Facepunch Anonymous Confessional: More Things Better Left Unsaid - General

You're telling me I took all that LSD for nothing? Didn't even get to see humans and shit. Should've tried a tulpa.

[QUOTE=Fetret;47126862]You're telling me I took all that LSD for nothing? Didn't even get to see humans and shit. Should've tried a tulpa.[/QUOTE] For maximum mental breakdown; try both!

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;47126946]For maximum mental breakdown; try both![/QUOTE] Thank you for curing my sanity!

[QUOTE=Bordellimies;47126283][IMG]http://puu.sh/fORal/cef50e4ee4.png[/IMG] [IMG]http://puu.sh/fOKUp/e5225f601c.png[/IMG] The real horror story is imagining yourself end up like that[/QUOTE] does this mean the guy actually cured his mental illness? if so good on him!

To clear some of this tulpa stuff up the best I think I can, I used to have "tulpas" Back when I was 12. At that time I was going through a weeaboo phase where I was "that kid" who couldn't shut the fuck up and generally pissed off everyone. I would try to "Characterize" My Conscience and "Masculine temptation" (I don't know why the hell I would make that into a tulpa) into people. The reason I did this was to project having a cool ass world where I had friends where we did fun stuff together because I had no friends. I would fantasize them being my friends and sitting in my room with me chilling out and watching TV together and talking about anime or some crap. They were basically projections of "anime" friends.

[QUOTE=3bwii;47128405]To clear some of this tulpa stuff up the best I think I can, I used to have "tulpas" Back when I was 12. At that time I was going through a weeaboo phase where I was "that kid" who couldn't shut the fuck up and generally pissed off everyone. I would try to "Characterize" My Conscience and "Masculine temptation" (I don't know why the hell I would make that into a tulpa) into people. The reason I did this was to project having a cool ass world where I had friends where we did fun stuff together because I had no friends. I would fantasize them being my friends and sitting in my room with me chilling out and watching TV together and talking about anime or some crap. They were basically projections of "anime" friends.[/QUOTE] Did you kill them off? How did you lose them?

[QUOTE=Bordellimies;47126283][IMG]http://puu.sh/fORal/cef50e4ee4.png[/IMG] [IMG]http://puu.sh/fOKUp/e5225f601c.png[/IMG] The real horror story is imagining yourself end up like that[/QUOTE] it's fake it's from this [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RQ8mSBaD3Q[/media]

[QUOTE=markedOne;47128686]Did you kill them off? How did you lose them?[/QUOTE] I don't quite remember the exact point where I cut this shit out but I do remeber at one point I tried to get rid of my "Conscience" Tulpa by putting him on a bus to Toronto to go find a job or whatever and I believed he turned into a real person when he went to Toronto (He came back within a few hours). And the other one "Raped" me and disappeared for a week (Resulting in my first masturbation experience.) Eventually I think they just died off without me noticing and I slowly got better. [editline]12th February 2015[/editline] Holy shit reading that last part about the other tulpa makes me realise how fucked I was.

You can't just will yourself into having a mental disorder. People who come up with tulpas are just anthropomorphizing their inner voice, there's nothing dangerous about it but it's a really weird thing to build communities around (it's a thing on reddit). If you focus on that inner voice enough it'll become more coherent and start to feel like a "person" but it can't actually hurt you or tell you anything you don't already know/believe.

[QUOTE=Zeke129;47128864]" but it can't actually hurt you.[/QUOTE] I'd disagree It furthered my belief that the whole world was against me and was just full of "Swag fags" Who were so "Immature".

[QUOTE=3bwii;47128893]I'd disagree It furthered my belief that the whole world was against me and was just full of "Swag fags" Who were so "Immature".[/QUOTE] It can only do to you what you can do to yourself, is what I think he's saying. I guess it could easily be a catalyst towards thinking things you don't want to, but personally I can't stop myself from thinking really cynical thoughts sometimes regardless.

The mind is a powerful thing, and some people lose control.

tulpas are forced hallucinations that you give properties to, it doesn't mean you're mentally ill it just means you have waaaay too much time on your hands that you could be wasting on the internet

[img]http://i.imgur.com/mh5HtGf.png[/img] Thanks, guys. I haven't even searched the topic on google.

yeah i ended up getting that video too once I watched the pony tulpa simulator

I understand that mental illness is a very serious problem, but every time I hear about this tulpa shit I just think it is so fucking stupid.

[QUOTE=nubskrub;47130561][img]http://i.imgur.com/mh5HtGf.png[/img] Thanks, guys. I haven't even searched the topic on google.[/QUOTE] Any time you watch a video way outside what you normally watch youtube always throws way more of them at you. Last time I watched the non tulpa pony thread simulator recommended videos was full of pony videos for weeks.

