Hello all. I don't usually do this, but I need some opinions on this from people that are unbiased.
I've been seeing a girl with a boyfriend that has been moved away, came back, and moved away again. I've been being held on by a thread for nearly two years now. The question isn't if the love is there; I know it is. But for all this time, I've been the "other guy". We were very physical at one point, even having sex multiple times. She has said that we would be together, but that she "needed time" to break up with him.
This was a while ago, and I feel like jack shit is happening. Recently, she has withdrawn all physical contact, blaming it on her pills (With me, dunno if it's with him also.) She has also said that she wants no romantic endeavors at all; claiming she wants to "burn her bridges" before she starts to build a new one. This is understandable, but I cannot be trailed along forever.
This leads us to today. I am considering moving in with my father, from my mother's (Another day, another story for another thread), and the only reason I have for staying is her. I've told her this, and thus begins another fight. I seriously have no real idea what to do.
she doesn't sound serious at all, i don't think you should factor staying with her in any of your decisions.
[QUOTE=thisispain;38496883]she doesn't sound serious at all, i don't think you should factor staying with her in any of your decisions.[/QUOTE]
This is what I'm (and have been) starting to think.
[QUOTE=Ponder;38496867]Hello all. I don't usually do this, but I need some opinions on this from people that are unbiased.
I've been seeing a girl with a boyfriend that has been moved away, came back, and moved away again. I've been being held on by a thread for nearly two years now. The question isn't if the love is there; I know it is. But for all this time, I've been the "other guy". We were very physical at one point, even having sex multiple times. She has said that we would be together, but that she "needed time" to break up with him.
This was a while ago, and I feel like jack shit is happening. Recently, she has withdrawn all physical contact, blaming it on her pills (With me, dunno if it's with him also.) She has also said that she wants no romantic endeavors at all; claiming she wants to "burn her bridges" before she starts to build a new one. This is understandable, but I cannot be trailed along forever.
This leads us to today. I am considering moving in with my father, from my mother's (Another day, another story for another thread), and the only reason I have for staying is her. I've told her this, and thus begins another fight. I seriously have no real idea what to do.[/QUOTE]
Why would you want to date a girl you have already proven is more than willing to cheat? Just because she does it with you now doesnt mean it wont be on you later?
You've been hanging around 2 years. Thats more than long enough to show your getting stepped all over. Just go, for whatever reason you intend to move it is better than staying where you are.
"if you liked it you should have put a ring on it" applies to guys too. She's missed her chance. Time to have a bit more self respect.
[QUOTE=Ponder;38496867]Hello all. I don't usually do this, but I need some opinions on this from people that are unbiased.
[B][U]I've been seeing a girl with a boyfriend that has been moved away, came back, and moved away again. I've been being held on by a thread for nearly two years now. The question isn't if the love is there; I know it is[/U][/B]. [/QUOTE]
Hahahahaha.
Get your head of the clowds man. That's all you really need to do.
Hey guys, I really miss my girlfriend.
These digital means just aren't the same, but there's nothing that can be done but wait.
Oh well, life goes on :v:
Hey guys, I've never been to this thread before but here goes:
So there's this girl who I've been really into for a few months now, she's very shy and I don't think she's ever had a boyfriend (we're both in HS). I started talking to her a little while ago and it appeared to me that she's started losing interest in me, which became more apparent when I found out she was talking about me behind her back about how she wants to stop talking to me (something like that anyway).
So a month or so ago we stopped talking and I guess I just kind of started ignoring her in general, thinking I'll just move on and find someone else. Now she's for some reason trying her hardest to get my attention back.
eg. Fakely laughing as I pass by, talking louder when I'm around, staring at me etc...
It's becoming very hard to ignore her and I obviously still like her so I don't know what she wants and what I'm supposed to do now.
Thanks in advance.
generally, investing your time in situations like this are a waste of time.
however, if you really fancy her that much, you'll just have to engage in conversation again. Disregard recent events completely and advance things towards a date. Make it fun and shoot for a date later that day or the day after.
