[QUOTE=TurtleeyFP;39513556] It's not like internet-people are a different species who have a 94% chance of being a rapist that will kill your family.[/QUOTE]
when you start a sentence like that with the words "it's not like," it makes it sound like you're implying they actually are
[QUOTE=TurtleeyFP;39513556]You should probably go for it, in my opinion. It's not like internet-people are a different species who have a 94% chance of being a rapist that will kill your family. Just don't expect anything too special.[/QUOTE]
That's basically what I figured. I mean, I'm a normal guy, I have a normal life, but I'm looking at online dating as it seems to best fit my own situation. I can quite clearly see a fair few 'crazies' on these sites already, but there's no reason I should assume there aren't normal people like myself on there, and these two I've considered certainly seem that way.
It's hard to explain why I'm looking at this option, I guess you have to know my life as a whole to really appreciate it. But growing up poor, working my ass off 7 days a week for the last decade to keep everything and everyone from falling apart has essentially left me quite alone as a result (it doesn't help that every second day friends and family constantly say "Why haven't you found yourself a nice girl yet" and that kind of nonsense!). Only just now is everything coming together - mum's cancer treatment seems to have been a success, I've got plenty of money, and I'm finally getting my home in order - living with mum & her partner plus my brother at my age hardly makes one WANT to be in a relationship haha - but I have my own place on our property all to myself which I'm renovating right now.
So it just feels like the time is right. There is a girl I really love but she's just not returning the feelings, and absolutely everyone else around me is already in a relationship, so my options are few and far between. It's just hard for me to convince myself to take that first step, you know? Fingers crossed!
So- Valentines day. Gimme some input on this idea:
I thought instead of going to some fancy restaurant, I could set up the back yard really nice and have tea candles set up all over the back yard along with some christmas lights that we have strung up back there. There's a little gazebo and I was gonna set up a table and chairs with a table cloth on it and classic stick candle. There sits her gift as well. She grew up on a military base in Japan until she was 8 or 9 and reminisces all the time about it, and I know how to make sushi, so I figured we could make sushi together for dinner and eat outside under the stars and all with the candles and some music playing.
She always comes over and looks at and feeds my beta fish, she really likes animals and pets and the like. So I got her a big glass vase, some convincing artificial flowers to go in it in her favorite color, some pebbles at the bottom and put a beta fish of her favorite color in it. She also quotes the hell out of Spongebob all the time so I bought Spongebob and Patrick figurines to put at the bottom of the vase / tank as well.
I personally thought this was better than and more thoughtful than chocolates and a date. I'm still getting her some real roses, because who doesn't like roses? And instead of some card from the store I bought some nice parchment paper and I'm going to write her a letter and spray some of her favorite cologne of mine on it.
The best part about all of this is that it's different IMO, and that it cost like $70. Two valentines ago with my ex, I spent $120 just on some crappy fondue dinner at this overrated place.
Thoughts?
That's actually a really good idea. I hate the idea of going to a restaurant and a movie for a date, because it just seems really cliche and romantic movie-esque.
If someone took the time and detail to really personalize a date and give gifts based on things that he/she likes and enjoys, I think I would appreciate it a lot more than a date. And honestly, my idea of a perfect date would be a quiet night in, listening to music and cuddling, eating a nice quiet dinner, and watching a movie or something along those lines. Not a high-maintenance guy at all.
Still, great idea. I'd love to have you as a boyfriend if I were her.
[QUOTE=cheetahben;39514237]Still, great idea.[/QUOTE]
Thanks man! I'm hoping it all goes somewhat close to what I have mapped out in my head.
Taking my girlfriend fishing tomorrow, going to teach her how to fly-fish.
Watching an animal fight for its life, then bludgeoning it. Quality relationship moments.
[QUOTE=kebab52;39515096]Taking my girlfriend fishing tomorrow, going to teach her how to fly-fish.
Watching an animal fight for its life, then bludgeoning it. Quality relationship moments.[/QUOTE]
Make sure to teach her how to gut it and remove the bones too! The messier you make it the better, perhaps give her a blunt knife?
