[QUOTE=MadPro119;38898660]She constantly acts like she likes me dropping hints.[/QUOTE]
Drop her pants.
[QUOTE=iggy650;38898743]Sounds like she doesn't want to take the initiative and break up with her boyfriend.[/QUOTE]
Yeah it may be that. She gets in fights with him. He gets drunk. He says he hates her.
People accuse her of dating him just because she feels bad for him.
The thing is I can't really do much while she has one. Uhhggh.
I don't want to screw this up too as she is one of the good friend in our friend group.
I met my last girlfriend over the internet
And they do not last
it lasted a few months, most of which was me being paranoid and avoidant
As it turns out, she had SOMETHING of a mental break
I don't know what to do, I'm scared and I have a feeling this is all my fault
[QUOTE=MadPro119;38899082]Yeah it may be that. She gets in fights with him. He gets drunk. He says he hates her.
People accuse her of dating him just because she feels bad for him.
The thing is I can't really do much while she has one. Uhhggh.
I don't want to screw this up too as she is one of the good friend in our friend group.[/QUOTE]
Do it anyway.
Blame it on teenage kicks.
Bang her some more.
Years from now, look back, then laugh and be happy for the good times you had whilst you had the chance.
[QUOTE=SCopE5000;38899191]Do it anyway.
Blame it on teenage kicks.
Bang her some more.
Years from now, look back, then laugh and be happy for the good times you had whilst you had the chance.[/QUOTE]
Yah fuck it right? Whats the worst that could happen?
Well...
Get beat up by her boyfriend in a drunken rage.
Get expelled from the friend group.
Ruin our friendship.
YOLO?
[QUOTE=MadPro119;38899322]Yah fuck it right? Whats the worst that could happen?
Well...
Get beat up by her boyfriend in a drunken rage.
Get expelled from the friend group.
Ruin our friendship.
YOLO?[/QUOTE]
ITT if she's hitting on you and when you sleep over she responds to you making a move, she doesn't just want to be 'friendship buddies' with you anymore and your friendship will pretty much be ruined if you [i]don't make a move[/i].
Get expelled from the 'friend group'..? Make new friends? If you're relying so much on this 'friend group' maybe stop relying so much on this 'friend group'. PS, if they don't like the guy why would they get butthurt if you started dipping it?
Beat up? Sounds like you might be a bit of a pansy, so she could just want to be 'study friends' after-all and you misread her 'signs'. Turn up at her place and see how things go I guess.
[QUOTE=SCopE5000;38899516]ITT if she's hitting on you and when you sleep over she responds to you making a move, she doesn't just want to be 'friendship buddies' with you anymore and your friendship will pretty much be ruined if you [i]don't make a move[/i].
Get expelled from the 'friend group'..? Make new friends? If you're relying so much on this 'friend group' maybe stop relying so much on this 'friend group'. PS, if they don't like the guy why would they get butthurt if you started dipping it?
Beat up? Sounds like you might be a bit of a pansy, so she could just want to be 'study friends' after-all and you misread her 'signs'. Turn up at her place and see how things go I guess.[/QUOTE]
Thanks those are really good points. I was mostly kidding about being beat up. He is just a large kid that can not be contained. But really I think I'm going to pursue her more actively now. What you said makes a lot of sense. Thanks!
Hey guys, new to the site and stuff. A friend directed me here because he knew what was going on and he said that it might help me out. I'm not really sure how this works and stuff, so I'll say my story and then bring forward the problems I'm having.
I'll start from the very beginning, on November 28th. I was on the phone to my friend, for now we'll call him D, and he was telling me about this awesome girl he was talking to on the xbox. Now, D has never been the type of guy to fall for a girl he's never met. Come to think of it, D has never fallen in love. Anyway, when I get home, I go on the xbox to talk with D and find out who this girl is. We start talking and really hit it off. We're in to the same stuff, we're just really similar. So I add her on Facebook, and we talk on there the next morning. She asks for my phone number, because she doesn't like Facebook messaging or something, and we start texting each other. We keep talking for a while, and it dawns on me that this girl is fucking awesome! We connected so easily and we just really hit it off. Then she told me she liked me.
The problem with that was I already had a girlfriend. That's where I was coming home from when I was on the phone to D. I didn't know what to make of this, and I told her that. We still talked and stuff, and then I finally turned around and said that I liked her back. This was a great moment for me, at the same time, it ripped me to shreds. My girlfriend and I had been together for years, and recently had been encountering problems, mainly due to my depression and slight bi-polar issues. We had been arguing and stuff for a while. Anyway, I told this girl I liked her and we really were hitting it off then, we were talking fucking constantly. Pretty much every hour I was awake, I was talking to her.
