[QUOTE=sloppy_joes;20655068]Most people don't realize they don't want kids until it's too late.[/QUOTE]
Doesn't mean you say it in public, right in front of them.
[QUOTE=vigil;20849162]Identity,I think what you said was a completely logical emotive response that anyone with any sense of empathy and compassion would've have been tempted to make. In my eyes, you were reacting out of anger and empathy both for your own past and for this child standing in front of you. You were being completely honest in your reaction, and I think that is a great quality.
With your comment, I think you rightfully redirected her negativity and hypocrisy back at her, which hopefully provoked some kind of inner monologue within her at some point. So I don't think that your comment was pointless at all.
I certainly do not believe that you were out of line at all, nor do I think it was rude of you to express your anger/frustration because in my view, you did it for completely valid reasons. It is simply very wrong for a parent to imply that she wishes she didn't have a child when that child is standing right next to her -it is an incredibly irresponsible and abusive statement to make.
Just think about what she'll end up saying to her child when they are old enough to fully understand what she says. And with this woman displaying her lack of care for a parenting role, she already shows a higher probability that she will be in some way, abusive to that child when he/she is older.[/QUOTE]
Wow. That was an unexpected comment. I actually forgot about this thread.
And yes, you are 100% correct on why I did what I did. I don't understand why some people think I was trying to get a reaction out of her. I knew it would happen, but at that point, I didn't really care what she would comment back. I guess it's that people don't know me on a personal level, so they assume I'm either like them, or they make me out to be someone in a character they created in their head.
[QUOTE=Identity;20853881]Wow. That was an unexpected comment. I actually forgot about this thread.
And yes, you are 100% correct on why I did what I did. I don't understand why some people think I was trying to get a reaction out of her. I knew it would happen, but at that point, I didn't really care what she would comment back. I guess it's that people don't know me on a personal level, so they assume I'm either like them, or they make me out to be someone in a character they created in their head.[/QUOTE]
You're just an idiot that lashed out at some lady at Walmart for something that you overheard in her conversation. And you think that maybe you did some good in some child's life, which you didn't.
[QUOTE=wildwill;20853965]You're just an idiot that lashed out at some lady at Walmart for something that you overheard in her conversation. And you think that maybe you did some good in some child's life, which you didn't.[/QUOTE]
Point out to where I said I did some good in his life. Because as I see it now, you're a parent who's been in the same exact situation, where you said something and someone looked at you differently. Except this was serious. What you said was a joke, and someone took it literally. Now this woman in particular, wasn't joking. As a parent, you want to be right. You want to be self-assured on what you've posted, even though there's nothing conclusive to make your posts accurate.
And name calling? Interesting. I thought someone with a high amount of responsibility and consideration, wouldn't stoop to such a low. As it stands now, you're disheartened by the fact that on every aspect you've tried to call me out upon, you've found nothing that supports your case. You make up half of what you say, trying to spin in a way where I would've said it. "And you think that maybe you did some good in some child's life, which you didn't." Where did I ever say, or even think, that I did some good? You assume, once more. Did you even notice that I said I wasn't right about the situation? Of course not. No other posts matter to you. What matters, are the boxes that are being placed under your posts.
That really tears at you doesn't it? Being called a dumb parent is not something you take lightly. Consider what you're writing before hiting the "Submit Reply" button. Actually look for truth in what you type, rather than make assumptions based on the fact of what you think.
Almost forgot: Lashing out? I think one comment is harding "lashing out". Did I call her names or assault her person? No.
I was wrong.
You're a huge idiot.
[QUOTE=wildwill;20854268]I was wrong.
You're a huge idiot.[/QUOTE]
See, by your post you didn't comprehend anything.
[QUOTE=Identity;20854307]See, by your post you didn't comprehend anything.[/QUOTE]
Ignore it. DFTT.
There is really nothing I can do to explain any of this you you guys, this is just something that time will have to do.
Call me a troll all you like, just like I can call you an idiot.
Come now, you're criticizing Identity through invalid reasoning. You call him an idiot because it's easier for you to dismiss logic than face it. A lot of people fear logic, because in logic there is truth.
[QUOTE=vigil;20856752]Come now, you're criticizing Identity through invalid reasoning. You call him an idiot because it's easier for you to dismiss logic than face it. A lot of people fear logic, because in logic there is truth.[/QUOTE]
You're thinking I have a fear of logic?