[QUOTE=metallics;39515112]Make sure to teach her how to gut it and remove the bones too! The messier you make it the better, perhaps give her a blunt knife?[/QUOTE]
Oh definitely, that's if we catch anything. I think I'm going to spent most of my time cowering in fear whilst she's trying to cast the fly rod. I've been hooked before, not keen to repeat that ordeal.
Well... The girl of my dreams is a big mindfuck/she ignores me and when we talk she's all into me. I don't fucking know what to do anymore. Why do girls have to fuck with head all the time. Like 3-5 days ago she said we finally could skype with me. Before we where going to skype she said"brb gotta go grab a snack", and guess what... SHE NEVER FUCKING CAME BACK! and now she ignores me completley. She says she miss extremly much and all that crap but now I'm starting to wonder if she really likes me or if she don't. Also not so long ago she said she loved me. Not in that girlfriend/boyfriend love. But that "mild" love. we call it something else in Norway. Anyways that made really fucking happy and now i'm at the bottom again.
I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar but i'm just mad and mildly depressed and to fucking lazy to edit.
So i asked before about the "acceptable period of time before you should try for a relationship" and the concensus is that there's no true answer to that question because it depends on the couple. i'm going to pose the question to her tomorrow but i want to do it in such a way that doesn't put unnecessary pressure on her.
we've been seeing eachother for a month, which is reasonable i think. my main concern is that she might get cold feet and ask for more time to decide. if that happened then i don't know how long i could wait... it's not like this is rocket science, either you are interested in someone or you aren't. i know that i'm quite sure of myself but i don't know what she's thinking.
[QUOTE=lolerot95;39519284]Well... The girl of my dreams is a big mindfuck/she ignores me and when we talk she's all into me. I don't fucking know what to do anymore. Why do girls have to fuck with head all the time. Like 3-5 days ago she said we finally could skype with me. Before we where going to skype she said"brb gotta go grab a snack", and guess what... SHE NEVER FUCKING CAME BACK! and now she ignores me completley. She says she miss extremly much and all that crap but now I'm starting to wonder if she really likes me or if she don't. Also not so long ago she said she loved me. Not in that girlfriend/boyfriend love. But that "mild" love. we call it something else in Norway. Anyways that made really fucking happy and now i'm at the bottom again.
I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar but i'm just mad and mildly depressed and to fucking lazy to edit.[/QUOTE]
She's probably nervous, or something like that. The absolute [b]biggest[/b] thing that people seem to forget is that the girl of their dreams probably doesn't like you as much as you like them. If she thinks of you as a good friend (that's what I'm assuming is translated as "mild love"), this isn't a romantic comedy where's trying to hide the fact that she fantasizes about you every night. She can probably notice that you're really, really interested in her, and chances are she's trying to figure out the best way to go about it - which is probably why she's ignoring you. Likely not because she hates you, but she's deciding how to deal with the fact that you like her more than she likes you. Just talk to her about it, tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't feel the same way, let it go.
[QUOTE=TurtleeyFP;39519657]She's probably nervous, or something like that. The absolute [b]biggest[/b] thing that people seem to forget is that the girl of their dreams probably doesn't like you as much as you like them. If she thinks of you as a good friend (that's what I'm assuming is translated as "mild love"), this isn't a romantic comedy where's trying to hide the fact that she fantasizes about you every night. She can probably notice that you're really, really interested in her, and chances are she's trying to figure out the best way to go about it - which is probably why she's ignoring you. Likely not because she hates you, but she's deciding how to deal with the fact that you like her more than she likes you. Just talk to her about it, tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't feel the same way, let it go.[/QUOTE]
I've had that thought in my head. But yeah i know she might not like me back but the way she acts is just wierd. She says all these flirty things and the that i loves me and then ignores me and repeat. And it's so fucking hard to lay these feelings on a shelf for me. It's like they're stapled to my heart. She's on my mind 24/7 even when i was with my ex she managed to get ahold of my snapchat ID and we started sending pictures to eachother(nothing dirty). Then while that was going on the memories started to appear in my head(we was dating a year back) but we never made it to the kssing and such. She also lives 2 hours away by bus and that sucks.