Eventually, she said the L word. I was taken aback. I had no idea what to say, I froze on the spot. She said she loved me, even though we hadn't met in person yet. I didn't know what to do. I panicked and turned off my computer, and went out running. Don't know where I went to be honest, but I found myself in a park about 3 miles away from my house. I had a long think about things on my run, how I felt about this girl, how I felt about my current girlfriend, what I was going to do about either of those. Eventually, I came to a decision.
I was going to try and date this other girl. I mean, I had been going out with my girlfriend for ages, and everyone knows that childhood sweethearts never work out. But I couldn't end it yet, not on the run up to Christmas, I didn't want her to be hurting at such a joyous time. I continued talking to the other girl, telling her I liked her and that it would be awesome if we were together and that I would always try and see her. Life was good for the time being. I always had it nagging at the back of my mind about my girlfriend and what I was going to do, but I pushed them aside, for too long it would seem.
One day, infact last Friday, my girlfriend text me, saying she had logged on to my Facebook account and read my messages between me and this girl. She then proceeded to say how much of an asshole I was, and that I would never find anyone as good as her. The first one I agreed with, but the second I was a bit skeptical on. Mainly because she was actually quite a bitch. I went to her house, we spoke about things, cried a bit, well for her it was a lot. She had never seen me cry, and for good reason. We ended it there and I went home. I spoke to the other girl about it and she was very upset with herself, saying she should have never said anything. I told her she was being ridiculous, but of course, the voice of reason was out-voiced by the voice of emotion.
Anyways, a few day on form all this and I'm still feeling shitty about my ex-girlfriend but I can say I'm happier with this other girl. But tonight, things arose. She gave me her Facebook password and told me to look through a message she had with a friend, Portia. She told me to find something funny or something along those lines, and I found it an laughed my ass off. But then, I couldn't stop scrolling through it. I found the date where me and this girl had started talking and she was telling Portia all about me. She said, and I quote; "He's not attractive, but he's got a good personality" Now, of course, this was her speculation due to my profile on Facebook, she was yet to see me on skype. But it's bothering me.
Now for the problems, and questions.
1. What do I make of what she said to Portia? How should I feel about it, and should I confront it?
2. How do I stop feeling so damn insecure and paranoid about myself? How do I learn to accept who I am and that others love me for it?
3. How do I get rid of the guilt and pain I feel over my ex? Best methods for forgetting mistakes?
That's all my questions, honestly, I don't expect them to be answered, but it would be cool if you would help me out. Thanks guys :3
[QUOTE=ojcoolj;38899101]I met my last girlfriend over the internet
And they do not last
it lasted a few months, most of which was me being paranoid and avoidant
As it turns out, she had SOMETHING of a mental break
I don't know what to do, I'm scared and I have a feeling this is all my fault[/QUOTE]
Been there. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes shit happens. It's best to maybe avoid or drop contact all together. Long Distance, or internet relationships don't work in the slightest.
[QUOTE=PANCAKE5ftw;38900098]Now for the problems, and questions.
1. What do I make of what she said to Portia? How should I feel about it, and should I confront it?
2. How do I stop feeling so damn insecure and paranoid about myself? How do I learn to accept who I am and that others love me for it?
3. How do I get rid of the guilt and pain I feel over my ex? Best methods for forgetting mistakes?
That's all my questions, honestly, I don't expect them to be answered, but it would be cool if you would help me out. Thanks guys :3[/QUOTE]
She's with you now though right? So who cares what she thinks about how you look.
I't say it's a bit of a red flag that she told you she loved you before even meeting you - and also a red flag that you're going out even though you've never met. I'm guessing the first girl was hideous or something.
If you prefer the current girl, it sounds like your did the right thing, although you should have broken up with the first girl sooner.
Send first girl an apology or even meet up with her and apologize for being a dick and tell her you should have ended it sooner, but that you couldn't have stayed with her whilst having feelings for another girl. Also tell her you accept it if she can't forgive you for this.
[QUOTE=SCopE5000;38900309]She's with you now though right? So who cares what she thinks about how you look.
I't say it's a bit of a red flag that she told you she loved you before even meeting you - and also a red flag that you're going out even though you've never met. I'm guessing the first girl was hideous or something.
If you prefer the current girl, it sounds like your did the right thing, although you should have broken up with the first girl sooner.
Send first girl an apology or even meet up with her and apologize for being a dick and tell her you should have ended it sooner, but that you couldn't have stayed with her whilst having feelings for another girl. Also tell her you accept it if she can't forgive you for this.[/QUOTE]
I have met with her, and sent her countless apologies because I feel like this. She doesn't care, I'm just that one dick who ruined love for her.
