[QUOTE=Mac2468;34940228]not [I]that[/I] different
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
that's not even into the 3rd plateau, its still a light dose[/QUOTE]
to you its not that big of a dose but to me where im rather fucking skinny and secondly DXM is only one of those things i'd only do once or twice in my life and that was my last time using it
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
also empty stomach
im not saying you didnt trip hard im saying you handled it rather irresponsibly
just found out the chick I've been considering dating for 2 weeks is a lesbian
v:v:v OH WELL BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD
Speaking of DXM, I went to work on around 300mg once... never again. I was so out of it.
I don't really do any illegal drugs anymore, mainly smoke my hookah more regularly than I should.
[QUOTE=Mr. Bleak;34940371]Speaking of DXM, I went to work on around 300mg once... never again. I was so out of it.
I don't really do any illegal drugs anymore, mainly smoke my hookah more regularly than I should.[/QUOTE]
But DXM isn't illegal..
[QUOTE=Mac2468;34940289]im not saying you didnt trip hard im saying you handled it rather irresponsibly[/QUOTE]
ok so where else am I going to go when im litterally being fucked out of my mind and trying to suicide because your friends laughed at you while your tripping fucking hard
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
at 1 in the morning
That whole situation could have been easily prevented.
Irresponsible drug use.
seeing fatboy slim and die antwoord tomorrow!
and skrillex...
Then going clubbing and staying in a hotel afterwards, its gonna be fucking awesome
[QUOTE=confinedUser;34939898]i weigh like 110 pounds dude shits different[/QUOTE]
I'm pretty sure Mac weights ~100 pounds aswell.
[QUOTE=Stormcharger;34940864]seeing fatboy slim and die antwoord tomorrow!
and skrillex...
Then going clubbing and staying in a hotel afterwards, its gonna be fucking awesome[/QUOTE]
dont you have uni stuff to do
-snip- recovering from a fucked up night.
[QUOTE=En-Guage V2;34941015]dont you have uni stuff to do[/QUOTE]
lol in the first week? fuck no :v:
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
Its orientation week everyones been hitting the bar everyday fuck work in the first week :v:
First time High, first time Bump.
don't waste your time on the pc
this is the best high you're ever going to have
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
do what I did
climb a tree
I listened to Radiohead... definitely wasn't a waste.
I remember when music high used to be mindblowing
now it's just average :(
[QUOTE=En-Guage V2;34941645]I remember when music high used to be mindblowing
now it's just average :([/QUOTE]
yeah everything high now seems to be the same whether I'm sober or not (with the exception of a few things) but other than that nope it's all the same.
yeah it's quite sad
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
makes me wonder why I smoke at all anymore
I prefer alcohol now
[QUOTE=En-Guage V2;34941792]yeah it's quite sad
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
makes me wonder why I smoke at all anymore
I prefer alcohol now[/QUOTE]
should take a T-break
I don't smoke often
once or twice every 2 weeks
once or twice a month
it's not tolerance
I recently finished a 4 month t break when I was going to join the army
[editline]2nd March 2012[/editline]
I just don't really enjoy smoking weed that much anymore compared to drinking
know the feel, but for me the reason I just don't enjoy it so much anymore is because it just doesn't give me what it used too. It doesn't give me heavy body sensations and wacky world views, it just makes me feel hazy and think, a lot. It can be quite a relaxing haze at just a few hits but if I start smoking more and more it just starts getting more and more eh, then I get paranoid and anxious.
To be fair, to some extent, I can still stand in a room and have it feel like it's suddenly really small, but I wish the focus of my highs was more on that rather than deep thinking that I then get 100% convinced is right and my sober point of view is wrong.. annoying.
I just tend to feel fuzzy and confused
Then again most of the time I smoke alone at 2am in my room because it's the only way I can do it without a shitstorm happening
now I've got a pipe I've smoked a couple times when I've been hanging out with my friends. Also last week I lit up and downed 3/4s of a flask of whiskey before seeing my favourite band and that was awesome
maybe I just need to rethink what I do when I smoke, because there is really not a whole lot to do at my house. I need to move around really quietly so I don't wake up my family, and when I finish smoking there is the long task of disassembling everything and cleaning up, not to mention hiding my piece and the ever present fear that it will be discovered and I'll be in a world of shit
that's basically what i'm doing. Quit smoking on my own, threw all my smoking related stuff out so i'm not tempted to just sit around getting stoned. I'll still smoke up with mates here and there (infact going to do that come sunday) but it's not my main focus anymore
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
[media]http://soundcloud.com/skuffer13/electric-wires-1[/media] this song reminds me of the great times i've had while smoking, makes me wish I can have times like that again. I really think keeping it as a rare thing rather than a daily thing is the best way to go, keeps it somewhat special, rather than just like "oh i'm high? didn't notice" kind of thing
it also makes so much more sense now than when I started listening to it, my context as a person is much more applied to my understanding of the lyrics.
