Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

Maybe it's time to switch subjects? It's obvious that people have different opinions. No need to knock our heads against the wall.

god i'd probably be absolutely hating myself if i hadn't found a job at least tangentially in my field after 5+ years after getting my degree

Millenial job market be that cruel sometimes.

I just recently got a nice job but it's definitely not in my field lol. But that's okay, it's a good second choice. But not everyone can be so lucky.

Seeing all you guys successfully dating and having fun makes me really happy, good job! And by successful I mean just enjoying yourself regardless of outcome.

Maybe irrelevant, but Americans get their degrees pretty early - here in Denmark, it’s reasonably common to be 25+ when you start on your degree. I was very close to being youngest in my class when I started out at almost 20, and two or three in my 30 person class were 28+. So at least where I study, socialising across a pretty decent range of ages is very normal (and I know multiple people who ended up with partners 7-8 years their senior).

I can bring it back to Earth with this: I'm missing out on two cute chicks who leave tomorrow for some boring disco with my friends. And we won't meet again They keep trying to score that pussy but anytime we get close they find ways to ruin the thing. And then they complain. It pisses me off

My girlfriend texts me way too much, and I feel bad about being annoyed by it. Like within 2 hours I'll have over 10 messages from her, all about different things, and I have no idea how to respond to everything. I'll also wake up with a ton of messages from her and it just honestly seems like a chore to try to respond to all the different things she says. I literally can't respond constantly even if I'm free to do so because it's just too mentally draining, but if I wait too long I'll have too much to reply to and I don't want to come across as rude and just ignore half of her texts, you know? I'm glad she wants to talk to me, and I'm glad someone likes to talk that much, but it's seriously starting to get to me. I know if I mention it to her about how much she messages me, she'll overreact and only send like 1 text the whole day to try to not be annoying, and I don't want her to feel like she has a "limit" to how much she can talk to me. There's even times when I really want to tell her something but then I realize there's 10 new messages from her that I'll have to respond to first and it just makes me not want to talk at all.

It shouldnt feel like a chore, thats the thing. If it does, maybe you're not very compatible. But having said that, maybe she is worried and being super clingy.

The thing is I am staying over at one of my friends' and we spend every minute together during this vacation. Abandoning them would be a problem for the rest of the holiday But yeah, it pisses me off that they are so selective with everybody because they're full of girls

The fwb who dumped me sent me a poem via post about how much I mean to her. I didn't reply and she rang me telling me she missed me. She keeps texting and commenting on my social media but I haven't replied because I'm trying to stop thinking about her: she made it clear that she doesn't want to date me or keep sleeping with me so I'm trying to give myself some headspace but she keeps blowing up my phone. Not really looking for advice here, just venting.

how do you get dumped by fwb? Did she/you decide to not be friends anymore or something? But holy shit a posted poem, I would love to know what it said but you probably shouldnt post it incase it bites you in the ass. Sounds a teeny tiny bit crazy.

In all honesty it sounds like you were both a bit too attached for an fwb relationship. From experience they tend to work best on the understanding you bang while its convenient and either partner can decide it is no longer convenient at any time and leave it. I have been on both sides of this and never terribly cut up about it.

This has been on my mind for the past few days and I need some advice. About a month ago, we had a volunteer at work who wanted some work experience in teaching and so she helped me set up the annual art exhibition.Not going to lie, she wasn’t at all attractive or my type, but her personality was warm and friendly which won me over. During the few weeks, we got on well, had a laugh and I felt like we connected and I got the impression she enjoyed my company. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I think she was flirting, mentioning ‘ah you’re more than just a pretty face’ as I was able to put up some work she wasn’t able to. I even tried to get a bit of info out of her to see if she was single as she was working one evening for a blind date event in London. Whilst I didn’t ask her if she had a boyfriend, cos I thought it would be awkward during the first week of volunteering, she said her event went well. A few days later we were talking about half term and it sounded like she wasn’t up to much this holiday. On the last day, I said goodbye and we hugged and for a split second I froze and wanted to say something more but like a fucking idiot I just waved and walked back to my office. Cutting a long story short, I quit my job down South London and I found a new job in North West England. Is it worth leaving a message for her and giving it to one of my ex colleagues? I’m not sure what to say, I got the feeling I’d ramble on and make an idiot out of myself. I’ve never attempted a “long-distance” relationship before but I’m willing to give it a go for her as I would like to spent more time with her. Wow I sound desperate. Yeah, not gonna lie tho if you’ve read my posts in depression thread but these past few months have been bad for me and I need a new start.

No, that's weird.

Well, you need to talk to her about it sooner or later. I’ve had to sorta take that route with my girlfriend - she likes to chat a lot, and she’s maybe a bit more verbalised with her love, and that’s kinda been stuff we’ve had to work on; she needed to understand it wasn’t because I didn’t love her or enjoy talking to her, and perhaps I needed to move a bit in her direction. But yeah, if something’s becoming a bother, you’ve gotta talk it over - relationships live or die on your ability to communicate your feelings to your partner.

