Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

I will soon receive +100k compensation and I will have opportunity to do what I always wanted - Just leave everything behind and go to Canada and start from clean slate. I can't imagine leaving all my friends behind though, feels weird to just not be able to meetup at any time although I do understand that everybody goes their own way eventually. I am sharing apartment with two of my best friends and I guess I am just too used to them being around and seeing them everyday. It's terrifying to imagine arriving to country where you know nobody and have nobody to hang out with, you don't know anything, everything is new and just weird, literally all you have is a suitcase and that's it. I have a feeling that when time comes - I will make the right choice and just leave. Alternative choice is to buy property here and remain but I really wanted to go to Canada since I was a kid, the entire country has that peaceful vibe to it (Feels like Scandinavian country except it's English). I've been sort of frightened by the thought of that day when I get contacted and told "Congrats, we've won" because I have no idea what I will do. P.S - I am not too concerned about missing my family considering my family members are all over Europe and we just occasionally talk.

Have you already planned where you'd like to move specifically?

Torronto or Vancouver. I wanted Montreal initially but then I learned that French is primary language there. While Torronto and Vancouver seems pretty good for IT sector.

The vast majority of the city is bilingual and there's a significant minority that only speaks english. You don't need to know a lick of french to function properly here. Heck, my downstairs neighbor moved here from Toronto three years ago and he barely knows any french still. French is the primary language in the province but half the customers coming in my store speak English.

I am looking in terms of career though, you need to be proficient at French to secure job in Montreal right?

Yes, I will shill Montréal at any opportunity I get.

Yeah well anyway that's not the problem, the problem is actually arriving in another country and not knowing anything or anyone.

Well if you came to Montréal I could help with that. https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/224422/8c066cf4-ebdd-4c18-bfd6-264c221a7aea/v.png

I'm in a somewhat similar position. I'm 26 and I've been saving up money with the intent to move out of the country. My parents think I'm just saving up to get a condo. Looking towards the future I think for financial and health reasons it would be better to live in Canada, but I don't know a soul there. Ideally I'd love to move to Finland but I've not had the best luck with learning languages. All my friends and family are in the USA. Right now I have a $45k a year job with good benefits and a bachelor's degree, so I can make ends meet if I stay here, but I worry that things could change in the future if I ever get layed off or my parents pass away. Where I live is ridiculously expensive (Connecticut), and rent starts at $800 a month (not including utilities) for a moldy shithole in a bad area, and is nearly $1200 for a decent place. Ideally I'd rather own property than rent so right now I live at home and just save money, but my house is cramped and my parents are a cause of conflict. I'm incredibly lucky I can live at home for modest rent, as plenty of people don't have that option, but I want to grow up and move out, and I think having my own place would help me be confident enough to start dating again. Part of me thinks it's a better long term decision to move to another country, but knowing my social anxiety and depression being totally alone might not be a good decision. Id have to get a new therapist too, and I've been with the same one for over 10 years who's immensely helped me with my life. I don't drink, I don't like crowds or parties and I have fairly solitary interests so making friends has been difficult throughout my life. I don't even know if I could get a job to sponsor me to move over there, and I don't know how difficult immigration would be. I guess right now my choices are either stay in CT and save up for a condo and hope the country doesn't go to shit/I get layed off, or save up and try to emmigrate to Canada and totally flip my world upside down with a new job, new social circle and start my life from scratch.

This is so weird god damn, 19 years old and I'm having my first date next Saturday, honestly never thought it would finally happen some day.

It's definitely an involved process but it ain't the buraucratic hellscape that is current the USA immigration process. If you're a skilled worker I don't you'll find many obstacles to moving permanently to Canada.

There was this kid I bullied in elementary school, he was my best friend for a while, but long story short I teased him to the point where he actually lost his hair due to stress a few years later. I didn't think I was bullying him to me it was just banter, but in hindsight it was pretty fucked up. Later on I heard he was still bullied in high school, his nickname was "cancer boy" because he lost his hair because of me. I haven't seen him in about 8 years now, and I've apologized to him through steam, skype, etc, but not in person. I talked to a mutual friend of ours and he told me he's good just still unemployed and he still lives in the same town. I was planning on making a trip down there in the winter, and I wanted to see him in person. But I'm not too sure the best way to go about this. What should I say, should I go and see him alone? etc etc.

That's really fucked up man. It's that nice that you have the self-awareness to be guilty about that but still doesn't change the damage you did the kid. I guess, best case scenario, he became a stronger person as a result.