[QUOTE=The Rifleman;38900255]Long Distance, or internet relationships don't work in the slightest.[/QUOTE]
hi
my bf and i met two years ago in a video game
in 2 days i'm going to be on the other side of the states living with him
[editline]19th December 2012[/editline]
yes it's hard to make them work and they usually don't. but stop discrediting ldrs, sometimes they're worth it.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;38901855]hi
my bf and i met two years ago in a video game
in 2 days i'm going to be on the other side of the states living with him
[editline]19th December 2012[/editline]
yes it's hard to make them work and they usually don't. but stop discrediting ldrs, sometimes they're worth it.[/QUOTE]
I don't usually see instances where LDRS work, so its nice to see one get off the ground as well as yours.
Best of luck to you, I look forward to reading about updated regarding it.
[QUOTE=Oscar_SP;38896300]Thanks for complimenting my writing, I still feel kinda shaky about my english as it isn't my first language.
Anyways, update incoming.
I asked around and I found out her name. She knows a few younger friends of mine so I just took a shot and added her on Facebook. She accepted, and a bit later I popped open the chat window. She was offline. It calmed my nerves quite a bit, because that meant I could take my time and write carefully without worrying about instant replies. Halfway through my message, she suddenly was online. And I erased everything. It took me three hours to try again.
I sat down with my computer again and clicked her name, opening the chat. She was still online. I realized I should just go for it, instead of making her wonder why the hell some random idiot added her. It took quite some time to come up with something that sounded casual enough, but still not too passive. In the end, I sent her this;
I wasn't sure if I should have added the whole "cute" thing. But I want to be mature, and just let her know everything I was feeling. A compliment is always a compliment. As soon as I hit enter, I had to leave my computer for a bit, have a glass of water and a cigarette. I guess I just wanted to wait before I saw her response. When I came back, fifteen minutes later, she still hadn't responded.
I was getting kind of afraid at this point. She had seen my message, but hadn't yet answered it. All kind of thoughts was racing through my mind. She probably saw my profile picture and immediately felt, "nah". She was probably creeped out from my message. She probably hates me already. I blanked out similarly to how I did at the concert. I didn't feel or think anything for a good five minutes. Until I heard the chat bleep.
I let out a sigh of relief, and got filled with an angst-ridden happiness. I said;
(Pretty fantastic? It was the most wonderful thing I've ever seen.)
I felt like I had the ball rolling. All my fears of rejects was blown out the window. She's actually writing to me, and with a positive attitude too! I realized I was kind of bouncing in my chair out of joy, when I noticed my chair squeeking.
My social awkwardness kicked in and I didn't know what to say. I was struggling in my brain for what felt like forever trying to come up with something. In reality, only one minute had passed.
Wow. She actually did know who I am. And apparently recognized me without my horse mask!
See what happened? I just dropped all my insecurities down the deepest hole, not to be found by anyone. I manned the fuck up. Her next response literally made me burst into joyfilled giggles.
Awwwww yeah. I've already made a good impression on her it seems.
From that point, we started talking about more music. She's apparently a fan of my own band (we played the same night I did guest vocals with the horse mask). And she's uploading the video when she finds her memory card. She then said she had to leave because she had to pack and do some cleaning. "But we'll talk later, alright? Bye for now!".
I'm thinking about asking her out for a coffee or something. Going on dates isn't really a thing in Sweden, but I bet I could pull it off. Just get some coffee, discuss more music, plans etc. At the same time I'm still so insecure. I'm happy, I feel like we got along well, but I'm still insecure.
Will update when more stuff happens.
tl;dr went well[/QUOTE]
You knocked that one out of the park son. I wish I could high five you, but being rated winner will have to do.
Man, it's been a month since I broke up with her. She's moved on, we still talk a bit, but she recently asked to come over to jam and play music. I told her no and explained that I was not ready to see her yet. She said she understood. She told me she is getting me a gift (I gave her a gift for her birthday a week ago) and she said she'll just put it in the mailbox. Man it sucks telling her no. I feel like an ass.
tfw your ex shares a joke on facebook with her friends that you came up with while you were still together
tfw your other ex changes her profile pic to her and her friends at a party in your apartment sitting on your big comfy bowl chair that you bought from Pier 1 Imports.
jk but I just find it a little silly
[QUOTE=The Rifleman;38900255]Been there. Don't blame yourself. Sometimes shit happens. It's best to maybe avoid or drop contact all together. Long Distance, or internet relationships don't work in the slightest.[/QUOTE]
I would like to add that I haven't posted in a very long while, but I'll have been in an ldr for a year and a half this January. During this span, we've seen each other on three separate occasions, totaling about three months, and there was a two month period that we had almost no communication while I was in basic training, and things are still going swimmingly.
Ldr's fail more often than not, and they require considerably more communication than regular ones, but just discouraging people on bullshit statements doesn't belong here.
LDRs can work
its silly to say that anything can't work really, there's no concrete evidence that any form of relationship will not work 100% of the time
They can work, but it takes a very strong type of character to [I]make[/I] it work. LDR's aren't for everyone, especially people who need relational intimacy.