Well, that was... Wow. Given the way she acted online (pretty dryly, matter-of-factly) I was expecting to meet some haughty, dismissive woman who'd maybe deign use me as a human dildo if I played my cards right. What I got instead was a wholesome, easygoing half-Egyptian cutie who does improv humor like she breathes. As soon as we met we hit things off pretty well, talked for a couple hours at the bar. Then we went to my room and ate the baguette I brought. I noticed once there that I didn't bring anything to cut the cheese or to open the bottle, woops. After a while, she said something like "I know I gave you the impression that we're gonna bone, but I'm not really in the mood right now. Hope that's okay." Kinda bummed, but I told her I understood, and asked her if kissing was okay. She enthusiastically obliged, and a few minutes later we were making the building quake anyway The sex was great, very intimate. She seemed to be enjoying it as well, I asked her if she was faking it at one point. She really wanted to make me cum and was kinda disappointed that I didn't manage, but that sometimes happen when I use a condom... French dirty talk really turned her on, even though she didn't understand a word of it. To be fair, I loved her English moaning as well. Unfortunately, she couldn't stay for the night because she was leaving early the morning after and had to pack her things. I managed to lure her back in one or two more spicy sessions through seduction, and eventually we cuddled for a while. Apparently she really likes my kisses, she said they're "soft". Really tugging at the heartstrings there. She almost fell asleep in my arms and I was ready to set up an alarm for the next morning, but eventually she came back to her senses and had to leave. I walked her back to her hostel, we kissed eachother farewell and made a pinky promise to see eachother again if she ever comes back to the area at some point. Not gonna lie, I'm rather sad that I probably won't see her again. The whole experience seems a bit bittersweet to me now that it's over. I had no idea a simple hookup with a stranger could be this wholesome...

If nothing else, sounds like you had a really pleasant experience. And y'all smashed, dirty boy.

If I'm reading this right, you're workplace acquaintances who have known each other for less than a month. Do you have any other indication that she was flirty other than her use of the very common "more than a pretty face" idiom towards you? I can totally see how it could be flirty, but I can also see how it could just be a kind, cleverly put together compliment because you helped her with something. You're jumping the gun by saying this: You're "willing to give it a go", have you considered if she is? Did you communicate your feelings to her before? And are these feelings really based on a strong relationship, or just your desire to bond with someone? If you talk to her, do it directly, and expect the same 'workplace acquaintance' relationship you had before. When you want to build a romance, be it with this girl or anyone else, know interest has to be mutual, and properly communicated.

Yeah, we’ve only met and worked with each other for a few weeks, less than a month really. I’ll admit that I am jumping the gun and over analysing her friendliness towards me as a romantic advance. I think that was the only time I got the sense she might like me more than a friend due to the way she said it. Again, not sure if I’m over analysing but she said it not looking at me and her head slightly down. All the other times we talked, we mostly held eye contact. The only real reason why I want to get to know her more is because she was one of the few people who treated me like a human at work. I was able to talk to her about my work issues without repercussions. During those few weeks I was dealing with my line manager and boss who were making work changes without discussing it with me. On top of that, I had to get my union involved as they wanted to change my job role and put my health at risk which I won’t get into as it’s not the right place. As as for the next bit, there is a strong desire for me to bond with her and build a friendly, non sexual relationship with her if it comes to that. I haven’t made my feelings clear to her and I hope I will be able to over the phone. Unfortunately I won’t be able to talk directly to her as it’s half term and my contract ends this month. So, my last chance to get in contact with her is to leave a note when I’m in to pick up my belongings (something along the lines with “here’s my number, would like to get to know you more”) as she won’t come back mid September. I know it’s not ideal and I always make the effort to talk to friends face to face or over the phone before texting as a last resort.

Yeah the note with your number is a good idea, worth a try anyway.

I'm in a very similar boat and resorted to occasional parties with co-workers but obviously that is not ideal. And also to that point - more and more often I have had incredibly weird reactions to alcohol and smoking. I end up just sitting in a chair in the corner not associating for the entire party then enter a manic state after I'm done daydreaming where I feel completely sobered up and hyperfocused after about 3-4 hours. I'd expect to more outgoing and friendly like I had previously in parties but it's just not the case. I also feel somewhat obligated to be more sexually outgoing because of stigma about losing your virginity when you're 16-18, but I'm either not interested at all in the girls that are interested in me or I'm just feel uncomfortable trying to get with a girl that is not completely like me (and that's the issue, I don't really know who I am except obsessive about trying to be better than I currently am). I'm not great at adapting to social situations either and I've been far too neurotic, depressed, and self-reflective to think I am actually ready to be with a girl. I'm not sure if I am too in my head to be charismatic or that I am just not capable of it at all. I'm constantly mirroring the personalities of TV show characters like Neal Caffrey, Don Draper because my real self is just really introverted. Part of it has to do with my dad being sort of a blur in my life. It just sometimes feels like I don't know what it means to be myself because I don't know who I am. I'm constantly trying to make myself a person that I would be interested in but I keep falling short and I think it also seems to be reflecting in my relationships with girls. It's not like I haven't followed the most basic advice. I feel like I have interesting hobbies - I'm a classical pianist, I do freelance game development and UI/UX design, I draw quite a bit, and I workout. I dress nice relative to the little money I have, and I'm not terrible looking either. I think maybe what is going on is that I just feel like if I have any sort of confidence I have in my self has led me to being complacent.

