Your dating "preferences" are discriminatory | Riley J. Dennis - General

[QUOTE=Duck M.;51478692]The context is that we were quantifying it being "bad" in terms of dating quality and general attractiveness, not in terms of personal welfare. Looking at the comment I was responding to might help And I said it before, but it isnt necessarily a lifestyle choice (keyword here being choice) 100% of the time. Are you going to tell someone with binge eating disorder that they just need to clean up their lifestyle choices? It really isnt that simple in a lot of cases.[/QUOTE] Yeah, the majority of the poplation does not find fat people attractive because on average being fat is not something that people find attractive whatsoever for a giant number of reasons. In [I]every[/I] context, being fat is worse than not being fat (barring anorexia). [quote] Are you going to tell someone with binge eating disorder that they just need to clean up their lifestyle choices?[/quote] As much as I'd tell a meth addict to clean up their lifestyle choices. I wouldn't be a dick about it but it's an addiction and it definitely shouldn't be encouraged.

[QUOTE=phygon;51478714]Yeah, the majority of the poplation does not find fat people attractive because on average being fat is not something that people find attractive whatsoever for a giant number of reasons. In [I]every[/I] context, being fat is worse than not being fat (barring anorexia).[/QUOTE] But like I said, it's not inherently a bad thing. People can still be attracted to overweight people, and there isnt really anything wrong with that. My reply, though, was just that in the context of the comment that I was replying to, being overweight wasnt a logical comparison to someone "beating the shit out of you" in terms of how datable that made them. It's a false equivalency [QUOTE]As much as I'd tell a meth addict to clean up their lifestyle choices. I wouldn't be a dick about it but it's an addiction and it definitely shouldn't be encouraged.[/QUOTE] The point is that they arent "choices" being made, encouraging them to seek help is obviously the correct choice of action but that goes for all mental disorders.

[QUOTE=BlackMageMari;51475512]I don't understand why though. They're female now, does it matter what they were before? Genuinely curious, this is a legitimate question. And this is coming from a straight male - though I've always been open to dating transgender people.[/QUOTE] For some people it matters, and for some people it doesn't. Attraction is complicated and individual, I don't think anyone should feel obligated to date someone they aren't attracted to because some youtube video called them a racist homophobe for it. And really, if you were a trans woman, would you really want to get in a relationship with someone who doesn't like you because you used to have a dick? Why waste your time with that dude, really?

My favorite thing about these discussions is that people always completely ignore and marginalize the worst sufferers of this stuff- people that are just kind of fucking ugly. Imagine someone telling you you're prejudiced because you wouldn't date any one of these people [quote] [img]http://1000uglypeople.com/wp-content/uploads/Im-A-Ginger-And-I-Love-It-Ugly-Dude.jpg[/img][img]http://www.opengeek.net/images/ogeek/2015/08/funny-most-funny.jpg[/img][img]http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvigpxoEoc1r780xeo1_250.jpg[/img] [/quote] (I'd use less extreme examples but I didn't want some naysayer lying that it isn't ~that bad~) Ugly people get fucked over worse than any other group and nobody stands up for the at ALL. Due to the halo effect, every single aspect about them is viewed worse (they are viewed as less trustable, more likely to have committed crimes, etc), and they are relentlessly mocked. The person in the OP doesn't want equality, they want their pussy slammed. Which is fine. But lying about it is disgusting and harmful.

It's really strange seeing how many people in this thread have seemingly strict racial dating preferences. I've genuinely never considered it as a factor in terms of attraction - or even in my imagined future. Being mixed race, it's definitely sparking some newfound respect for my parents decision to be together before it was trendy; moreover, extra props to my dad who's family is purely Ashkenazi Jews.

