• Crossdressing, Transgender & Allies Discussion: The amazing Egg cracking station
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The thing that gets me these days is that I remember when I used to really just sob in the shower, but now it's the emptiest most hollow feeling ever. My emotions just feel shot
Alternatively, sitting down in the shower with a thousand-yard-stare because you don't know how to cry.
Half the time I just wake up from one hellish dream of being denied to be who I want to be and I'm forced to be who I was and I do get a tad emotional about it. That's pretty fucked up. Also first shrink appointment. Time for actual tears.
That too. Except replace "don't know" with "forgot"
On Friday, the week before last, I got a letter from NHS Tavistock saying my referral to Charing Cross GIC had been cancelled pretty much because I moved to Wales, and all their wires got crossed. 1.5 years in the queue down the drain. It's like we're expected to put our fucking lives on hold for an undefined period of time. First shower I had after it was the hardest I've ever cried. Been fucked up most of last week, though busy work has kept most of it at bay. Like, I've got options, plans and a force of nature girlfriend who'll fight my corner, but its just that feeling of being completely betrayed and tossed aside by the system that I just can't shake. I just want to get SRS and marry my fiance in my final form. Anyway best stop typing before I break down again
Booked in for my first laser hair removal appointment. Looking forward to not seeing my terrible 5 o'clock shadow only 12 hours after shaving.
All you fuckers are goddamn beautiful.
Twitter banned intentional dead naming and misgendering
i just want 2 b cute/soft thanks https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/110593/1a94c4d8-69f1-4968-a750-a98e6e36a3a6/cool.jpg
Happy international women's day
Hello everyone, came to remind you all that you're cute as heck and deserve plenty of love! Enjoy your friday and treat yourself as much as you can. You deserve it <3
I changed my FP name!
Wanting to help lift the mood after my last post, ombre is so goooooood
I really really would love to start HRT but im just way too paranoid about the possibility of blood clots. Anyone have any advice to stop worrying about it? Anything that can be done to minimize the risk?
From my understanding, estrogen used to be developed from horses and was prone to cause bloodclots. Nowadays this side effect is less likely, especially if you take estrogen in patches; those have the lowest risk iirc.
Little vaniqa update; Week 3 now and I am starting to see some very obvious changes. I can go for about 3 days without the need to shave now. Would recommend.
I kind of wish I could just like, have someone just straight up tell me my gender identity? It's something I've been debating myself on since I was 17 or so, also around the time where I started thinking about my sexuality. These last few months in general have been pretty good in terms of introspection for me as I've come to terms not only with in fact, being bi (as opposed to just kind of forcing myself to be straight because being gay still has that stigma sorta around here????), but also that I do in fact enjoy quite a few womanly things and, inversely, don't really have any particular taste for manly things. Of course this doesn't really imply anything in particular. Which is what fucks me up most about it really. Because most people who are trans, afaik, are so due to dysphoria. I don't feel dysphoria. I mean, I have no particular love for my male body as it is, I could do away with my penis tbh, but it's not something where I genuinely feel bad or depressed about it. The few times I've had the chance of being called with female pronouns (mostly games) have been cool but that's just the novelty of it? In a way I just kind of wish I could be this like, amorphous blob? Like, not having to conform to any one particular gender kind of seems right up my alley. Being "androgynous", sort of like Clovis, if you will. I'm gonna start taking some steps towards that, mostly growing my hair out and buying more effeminate or gender neutral clothing. I will say this though, my teenage years growing up were always just me kind of going "oh boy I can't wait to have x masculine trait and be a dude!" and then I'd get it and I'd really dislike it. I've grown a more muscular body (broader shoulders, etc.) which I don't really like, as I much preferred my slimmer, girlier looks of my teenage years; I was curious on how I might look like with a beard and now that I can grow one (not a *lot* but still) I really dislike it??? I already disliked having a mustache, never thought it looked good, but I just chalked that up to it being a "teen" mustache. I should probably visit like, some therapist or some gender identity clinic about it though. Febuary was a bit of a heavier month for me as, while I didn't feel dysphoria, I kind of was in a phase where I was just "man I wish I could just, be confused a girl", if that makes sense! It seems to be kind of in phases. Perhaps the non-binary/gender-fluid label would fit me better? I really dislike having to label myself to one or two things, that's what had me suppressing my sexuality for so long to begin with.
