Sex, Girlfriends and Shit IV - General

[QUOTE=Yahnich;38796858]you got hurt, boohoo cry me a fucking river. no relationship has an inherent ticking time bomb in it unless you keep thinking it has then it becomes some sort of self fulfilling prophecy. it's not the fault of every other person that the two girls you did end up in a relationship with were awful people; and considering they 'forced' you in the relationship it's quite obvious it would never be a fulfilling relationship. the only time a relationship can ever be good is if both parties want one, you didn't in both cases so it end up shitty you're basically saying i'm never eating strawberries again because i got forcefed two strawberries and they were infested with maggots ergo all strawberries are infested with maggots [editline]12th December 2012[/editline] still it's your life, if you prefer being alone and miserable instead of being miserable with someone else so be it[/QUOTE] My entire point was that the dating process is awful, meticulous, ''casual'' and will inherently lead to multiple failed relationships just because someone better came along or ''you weren't good enough'' or the after effects of infatuation. And I'm not stupid for not wanting to participate in it or wanting to have a partner that is loyal and altruistic no matter what stage the relationship is in.

everything you're saying is heavily opinionated, you're making excuses for holding a view that's harmful to you and that nobody else here agrees with. even if you had a bad experience there's no logical reason anyone could provide for wanting to be alone for the rest of your life because you're too afraid to screw up.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;38796640]I don't care for any relationship that has some sort of awful mortality to it, if it isn't permanent and unwavering, I wouldn't want to be a part of it. I can't cherish any memories if they're corrupted by some bad event that is connected to them. The only reason why I'd want a relationship in the first place is the shroud of emotional (and possibly physical) security it provides, as well as the mutual care and altruism. I don't care for 'sharing experiences' or going out and about and living it up casually with some wide expanse of people, I want to sit away with one person, that's it. I'd been (practically forced) into two relationships, and both of them were awful and I got neglected (funnily enough) and screamed at (literally, and the one who did it didn't do it out of anguish or anger, I'm sure) and teased for not being "passionate" enough like I was supposed to be some masculine romantic lover. In the latter of the two I get left alone while they went out to some bar to "find a man", even if I had tried to be affectionate or caring or nice. I don't really care about masculinity and being ''macho'' and ''sexual and passionate'', I hate the concept of it all, and I have the physical build of an anorexic potato farming dwarf during the Great Famine, though it doesn't negate the fact that I was abused (and there were better moments, but they don't really count at all as of now and I still regret ever having associating with those two). I'm sure I'm doing everything but ruining myself from abstaining from risking falling in line with the likes of those two dollops of scum again. [editline]2012[/editline] Am I some hopeless romantic with a deluded sense of what love is, still?[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=U.S.S.R;38797031]My entire point was that the dating process is awful, meticulous, ''casual'' and will inherently lead to multiple failed relationships just because someone better came along or ''you weren't good enough'' or the after effects of infatuation. And I'm not stupid for not wanting to participate in it or wanting to have a partner that is loyal and altruistic no matter what stage the relationship is in.[/QUOTE] Stop being a [i]~pussyole~[/i] and start being a [b]$BOSS$[/b].

[QUOTE=Yahnich;38797100]like the thing you're saying is you basically want a dog in a relationship, a one time commitment type of deal and afterwards they're forever loyal to you no matter what you do[/QUOTE] And what would I do 'afterwards'? I'm certainly never going to do anything to a partner that is not loyal or hostile. What I want is protection and security and assurance that I won't have to do anything stupid or 'passionate' and that I won't ever have to 'compete' for love.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;38797208]And what would I do 'afterwards'? I'm certainly never going to do anything to a partner that is not loyal or hostile. What I want is protection and security and assurance that I won't have to do anything stupid or 'passionate' and that I won't ever have to 'compete' for love.[/QUOTE] The only way you'll ever get such validation is if you give it to yourself.

that's not how humans work! the ENTIRE POINT of dating is to get to know each other! do you think someone's going to commit the next ~80 years of their life to someone they don't even know? [editline]11th December 2012[/editline] no relationship is ever going to be secure, romantic or not.