I don't know much about trans people, but if they are virtually un-distinguishable from a female and I really liked them I wouldn't care. The idea that someone used to be male doesn't necessarily bother me. At least that's what I say now, maybe it'll be weirder in real life. Out of the 4 categories, fat people are the worse especially because for many it's a choice. Disabled could potentially be a problem, but it depends on the disability and the fact that it's not a choice makes me more empathetic. Black people are cool.

I am offended they didn't bring up age, or is age-discrimination ok according to that person? HOW DARE YOU NOT WANTING TO DATE SOMEONE 50 YEARS OLDER THEN YOURSELF.

This thread made me realize I would probably date a woman with a penis but I would have much higher standards for them than if I were dating a """normal""" woman, and I find that interesting. Does that make me racist or whatever?

[QUOTE=Ardosos;51478997]This thread made me realize I would probably date a woman with a penis but I would have much higher standards for them than if I were dating a """normal""" woman, and I find that interesting. Does that make me racist or whatever?[/QUOTE] I don't see how it does.

[QUOTE=doctordarken;51478812]It's really strange seeing how many people in this thread have seemingly strict racial dating preferences. I've genuinely never considered it as a factor in terms of attraction - or even in my imagined future. Being mixed race, it's definitely sparking some newfound respect for my parents decision to be together before it was trendy; moreover, extra props to my dad who's family is purely Ashkenazi Jews.[/QUOTE] I'm mixed race too and I've always thought I would rather have my own kids than adopting. But I have had thoughts that "it would be neat" if my kids were mixed race of something I'm not, just to mix it up even further. But it's not something I'm dead set on. I'm also surprised that someone who is white would really want to have white kids. It's funny but I can respect it.

[QUOTE=Zombinie;51477831]But my quote was quite specifically and solely about aesthetics? I never even mentioned genetics. I never said anyone's genes are inferior to anyone else's. However if those genes mean that my children look starkly unlike me, I would dislike that. Don't straw-man me.[/QUOTE] Your quote was about how your children look, not about who you find appealing, which sounds like the same shit as keeping the gene-pool clean, maybe you should be clearer.

[QUOTE=!LORD M!;51478870]I am offended they didn't bring up age, or is age-discrimination ok according to that person? HOW DARE YOU NOT WANTING TO DATE SOMEONE 50 YEARS OLDER THEN YOURSELF.[/QUOTE] Ageism is even institutionalized, mind you. What's with the age of consent shit, denying basic rights just because they're 10. Bring down the oppressive system.

[QUOTE=MasterKade;51477776] Saying shit like this is just weird, though.[/QUOTE] I don't see anything weird with that statement. Care to elaborate?

[QUOTE=Monkah;51477522]being fat is a lifestyle choice. being trans is one too, albeit one that's justifiable, as opposed to just being morbidly obese[/QUOTE] You're missing out a lot of the science behind it. Technically it can be controlled by almost anybody, but there are so many factors understood that can influence it making it so that scientifically many people just can't really feasibly lose weight and keep it off. If you delve into a lot of the science studying obesity they talk about way more than just "these people are taking in more calories than they're expending because of poor self-control." Basically there's a whole lot of causes and influences so calling it simply a choice is a little bit misguided. Technically transitioning is a choice too, and there are transgender people who've realized their dysphoria and decided to not transition, but describing it as a choice like whether to wear a red or blue t-shirt is pretty silly and dumb. I'm also not saying that they're exactly the same before someone shoots me for implying that btw. I'm just saying that calling something simply a "choice" can leave out a whole lot of information and nuance. And there actually is a slight amount of truth to the "fat isn't by default unhealthy" thing a lot of the really crazy people go on about. You're going to fuck up your body as it desperately tries to support you if you really have a crazy amount of weight. But even thin people will actually often suffer from pretty horrible problems from their lack of fitness too, and being active even as a fat person will make you much much healthier than them, even if your weight isn't dropping by much. I throw this in to say that it honestly isn't by default even worth terribly caring about and being a dick for. (tho again no need to date people you find unattractive. but how you described it earlier is a little misleading) Here's one example: [URL="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150114143118.htm"]https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/01/150114143118.htm [/URL][QUOTE=oskramorir;51477492]oh god, this video is a perfect example of this [t]https://scontent.fscl7-1.fna.fbcdn.net/t31.0-8/s960x960/15252764_1181556018598560_519808593021952228_o.jpg[/t][/QUOTE] [t]https://i.redd.it/qso7oc8pfl1y.jpg[/t] here's my favored version comrade.