I've made my point over and over in this thread. I can understand that a lot of younger people like yourself most likely feel a sense of empowerment by lashing out at adults and getting away with it.
Speaking you mind vs. Minding your business
Well this thread has been very interesting.
I've learned that:
Sometimes people make incorrect assumptions and their arguments are based on false premise to start with.
Sometimes they like drama. It seems to me this thread contains more drama than the events of the original post (assuming they actually occurred).
Some people cannot be reasoned with and assume everyone who disagrees with them is automatically evil and wrong and not only that but that that they will eventually "learn the error of their ways" and come to agree with them. Actually that's something I learned years ago as I have known people like this for years and while no-one comes to agree with them, they realise there is no point trying to have a serious discussion with them because they always want the last word. Perhaps i am one of these people. Perhaps not.
I had to tell someone off similar to this, but I made it a sob story so they couldn't argue back. It was more about sheltering her kids, rather than shunning their existence, but same thing.
also, the skinny woman told the snorlax "this is why you don't have kids"? why didn't she say "THIS (pointing to the woman's stomach) is why you [i]won't[/i] have kids".
not that I'm mean, but I'm sure she was thinking it at the same time. v:v:v
Identity, I think you were justified. I can sympathize with parents thinking kids can be hard to deal with, and it can be very stressful, but you NEVER wish you didn't have them, let alone say it right in FRONT of them.
I applaud you again.
Shoulda slapped dat bitch.
Well done for sticking up for that kid.
[QUOTE=Identity;20654987]I looked at her and said "Why didn't you keep your legs closed then?"[/QUOTE]
Quote of the fucking year.
[QUOTE=Identity;20655048]I know right? Sticking up for a kid who's four and wasn't wished for. How horrible for me to say something.[/QUOTE]
Have you got a 4 year old screaming and asking questions all the time when you are trying to do something?
[QUOTE=wildwill;20857113]You're thinking I have a fear of logic?
I've made my point over and over in this thread. I can understand that a lot of younger people like yourself most likely feel a sense of empowerment by lashing out at adults and getting away with it.
Speaking you mind vs. Minding your business[/QUOTE]
Adults don't deserve respect for merely being adults. Respect is earned.
This lady at the supermarket did not earn respect.
You don't know shit about parenting until you have kids.
All parents get frustrated with their kids at one point. I remember when my Mom use to say things like that to me when I was little.
What you did was just rude, and you had no business to judge her.
It probably wasn't the most effective way of getting your point across but at least it was a humorous one. :v:
I think parents have their rights to be fed up by their kids but perhaps not directly to a little kids face. I have never had my mum say stuff like that to me/near me but I am sure she felt it/thought it plenty of times.
Parents these days can be fucking horrible.
I was at a mall once with some friends, and there was this Mother who had 2 kids with her. The older was a girl around 6, but small for her age. She was sobbing silently, like she was afraid. The younger was a 3 year old boy who was in a stroller with a face that looked sad, like someone had taken a toy away from him. I was wondering why the girl was crying, and so I watched them in the corner of my eye. The girl asked something to the mother, then the mother slapped her in the face and grabbed her hair, and said something in her ear angrily, like she was like "Shut the fuck up you little bitch".
That pissed me off, and I walked away from my friends and towards the woman. I told her she should leave her daughter alone, because she's her own flesh and blood. The woman told me to fuck off and mind my own business, because it was her kids and she could raise them however she liked. I went to the Mall Security, who followed her and found her beating her kids in an empty hallway near the bathroom, and she was arrested. I never heard about it again, but I hope that the mother was never allowed to see the kids again, and that they got into a better family.
Might sound fake, but it's a true story. Pisses me off to no end.
[sp]My girlfriend thought I was a hero. I got to second base that night too because of it C:[/sp]
[QUOTE=wildwill;20857113]You're thinking I have a fear of logic?
I've made my point over and over in this thread. I can understand that a lot of younger people like yourself most likely feel a sense of empowerment by lashing out at adults and getting away with it.
Speaking you mind vs. Minding your business[/QUOTE]
He asked you to point out and give examples of where you think he was "lashing out", and stated why he did not think he was "lashing out". You failed to respond to this, and probably still will. But why do you fail to back up your assertions and opt instead, to call him names? Because you have nothing to justify what you're trying to accuse him of.