furthermore if you aren't even going to make the effort to please your partner then why the hell do you think anyone would want to be in a relationship with you? people pursue relationships to be happy. the world doesn't revolve around you, our society encourages people to make their own decisions and strive for their own happiness.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;38797299]furthermore if you aren't even going to make the effort to please your partner then why the hell do you think anyone would want to be in a relationship with you? people pursue relationships to be happy. the world doesn't revolve around you, our society encourages people to make their own decisions and strive for their own happiness.[/QUOTE] I can certainly be loyal and affectionate and that, but I wouldn't be able to do anything like competing with some other person for my partner, or do any upstanding stupid romantic stuff. I'd go out of my way to be kind and pander to their every want and need that doesn't harm the relationship in some way but I'll never do anything that is inherently "social" or "competitive".

Running in the snow, across roads covered in ice, just so you can reach the mall to spend ten minutes with your SO? Yup. Stupid romantic stuff can indeed be fun. Especially when there's carrot soup at the end of it. Yum.

I don't get how you cannot make an effort in order to please your partner. I take pleasure whenever I know that my girlfriend is happy, sometimes I do silly stuff and overly romantical gestures. It's not really about competing, more like a healthy relationship.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;38797440]I can certainly be loyal and affectionate and that, but I wouldn't be able to do anything like competing with some other person for my partner, or do any upstanding stupid romantic stuff. I'd go out of my way to be kind and pander to their every want and need that doesn't harm the relationship in some way but I'll never do anything that is inherently "social" or "competitive".[/QUOTE] You sound like my current girlfriend's ex. he was a sociopath.

I'm not very passionate about sex, at all. The three times I've had it I felt gross and trapped in and stopped after a few minutes. I feel backwards and just as awful for saying so, but whatever, at least we're on a semi-anonymous internet forum. I don't have the capacity to do anything of the sort, but I'd like to know why it's so wrong to want something unending and loyal and altruistic rather than the drama show un-secure norm that it seems like everyone else conforms to.

You either haven't met anyone you actually like or you have a mental issue. If that's what you want you'll just have to find someone who is also so emotionally detached and just wants security.

again, why do you think someone would commit their entire life to a relationship like that? do you think a woman wants to make a vow that says she won't have sex ever for the rest of her life because you don't like it and think it's gross?

is it normal to not be over someone after 3 weeks or am I hung up here

normal

[QUOTE=Perfumly;38797703]normal[/QUOTE] that actually makes me feel a lot better I mean, granted, it's not helping that I keep running into her, and we still talk every now and again but I feel like I'm only making it worse on myself by talking to her one of my best friends (Who I feel the need to point out is a woman) says I should just alienate her out of my life for a bit but I don't know

[QUOTE=Sardonus;38797693]is it normal to not be over someone after 3 weeks or am I hung up here[/QUOTE] 3 weeks is not much. Some people are into girls for years

[QUOTE=Sardonus;38797718]that actually makes me feel a lot better I mean, granted, it's not helping that I keep running into her, and we still talk every now and again but I feel like I'm only making it worse on myself by talking to her one of my best friends (Who I feel the need to point out is a woman) says I should just alienate her out of my life for a bit but I don't know[/QUOTE] It usually helps to cut off contact and keep facebook stalking to a minimum.

[QUOTE=Perfumly;38797740]It usually helps to cut off contact and keep facebook stalking to a minimum.[/QUOTE] well, I was doing that for a bit :v: Just the other day she texts me saying "You don't have to stop talking to me you know" and I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean I mean lets be real it's awkward as fuck talking to you it's just small talk

[QUOTE=Sardonus;38797768]well, I was doing that for a bit :v: Just the other day she texts me saying "You don't have to stop talking to me you know" and I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean I mean lets be real it's awkward as fuck talking to you it's just small talk[/QUOTE] She probably feels guilty and is unintentionally making it worse.

[QUOTE=Sardonus;38797768]well, I was doing that for a bit :v: Just the other day she texts me saying "You don't have to stop talking to me you know" and I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean I mean lets be real it's awkward as fuck talking to you it's just small talk[/QUOTE] If all you guys are doing is small talk, I don't get why she'd say something like that. She knows you guys broke up, so unless she wants to keep you as a friend (which would be very difficult for you, since you still harbour feelings for her), it's a pretty stupid text to send.