"In a world where nobody knows any body but themselves" pretty much sums up how I felt over the past year, that's changed a bit though
"I've come a long way i've got a lot to say but i'm not sure how to say it, it's this craziness I wish I knew nothing about" sums up perfectly how I feel about the world now.
Too much behavioral awareness, seeing people as if they're animals and all that. I really wish I didn't see the world that way, but it also brings out the beauty of the complexity of nature, being able to see that but still realize that we have free will, and our individual consciousness, our sense of self, our egos; so many of us here in DD wish to alter it, some of us wish to throw it away entirely (eg. ego death) but I think that through acid, I experienced that loss of self; I can't say that it was ego death, because coming out of it I am still me, I havn't changed. But I've definitely learnt to appreciate my own existance more so, I cherish it and don't wish to lose it, ever. I've become a much more stable person, not seeking constant alterations to my own mind and rather instead focused on what I need to get done to get where I want. I still enjoy manipulation of my consiousness, but the problem is that in doing so, with my current understanding and view of the world, I tend to over think things. It's easier in small amounts or social situations, and it's no longer this amazingly beautiful experience that it used to be. My day to day life has instead become that beautiful experience, because i'm really able to appreciate the beauty of the natural world that before I was only able to appreciate while high. I can walk around, and just feel great, happy, and at ease rather than misogynistic, cynical and narcissistic. I'm able to enjoy social situations and have pretty much flipped from being a shut in introvert to being an outgoing extrovert, which you think wouldn't be compatible with that view of the people's behaviours; the thing is, I don't see the world that way when i'm around the people I enjoy, I only see it when I get shut in, on my own. It does however stay in the back of my mind, following me where I go making me more aware of the subconsious behavioural cues I usually wouldn't have noticed at all. The way people walk, their confidence levels, their personality types.
I feel in general I am more understanding and empathetic towards people, and at the same time towards all living beings. You look at creatures like cats, and you think about why they do what they do, you need to think about their genetic makeup and their upbringing. I have two cats, one that pretty much does it's own thing, is self sufficient, and in general doesn't give a fuck. It's a nice cat, it enjoys laying around all day and only bothers people when it needs to in order to get food, or get in/out of the house. It will come up for cuddles sometimes but it's getting old these days and clearly enjoys it's own presence more than the presence of others, On the other hand i've also got this fat cat that's extremely anxious, nervous all the fucking time. I feel really fucking sorry for that cat because I think I may have done some bad things to it growing up (I was really little, easy to treat cats as toys when you're a kid) and my torment towards it has clearly left it psychologically damaged. I let that cat in while I was high before and watched it walk in anxiously purring hoping I wouldn't pick it up and swing it around or something I guess, walking towards my sister's room (who it's pretty much got a life long bond with now) slowely getting faster and faster. I just felt so fucking depressed when I saw it walk under my sisters bed (she wasn't at home). I really, really can't help but feel sorry for that cat, it doesn't deserve that kind of life but sadly, there isn't really anything I could do about it. It's scared of everyone, not just me, so befriending it probably wouldn't help it.
It also makes my life at home more depressing because I have an (presumed to be, anyway) autistic sister, but she's not unhappy with her life so I can at least feel at ease about that. On the other hand I have an older brother who I also assume has schizoid personality disorder, maybe he's just a hermit, I don't know really, but he's also happy with his life. He's moved out and has been living alone for a good 10 years now, It never used to occur to me that there could actually be something wrong with his psyche until recently, it seems that his personality traits most fit someone with schizoid personality disorder; but i'm not going to be the one to make the diagnosis. As long as he's happy, I can't really feel sad for him because, unlike my sister, it's not like he has a mental disability that leaves him unable to live on his own or anything (if anything it's exactly the opposite).
