[QUOTE=vigil;20862106]You shouldn't wait to have kids in order to learn about parenting either, and whether or not it's really for you. You figure that stuff out before you have children.
If parents truly understood the emotional development of a human being and how it can be hindered or helped by their actions, statements like that wouldn't be thrown around children so carelessly.
Just because someone doesn't have kids, doesn't in any way mean that they haven't got a clue about emotional development. And that's what's important here, having that understanding about what is good for a child and what isn't.[/QUOTE]
And where will you draw your line? Maybe next time you're in McDonalds you rip on some parent for killing their child by feeding him/her that garbage?
The person saying, "and this is why you shouldn't have kids" does not rise to the point that someone should intervene. People will say that over a bunch of things. Kid pukes down the front of your shirt....this is why you shouldn't have kids... Kids shits in the car seat....this is why you shouldn't have kids...
It really doesn't mean anything. Try taking the child away from the mother, see if she just gives em up. Yea, here have the kid, I didn't want em in the first place...Yea right.
As for saying that, I wouldn't to my kids, but you have to be real, some folks aren't so in tune with the every little thing that might affect their child's emotions.
I don't think it's the role of some teenager, or anyone else for that matter to tell someone how to talk to their child. Unless the parent is cursing at the child or threatening the child, I think people should just mind their own business.
[QUOTE=wildwill;20862981]And where will you draw your line? Maybe next time you're in McDonalds you rip on some parent for killing their child by feeding him/her that garbage?
The person saying, "and this is why you shouldn't have kids" does not rise to the point that someone should intervene. People will say that over a bunch of things. Kid pukes down the front of your shirt....this is why you shouldn't have kids... Kids shits in the car seat....this is why you shouldn't have kids...
It really doesn't mean anything. Try taking the child away from the mother, see if she just gives em up. Yea, here have the kid, I didn't want em in the first place...Yea right.
As for saying that, I wouldn't to my kids, but you have to be real, some folks aren't so in tune with the every little thing that might affect their child's emotions.
I don't think it's the role of some teenager, or anyone else for that matter to tell someone how to talk to their child. Unless the parent is cursing at the child or threatening the child, I think people should just mind their own business.[/QUOTE]
This. OP was acting like a edgy douchebag for saying that to the mother.
[QUOTE=wildwill;20862981]And where will you draw your line? Maybe next time you're in McDonalds you rip on some parent for killing their child by feeding him/her that garbage?
The person saying, "and this is why you shouldn't have kids" does not rise to the point that someone should intervene. People will say that over a bunch of things. Kid pukes down the front of your shirt....this is why you shouldn't have kids... Kids shits in the car seat....this is why you shouldn't have kids...
It really doesn't mean anything. Try taking the child away from the mother, see if she just gives em up. Yea, here have the kid, I didn't want em in the first place...Yea right.
As for saying that, I wouldn't to my kids, but you have to be real, some folks aren't so in tune with the every little thing that might affect their child's emotions.
I don't think it's the role of some teenager, or anyone else for that matter to tell someone how to talk to their child. Unless the parent is cursing at the child or threatening the child, I think people should just mind their own business.[/QUOTE]
So, you disagree that it is an abusive and negative comment to make around a 4 year old? Because now you appear to say that what she said wasn't a big deal, even though you actually said earlier that it was a bad thing for her to say. Don't change your story now...
Because it is terribly negative attitude to have around a child. No parent should have that attitude, parents should want their children. And it is abusive. It really does mean something to a child when their parent says something like that around them. And you know, parents should totally be in tune with how their actions affect their child's emotional developement, that's their responsibility as the gaurdian. Don't be lazy and thoughtless with what you say around them or to them, that is a terrible excuse. Don't go placing your regrets on them. They learn about their world and their place in the world by how you treat them when they are young.
In this case, the woman voiced a negative comment in front of her 4 year old that implied "I shouldn't have had children". As Zeke comment, a child cannot interpret that comment past "There must be something wrong with me", so indeed it does become very emotionally threatening to them. It may lower their sense of self-worth, because their parents are basically showing them they are not worthy of being wanted, and that has a large scale impact on society.