[QUOTE=CruelAddict;51479286]I don't see anything weird with that statement. Care to elaborate?[/QUOTE] Pretending that you choose who you want to date based upon genes is weird. You date who you'd fuck, that's the beginning and end of it.

[QUOTE=BlackMageMari;51475512]I don't understand why though. They're female now, does it matter what they were before? Genuinely curious, this is a legitimate question. And this is coming from a straight male - though I've always been open to dating transgender people.[/QUOTE] Well unless the male to female magically grew a uterus I can safely say if you wanted kids made of you that would be a problem. For a casual hook up or childless/adopted kids relationship? Yeah sure go for it! Personally I think male to females look repulsive and I'm not gay so female to males do nothing for me, but I'm not stomping around trying to take away rights. I'll fight for anyone rights to do whatever they want, but that doesn't mean I don't cringe internally every time I see a transgender person. I don't really understand people who care so much to fight people on what they do to their own bodies and genitals. I do care if some dickhead like the turd in OP's video share shits on me for natural feelings with a smirky punchable self righteous face.

I couldn't date a fat person anymore, I've been fat and near on obese and it wasn't even hard to stop being fat. (For me so don't get pissy) I couldn't do long term relationships with anyone I couldn't have kids with. That's what life trends towards and I don't think I have it in me to adopt. I can't stand anyone who thinks they are an authority on things that relate to human nature. Human relationships are not about keeping your options open, it's an incredibly complex matter in regards to what people are attracted to and if you think telling people it's wrong to have preferences invalidates your whole point. People gonna fuck whoever they want and/or can, a youtube video won't change that.

Frankly I'm incredibly insulted that she goes the whole vid telling me that A: my preferences are discriminatory and B: that my opinions on preference aren't my own, but rather are fed by the media and I need to form my own preferences (I.E. I need to like who she tells me I can like) Diving into the meat of it, there is more to attraction than "are they physically attractive". Again, her suggesting that my preferences are purely physical is incredibly insulting. I can honestly say I wouldn't date a transsexual person, and it has little to do with their physical body. Sure, I'd be confused as shit, but at the same time I'm not dating for shiggles, I'm dating for keeps. Long term. Family. Kids. Etc. Yes, I know families can have kids and they don't have to be biologically related to me, but thats my point. I want to [I]have kids.[/I] And my partner being transsexual makes that incredibly unlikely to happen. Would I adopt? Absolutely, there are too many kids that need homes that don't have them. But its not my [I]preference.[/I] Race? I'm pretty flexible, but at the same time I'm not around them as often. Weight? My preference is "don't be at the extreme of the spectrum." I'd rather you not be a stick, and I'd rather you not be morbidly obese. At some point there are literal and tangible health issues associated with each extreme. [I]plus I like dat booty.[/I] TL:DR I want kids, and I want you to be physically healthy. Preferably not a sociopath, etc.

I answered "maybe" to all of the questions she asked, and now I'm worried about whether I'm ~progressive~ or just subconsciously really, really desperate

[QUOTE=64fanatic;51479600]Well unless the male to female magically grew a uterus I can safely say if you wanted kids made of you that would be a problem. For a casual hook up or childless/adopted kids relationship? Yeah sure go for it! [B] Personally I think male to females look repulsive[/B] and I'm not gay so female to males do nothing for me, but I'm not stomping around trying to take away rights. I'll fight for anyone rights to do whatever they want, but that doesn't mean I don't cringe internally every time I see a transgender person. I don't really understand people who care so much to fight people on what they do to their own bodies and genitals. I do care if some dickhead like the turd in OP's video share shits on me for natural feelings with a smirky punchable self righteous face.[/QUOTE] See, these comments, I think, are completely unnecessary and unrealistic to boot. You can't have possibly met every mtf trans person (or trans person in general) out there, so calling them repulsive or cringe-worthy as a general rule is fairly disrespectful. I think it'd be fair to say that of the ones you've seen or met, none of them are attractive to you, but marking them all as repulsive isn't really a cool thing to say.