I am guilty of this, I dont talk to people for 3 years then ask them to play video games with me. None of this hows life shit, "yo wanna play some games bro" But nah, rekindling friendships like that just needs you to reach out imo, just be honest about why it might seem that you pushed them away.

It can quite difficult reconnecting with people though. I've tried to get back in touch with a lad I used to play tons of WoW with, and who I shared almost identical interests with and thoroughly enjoyed talking with. Yet even despite me trying to start something for the past 9 months now, he has still only started a conversation once, and he seems completely disinterested in talking with me a lot of the time. Now that blows.

"Hey, we'll go out for a swim tomorrow evening. We'll give you a call around eight, so you can come along." It's eleven pm, I haven't heard anything from anyone, and I'm feeling great why do you ask

If I was in that situation, I would have given them a call around 15 minutes after the set time to get an update. People forget things and it's perfectly reasonable to check if the plan is still in motion.

I don't know if it's paranoia talking, but I often feel I am "conveniently" forgotten. You keep giving and helping, and the one time you ask for help with something trivial (just as a test), you get told "I'll back to you when I get back home tomorrow", and then hear nothing from them for three weeks. Then you start wondering if you're being kept around for convenience's sake, like when someone needs a ride. Or maybe you're just that much of a damn downer, no one wants to hang around for long, and your social skills and self-esteem just keep deteriorating as time goes.

The advantage of keeping up with people's engagements towards you is that you get to differentiate between people that are actually forgetful and those that aren't actually your friends. I don't want to seem presumptuous but you don't have any obligation to be friends with anyone. If you feel the relationship is bad (for whatever reason) it's your right to walk away no questions asked. I've had to do that a few times before I met actual people that eventually truly cared about me. One-way relationships are really unhealthy be it friends, family or significant others.

I've been starting to realize a lot of my depression, anxiety, low-self esteem is partly due low-blood pressure. Yeah, it sounds weird but after I've been taking supplements (Vitamin D, multi-vitamins, deer antler velvet, coffee (sometimes), and biotin every morning), a strict diet of primarily meat, vegetables, and anything else with healthy fats as well as working out in the sun for 5 hours a day as a Lifeguard, there's a huge shift in my mood. It might be due to my blood type but I've noticed that I get incredibly fatigued from an average amount of carbs and makes my head foggy for most of the day. Last few days have been great since I started that morning routine so I am hoping for the best.

I have a girlfriend of three years (my first), we started dating at the beginning of college. At the beginning everything was heavenly, I have plenty of good memories, but by the end of the first year I was really stressed, anxious and depressed from the amount of work for college. I constantly felt annoyed, didn't feel any love any more (or much else), always wanted to stay in our room in the dorm. I explained to her that she probably isn't the problem, but I still hurt her (e.g. I didn't want to go out with her as often as we should have, I found holding hands annoying). I wasn't 100% sure at the time it was the stress and depression but I had my suspicions and I told her that, and that I understand it's not ok and that I do still love her and want her. I'm now nearing the end of my studies, the workload has lessened, I'm finally on anti-depressants that might have a slight positive affect, I was planning in my head how I'm going to make everything up to my girlfriend, and right around that time she gets slightly distant and tells me she doesn't know if this relationship is what she wants in her life, that she overall doesn't know what she even wants in her life, and that she wants a break. That she needs time to think it through. She has been on birth control for a month that affected her libido, and I think that might have affected her feelings towards me a bit (maybe the sex felt more like a chore for her, the sex was a part of what kept us together but not the only thing) and I told her to wait until she stops taking them. She does hang out with guy friends, but I don't think there's someone else involved, she says she still loves me. When I told her to explain her thoughts she said me not going out with her, not holding hands and similar incidents gave her doubts and hurt her, and repeatedly told me to give her time. I tried explaining the immense love I now feel for her, how each day feels like torture without her, how everything was about to get better, but I can't seem to convince her or change her mind. She was still getting more distant last time I saw her, she didn't want me to touch her, but we still had a fun time just chilling. Today I told her I'll give her the space she wanted, and stopped messing her in the hopes she starts to miss me and comes back to me in a week or two. For the last week I tried messaged her at least 10+ times a day, quite a bit more than she messaged me. I'm not sure if I am making the right decision. Every moment I'm not next to her feels like agony, I can't do anything but think about her, my feelings tell me to try to convince her to spend time with me even if with no physical contact and try to have a good time or further express my love (and I think I could convince her, since I already did a few times before deciding to give her space, or maybe she decided it was ok hanging out with me, I don't know). I don't think I can think clearly. It does seem reasonable that she will come back to me if she loves me, but the thought of her going away forever because I didn't do something I could have just hurts so much.