[QUOTE=twoski;39519616]So i asked before about the "acceptable period of time before you should try for a relationship" and the concensus is that there's no true answer to that question because it depends on the couple. i'm going to pose the question to her tomorrow but i want to do it in such a way that doesn't put unnecessary pressure on her.
we've been seeing eachother for a month, which is reasonable i think. my main concern is that she might get cold feet and ask for more time to decide. if that happened then i don't know how long i could wait... it's not like this is rocket science, either you are interested in someone or you aren't. i know that i'm quite sure of myself but i don't know what she's thinking.[/QUOTE]
if someone asks for "more time to decide" whether to be in a relationship with you and there isn't some sort of unusual circumstance causing a problem, it's probably because she's not interested and doesn't want to be blunt about it.
and that's why i want to ask the question. if she's really into me and she's actually looking for a relationship then i imagine she would happily say yes... and i can tell she really likes me. in other words, if i had to guess what the outcome would be, all signs seem to point to yes.
would it be wrong of me to ask how much time she needs, if her reply is something along the lines of "i need more time"?
if she says "i need more time" that doesn't mean interrogate her more, that means ease off
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;39521930]if she says "i need more time" that doesn't mean interrogate her more, that means ease off[/QUOTE]
well i guess what troubles me is that if she actually does say "i need more time" then my options are basically nil... I have to pretty much just sit on the sidelines until she makes her decision (or outright decides that she doesn't want a relationship - although i'm sure she's mature enough and i figure she would have told me this if it were the case)... Feels like a catch 22 almost.
There's nothing complex about this relationship. She has an ex who will be leaving the country for good soon (how soon, i don't know) so maybe that would be a factor in whether she says she needs "more time".
[QUOTE=twoski;39519616]So i asked before about the "acceptable period of time before you should try for a relationship" and the concensus is that there's no true answer to that question because it depends on the couple. i'm going to pose the question to her tomorrow but i want to do it in such a way that doesn't put unnecessary pressure on her.
we've been seeing eachother for a month, which is reasonable i think. my main concern is that she might get cold feet and ask for more time to decide. if that happened then i don't know how long i could wait... it's not like this is rocket science, either you are interested in someone or you aren't. i know that i'm quite sure of myself but i don't know what she's thinking.[/QUOTE]
If you don't mind me asking, about how many times have you and your lucky gal gotten together since the courting process began about a month ago?
[QUOTE=twoski;39519616]So i asked before about the "acceptable period of time before you should try for a relationship" and the concensus is that there's no true answer to that question because it depends on the couple. i'm going to pose the question to her tomorrow but i want to do it in such a way that doesn't put unnecessary pressure on her.
we've been seeing eachother for a month, which is reasonable i think. my main concern is that she might get cold feet and ask for more time to decide. if that happened then i don't know how long i could wait... it's not like this is rocket science, either you are interested in someone or you aren't. i know that i'm quite sure of myself but i don't know what she's thinking.[/QUOTE]
my brain is fried atm but i dont understand what this try for a relationship business is?
you dont decide or ask to be in a relationship, maybe im wrong and ive done relationships the wrong way but i never like asked for one, it just always happened over time?
[QUOTE=Mr.SpicyTornado;39521998]If you don't mind me asking, about how many times have you and your lucky gal gotten together since the courting process began about a month ago?[/QUOTE]
We had sex like 3 weeks ago and if circumstances were different last weekend we probably would have gotten busy again. It doesn't help that she has to wake up at 5am every sunday and most of our time together has been spent on saturday nights. Including tomorrow.
[QUOTE=thisispain;39522036]my brain is fried atm but i dont understand what this try for a relationship business is?
