• How can I stop being such a fucking slow-witted cunt
    95 replies, posted
Being witty isn't a requirement for social life, you know. If you're not witty, keep your mouth shut unless you have something to say. It's sad and incredibly lame when people try to force humor from themselves, it just doesn't work. Some people just naturally aren't very funny, and they get by fine by simply accepting that fact.
Get new friends, they look like dicks to me, I can tell from the size of their ego and having seen quite a few dicks in my day. Being quick-witted just comes to you naturally. Sometimes its good to start with shitty one-liner excuses and as you practice the good ones will come to you.
I'm the same, BTW are they joking or srs?
Just tell them to fuck off. You don't need to be quick witted to do that.
Here are some protips: Friend A: Haha you're fucking stupid You: Bitch shut the fuck up Then you examine your friends body and face and think of something he looks like Friend A: No you you shut the fuck up You: Goddamn man, you look like an ugly ass "what he looks like" Friend B,C,D,E,F,G: Hahahaha Works every time for me.
You should start being awesome, worked for me
[QUOTE=Skippy!;19684288]Being witty isn't a requirement for social life, you know. If you're not witty, keep your mouth shut unless you have something to say. It's sad and incredibly lame when people try to force humor from themselves, it just doesn't work. Some people just naturally aren't very funny, and they get by fine by simply accepting that fact.[/QUOTE] Like Joshua Topolsky from Engadget, when he kept interrupting some woman asking if the factory machines are made by even bigger machines and then continued to laugh like a dork.
They're not your friends if they make fun of you.
It just comes to you.
Blur out random words and hope for the best.
[QUOTE=Mr.2007;19687024]Here are some protips: Friend A: Haha you're fucking stupid You: Bitch shut the fuck up Then you examine your friends body and face and think of something he looks like Friend A: No you you shut the fuck up You: Goddamn man, you look like an ugly ass "what he looks like" Friend B,C,D,E,F,G: Hahahaha Works every time for me.[/QUOTE] More like You: i have no friends :(
Read lots of literature with batty concepts. Try Asimov and Pratchett. Watch a lot of stand up comedy. I'd recommend Dylan Moran, Jeff Dunham and Al Murray. For example: [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OpoHz8INnY[/media] Let's see if those tags actually work. Glory be, they did!
Well I'm in a rough-ish neighbourhood in Dublin, so I just put on the strongest Dublin accent I can muster and say "Shut up ye fuckin' fagget" Not the most refined comeback, but it's a sort of standard around here.
[QUOTE=CNN;19682716]What's the secret?[/QUOTE] :iiam:
You have something in your pocket. Oh look, it's THE FINGER
imediately quote somthing they said that was retarded earlier then point and laugh, that tends to work
Understand puns and satire. Read some jokes or books that use it to use the understanding and apply it in real life situations.
Socialize lots and see what others say in a similar situation.
There's no secret to quick-wit. You're born with it.
learn to creatively flip people off its simple and effective You have something in your pocket. Oh look, it's THE FINGER is a good example
When someone insults you, brush it off and for your sake, do not say the comeback if it's a few hours late. Just forget about it.
[QUOTE=Wakka;19691854]When someone insults you, brush it off and for your sake, do not say the comeback if it's a few hours late. Just forget about it.[/QUOTE] Real men just suck it up. Or give them a sucker punch.
One of my friends threatened someone who was irritating them by saying he'd take the guys dead Grandmother, stuff her in a wheelie bin and roll it off a pier. Try that. [editline]10:22PM[/editline] Holy shit, I just got the image of the OPs avatar being what he actually looks like when thinking of a comeback.
If you learn to speak like any gentleman snaker in Shakespeare's, Oscar Wilde's or Poe's works, you will instantly sound witty even if you really aren't. [editline]12:58AM[/editline] But people will also think you're weird.
[QUOTE=ThePuska;19711876]If you learn to speak like any gentleman snaker in Shakespeare's, Oscar Wilde's or Poe's works, you will instantly sound witty even if you really aren't. [editline]12:58AM[/editline] But people will also think you're weird.[/QUOTE] Who's oscar wilde?
[QUOTE=CNN;19711957]Who's oscar wilde?[/QUOTE] A guy.
Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde
[QUOTE=ThePuska;19712012]Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde[/QUOTE] Hes famous for?
[QUOTE=Mr.2007;19687024]Here are some protips: Friend A: Haha you're fucking stupid You: Bitch shut the fuck up Then you examine your friends body and face and think of something he looks like Friend A: No you you shut the fuck up You: Goddamn man, you look like an ugly ass "what he looks like" Friend B,C,D,E,F,G: Hahahaha Works every time for me.[/QUOTE] OP isn't in 6th grade.
I'm born witty, but I don't think you can't learn this. So, you could train this, I suppose.
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