There are times when we should speak our mind and mind our business, sure. I think we should mind our business if there is a situation where there is no clear cut right or wrong. I think we should speak our minds when there is a clear right and wrong, and someone chooses the wrong.
1) Did the parent say something abusive and unreasonable in front of her 4 year old? Yes.
2) Is saying what she said in front of that child unquestionably wrong? Yes.
"This is why you don't have children" Christ. Please don't ever say that around your child. Children have the god-given right to recieve love from their parents, and always made to feel wanted and secure. Any parent who makes their child feel like they weren't wanted, any parent who would risk saying that kind of thing around their child, is in that moment failing to be a good, loving parent.
Making a child feel unwanted is a hugely serious thing and no child should be made to feel that way. If this mothers attitude is prevalent through her relationships with her children and she says these kinds of things around them constantly, emotionally it can definitely screw them over from childhood right through to adulthood. It's dead serious.
So, taking that seriousness into account, should Identity not have said anything?
Well, let's look at the possible gains in either situation -
1) Identity keeps his mouth shut and lets it go. The woman walks off not questioning what she says and probably feeling like she has all the right to say such things around her 4 year old.
2) Identity throws a rehetorical question over to her, to highlight her hyporcrisy and make her accountable for an abusive, negative comment. The woman now has a higher chance of walking off feeling angry/annoyed that some stranger called her out on her nonsense spouting. This possibly initiates inner monologue and her going through in her mind, who was right and who was wrong in what they said. She might question her own actions in this way.
As you can see, more is gained from speaking our minds in this situation. You don't know that these things would happen for sure, but generally these are the kind of realistic probable reactions for either of these scenarios.
[QUOTE=vigil;20861875]
Making a child feel unwanted is a hugely serious thing and no child should be made to feel that way. If this mothers attitude is prevalent through her relationships with her children and she says these kinds of things around them constantly, emotionally it can definitely screw them over from childhood right through to adulthood. It's dead serious.
[/QUOTE]
This.
Children do not yet understand the concept of how they arrived in the world. If you make them feel unwanted, they won't be able to comprehend that in any way other than "There must be something wrong with me".
[QUOTE=Identity;20654987]So I'm grocery shopping last night, browsing amognst grilling spices, when I see this lady and her friend, who, quite literally, is the size of a small sedan, come strolling down the aisle. The younger female, is a bit slimmer, and has two kids, one who is about four, and another who is maybe a few months, to a year old. The older child is trying to get his mother's attention for a question he has. No big deal, could've a been a yes or no answer. What does the mother say to her friend? "This is why you never have children." That made me pissed. I looked at her and said "Why didn't you keep your legs closed then?" She shoots me a glare and tells me to "Mind my own fucking business." Now her fat friend tries to get in on the action. I tell her simply to shut her mouth, because this is a conversation beteween her friend and I. Basically, I tell her to be an actually fucking parent and acknowledge her kid, rather than wish he was gone.
Why make a thread about it? I don't really know. I guess it kind of irks me when when a parent says not to have kids in front of her four year old son. I can't imagine how he must feel after that, or if he really interpreted that at all.[/QUOTE]
To me, that's incredibly amazing, definitely something I would in that situation.
[editline]03:58PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Zeke129;20861937]This.
Children do not yet understand the concept of how they arrived in the world. If you make them feel unwanted, they won't be able to comprehend that in any way other than "There must be something wrong with me".[/QUOTE]
If this is true, shes still a total bitch, because I'm sure she didn't even think about that when she said it.
[QUOTE=Smashmaster;20859569]You don't know shit about parenting until you have kids.[/QUOTE]
You shouldn't wait to have kids in order to learn about parenting either, and whether or not it's really for you. You figure that stuff out before you have children.
If parents truly understood the emotional development of a human being and how it can be hindered or helped by their actions, statements like that wouldn't be thrown around children so carelessly.
Just because someone doesn't have kids, doesn't in any way mean that they haven't got a clue about emotional development. And that's what's important here, having that understanding about what is good for a child and what isn't.
[QUOTE=sloppy_joes;20655068]Most people don't realize they don't want kids until it's too late.[/QUOTE]
Considering her body mass... Surprises me she hasnt already accidently eaten one off the kids yet.
You. Are. A. Fucking. God.
Nobody's these day do that. We need more people like you, to tell people the freaking truth.
You earned my respect, and a fresh cookie.
Identity, I love you, mainly because you should get a job as a public speaker.
I bet you'd make bank.
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