at a bit more of a low, or when I started to miss her or think about trying again, whatever, I would just open that document to remind myself that at one point, I actually did completely believe that what I was doing was for the better. Emotions are stupid fucking things, and they can cloud even the most logical brains. Do this to avoid falling into these traps. [b]Distract yourself[/b] Recognize your own patterns and make efforts to avoid following them. I found myself missing her the most in the evening as that’s when we’d usually talk, so I chose to start playing games during that time, and sleeping earlier. Other times I'd go hit the gym which was also hugely beneficial (exercise is scientifically proven to release feel-good chemicals). Spend time with your friends and family. Spending time alone can also be beneficial but it’s much easier to feel lonely and to let your mind wander when alone. Distract yourself with games, friends, hobbies, or other activities. Self teach something, get into a book, start a project, etc. The goal is to distract your mind so you don’t spend your days thinking of old memories and shit. [b]Just don't think about it[/b] This sounds like lame advice but in the end, this is what you want. You want to stop thinking about her. So, whenever you do, just get your shit under control and stop. Remember, you are in control of your feelings, your feelings are not in control of you. When you feel a thought of her coming along, just stop it right in its tracks. Imagine a big fucking Stop sign or a red light if you think it'll help, and then immediately go think about something else more important. Get up and change your environment, that can also help alter thought patterns. [u][b]- Other Relevant Shit –[/b][/u] [b]Rebound relationships[/b] My personal stance on this is that rebound relationships are a bad idea. However, rebound dating/sex isn’t so bad, and can help distract you from how hurt and lonely you may feel after a break up. It’s not a good idea to get into a serious relationship straight after a break up. You’re only doing it to fill the void that was created from losing the previous relationship, without having any time to fully heal. You’re also using the other person in the rebound relationship, which isn’t fair for them. You should use the time after a break up to reflect on yourself, your previous partner, and relationships as a whole. Break ups do a lot for character building and self improvement, and you don’t want to lose this precious time by dragging your emotional baggage straight into another relationship. [b]Getting back together[/b] I personally think getting back together is a bad idea, especially in the immediate post-breakup period. It’s highly likely you both want to be together again simply out of a fear of being alone and because you miss having a girlfriend/boyfriend. How likely is it that the causes of the break up no longer exist? You broke up with this person for a reason, why would getting back together with them make any difference to who you both are? I wouldn’t suggest thinking of this, at least not until a large period of time has elapsed after the initial break up (I’m talking years, long enough for either of you to actually change as a person). Basically, the problems which caused the break up are still going to exist if you get back together, as long as you’re the same people. However, if you really want to make it work again, and if you believe the relationship was thrown away carelessly and with no good reason, then it’s not completely impossible. The best thing to do is to express that you can be happy without her, without completely turning her away. You want to express the idea that you don’t need her to be happy, and that you can live your own life comfortably and confidently. When you interact with her, be friendly and fun, highlight all the qualities she originally fell in love with. Don’t be as available as you were when you were together. Go out, live your own life, even start dating other women casually, and don’t hide these things from her. Don’t act depressed and upset that she’s gone, thinking she’ll feel sorry for you and come back to you to make you happy. The last thing you want to do is beg her to take you back. The goal is simply to make her attracted to you again, and to remind her of all the fun she had, and could again have, with you. If that goes successfully and you somehow end up with her again, you should begin by figuring out the things that caused the break up in the first place. Lay out your issues with each other so you can help each other figure them out and work through them. Don’t expect to get back together and for everything to be perfect again; you’re the same combination that fell apart once already. You both need to put in more than you ever did to rectify whatever problems existed between the two of you. [u][b]– Essential Points (TL;DR?) –[/b][/u] [b]Don’t be so eager to make a relationship serious:[/b] Keep things casual for as long as possible. Casual is easy and fun. Date girls, fuck them, have fun with them, but don’t be so keen to be their boyfriend. That shit just gets all emotionally involved and you’re going to end up getting hurt. Unless you... [b]Expect long term relationships to end:[/b] If you really do want a serious relationship, go in with this mindset. It’s going to end eventually, so don’t invest all of your emotional energy into it. Would you invest all of your shares in a company which is going to eventually fail? No, so why would you do this with a relationship. Take it slow, don’t ever give more than you’re getting, and just have fun with it. [b]Breaking up is the end:[/b] Once it’s over, it’s over. No going back. It’s almost impossible for a person’s base personality to change much at all, and if the combination of your base personalities didn’t work out the first time, how likely is it to work the second? Don’t bother, at least not unless many years have passed and you’ve both changed and for some reason you’re in a situation to try it all again. [b]Deal with a break up in the right way:[/b] Break up with her instead of the other way around. After the break up, don’t hang around and try to remain friendly if one of you (probably you) still have romantic interest in the other. Go no contact until you’re over her and ready to move on, really. [b]Focus on your own life:[/b] You're single again. Go out, have fun, fuck women, see your friends, connect with family. Start a hobby or a project. Invest your time into something actually useful and beneficial to yourself. Not only will you learn something new and have fun doing so, it’ll be a great distraction from how much you might be hurting. [b]The first is always the worst:[/b] This sucks, I know. Break ups won't ever be easy, but the first is always going to be a lot harder. Everyone that has ever been through a bad break up will know that it can be one of the worst experiences ever. Learn from this, and be more prepared for next time. Until then, keep your chin up. [u][b]- Conclusion -[/b][/u] Break ups aren’t fun, but unfortunately they’re just part of life. If you’re willing to consider long term relationships, they just have to be accepted as a very likely possibility. Obviously, the first break up is always the hardest, but you’ll learn a lot from the entire experience. By the end of all of it, you’ll know you made the right decision and you’ll be glad you did. You’ll finally be able to look back on the relationship objectively, without having your mind clouded by feelings. You’ll realize that you’re better off without her, and you’ll be confident that when you finally do meet someone else, you’ll be much better equipped and able to deal with the relationship in a more mature manner. Just hang in there, because it gets better, no matter what. Everything is transient; all the highs are followed by lows which are in turn followed by highs again. All the best <3. [/quote]
Added it to the OP.
