[Naked Ape] Why Bernie Sanders will NEVER Be President
43 replies, posted
i feel like his videos need the big bang theory laugh track after he makes a joke to remind me that i should be laughing
hehe
adult diaper
haha pee pee poo poo
[QUOTE=Camdude90;51924129]did bernie bully this guy when he was a kid or something[/QUOTE]
Yes, actually, it's very tragic.
Naked Ape wasn't always his name. He was born as Nigel Anderson, he was a part of a proud and wealthy line of Andersons in the State of Vermont. Of course with a lineage that successful, we was quite well off for himself, especially for an 19 year old fresh out of high school. He ran a family owned restaurant, had his own home, he had a smoking hot girlfriend with an upcoming modeling contract, and has a pending application to a prestigious college that specialises in economics.
All that changed... after the incident.
Nigel Anderson wasn't the best of lovers. It took quite a bit of time to actually get him up, and when it came time for coitus his performance could only be described as "sub-par". His model girlfriend, Stephanie, didn't really mind for the first year, but over time the lovemaking became incredibly tedious. Nigel was too prideful for male enhancement pills, and toys were definitely out of the question. The only time Nigel was ever to get up was when Stephanie hesitantly pointed out that this isn't normal for a 19 year old. Nigel loved proving himself, so it was almost expected, but Stephanie didn't want to hurt Nigel's feelings by comparing him to men of his age.
One day, Stephanie came up with a plan. It wasn't a plan she liked, nor it was a plan that Nigel would've liked. Despite that, the coin flip she made suggested that it was a good enough idea, and she decided against her better that it would be something neat the try. Oddly enough, the craigslist ad was the most difficult part of this decision. Sure, there's thinking about the plan, but then there's putting it into words.
"[I]Looking for a ma-[/I]" Nope. Nigel would feel threatened. Stephanie needed to be more specific.
"[I]Looking for a below-average ma-[/I]" Nope. Below average is too vague, too subjective. She needed a demographic that was non-threatening, someone that has more impotent than Nigel...
"[I]Looking for an elderly man looking to have a good time with another couple.[/I]"
Third time's the charm; It was perfect. She was excited, almost a little too excited for this and she absoultely hated herself for it... but she thought it was the only thing that could save this boring relationship. She filled out the rest of the details, and hit submit.
She initially panicked, thinking of the worst things that could happen. Coin flips don't make bad decisions, she thought to herself as she waited for someone to respond.
Ding. "New private message", her computer indicated in the top right corner.
Header: Craiglist fun.
Sender: CarpetBurn69
"im interested but you forgot to add your contact information!!1 haha! ;)"
Stephanie sighed and laughed Thought her doubt and fears, she forgot to add contact information.
Though a series of exchanges, Stephanie knew she made the right choice. The man seemed friendly enough, charming, influential. He knew how to speak to millennials like her without trying to act hip. He had the perfect amount of fun and seriousness about him. They exchanged contact information, identification, and where to meet for the special night.
The next night, Stephanie got everything ready. She had her favorite nightgown on, she had her favorite music playing, and she even had her favorite special (and expensive) scented candles lit. She practiced over and over what she was going to say to the elderly man, and then to Nigel who was coming home soon.
There was a knock at the door. Stephanie rushed downstairs.
He looked shorter than he imagined. Stephanie invited him in. Thankfully he had no trouble walking inside and up into their room. He was old, but not fragile, and had plenty to talk about. His ramblings about economics remind him of Nigel.
Oh god, Nigel.
Stephie sat on the bed and started to weep a little, she knew what she was doing was wrong. The older man noticed her sorrow.
"I know, it's unbelievable that that top 1% own 99% of the wealth!", said the older man.
"No, no, It's not that.", Stephanie continued to wept. "Just... we shouldn't be doing this!"
"He doesn't know?" The older man asked perplexingly. Stephanie shook her head.