[QUOTE=Perfumly;38797794]She probably feels guilty and is unintentionally making it worse.[/QUOTE] so, in my best interests, ignore her? I can do that I mean, there's a niggling little part of me that won't want to but I gotta shut him up

[QUOTE=Sardonus;38797826]so, in my best interests, ignore her? I can do that I mean, there's a niggling little part of me that won't want to but I gotta shut him up[/QUOTE] Would most likely be the best bet. If she wants to get back together or some shit you probably shouldn't. But I'm just speaking from recent experiences.

[QUOTE=Perfumly;38797837]Would most likely be the best bet. If she wants to get back together or some shit you probably shouldn't. But I'm just speaking from recent experiences.[/QUOTE] yeah, seems smart like I said that's what one of my best friends has been suggesting so it seems like a half-decent idea

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;38797641]I'd like to know why it's so wrong to want something unending and loyal and altruistic[/QUOTE] it's not wrong it's just in this thread we've always made an attempt to get rid of these romantic and hurtful notions we've always done that, before and after maverick. this kind of thinking is fine in like floaty lovey dovey poetry or song ballads, but it's an unrealistic and dangerous mentality to have

[QUOTE=thisispain;38797862]it's not wrong it's just in this thread we've always made an attempt to get rid of these romantic and hurtful notions we've always done that, before and after maverick. this kind of thinking is fine in like floaty lovey dovey poetry or song ballads, but it's an unrealistic and dangerous mentality to have[/QUOTE] The more realistic and promiscuous and casual mentalities are usually the ones that are enforced with media, other than children's tales and some novels or scripts in which the strict, loyal, ~happily ever after~ mentality is corrupted by grossly embossed gender roles and other dramatic, romantic fluff. Problem is, I don't exactly conform to either of those ideals fully and I do not, at all, have the social or mental ability to hop into the dating ring and I can't please too well and I'm arguing the same things over and over and over and getting into pedantics and it is clogging up the thread with a sorrowful dross full of "me" and "I" and "can't" and useless drama. Guess the only point left I have to make is that the self-centered, competitive, Epicureanist nature of the human psyche is the reason that I'm whining here on my favourite internet forum. Or my apparent unnamed psychological disorder that makes me think waywardly and I'm really the fractured, disgusting one.

[QUOTE=U.S.S.R;38798211]The more realistic and promiscuous and casual mentalities are usually the ones that are enforced with media, other than children's tales and some novels or scripts in which the strict, loyal, ~happily ever after~ mentality is corrupted by grossly embossed gender roles and other dramatic, romantic fluff.[/QUOTE] imo the media doesn't enforce any realistic conception of relationships so it's silly to say that and your thinking is rooted in gender roles believe it or not [QUOTE=U.S.S.R;38798211]Problem is, I don't exactly conform to either of those ideals fully and I do not, at all, have the social or mental ability to hop into the dating ring and I can't please too well and I'm arguing the same things over and over and over and getting into pedantics and it is clogging up the thread with a sorrowful dross full of "me" and "I" and "can't" and useless drama. Guess the only point left I have to make is that the self-centered, competitive, Epicureanist nature of the human psyche is the reason that I'm whining here on my favourite internet forum. Or my apparent unnamed psychological disorder that makes me think waywardly and I'm really the fractured, disgusting one.[/QUOTE] lol you mentioning epicurus is funny to me

My boyfriend and i are meeting for the possible final talk of our relationship on friday. I am really nervous. He said a lot of things that made me so unsure. He explained exactly his feelings and what i meant to him. I don't know what to do. It all depends on what he tells me on friday. Wish me luck

[QUOTE=thisispain;38798426]imo the media doesn't enforce any realistic conception of relationships so it's silly to say that and your thinking is rooted in gender roles believe it or not[/QUOTE] What I've seen with most modern films and novels and whatnot is different and sometimes dramatic iterations of the dating process, protagonist falls flat, meets some girl or guy, dates them, relationship difficulties, resolution, end film. All of the previous wallowing aside, how could my thinking be rooted in gender roles unless I was reversing them in some way, rather than just romanticizing the idea of being protected and held and made secure instead of having it the other way around? It'll feel nice to ask smalltalk-y questions rather than arguing and wallowing in text.