[QUOTE=3bwii;47128893]I'd disagree It furthered my belief that the whole world was against me and was just full of "Swag fags" Who were so "Immature".[/QUOTE] That was just you telling yourself that. Unless you've had an actual diagnosis of schizophrenia/dissociative identity disorder/etc you can't really self-diagnose the tulpa as being anything other than your own thoughts.

[QUOTE=helifreak;47130674]Any time you watch a video way outside what you normally watch youtube always throws way more of them at you. Last time I watched the non tulpa pony thread simulator recommended videos was full of pony videos for weeks.[/QUOTE] That's why I compulsively watch all videoes not on my subscriptions in private browsing.

The more freedom you give to your subconscious the less control you have under it :v: If out of loneliness you plan to create tulpa then you'd better not do it There are couple of alternatives: - More Real Life - Lucid Dreaming - Daydreaming Tho too much daydreaming may be bad idea to be honest. But if it's not maximum overload then you will be more than likely mentally safe :dance:

[QUOTE=DiscoInferno;47131804]That's why I compulsively watch all videoes not on my subscriptions in private browsing.[/QUOTE] Private browsing doesn't help. 'Recommended for you' records videos watched by a certain IP address.

[QUOTE=Krinkels;47132390]Private browsing doesn't help. 'Recommended for you' records videos watched by a certain IP address.[/QUOTE] I doubt that, I don't notice changes in my recommendations because of what my parents watch.

[QUOTE=LuaChobo;47127196]yeah because even though your brain only knows what it knows, creating a 2nd personality will make you know ~everything~[/QUOTE] Obviously not. What i mean is you stare at a page full of text and don't concentrate on learning but the tulpa does.

[QUOTE=cartman300;47133129]Obviously not. What i mean is you stare at a page full of text and don't concentrate on learning but the tulpa does.[/QUOTE] Like a second consciousness that is independent of your own?

[QUOTE=cartman300;47133129]Obviously not. What i mean is you stare at a page full of text and don't concentrate on learning but the tulpa does.[/QUOTE] That doesn't work

[QUOTE=cpt.armadillo;47133532]Like a second consciousness that is independent of your own?[/QUOTE] More like [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unconscious_mind"]the unconscious mind[/URL].

[QUOTE=Krinkels;47132390]Private browsing doesn't help. 'Recommended for you' records videos watched by a certain IP address.[/QUOTE] It's based solely on what the YouTube account you are logged into has watched, i have multiple accounts and they have different recommendations