And to anyone in an LDR (lil-n00blett), best of luck, I hope it carries on going great for you.
Considering every relationship is different I don't think it's entirely right to say that it makes a certain type of person to make it work either
[QUOTE=killerteacup;38919636]Considering every relationship is different I don't think it's entirely right to say that it makes a certain type of person to make it work either[/QUOTE]
I understand that every relationship is different, and circumstances surrounding said relationship are unique, but I still feel it takes a strong type of character to make it work. It requires an awful lot of commitment and maturity. For a lot of people, LDR's are too stressful and require too much work to maintain a healthy relationship. For other's, it suits them perfectly, but I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say "It is difficult, but it's all worth it".
It's one thing to argue with your SO face-to-face, and be able to physically be there to amend things. It's another thing arguing with your SO who is far away, as it takes maturity from both of you (and a decent amount of understanding and empathy) to make things right again.
That's just how I feel. I'm in a sort of quasi-LDR right now, and I can easily say it takes a lot of effort to keep things going smoothly.
Just drove 18 hours straight to see my girlfriend. Going to pick her up in 2 hours to spend 11 days together!
LDR's have worked for me because all you gotta do is [I]chill[/I]just keep yourself preoccupied with hobbies or some shit and just have the mindset that the LDR isn't gonna last forever
But the tricky part is getting both partners to feel that way
[QUOTE=RenegadeCop;38925148]If both partners feel that way, might as well stay friends?[/QUOTE]
what? no? just because you're not stressing out about being separated from your partner all the time doesn't mean you only see them as a friend, you're just being patient. it's exactly how I go about my ldr, and my girlfriend has a bit more trouble with it, but it doesn't at all translate into "might as well stay friends." You just continue communicating and know that eventually, given time, you'll be together in person more permanently.
Well, my LDR didn't work, but it sure as hell taught me they CAN work. They're just... tricky. There has to extreme amounts of trust, and preferably an ability to close the distance at relatively short notice with a bit of effort. E.G. being able to drive across several states. The biggest challenge in mine was we got to see each other once a year and it cost a lot to do, and neither of our families could really afford it, it became a constant pressure.
Also, Pancakes, I do not feel your choice of name helps when judging your situation, however, speaking from real life knowledge of you being a seemingly decent down-to-earth guy (if you are who I think you are otherwise this is a huge coincidence), I still stick by what I said: what's done is done, try and smooth things out with the ex, and try to meet up with the new asap to get a better handle on how you two click, some things can be very different online and off.
'Twas not a coincidence, my friend. I am, who you think I am. But yeah man, that's some good advice, thank you
-snip-
So there I was, just sitting there on Facebook doing pretty much nothing. I make a status update about wanting to watch a star wars marathon. An old friend of mine's sister likes my status. I've like, never talked to her before really, and I was like, cool, somebody finally liked my status so quickly (I'm one of those people that gets excited when somebody likes their status, even moreso when there's a comment). Ten minutes later, she starts to message me. Alright, I'll play. So I chat her up a bit, she still remembers me when we pretty much only met once three years ago at a drama play that her brother dragged me to. We chat about some random shit, college shit, job shit, that sorta stuff. I'm feeling good by now because I finally am talking to somebody after pretty much six weeks of loneliness with nobody to talk to. Mind you, before I broke up with my girlfriend, and even before I started dating her, I was used to always be texting somebody, usually chicks, sometimes old buddies. So I tell her I gotta get going and I leave her my number to text and tell her to chat me up sometime. She texts about two hours later and we just keep texting back and forth till about midnight when she decides to go to bed and tells me she wants me to text her tomorrow. Pretty unusual day for me. I'm just glad I have somebody to talk to again, in the very least.
[QUOTE=CanadianBill;38929749]-big hueg wall of text-[/QUOTE]
OK. First off, let her get her schedule sorted out and free so you two can see the movie. Stuff happens, and schedules change.
Other than that, don't get too hung up on her. Yes, it would be nice to get her, but your life will not grind to a chugging halt if it ends up that you two do not get together.
Finally, if she really means that much to you, try to actually go out on a date that she KNOWS is a date. Make a move. Otherwise, she might be mistaking all this for just having a really nice friend, and that's not something you want.
[QUOTE=azurelao;38931131]OK. First off, let her get her schedule sorted out and free so you two can see the movie. Stuff happens, and schedules change.
Other than that, don't get too hung up on her. Yes, it would be nice to get her, but your life will not grind to a chugging halt if it ends up that you two do not get together.
Finally, if she really means that much to you, try to actually go out on a date that she KNOWS is a date. Make a move. Otherwise, she might be mistaking all this for just having a really nice friend, and that's not something you want.[/QUOTE]
Thank you, I appreciate it. I'll be more forward too
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