you dont decide or ask to be in a relationship, maybe im wrong and ive done relationships the wrong way but i never like asked for one, it just always happened over time?[/QUOTE]
Doesn't that work out really awkwardly? How do you transition from 2 people who have gone on dates together to an actual boyfriend and girlfriend if you never talk about it? It's kind of one of those things that you can't just assume... The former implies that there's no exclusivity in your relationship and the latter does. I think that most people would agree that in a normal, healthy, well defined relationship between 2 people, neither of the people are seeing other people on the side. And that's just one of the defining differences.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;39518443]djshox has found his current gf online, so it would definitely not hurt; go for it[/QUOTE]
Thanks. I just need some positive reinforcement to get out there and give it a go. The honest truth is that I've never even been on a proper date before... Never had a girlfriend, none of that stuff. So that's why it's so tough for me to step outside my teeny tiny little comfort zone and put myself out there like this. In my mind I'm always sort of saying "Are you going to be good enough for this person?" - I'm always questioning what I have to offer and why they should be at all interested in me, you know? But all of my friends and family seem to think I have a lot to offer, and I suppose I do (I'm endlessly patient, forgiving, caring etc, and people often tell me it's those qualities that matter more in a partner than anything else), so I just have to do this and see what happens...
I think when I get home tonight I'll decide who to contact first and see if there's any interest. Don't want to string along two people at once.
[QUOTE=Sobek-;39525212]Thanks. I just need some positive reinforcement to get out there and give it a go. The honest truth is that I've never even been on a proper date before... Never had a girlfriend, none of that stuff. So that's why it's so tough for me to step outside my teeny tiny little comfort zone and put myself out there like this. In my mind I'm always sort of saying "Are you going to be good enough for this person?" - I'm always questioning what I have to offer and why they should be at all interested in me, you know? But all of my friends and family seem to think I have a lot to offer, and I suppose I do (I'm endlessly patient, forgiving, caring etc, and people often tell me it's those qualities that matter more in a partner than anything else), so I just have to do this and see what happens...
I think when I get home tonight I'll decide who to contact first and see if there's any interest. Don't want to string along two people at once.[/QUOTE]
You sound like a stand up chap. Either gal would be lucky to have you.
So this girl I'm thinking of asking out is good in a lot of respects, except she's a relatively frequent smoker (in that I've seen her do it twice in a two week period, but she probably does it more). Any of you guys had experience dating a smoker? Is there any hope that they could stop, or is it not actually that bad?
if you have to hope that anything will change before dating someone, i say don't date them at all. either you'll put away your problems with smoking for her or you won't. anyone stopping smoking for someone they're just starting to date is really unlikely imo. smokers realize that smoking is bad for them; they definitely don't need people to bring it up to them to have some sort of magical revelation that they should quit, so you'd probably sound like an ass if you brought it up
[QUOTE=Dr. Punchgroin;39526178]So this girl I'm thinking of asking out is good in a lot of respects, except she's a relatively frequent smoker (in that I've seen her do it twice in a two week period, but she probably does it more). Any of you guys had experience dating a smoker? Is there any hope that they could stop, or is it not actually that bad?[/QUOTE]
its not that bad, especially twice in a two week period which is like nothing compared to how much i used to smoke
never go into a relationship expecting to change someone
[QUOTE=Dr. Punchgroin;39526178]So this girl I'm thinking of asking out is good in a lot of respects, except she's a relatively frequent smoker (in that I've seen her do it twice in a two week period, but she probably does it more). Any of you guys had experience dating a smoker? Is there any hope that they could stop, or is it not actually that bad?[/QUOTE]
I preferred it when girls didn't smoke, but I don't see why that should be an issue for you. It's not scary or dangerous, worst you'll get is nicotine on their breath. Sorry to sound a bit patronising but why would it make you consider not being with them or trying to change them? They smoke, you don't, you're two different people who do different things, just accept them for it.
people have their own preferences??
Oh god. My girlfriend's birthday is on Valentine's day, and it's also gonna be 9 months since we started dating. I have to make the day really special, but I'm not sure how much money will I have, and I'm so stressed and don't have much thoughs oh god oh god
[QUOTE=Nikeos;39526905]people have their own preferences??[/QUOTE]
But I would advise someone no to get hung up on something silly that doesn't really affect them. I don't think secondhand smoke is much to worry about unless you're asmatic, worried about addiction, or a small child.
[QUOTE=JohnnyGoGo;39527883]But I would advise someone no to get hung up on something silly that doesn't really affect them. I don't think secondhand smoke is much to worry about unless you're asmatic, worried about addiction, or a small child.[/QUOTE]
A lot of people are turned off by smoking/smokers (myself included). It affects the person's attractiveness.
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