[Quote="Thespian Doe"]Dunno what the deal is with the thread, what with all the Tulpa derailing, but this is just me getting something off my chest. This is gonna be an extremely long winded story, sorry 'bout that. Personally, I'm not super 'messed up' or nothing, I do have anger issues (which I learned to control for the most part) and tend towards switching from extremely happy to extremely depressed randomly, but this is largely about another person, a girl specifically. Last year, around the start of second semester, I began making a concerted effort to get out of the half self-imposed, half bullied-into shell I had created around myself, I did this via joining several clubs, including my school's improvisation club. I met a whole bunch of fantastic people, I mean they're all a little out there but then so am I, and discovered my passion for drama and musical theatre. But one in particular I was drawn to immediately. For the purposes of this story, I'll call her Christine, as Phantom is her favourite musical. Christine and I hit it off immediately. She's an extremely interesting person, hilarious, interested in shit like philosophy, loves comics and has an extreme passion for movies. Not to mention that while I've come to realize that most people probably don't find her attractive, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever met in a physical sense as well. We originally started talking through Facebook, and since it was around the turn of the year she invited me to a mini-get-together New Years 'party' thing. We had a whole bunch of fun, I met a bunch of drama kids who would become my close friends eventually, and more importantly I got to talk to Christine. Since then I've become a lot better, but at the time I was ridiculously socially awkward, especially around girls. Anyway, the day after the party we messaged each other on Facebook again, and stuff happened that was all very cute and romantic and we admitted that we liked each other in a romantic sorta way, we didn't start dating immediately, but we agreed we'd start hanging out. Second semester rolled around, we had first period together, good times. She came over now and again and we'd watch movies and talk, essentially getting to know one another and seeing if we did actually like each other (we had both never dated anyone before). We realized we did, and after some more quasi-romantic things that were extremely cutesy I asked her out and we were dating. We had a fantastic time, we were like best friends but with cuddling and making out and significantly more affection, it was a good time. After about three months though, around the end of the school year, she started growing more distant. I had figured out fairly quickly that she was dealing with mental illnesses, and eventually she confirmed to me, she had suffered from anorexia, has rather extreme depression, and self-harms. I was much stupider and much more ignorant at the time than I am now, I didn't realize what I should've done (which there was a lot I should've done), so I basically said "As long as you're sure you're getting over it, I will support you and you don't gotta talk to me about it if you don't wanna" which is a horrible thing to do. Anyway, that last month she stopped kissing me, she made more and more excuses to not be able to hang out, and generally grew distant. On the last day of that semester before Summer, she broke up with me. She told me she had begun to see me as "more of a friend than a romantic partner", which I later would find out wasn't true. The Summer came and went with essentially no communication between me and her, I wasn't remotely over her, and was having a shitty time overall. School came around again and she was distant, reclusive, and rude. Something was wrong, but I couldn't figure it out and that made me angry, I lashed out at her at one point and she rebutted me extremely coldly but logically, I rightfully felt like shit after. Then... she disappeared from school for two weeks. When she came back she was very different, more like the Christine of old. She and I grew close again, and eventually she admitted to me. Over that last month of school when she had grown distant, she had begun reading philosophy, and several of the more... extreme views coincided with her depression and she sunk further and further down the rabbit hole. The reason she broke up with me was because she had decided to kill herself, and she didn't feel it was fair to do that while dating me. So, on her birthday a little while after school started, she attempted it, and, thank God, thank everything that ever has been and ever will be that came together to cause it, she didn't succeed. So she told me this, and I did (and still do) love her, but I had regressed quite a bit over a summer of non-interaction in terms of social ability, and had no idea how to respond. So I let it lie. For several months after that up till now we've been getting closer and closer, skype calls till the wee hours of morning, meeting at break to read books to each other, all sorts of stuff, but I've been very careful never to show her that I still liked her. This was because of a ridiculous (if slightly reasonable) excuse. Essentially I believed that it wasn't fair for me to try and date her when she's still recovering from her suicide attempt. I've realized recently it's just an excuse for myself to not have to go ahead, she is heavily recovered, everyone has their problems and regardless I have to accept that after being in such a suicidal state one probably can never truly, fully recover. Not to mention the examples of her older sister who suffers the same issues as her, and my good friend who also suffers the same issues, both of whom are dating. Regardless, today I saw her walking with another friend of mine, and while I know it was innocuous and non-romantic, it jarred me, I realized if I don't try to talk to her now odds are I'm going to lose my chance. I'm extremely certain that she still has more than just 'some' feelings for me. If not, so be it, but this has been tearing me apart for months, if I don't do it now it's just going to torture me till she finds someone else. I'm going to talk to her as soon as I can and ask if she's still romantically interested in me. You guys are now the only people who know the 'full' story (though this is still obviously abridged), whatever happens I might provide a followup. I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks.[/quote] Quick forward: it's not derailing to discuss a topic or point brought up by a confession! This is definitely a difficult situation, Doe. I'm in a long term relationship myself, and my girlfriend also struggles with depression and anxiety. I love her very much, but it took me a long time to realize that she needed more than my support to overcome it. It's difficult to accept that as much as you might want to, you can't just take that pain away for her. It's something she has to confront, and even though you can have her back and hold her hand, it's ultimately her battle to win. My girl is now in regular therapy, and while the progress is slow and not easily measured in the short term, she IS making progress. She's accomplished so much in the last year, and I'm terribly proud of her for that. I tell you this because it's something you will have to learn, if you intend for this girl to remain a part of your life. You will often feel useless in the face of her depression, because no matter how hard you fight to make her feel better, it is simply in the nature of the illness to defy reality in favor of dark uncertainties. It's important to her that she knows she's not alone. Be patient, supportive, and kind to her, but also be kind to yourself. Depression is confusing and thoughtless, and in this fugue she might lash out at you, simply because she doesn't know what else to do. You can't let yourself be a punching bag. You must be firm in making it clear that you're not her enemy, and that it isn't fair for her to treat you like that. This is because you simply don't deserve to be abused, and because you can't help her fight her depression if she's fighting you. Other than that, all you can do is continue to support her, and make sure she's getting real help. Depression is an illness, and it doesn't get better without treatment from a professional. Therapy, and possibly medication, is the clearest path out of the fog. Assuming she isn't already seeing a doctor, If you truly want to help her get better, lead her to that path and do whatever you reasonably can to keep her on it. I wish you the best of luck.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;47134464]It's based solely on what the YouTube account you are logged into has watched, i have multiple accounts and they have different recommendations[/QUOTE] What if you're not logged?

then cookies