That kid won't care, he just want's to know if he can have potato waffles for dinner tonight!
[QUOTE=Conro101;20655011]You're kind of a jerk.[/QUOTE]
I think the jerk is in fact, [b]you.[/B] :colbert:
[QUOTE=wildwill;20862981]And where will you draw your line? Maybe next time you're in McDonalds you rip on some parent for killing their child by feeding him/her that garbage?
The person saying, "and this is why you shouldn't have kids" does not rise to the point that someone should intervene. People will say that over a bunch of things. Kid pukes down the front of your shirt....this is why you shouldn't have kids... Kids shits in the car seat....this is why you shouldn't have kids...
It really doesn't mean anything. Try taking the child away from the mother, see if she just gives em up. Yea, here have the kid, I didn't want em in the first place...Yea right.
As for saying that, I wouldn't to my kids, but you have to be real, some folks aren't so in tune with the every little thing that might affect their child's emotions.
I don't think it's the role of some teenager, or anyone else for that matter to tell someone how to talk to their child. Unless the parent is cursing at the child or threatening the child, I think people should just mind their own business.[/QUOTE]
I believe it reaches that point where someone should intervene.
It does mean something, because the look on the child's face was one of the saddest I've ever seen from any four year old.
Actually, if you took the kids away from the mother, she'd probably be the most happy person in the world. She has no responsibility now. Thanks.
Parents are almost always in tune with a child's emotions. Especially a mother.
So, you don't think it's the role of anyone to speak up and saying something about a comment that puts a child down, not to mention what long-term affects it could have?
See, people like you Will, are always the ones to question motive. That's all you do. Nothing ever gets done. You're a father, right? You have responsibility (I assume). You know bills need to get paid, the yard needs work, and the car needs new oil. Now, if all you do is question, does any of this get done? Nope. But see, this is different. Bills, yards, and cars don't have human emotion. You don't look at these objects as a four year old child.
Did you have both your parents when you were growing up? Were you fortunate to have them both?
I wasn't. My mom worked three jobs to support her and I. I never really got to see her when I was younger. Now, at least I have one parent that wants me. My dad, well, I couldn't even begin to tell you anything about him, because I don't know him.
Now picture this. All this child has is his mother. One sole parent. And he just wasn't wished for.
Now what is he thinking Will? Probably that he's defective in some way. "What's wrong with me? Why is mommy wishing that she didn't have kids?" If that were you, you'd care if someone said something. Someone, a complete stranger I might add, just said something that could've made everything change. Maybe I showed that small child, that someone is looking out for him, and that someone was upset by the mothers comment.
But you won't care about any of this. This text won't matter in the slightest. You won't picture yourself in that situation, because you don't care. And why should you? You have kids, maybe a wife. This doesn't matter to you. And it's sad that it never will. It will never be a concern of yours, because people should just lay down and take what others say or do. Just be a pussy, right? Don't make any action in hopes for a change.
If people didn't speak up against things shit wouldn't get done, problems wouldn't be solved. If no one spoke up against racism, we would still be divided. Just an example.
[QUOTE=elitestrider;20655044]That was rude on both sides.[/QUOTE]
I rated disagree before realizing that you were right - but his rudeness was more than necessary. Her's was not.
[QUOTE=StickyNade;20870582]I rated disagree before realizing that you were right - but his rudeness was more than necessary. Her's was not.[/QUOTE]
Just because it may seem taboo to criticize someones negative communication in front of their child, doesn't actually make it rude. It's just seems rude to you because standing up to someone in such a situation, stretches your own social comfort zone past its maximum.
When someone steps way out of line like that in their responsibility toward a child, they do need some sort of wake up call.