The older man sighed, and then went onto a ramble about how it's bad to lie to others, especially when corporations do it. Stephanie nodded throughout the speech.
"Oh god, Nigel should be home any minute!" Stephanie Exclaimed.
The front door opened. It was Nigel.
"ALRIGHT BABY, I'M READY FOR SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED SEX! DID YOU BRING THE CHERRYPICKING FLAVORED LUBE?" Nigel yelled from downstairs.
"Nigel, please don't come upstairs! I'm indecent!" Stephanie nervously shouted.
"STOP STRAWMANNING ME. I NEVER SAID I WANTED YOU UPSTAIRS, BUT I WILL GO UPSTAIRS ANYWAYS."
Stephanie started shaking. She didn't know what to say.
"Tell him the truth, Stephanie." The Old Man interjected, calmly yet firmly.
"I-I can't!" Stephanie cried out.
"Do it for Nigel." The old man said, as he put his hand on her shoulder.
The door burst open. There stood Nigel Anderson, naked as the day he was born. Arms spread wide, ready for coitus.
"STEPHANIE? WHO THE FUCK IS THIS? IS THAT SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS?" he shouted.
"Yes! I was thinking maybe he could give you some words of encouragement during sex. He knows how to speak to millennials really well!" Stephanie replied calmly.
"It's the truth." added Bernie Sanders.
"ARE YOU TRYING TO CUCK ME, MR. SANDERS?"
"What? No! I would never do such a thing!"
"YOU'RE TRYING TO CUCK ME, YOU FUCKING LIBERAL SOCIALIST CUCK!"
"What? No!"
"FUCK YOU. THAT'S WHAT MY REALITY TELLS ME!" Nigel screamed as he rushed downstairs, out in the door, and into the streets into the Vermont cold, insulting everyone who passed by.
Senator Sanders and Stephanie ran downstairs to get a better view of the mental breakdown. Senator Sanders started to smirk. Stephanie was shocked at Sander's amusement. Why on earth would he find this funny? Before Stephanie even asked, he pointed down towards Nigel's underwear. It had the initials N.A. for Nigel Anderson. She still didn't understand.
"You know, in the Senate, we have a word for our republican colleagues who fling shit at others without looking at themselves."
"What's that?"
"Naked Ape."
[QUOTE=Tudd;51924541]90 seconds in is mostly of opinions. Those are not lies.[/QUOTE]
1) Naked Ape claims that Sanders never had a steady job until he was in his 40's. The source for this claim is from [URL="https://spectator.org/65498_bernie-sanders-didnt-make-paycheck-until-he-turned-40/"]here[/URL]. This is what it has to say
[QUOTE]Bernie Sanders is beloved by a lot of people who live in their parents’ basement and work part time to pay the bare minimum on the student loans they collected in pursuit of their Gender Studies degrees.
[/QUOTE]
Luckily this dubious source actually lifted the story from [URL="https://www.investors.com/politics/editorials/bernie-sanders-the-bum-who-wants-your-money/"]somewhere else[/URL] that is probably a lot more neutral, lets see though
[QUOTE]Sanders spent most of his life as an angry radical and agitator who never accomplished much of anything. And yet now he thinks he deserves the power to run your life and your finances -- “We will raise taxes;” he confirmed Monday, “yes, we will." [/QUOTE]
Oh dear. It looks like Naked Ape is hip deep in horseshit. Neither article bothers to source their claims about Sander's employment history while his wiki page lists several jobs over many years before finally working in government. So, lie #1.
2) Naked Ape claims Sanders owns 3 houses, one of which he bought himself. [URL="http://www.sevendaysvt.com/OffMessage/archives/2016/08/08/bernie-sanders-buys-a-summer-home-in-north-hero"]The latter is a bold faced lie[/URL]. Of note, one of the three homes is a rental property, and neither of the other two are worth anywhere close to the lakefront home.
[QUOTE]The small Grand Isle County town has been abuzz for the last several days with the news. O’Meara Sanders said: “The entire family is very excited about it.”