[QUOTE=Pascall;51480354]See, these comments, I think, are completely unnecessary and unrealistic to boot. You can't have possibly met every mtf trans person (or trans person in general) out there, so calling them repulsive or cringe-worthy as a general rule is fairly disrespectful. I think it'd be fair to say that of the ones you've seen or met, none of them are attractive to you, [B]but marking them all as repulsive isn't really a cool thing to say.[/B][/QUOTE] It's not a cool thing to say, but it's a very human one. He probably knows there [I]could[/I] be a desirable Trans* person out there, possibly one he'd want as a romantic partner, but based on his own experiences every Trans* person he's met has been undesirable or even repulsive. That's kinda how stereotypes form; you notice a trend in a group and every time that trend is displayed, your opinion is validated and reinforced. The only way to break the stereotype is to prove it wrong, which requires him meeting a Trans* person that actually has qualities he wants or desires. Simply labeling him ignorant or rude does nothing but virtue signal your own opinions on the matter, you're basically saying his own life experiences are invalid and dumb, which is basically the easiest way to lose any hope at persuading someone to see things a different way.

[QUOTE=Forgiveness;51480332]I answered "maybe" to all of the questions she asked, and now I'm worried about whether I'm ~progressive~ or just subconsciously really, really desperate[/QUOTE] You're just really, really desperate, but that's okay because every functional human being is, that's our nature.

[QUOTE=Canuhearme?;51480403]It's not a cool thing to say, but it's a very human one. He probably knows there [I]could[/I] be a desirable Trans* person out there, possibly one he'd want as a romantic partner, but based on his own experiences every Trans* person he's met has been undesirable or even repulsive. That's kinda how stereotypes form; you notice a trend in a group and every time that trend is displayed, your opinion is validated and reinforced. The only way to break the stereotype is to prove it wrong, which requires him meeting a Trans* person that actually has qualities he wants or desires. Simply labeling him ignorant or rude does nothing but virtue signal your own opinions on the matter, you're basically saying his own life experiences are invalid and dumb, which is basically the easiest way to lose any hope at persuading someone to see things a different way.[/QUOTE] I'm not saying his experiences are invalid and dumb, nor did I call him ignorant or rude, I'm saying that his personal experiences are just that. Personal. Tbh it's not hard to just say "they're not my thing" rather than just outright calling them repulsive. I'm just picking on the verbage, honestly. I don't see it as any different than making sweeping generalizations about people based on race or sexual preference. Sure, a hispanic or black person may not fit your specific idealizations for attractiveness, but going around saying they're all gross isn't really something you should be doing.

[QUOTE=Canuhearme?;51480403]It's not a cool thing to say, but it's a very human one. He probably knows there [I]could[/I] be a desirable Trans* person out there, possibly one he'd want as a romantic partner, but based on his own experiences every Trans* person he's met has been undesirable or even repulsive. That's kinda how stereotypes form; you notice a trend in a group and every time that trend is displayed, your opinion is validated and reinforced. The only way to break the stereotype is to prove it wrong, which requires him meeting a Trans* person that actually has qualities he wants or desires. Simply labeling him ignorant or rude does nothing but virtue signal your own opinions on the matter, you're basically saying his own life experiences are invalid and dumb, which is basically the easiest way to lose any hope at persuading someone to see things a different way.[/QUOTE] But arent cognitive biases and stereotypes something that should be challenged instead of excused and reinforced? Perhaps it would be better to say something like "how do you know you just haven't met the right one yet" (which is pretty much what she and others have actually have said itt), but its not really like what Pascall said was calling them out. She said that what he said was "fairly disrespectful" and "not cool" which are hardly inflammatory, and also gave them a different perspective in a rational and fair manner. If that level of dissonance is enough to where it supposedly discourages anyone from changing their mind, then how can we ever engage in any sort of discourse without fear of peoples feelings getting hurt?