My mum on the other hand is a fundamentalist christian who's just getting more and more caught up with her beliefs that the world is going to end soon and that there are prophets currently speaking to Mary, we've tried to talk her out of it but she wont believe otherwise. I can somewhat relate to her... I don't know what to call it, gullability? I used to be like that growing up, believed I had powers of some kind and pretty much involved myself in a complete fantasy world with a bunch of other people. I don't know how unhealthy something like that is but I just feel sad for her because, from my current point of view and understanding of the world it's completely obvious that there's no real higher order, the only thing that keeps me from being a complete atheist is well, the fact that i'm consious. Applying all of the behavioral awareness things above, the fact that we still have a consiousness, and a free will, the ability to analyze these things and vocalize them by "OUR" own choice, is what amazes me entirely. It's such a complex thing beyond comprehension, this existance that I'll one day lose, never to see again is just so beautiful to be real in the first place; the fact that there's even matter in the universe arranged in such a way to allow this constant observation (what brought matter about in the first place?) is an even more interesting thing to start thinking about. Unfortunately, when I get high, and think about these things, it gets too deep, and I get completely paranoid about my own existance, I lose my sense of self and start worrying about it. It's funny, isn't it? our brains, We ourselves still completely break the natural order; is that really what this free will is for? I mean if you look at animals, they're essentially machines, they still have personalities (as i've pointed out with my cats) that can be completely damaged, however, they still have primary functions that they'll focus on entirely. It's all very scripted for them, but for us? We can refuse to eat, dispite our body telling our brain it needs food. We can refuse to drink, we can refuse to breathe if we damn well want. But what is it about us that gives us that free will? is it just the complexity of the human psyche? is it really possible for matter to arrange itself in such a complex way that it creates unique "selfs", first person observers that are completely capable of rejecting and altering the very things it tells itself it needs? Imagine if your computer rejected electricity, or if your computer decided to run an application that would re-program the way it functions, it's honestly bizarre when you start thinking about it.
Okay i'll stop typing now, too easy to just start typing and never stop when you've got a million thoughts in your head that you've no where else to dump. I'll leave you this to think about:
Think about your own consiousness, your observation of the world. Take away your personality/behaviors, and what is it that you're actually left with? Take that constant observance, whatever it is, and apply it to another body; another personality. To think how many simultaneous observers are viewing the world the very same way you are, with different opinions, different actions, it's just fucking crazy.
so this post is basically a summary of the things that have been on my mind since I took LSD, but mostly the times i've been high since taking lsd. more so just a vent post because I don't really have anyone I can express these ideas too; it's not that I actually want answers or something, I find it all very beautiful in itself. I just feel this need to express these ideas but I really really have little way to do so, so sorry for making this massive dump.
May I just say though, LSD was absolutely beautiful. Losing myself over and over is exactly what I needed to get myself back together in my day to day life; I just hope i'm not psychologically damaged; if this post is anything to go by then maybe am, but as I said, it's not like this is all on my mind right now, just felt like doing a big post regarding the things that have been on my mind. I'm sure you'd find i'm nothing like this post might make me seem if you met me in person, but that could just be my outwards ego, my presentation of self to the outer world :p But that's essentially the person I become when i'm around other people, it's not like i'm putting it on, faking it. Around other people, I am the me I love. When i'm alone and isolated I have too much room to think, but at least i'm not thinking myself up a delusional world of pixies and elves to believe in in my spare time
I kind of feel like some more lsd sometime soon.
My life be like oooooohhh ahhhhhh
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-yCg-0-baE[/media] oh god steven :p
I remember when my best friend in primary school loved this song and I thought he was such a dickhead for liking it. Now I enjoy it simply for the nostalgia
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
What movie should I watch tonight?
Jumanji
Jurassic park
Mars Attacks
The goonies
or Cast Away?
Resin is Robin, for when Batman's not there.
And I say watch Mars Attacks
just have to say naota, Love your dp
will tolerance build smoking twice a week?
[QUOTE=confinedUser;34939898]i weigh like 110 pounds dude shits different[/QUOTE]
I wiegh ~10lbs more than you. And 600mg is where interesting stuff starts
[editline]1st March 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Naota1248;34942976]Resin is Robin, for when Batman's not there.
And I say watch Mars Attacks[/QUOTE]
I know what to do when marry is gone, I'll just hook up with her avaiable friend [I]ressiiiiiiiin[/I]
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