Uh, just talk to her?
i doubt she's actually doing things like that to get your attention
you're probably exaggerating it in your mind because you want it to happen
[QUOTE=HarveySpecter;38502406]generally, investing your time in situations like this are a waste of time.
however, if you really fancy her that much, you'll just have to engage in conversation again. [B]Disregard recent events completely[/B] and advance things towards a date. Make it fun and shoot for a date later that day or the day after.[/QUOTE]
Yeah this is the hard part, should I just engage her in a normal conversation, like the ones before all that bullshit happened?
I can only see that being really awkward, as there is quite an unresolved problem between us. Basically I can't imagine talking to her without me calling her out on it.
What do??
[editline]18th November 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;38502472]i doubt she's actually doing things like that to get your attention
you're probably exaggerating it in your mind because you want it to happen[/QUOTE]
Nope, fake laughter every single time I pass by (even if she had a solid pokerface before seeing me) + staring from long distances.
My friends are actually the first who noticed her doing this, only then did I start noticing it myself.
[QUOTE=NotMeh;38502560]
Nope, fake laughter every single time I pass by (even if she had a solid pokerface before seeing me) + staring from long distances.
My friends are actually the first who noticed her doing this, only then did I start noticing it myself.[/QUOTE]
yeah but none of this bullshit means anything
Don't call her out... Why is this so important, disregard of your ego it has no place when it comes to attracting women.
Being awkward is a good thing, play it for your advantage if she happens to talk about it. laugh, smile
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;38502595]yeah but none of this bullshit means anything[/QUOTE]
maybe it does ... who are you, Harry Potter?
[editline]18th November 2012[/editline]
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;38502612]Talk to her anyway? If you're so worried about it then forget about it and don't do it.[/QUOTE]
good call, apply this to everything in life
[QUOTE=HarveySpecter;38502610]Don't call her out... Why is this so important, disregard of your ego it has no place when it comes to attracting women.
Being awkward is a good thing, play it for your advantage if she happens to talk about it. laugh, smile[/QUOTE]
Alright, I'll give it a try.
Many thanks.
[QUOTE=HarveySpecter;38502619]maybe it does ... who are you, Harry Potter?
[/QUOTE]
possibly
I really don't get how some people find officializing relationships on facebook is such a serious thing.
It's like someone nowadays has to put on the "relationship" status to signal their availability.
I really refuse to put my relationship status on facebook. I mean, I see facebook for fun, not a meat market.
I know I just parachuted this just out of the blue here on the thread, but damn.
I met this girl about 2 weeks ago and we kinda been seeing eachother in a sort of relationship.
We have no serious relationship yet and I don't know if we'll ever have but the way she already added the "in a relationship" status to her facebook and the way she's pressuring me to put it is really pissing me off.
I really don't want to. My relationships are nobody else's business let alone a public display.
Then she comes with the "you're ashamed of me" argument which really bothers me even further and doesn't make any sense.
I really don't understand this necessity to publish everything online. It's like people are willing to put their complete ID's and private life which I don't feel comfortable with at all.
I'm not ashamed of being with her in public. In fact I have no problem being with her in public as a couple and with friends. But this argument is really making things impossible to move on between the two of us. I am actually starting to feel smothered because there is absolutely no reasoning with her. and we've been together - if you can call it that - for 2 or 3 weeks now.
The thing is, I don't feel comfortable putting my relationship statuses online and I really don't see what the fuss is all about. I thought the important thing in a relationship was what we do in the real world. I thought the online world was just "secondary" and unimportant. I refuse to cope with transporting my private life online. Specially when in facebook everybody can see and post about it.
We've only been together for like 2/3 weeks and haven't got anything serious yet. And we're already having arguments about shitty stuff without reaching any kind of agreement.