R.I.P Love Advice. Anyway, since there's this megathread now, I'll go ahead and post my problem. So there's this girl who I "like". Shes a shy person, has low self esteem, is generally very emotional/sad. She tells me she'd like to have a boyfriend, but is scared of being rejected/broken up with. I still haven't told her that I "like" her, and have no way of telling if she feels the same way, but she seems to feel comfortable talking to me about her problems, which can only be a good thing. I'm kinda confused as to what to do, any advice at all would be much appreciated.
Don't tell her that you like her. Ask her out. Yes, it's that simple. Ask her out. Do it.
Hi Maverick, it's me again, the idiot who can't work up the courage to say anything. All in all, I've asked out 3 people. First one was all awkward n shit, second one was over MSN (Junior high, lol) and third was in highschool (asked out in person, showed decent amount of confidence, was told "Maybe we should get to know each other better" three days later, she has a boyfriend and is still my "Friend") Meh. Anyways, I don't have a chance at all to ask this chick out except in math class, but she barely talks to me. :P Meh. Whaddoido? I know I didn't give too much information, but it sucks how I can't get the cajones anymore.
I wasn't planning on just telling her that I liked her, it'd be way too awkward. I don't know, though. She did say that she was scared of being dumped, and that was the reason shes never had a boyfriend before.
I met this cute chick at a party a few days ago. We talked a little, and seemed to get along well. Only after the party, did I realize that I liked her. I was retardedly high at this time, and getting her number had never crossed my mind. I regret not doing anything, and this has bugged me for the last 3-4 days. I might be seeing her at a party either this weekend or next. I have never had a relationship, I am bad at talking to girls, and have shit confidence; I think it's about time I changed that. I need advice on what to do
don't be retardedly high next time
Why did Garry have to delete the one forum I lurked in? :saddowns:
[QUOTE=thisispain;28249844]don't be retardedly high next time[/QUOTE]Well I was sober for a month before that, and I had miscalculated the effectiveness of the weed
[QUOTE=RoflKawpter;28249773]Hi Maverick, it's me again, the idiot who can't work up the courage to say anything. All in all, I've asked out 3 people. First one was all awkward n shit, second one was over MSN (Junior high, lol) and third was in highschool (asked out in person, showed decent amount of confidence, was told "Maybe we should get to know each other better" three days later, she has a boyfriend and is still my "Friend") Meh. Anyways, I don't have a chance at all to ask this chick out except in math class, but she barely talks to me. :P Meh. Whaddoido? I know I didn't give too much information, but it sucks how I can't get the cajones anymore.[/QUOTE] Ask her out. Just do it. Seriously guys, it's that easy. Like I said, you're going to get turned down more times than not. That's just the way it is. However, the more you put yourself out there and ask girls out, the more likely you are to find one that says yes.
[i]Every rejection is a brick in my palace. All failure is feedback.[/i]
How do you ask out a girl who always have a group of girls surrounding them?
The same way you ask a girl out that is by herself. Who gives a shit if other people are around/hear it? I mean, if she says yes and everything works out, everyone is going to know regardless. There's no reason to keep things secretive or whatever.
I've always enjoyed the good ol' "If you want it, you'll have to earn it." When it comes to women and crowding in groups of their friends, sometimes it's even easier asking them out in front of their friends because they get all wide eyed and if you play your cards right it'll make her choice even easier.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28250077]The same way you ask a girl out that is by herself. Who gives a shit if other people are around/hear it? I mean, if she says yes and everything works out, everyone is going to know regardless. There's no reason to keep things secretive or whatever.[/QUOTE] I prefer to keep relationships secretive, mostly because of the assholes at my school always asking questions like "IS SHE HOT, HAVE YOU HAD SEX YET, WHAT IS HER BRA SIZE".
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;28249914]Ask her out. Just do it. Seriously guys, it's that easy. Like I said, you're going to get turned down more times than not. That's just the way it is. However, the more you put yourself out there and ask girls out, the more likely you are to find one that says yes.[/QUOTE] Opportunities multiply as they are seized. Sun Tzu said that. And I think he knows a little more about dating than you do, pal
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