I think it's pretty interesting to see the striking difference between people who think about dating in terms of their own personal attraction, and people who consider the consequences for their eventual children. That consideration is just so alien to me, and I wonder how common that concern is? [QUOTE=Pascall;51480354]See, these comments, I think, are completely unnecessary and unrealistic to boot. You can't have possibly met every mtf trans person (or trans person in general) out there, so calling them repulsive or cringe-worthy as a general rule is fairly disrespectful. [/QUOTE] I think it's fairly logical that some people would think that way. It's like automatic, unavoidable confirmation bias. If you have literally no attraction to typically male features, then you will find[I] every [/I]MTF unattractive/repulsive [I]unless you can't tell that they're MTF[/I], in which case they won't figure in your generalization of what MTFs look like. [QUOTE=Duck M.;51480575]But arent cognitive biases and stereotypes something that should be challenged instead of excused and reinforced?[/QUOTE] I agree with this, but for someone who is only attracted to women, challenging that stereotype will just boil down to being shown pictures of or meeting with apparently attractive women and then being told [I]"this is actually a male to female trans"[/I]. But I don't necessarily think that's a bad idea, I think I personally would actually have some bias broken down from meeting an attractive mtf.

[QUOTE=Sherow_Xx;51481087]I think it's pretty interesting to see the striking difference between people who think about dating in terms of their own personal attraction, and people who consider the consequences for their eventual children. That consideration is just so alien to me, and I wonder how common that concern is? I think it's fairly logical that some people would think that way. It's like automatic, unavoidable confirmation bias. If you have literally no attraction to typically male features, then you will find[I] every [/I]MTF unattractive/repulsive [I]unless you can't tell that they're MTF[/I], in which case they won't figure in your generalization of what MTFs look like. I agree with this, but for someone who is only attracted to women, challenging that stereotype will just boil down to being shown pictures of or meeting with apparently attractive women and then being told [I]"this is actually a male to female trans"[/I]. But I don't necessarily think that's a bad idea, I think I personally would actually have some bias broken down from meeting an attractive mtf.[/QUOTE] My main point is that if you find someone "repulsive" it's probably a better idea to keep that opinion to yourself just out of common courtesy. Pretty sure most people on this website don't fit my perception of attractive, but I'm not gonna say you're all ugly because that's rude.

The author of this video seems to have mixed up the words "discriminatory" and "prejudiced."

Would it be discriminating to refuse dating someone who have been convicted of rape or someone who got some severe mental illnesses that can cause them to be dangerous for people around them?

[QUOTE=!LORD M!;51481201]Would it be discriminating to refuse dating someone who have been convicted of rape or someone who got some severe mental illnesses that can cause them to be dangerous for people around them?[/QUOTE] These are both really bad counterexamples. For obvious reasons. Better counter examples: Ugly people, annoying people, fiercely stupid people, unfaithful people. People who smell really, really bad. People who sneeze funny.

[QUOTE=Canuhearme?;51480403]It's not a cool thing to say, but it's a very human one. He probably knows there [I]could[/I] be a desirable Trans* person out there, possibly one he'd want as a romantic partner, but[B] based on his own experiences every Trans* person he's met has been undesirable or even repulsive.[/B] [/QUOTE] That's the thing with trans people, you can't tell they're trans unless they don't pass so your experience with the "average" is always going to be bad looking.