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, with almost pretty much the same feelings. Somedays I just wish being fully a girl, others just not being able to have facial and "classic male body hair". I have been already using some stuff like depilatory creams ( the fucking beard is almost invincible, no matter what I do pretty much it regrows with force at next day. Gonna save for some laser sessions I guess ) and starting to dress and have in general a look towards more non-binary / feminine ( couldn't get to be fully dressed on carnival in order to avoid being looked down at the street sadly, I'm that coward if my friends aren't with me ), but my penis is just there, in the middle ground in between of "I like it" and "I don't care, switch it". IDK, maybe I'm just non-binary rather than a woman and I only like breasts. I wish I had more information back when I was a kid rather than just considering all of this as "what is expected to be for each one".
You are perfectly valid with or without dysphoria and anyone who tries to tell you you aren't, trans or otherwise, can fuck themselves. Try dressing up as the other gender, shaving, wearing makeup on for size. There is plenty you can "try before you buy" when transitioning, and HRT is not the end-all for it as I know several trans women who have been so, and been completely out in public since before 18 (and are now 29) without ever touching HRT or laser hair removal.
thank you, that really means a lot. not having "dysphoria" in particular is 100% what fucks me up the most as I feel that I'm like, faking it????? Like that doesn't make any sense but only a few months ago I thought I couldn't like boys because "i never dated one" even though I know I also like girls despite "never dating one" so, honestly, what we really need is just a higher push for education. i really really wish sex. ed would touch upon this more. i hope the kids of the future are informed when they start thinking about this sorta stuff because i'm very confused rn and i hate that i'm this way. like what would i even do once I transitioned? I can imagine myself as a girl, in fact I even have a name picked out should I be one, but like, the whole transitioning thing scares me. And what if I'm not actually trans? what if I'm just confused? after all i've only come to terms with my sexuality very recently i'm sorry if this somehow doesn't make sense, i'm not 100% sound rn
hey, same mood i often felt like i wasn't valid for not having dysphoria as such. i mean i don't hate the way i look right now, but it just is, if you know what i mean. this is the meat shell i occupy but by fuck if i don't wish i looked cute as heck in my case, the longing crept up on me until i'm more or less thinking about it every other part of the day. ultimately, you are valid no matter what you label yourself as. all that matters is that you're happy with who you say you are.
Two-ish days later, now that I'm not piss drunk, and I've had more time to think upon all that I said, both sober and not, I do think I ultimately made the right choice posting here? I needed to get these feelings out into the paper in a more concise manner than just friendly chat, although thanks to everyone who heard me out on discord <3. Thanks also to everyone who read my post(s), that really means a lot to me!!! I'll definitely try exploring my feminine side more, as it's something that I've always been at least curious about. I don't know where this road that I'm heading down takes me, but it's one I feel I must go down?
Is better to try seeking within your soul rather than stay in the status quo forever, that's for sure. In the end you will never know until you try.
Wow, who would've thought getting your face lasered to death FUCKING HURTS. It feels amazing to have finally done it though. 9 more sessions to go!
I think the truth is just that I'm scared of change and I'm comfortable being miserable. I have to break the cycle somehow but I'm not sure how, other than letting things get so much worse that I feel I don't have a choice. My willpower in these situations is really lacking and I'm increasingly frustrated with myself. And resentful of myself.
It's way too easy to fall into the trap of beating yourself up and then falling into that habit of just kicking yourself while you're down. It took me a solid year of working on my thoughts and trying to break the cycle of self-loathing before I actually broke it. You might benefit a lot from CBT.
Yeah. I've needed therapy for a long time but I live in the good ol' States so that's not so easy to come by. I gotta handle it on my own, somehow.
Uhh I don't have much information about USA, but I believe there are online therapies ( I think remember that some of them were free ). Also depending of the state / city you live, maybe there's an association near you to provide you help. I heard of those around the West and East Coast, but I don't remember their names, sorry. There are always better options than bearing the pain alone.
I went out in public presenting female for the first time a couple of days ago it went really well!
Congrats!
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