I'm actually contemplating breaking up. But still breaking up is so "definitive". Should I wait and try to reason a little further or should I just give up?
it's just a relationship, if it's shit then you flush the toilet.
[ohhhh i'm gonna get dumbs give it to me]
If it bothers you that much you can always control who can see it. Set it to in a relationship with her but make it hidden to anyone but her?
[QUOTE=Flapadar_;38503244]If it bothers you that much you can always control who can see it. Set it to in a relationship with her but make it hidden to anyone but her?[/QUOTE]
I'm not doing that. That's final. I don't feel comfortable publishing it. I don't see facebook that way. Ihave nothing to hide and nothing to show. If I want to talk about who I'm with, I talk personally with my friends or I open the chat window and talk personally to them.
I just don't want to be forced to do it as kind of an obligation.
I mean I would have no problem If I were engaged but really depending the stability of a relationship on facebook is just sick.
And really, there was a time when I used to do it. And I really find no point in doing it since my relationships were all 1/2 months long, so you could see the "is in a relationship", "is single" statuses switching on and off from time to time. And it really made me feel like an idiot, I don't want to go through that again. I've already learned my lesson.
I would have no problem putting it with a person I'd really love from the bottom of my heart whom I would already be with for some time, but 3 weeks? Jesus.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;38503348]I'm not doing that. That's final. I don't feel comfortable publishing it. I don't see facebook that way. Ihave nothing to hide and nothing to show. If I want to talk about who I'm with, I talk personally with my friends or I open the chat window and talk personally to them.
I just don't want to be forced to do it as kind of an obligation.
I mean I would have no problem If I were engaged but really depending the stability of a relationship on facebook is just sick.
And really, there was a time when I used to do it. And I really find no point in doing it since my relationships were all 1/2 months long, so you could see the "is in a relationship", "is single" statuses switching on and off from time to time. And it really made me feel like an idiot, I don't want to go through that again. I've already learned my lesson.
I would have no problem putting it with a person I'd really love from the bottom of my heart whom I would already be with for some time, but 3 weeks? Jesus.[/QUOTE]
Have you explained this to her?
Cause I can see her perspective. Lots of people want to show off they have a relationship and who with because they are proud of it. She wants to put it up but your preventing her from really doing that properly (Hers can only say in a relationship, but not who with, until you change it too).
She probably thinks you dont want to show everyone, makes it seem like your not committed to it and dont expect it to last. Which basically is true.
How do you approach someone you'd like to know better?
[QUOTE=artDecor;38503525]How do you approach someone you'd like to know better?[/QUOTE]
Usually by walking over to them
You approach. Maybe slightly observe the prey for a few days, study it's movements. Then... Attack! Grab your phone, put it in her hand, and tell the bitch to surrender her contact details. Fuck! Tell it to her face; "we gonna date babeh, and it's gonna be wild" and then flap your trenchcoat and fade into the shadows with a smirk grown by success.
[QUOTE=HarveySpecter;38503623]You approach. Maybe slightly observe the prey for a few days, study it's movements. Then... Attack! Grab your phone, put it in her hand, and tell the bitch to surrender her contact details. Fuck! Tell it to her face; "we gonna date babeh, and it's gonna be wild" and then flap your trenchcoat and fade into the shadows with a smirk grown by success.[/QUOTE]
Wear a fedora too
[QUOTE=Rhenae;38503436]Have you explained this to her?
Cause I can see her perspective. Lots of people want to show off they have a relationship and who with because they are proud of it. She wants to put it up but your preventing her from really doing that properly (Hers can only say in a relationship, but not who with, until you change it too).
She probably thinks you dont want to show everyone, makes it seem like your not committed to it and dont expect it to last. Which basically is true.[/QUOTE]
I understand. But would it be fair for me to do something I'm not comfortable with at all ?
And yes, I don't jump to arguing out loud that easy. I know how to talk and I've been doing it the best I can.