I once heard a woman telling off her 7 year old. "stop acting like such a child!" she yelled. I couldn't help but reply "Well, she IS a child!" I was in another isle though and yelled it over, so it wasn't as confronting for me. But seriously, a lot of parents don't respect their children as human beings with valid emotions. It's more about the parents own comfort and stress levels, not the child's. And of course, the parent will always win when they throw a yelling tantrum in response to their child's emotional outcry, because they're bigger, they're stronger and they have more power over the child. The child is then conditioned to learn that their parents feelings are more valid than theirs. And that's not right at all, is it?
-snip-
You did well.
once i was a broken condom :]
She's a prick.
Alright, I will accede to the fact that she's a total bitch. Something like that would get under my skin as well, but that still gives you no right to intervene because it's a private matter between her and her kids. Until you become a parent, you have no concrete opinion.
[QUOTE=The Riddler;20882220]Alright, I will accede to the fact that she's a total bitch. Something like that would get under my skin as well, but that still gives you no right to intervene because it's a private matter between her and her kids. Until you become a parent, you have no concrete opinion.[/QUOTE]
It's not really much of an opinion though. People are forgetting that I am not trying to change her way of parenting. I merely questioned her statment.
the lady had a point, mind your own business dude
WHAT THE FUCK! I move away and all the fucking good stuff happens then. And I'm surprised that even happened, in the boring place. And also knowing you I'm not surprised that you said something. Just wish I was there.
Damn straight. (To OP)
[QUOTE=Identity;20654987]Why make a thread about it? I don't really know. I guess it kind of irks me when when a parent says not to have kids in front of her four year old son. I can't imagine how he must feel after that, or if he really interpreted that at all.[/QUOTE]
The things we find threadworthy are really shitty complainy things. but i do it.
For example, theres this FUCKWIT on the bus...
I have had him on my bus twice, and he plays loud rap music on his mobile phone, and it PISSES ME OFF FFFFUUUUUUUU-
IMMA MAKE A THREAD ABOUT IT (seriously)
[QUOTE=The Riddler;20882220]Alright, I will accede to the fact that she's a total bitch. Something like that would get under my skin as well, but that still gives you no right to intervene because it's a private matter between her and her kids. Until you become a parent, you have no concrete opinion.[/QUOTE]
Why are people so bent on allowing these things to remain private matters?
Would you allow it to remain a private matter if she were saying the same thing to her child more overtly?
"This is why you shouldn't have children!" Turns to her son, "I shouldn't have had you!"
Imagine how the child feels. Imagine he looks hurt. Would you step in then? Would you say something to her?
The only difference in Identity's situation is that what she said didn't seem as overt, but it still carried the same exact message. And try to think of it as a 4 year old would hear it. The last three words would stick out to him like a sore thumb "Shouldn't have children!", because they are the last 3 words - children tend to not hear the middle parts of sentences, it's the connecting words that fall flat - in this case it would have been " is you", I'm thinking "why" might have stood out somewhat because of the sound (I work in and study childhood development).
Some people say they would step in if the parent is physically abusing the child, but what about emotional abuse? People don't understand or pick up on emotional abuse nearly as well as physical. That is probably because no one wants to question a parent's authority, which they assume is always in the best interest of the child, and they just cannot recognize it because they don't understand the impact of such statements on a child's emotional well-being. There isn't enough of an awareness, and people criticizing someone who does recognize the impact of such a statement, need to take a step back and understand exactly how such statements affect a child.
The parent isn't always right. Private mattes should not remain private if there is any form of abuse going on, whether it be physical or emotional.
Even if the child didn't hear the statement, that would just be lucky for them. Next time, the parent might no be so lucky when she says something like that again.
[QUOTE=Identity;20882847]It's not really much of an opinion though. People are forgetting that I am not trying to change her way of parenting. I merely questioned her statment.[/QUOTE]
Your opinion of the situation is what's invoking the urge in you to do something. That's what I mean when I say opinion. You obviously care or else you wouldn't have an opinion.
[QUOTE=The Riddler;20888794]Your opinion of the situation is what's invoking the urge in you to do something. That's what I mean when I say opinion. You obviously care or else you wouldn't have an opinion.[/QUOTE]
So I shouldn't care? I should just dismiss it, right?
