Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

Get a tinder match with him

The first step towards bettering self is recognizing that you have flaws. People are genuinely here to provide advice you can be more self-aware of yourself because currently you present yourself as incredibly narcissistic and blaming the world for your issues rather than taking agency over your life. When I linked incels.me, the act was tongue and cheek, but everything you've shown for yourself on here makes you seem that you would fit in just fine. Stop feeling bad for yourself and your problems and move the fuck forward. There are so many people in the world going through the toughest shit, and the reason you don't see them complaining is because it is redundant and speaks terribly of character. Everyone struggles - what defines you is how you deal with your failures. Everyone needs to fail to succeed. Having a losing attitude to begin will make you a loser from the beginning.

Okay I posted a long and cringey post but snipped it and reworded it to be less shitty. I could use some advice. Everyone in my life is telling me it's time to start dating. I'm 26, never been in a relationship (dated twice but nothing came of it), but have a good set of friends that I can rely on and be open with. Honestly I don't really think I need a partner as my friends are my confidants, and to me romance without sex seems paradoxical, so realistically the only reason I'd date is for sex, but I need to be physically attracted to someone to have sex. I don't know if that's a good mindset. I have self image issues (I'm overweight but not huge) so I'm not sure I could attract somebody on physical merits alone. I think I'd be better suited for dating since my personality would help, but I don't think I want a relationship. I'm a guy with an active drive for sex but I'm shy and nervous about hooking up, but I don't think I want to be in a relationship either, and paying for sex is out of the question. I'm stuck in a rut I guess. I know I'm not getting any younger but I really only want sex so I don't know if I should date or hook up and I don't know if I'm capable of doing either successfully or satisfactorily. Am I looking at this the wrong way? Has anyone else had a similar conflict and found a solution? Does anyone have advice about hooking up or dating that might help?

Why are you afraid of having an intimate relationship? If you're not sure about wanting a relationship then why are you so sure you want sex? Don't just dive in the ocean without learning to swim first. My advice to you is to work your way up to sex. Date first. Avoid dating apps and dating websites because you will become bitter and resentful. Try mutual friends or social gatherings. You can even try co-workers if you're desperate. Sex will be meaningful with someone you have a connection with.

@SleepyAl to be clear, this is not derogatory to you but holy fuck no, you should not be advising someone in his position to ever be considering a co-worker if he's desperate coworker as a first "real" relationship is a terrible idea

yeah this was me like about 2 years ago. I'm still learning and things have changed a huge amount, but interested in what people have to say, as i need the advice too. But yeah, you are definitely not alone, as this was very much me 2 years ago, and to some extent, still very much me, i just haven't met anyone who has caught my fancy, and has mutual feelings for me.

I'm not being derogatory. What's actually pretty funny is both of my good friends met their long term partners through work. Don't completely write it off.

hey you can win the lottery but it's still a bad idea to go gamble

think any place can go bad. I will agree tho there is a lot more risks with it. I think a difficulty a lot of this age faces, myself included, is finding places outside of coworkers to meet new people if you have come from a foreign state or city.

Fair enough. I'm not here to argue about that specific matter however. I would also say school is a great way to meet women; however not everyone might be willing to enroll in their local community college in seek of love alone.

You do know there are other ways to meet people than just school or work right?

that's what we want advice on

Plenty. Please tell us which way is most efficient for meeting girls. Don't say tinder.

We are what we do | Meetup Meetup is a great app for meeting new people who share common interests. From there you can meet friends and create new connections (male or female) and test the waters from there. You might not necessarily meet women on the meetups but you'll make more friends, get involved in more friend groups, and get connected with more people (and hopefully more women) Try to see community events going on: farmers markets especially. You'll meet a lot of interesting people there. Honestly - try to go to places that fit your interests or where you would expect the ideal friend or partner to be, whether that be a gym, pool, etc. Present yourself in a way that will make you approachable: dress nicely and appropriately, take care of your hygiene, smile, and go into conversations wanting to understand the person you are talking to. Ask questions and try to understand the person. You'll never expect what sort of stories and interests someone has until you try to have a conversation. Once I had the mindset, I started to meet so many new people have start very great relationships.

haha i have meetup, yeah i've just been slow with this process, but im glad to hear someone mention it working well. Just need to be patient then which im glad

Dont date co workers unless its going to be marriage material But that said how would anyone know before dating? But it goes without saying, you will be the gossip in the workplace. And if things dont work out, it can get VERY nasty. Not worth it at all imo, which brings me back to my first comment, because if it works out it wont be anyones business and you wont have any fallout. But to me it seems like just setting yourself up to fail. Theres plenty of other people in the world, workplace just isnt the best place to date...