It's not a question of expecting it to last. We're talking about someone I've met a couple of weeks ago. Let's be honest here, it's not that I don't like her but I'm still getting to know here, and there are tons of more real ways to feel proud of a relationship other than reducing that to facebook.
Facebook is nothing. It's just a bunch of bits and bytes and I don't find it romantic to make facebook a decisive tool piece of my relationship. It's reducing romance to be seated in front of a computer and building up the ilusion of romance when actually I'm just doing a couple of clicks. How's that being proud of someone?
People depend a lot on facebook and forget that when there was no facebook couples made eachother proud face to face. touching, smelling and feeling real feelings without a computer between them.
I'd love to have a chance to express how proud I am of being with her, just not on facebook please.
And she's acting like facebook is the only decisive step towards a stable relationship. It's not.
I already had an argument like this with my ex and it's really frustrating. The fact of her being pissed off and answering me in a terrible mood is actually blocking me the chance to do express myself in a romantic way.
I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable doing that. Specially when I'm feeling pressured to do so.
The only thing that makes me back off is this disagrement. which is blockading every type of feeling so early on. So yeah, since being in eternal disagree leads only to breakup, I'm already expecting it not to last to long. Call me a pessimist but If this goes on, I'll end it.
This is not what I seek in someone to be with.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;38504027]Facebook is nothing.[/QUOTE]
So what's the issue? If it's nothing and it makes her happier, what the fuck is the problem?
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;38504027]I understand. But would it be fair for me to do something I'm not comfortable with at all ?
And yes, I don't jump to arguing out loud that easy. I know how to talk and I've been doing it the best I can.
It's not a question of expecting it to last. We're talking about someone I've met a couple of weeks ago. Let's be honest here, it's not that I don't like her but I'm still getting to know here, and there are tons of more real ways to feel proud of a relationship other than reducing that to facebook.
Facebook is nothing. It's just a bunch of bits and bytes and I don't find it romantic to make facebook a decisive tool piece of my relationship. It's reducing romance to be seated in front of a computer and building up the ilusion of romance when actually I'm just doing a couple of clicks. How's that being proud of someone?
People depend a lot on facebook and forget that when there was no facebook couples made eachother proud face to face. touching, smelling and feeling real feelings without a computer between them.
I'd love to have a chance to express how proud I am of being with her, just not on facebook please.
And she's acting like facebook is the only decisive step towards a stable relationship. It's not.
I already had an argument like this with my ex and it's really frustrating. The fact of her being pissed off and answering me in a terrible mood is actually blocking me the chance to do express myself in a romantic way.
I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable doing that. Specially when I'm feeling pressured to do so.
The only thing that makes me back off is this disagrement. which is blockading every type of feeling so early on. So yeah, since being in eternal disagree leads only to breakup, I'm already expecting it not to last to long. Call me a pessimist but If this goes on, I'll end it.
This is not what I seek in someone to be with.[/QUOTE]
What is comes down to is that she's not willing to understand your position. You understand where she' coming from, but you have preferences that keep you from going along with her reasoning.
However, she seems to be doggedly keeping to what she wants instead of compromising.
If you two are getting into heavy fights because of this, I'd suggest leaving her. It's not right to have to put up with crap just because someone wants you to do something you don't want to do. especially when you've explained why you won't do it.
oh that was a joke???
To be honest I have no strong feelings for her other than just liking her. There were times where I would be ok with having a relationship just for sex, but not anymore. I'm not seeking it and I she's not into that.
I don't know. I just feel that I'm more unattached to people in the beginning of relationships. I like to go slow and really this is going too fast. Also it's not just this.
She's establishing her own rules in something that can't still be called a relationship.
I think I'm to impulsive when it comes to meeting girls. I mean, I let things go too much, specially into the bedroom. And that's what gets me in these kinds of situations.
This isn't how I feel comfortable, so I think I'm going to be honest with her and decide to breakup. At least I think she's a mature enough person to understand that and that our friendship is still salvageable.
Oh well. Let's see what this turns out into.
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