What's worse: Saying something and wish you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?
Dick move.
[QUOTE=Identity;20888909]So I shouldn't care? I should just dismiss it, right?
What's worse: Saying something and wish you hadn't, or saying nothing and wishing you had?[/QUOTE]
It's a good thing that you care. That's what makes you human. Nevertheless, you should be resistant to acting on that because it will only cause more altercations. You never know what that could have lead to. She could have sued you for sexual harassment if she wanted to. Now in response to your last query, I would choose the second option, by which you would be avoiding altercations.
[QUOTE=The Riddler;20889764]It's a good thing that you care. That's what makes you human. Nevertheless, you should be resistant to acting on that because it will only cause more altercations. You never know what that could have lead to. She could have sued you for sexual harassment if she wanted to. Now in response to your last query, I would choose the second option, by which you would be avoiding altercations.[/QUOTE]
But see, if I care and say nothing, what's the point of even caring about the situation at hand? She could've sued if she wanted to, and I would've defended myself. How many people would be in her favor? Here sits a "mom" who is trying to sue a teenager for making a comment about a statement that is derogatory towards her children. Now, it's 50/50. We're wrong on both sides. I never said I was right about what I did, and in general I think it's wrong on some points, but I'm still happy that I spoke up about something.
Now about the second part, where you had an option. See, you wish you had said something, but you didn't, all to avoid an altercation. Now, if you speak up there are two outcomes.
1. There being the altercation, things escalate, etc.
2. You make the person realize what they've said, and they think about their actions and choice of words.
So, was my action justified, or stupid? Or was it even worth it at all? I neither gained, nor lost.
good show my man
[QUOTE=Identity;20889957]But see, if I care and say nothing, what's the point of even caring about the situation at hand? She could've sued if she wanted to, and I would've defended myself. How many people would be in her favor? Here sits a "mom" who is trying to sue a teenager for making a comment about a statement that is derogatory towards her children. Now, it's 50/50. We're wrong on both sides. I never said I was right about what I did, and in general I think it's wrong on some points, but I'm still happy that I spoke up about something.
Now about the second part, where you had an option. See, you wish you had said something, but you didn't, all to avoid an altercation. Now, if you speak up there are two outcomes.
1. There being the altercation, things escalate, etc.
2. You make the person realize what they've said, and they think about their actions and choice of words.
So, was my action justified, or stupid? Or was it even worth it at all? I neither gained, nor lost.[/QUOTE]
Well, I guess if anyone has the gall do something like that, it's you. I for one, wouldn't want to stake it, but I respect you for it.
[QUOTE=The Riddler;20891772]Well, I guess if anyone has the gall do something like that, it's you. I for one, wouldn't want to stake it, but I respect you for it.[/QUOTE]
But why not risk yourself for the possibility that something good could come out of it?
If we never stood up to negativity, where would we be now?
I never said I was right about what I did, I was only happy that I said it. I was encouraged by myself to maybe, just maybe, make a parent, or even a human being for that matter, re-evaluate what she said.
Did I try to change her? Of course not. I would never try to institute a change in a person that wasn't willing.
Did I want to make her think about what she just said? Yes.
[QUOTE=Identity;20892041]But why not risk yourself for the possibility that something good could come out of it?
If we never stood up to negativity, where would we be now?
I never said I was right about what I did, I was only happy that I said it. I was encouraged by myself to maybe, just maybe, make a parent, or even a human being for that matter, re-evaluate what she said.
Did I try to change her? Of course not. I would never try to institute a change in a person that wasn't willing.
Did I want to make her think about what she just said? Yes.[/QUOTE]
You, Identity, are amazing.
[QUOTE=GOOD GRAMMER;20905582]You, Identity, are amazing.[/QUOTE]
Why?
And if this is sarcasm, then thanks.
[QUOTE=Identity;20905614]Why?
And if this is sarcasm, then thanks.[/QUOTE]
Because of what you did, i'm not being sarcastic, I honestly think what you did was fucking awesome.
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