Well I wouldn't date my co-workers since they're all married women in their fourties, besides the whole list of issues dating co-workers has. Long story short I exhausted all possible people in my friend circle. My friends are all either in relationships already or "forever alone" aka not trying anymore because they gave up. The only single women I know of through friends I'm not attracted to. So I think online dating is kind of my best option, unless I chat up some stranger in the line for a supermarket or something only some suave hot guy could pull off. I could try Meetup again but I'm no social butterfly and it's hard finding groups doing activities I actually like. I'm not an outgoing person, I prefer small gatherings or one on one conversations. So I think personality wise I'm more suited for an actual relationship, but I don't think I want that. Relationships are a lot of effort to maintain, and seeing how all my friends in relationships are often miserable because of them, I don't think it's cost effective for me to change my entire life to fit that in. Besides, I'm generally a loner and I need to be alone to recharge so to speak, which seems at odds with a relationship. Hookups seem to fill the needs I have. I don't need a best friend because I already have one, I just kind of want to satisfy physical needs. God I feel like such a douche writing that sentence but I just want to get laid I guess. What's funny is when I was in college I always felt lonely and lovesick because I never found love, but some time after graduating that pain kind of disappeared. I don't know if I just went numb or finally realized I didn't really need someone. Nowadays I'm fine being on my own, but the thing that's making me want somebody seems to be the lack of sexual satisfaction. It's frustrating. I tend to overthink things as you can tell. I'm not truly sure what I want, but I think I don't want a relationship, and I know I don't want blue balls. Hookups seem to be optimal but at the same time don't seem right for me. I'm still confused I guess.

You sound like youre on a mission to find a girl But its mission impossible Honestly I think you got some sound advice. Better yourself, put yourself out there with things you like doing, enjoy yourself and people will naturally gravitate towards you if you're a happy and positive person. Look for people you enjoy hanging out with, even if it is some girl you aren't attracted to, strike up conversation, get to know some and make some friends of the opposite sex. Its a win-win, make more friends and they might know some people who are compatible with you.

Facebook groups/events are also good ways to meet new people. I go to a random event every few weeks just to get out and about. Usually down at the art museum or the gallery that I like to visit. There's always somethin' happening on First Friday and tons of people are there just hanging out.

That had not occurred to me. I've dropped Facebook like a bad habit, because I detest the socialy competitive aspect of it. It's become so quintessential, that I've completely lost contact with old friends after stopping using it. I think I'll start using it again, but it's still a necessary evil to me.

Facebook is only as negative as the people you add. If you don't want 'socially competitive' aspects, then avoid adding people who you know are that type of person. After an event where some old person we know decided to go blabbing to my parents (who do not have Facebook) about a post I made as if it were any of their business, I ended up removing pretty much every person who I did not have regular contact with, who were really old, or who were notorious for posting really dumb conservative news articles. Now my feed is way better lol. In any case, you don't need to pay attention to any of the other functions of the site if you only want to see local events. Just use it as an event directory/listing.

I've been going to this Meetup event that happens every other week and so far I am very happy to find new people I get along with. They're all older than me, but we enjoy our time together and have a ton of fun speaking English together I just had dinner with a beautiful Egyptian girl met there and had a wonderful time

So uuuh anyone here have experience regarding Tinder hookups? Or like, hookups in general? Never had any before, and tonight I managed to chat up a girl who was looking for fun and she ended up offering me a foursome with another couple tomorrow evening. She'll give me the details tomorrow because it's late and we went to sleep, but I'm not sure what just happened. How do these kind of encounters usually work? Do I just show up and we get on with it? Are there risks, and if so what precautions should I take? To say that I'm nervous would be an understatement...

So, the past month I went to a party and I was very surprised by how people (who were also my age) treated me. I knew some of the people in there, but didn't really know the majority. Yet everyone was super nice to me, as in, they never joked about me in any hurting way or called me by a nickname or something. Whenever we were on a group conversation, I never felt as if any of the guys present tried to brag or one-up me like most guys normally do. Nobody teased me, nobody talked bad about me or something and whenever anyone did something awkward people just brushed it off and acted like nothing happened. I don't know if it's thanks to the advice in this thread (being honest with all of you, I don't really speak much IRL but still never refuse to hang out with people) or maybe it's just that for first time ever I came across a large group of people who just weren't toxic or abusive.

Make sure to mention that if the balls don't touch its not gay

sounds like you found some good people and I wish you all the best gosh I hate when people's only interaction with you is to pull your leg, tease you and feel better than you somehow

So I'm in a curious position. I've briefly mentioned this before, but a friend of mine is basically setting me up with a colleague of her's. Now, I've yet to meet her, but from what I've been told of her, we're pretty similar in personality, attitude, and general life situations. Here's the thing though: although it seems she's eager to meet me (and I her), she's going to Ireland in only a few months, and she's not interested in a proper relationship (as I've been told by my friend, and thus not directly by this girl). That leaves me wondering how I should approach the situation when I do finally meet her. Do I treat it like little more than a casual meet-up, try to get something more serious, or what?

Well at least assuming she was genuine and not some catfish that means I can potentially pull it off eventually. Personally I think trying to be serious right off the bat isn't suitable either way, on first dates you want to be laid back and enjoy yourself, complicating matters by mentioning her leaving and how it'll affect things is probably not the best idea, not to mention you already know how that will turn out unless you're a firm believer in LDRs.

Sooo another girl I chatted with just offered me to come to her place at 11pm after a couple of messages, gave me her address... Is that fishy? Is it a thing that happens, people setting up fake hookups to mug others? Should I tell a friend and set up a dead's man switch just in case? How can I avoid any issues?

That is a thing that happens, yes. Sometimes its just people fucking with random strangers for no good reason too. I'd be cautious, especially if they did that after only a couple messages. Personally, I'd at least wanna use snapchat or something where I could see a little more solid proof of them being who they said they are