“My family had a lake home in Maine since 1900, but we hadn’t had the time to go there in recent years — especially since my parents passed away,” she said. “We finally let go of it and that enabled us to buy a place in the islands — something I’ve always hoped for.”
[/QUOTE]
Embarrassingly, this is the source Naked Ape uses. Guess he forgot how a scroll wheel worked in his fit of righteous indignation.
3) Naked Ape claims Clinton is the "literal embodiment of everything he supposedly hates". This is a bit of an opinion, but if he is going to use the word literal, I'm going to call him out on this claim. Sanders and Clinton had worked together in Congress during her tenure there, their platforms aligned on most issues, and beside a few select policy disagreements the Democratic debates were more or less "I agree with my opponent but". Also, like a lot of morons out there, he used footage of Sanders becoming emotional when his brother talked about his parents and cut it to Clinton's speech. But I'm sure Naked Ape will be the first one to tell us about how the fake news is lying about everything Trump says and does.
4) Nothing suggests Bernie Sanders is a moron
Bonus Round: Sanders did only pass 3 bills he authored, but this is a dumb thing to latch on to. Clinton supporters hit Sanders with this, Trump supporters hit Clinton with this, and now I guess are joining in to bash Sanders over it without realizing that passing a single-authored bill in Congress is exceedingly difficult. But if you look at the bills he [URL="https://www.congress.gov/member/bernard-sanders/S000033?q={"]cosponsored[/URL], 203 passed. He also [URL="https://www.congress.gov/member/bernard-sanders/S000033?q={"]authored[/URL] 400 amendments, and his time in the Senate Veterans Affairs committee was[URL="https://pplswar.wordpress.com/2015/10/21/fact-bernie-sanders-got-more-done-in-the-senate-than-hillary-clinton/"] above average during one of the most unproductive sessions in American history[/URL], and including the passing of a bipartisan VA reform bill that the Veterans of Foreign Wars approved of.
So it wasn't 3 lies in 90 seconds. It was 3 lies and two misleading facts in 40 seconds. My bad.
[QUOTE=Raidyr;51924531]
Naked Ape is a hack and you do yourself a disservice taking him seriously in any regard.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Tudd;51924178]I don't think Skanic is baiting honestly.
Nor was I when I posted naked ape before.[/QUOTE]
But he said he was being sarcastic when he posted?
[QUOTE=Skanic;51922787]
This guy comes up with the best videos //sarcasm[/QUOTE]
He's kinda baiting
[img]http://i.imgur.com/61GV1V4.png[/img]
(Here's How Bernie Sanders Can Still Win)
I counted 8 memes in the first 60 seconds of this vid, quality fucking content.
Man, I always love the "go live with family" poverty line argument. If only all the homeless in this country were smart enough to realize they could just go live with their well-off mom and pop in their 4 bedroom townhouse down on 8th street untill they get on their feet!
[QUOTE=ROFLBURGER;51924739]Yes, actually, it's very tragic.
*long ass story*[/QUOTE]
Wow dude. Watching those 6 minutes have put you in a lot of stress I see.
[QUOTE=Silly Sil;51925267]Wow dude. Watching those 6 minutes have put you in a lot of stress I see.[/QUOTE]
Its mostly sexual tension
Does he think the "I make fun of everyone thing so it's okay to be a massive cunt" thing is funny? He just comes across as some guy who has had some pretty serious social issues.
[QUOTE=Silly Sil;51925267]Wow dude. Watching those 6 minutes have put you in a lot of stress I see.[/QUOTE]
Back to the bailey with thee!
I mean he's not wrong about the Amazing Atheist being a goober.
fuck, we've progressed past bait. this is just a naked, gleaming fish-hook.
[QUOTE=Pitchfork;51928150]fuck, we've progressed past bait. this is just a naked, gleaming fish-hook.[/QUOTE]
if spongebob taught me anything, it's to have fun with bait
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