Yeah, I've been trying to think of the best thing to do here, after elementary school I moved so we didn't really see each other except when I'd come to visit, and over the 8 years he's told me that he's past it but it doesn't excuse what I did, and I think he still deserves a visit and all.

Psh, you youngsters don't know dick. I was like 25 when I had my first date, y'all really need to stop panicking when you haven't even hit your 20s yet.

Freelancers are still thriving and literally everywhere. Plus I've already looked into options I can move to practically any province in Canada under a self employed visa so I'm probably going to look into that.

you do realize you generally need to be at a world class level to immigrate to canada under self employed, right?

Depends entirely on what you do. Alot of freelance 3D artists are hired by smaller studios that are in turn hired by big-name developers for heavy projects. I follow alot of them on ArtStation and they've worked for devs under EA, Ubisoft, etc.

It's very easy to get taken advantage when you do freelance work in general if you're not well versed in law and business. It's also pretty important you have a lawyer on retainer.

She just cut all contacts out of the blue without telling me anything so RIP.

"she doesn't deserve you!!" Nah but don't beat yourself up about it. It was my intention to reply to your initial post btw., suggesting you to just be cool about it, even if the date turns out to be a disaster. So don't worry. If you wanna date, keep at it. I think it's kinda childish behavior to just cut contact without saying anything, but I also believe that no one owes anyone an explanation for anything really. She doesn't have to tell you why, although it would be cool for her to do that. She could be a bitch, or she could be really busy. It's been only 3 days, right? Maybe she'll surprise you, or maybe not. Don't worry, be...happy?

Oh but by tomorrow I'll be pretty fine don't worry, it's just that I'm baffled that even though we agreed to meet and planned the date for Saturday (hell it's even her who suggested that day), she just disappeared without reason after ignoring me when I asked when on Saturday would suit her the most. I couldn't care less about the intention beind what she did, it's just the way she did it is downright disrespectful. I just don't like losing all hope all of sudden without knowing why.

Man I'm really trying to figure out this relationship I'm with a girl who really likes me and is interested in what I do. We've hung out probably 8 times over the past month and while I've enjoyed it there's a weird nagging feeling at the back of my mind whenever I'm with her. I talked with her about this a few weeks in and mentioned that we might be missing the "spark" and she said that there's no such thing and that most people don't feel much for each other until they've been dating a while. That confused me and I still don't think it's true. There's other small things that bother me like some small aspects of her personality but I haven't been able to nail down a concrete reason why I don't feel great about the relationship. She's coming over tomorrow and wants to have the "official talk." I'm very torn because I don't think I'm ready to be official but I don't necessarily know if I want to end it. I think the biggest thing is that I don't really feel any more excited to hang out with her than I do with my friends. Like she said we were invited to a corn maze with her friends this Friday night but my first thought was "man I normally hang out with my friends on Fridays" I've flip-flopped nearly five times today whether I want to break up or not and it's killing me. I think if I'm this torn up about it that must be an indicator that something isn't right, right?

Try to figure out the decision that gives you no, or the least, regret possible If you'd rather be with your friends than her, that's fine. So is "missing out" on a relationship. There are no rules on what the right decision is, just do what's right for you

Well, are you in love with her? I would say relationship appreciation approximates a U-curve - you’re in love at the beginning, then it kinda dies down, and then you really end up knowing each well and appreciate each other because of that.

While that seems to be a typical scenario, I think that's not always how it goes down. You're not always "in love" (more like infatuated) at the beginning, sometimes you're just interested and gradually learn to appreciate some of their characteristics as you get to know each other.

Yeah I think when we hang out today and she brings up being "official" I'll lay out how I feel. I don't have any real reasons to end the relationship but at the same time I really can't give a definite answer on whether or not I'm ready to go to the next step. I think I just need more time to figure out how I feel but if she wants someone more decisive or who would already know by now, well, then maybe I'm not the one. I appreciate all your guys' feedback. This is my last year of school and in a few months I may have decided to move halfway across the country for work depending on what offers I get. I think that might be part of the reason why I'm not really ready to commit to a more serious relationship level. I also definitely overthink things but the fact that I can't come up with any good solid reasons why I like her worries me.

So I broke it off. We'd only been dating for about 1.5 months but I couldn't stand my constant overthinking and back-and-forth about whether or not I really liked her. I feel terrible because I don't think she was expecting it at all, and a part of me regrets it, but I know that it probably wouldn't have gotten better as time went on. Something about letting someone go who really cared for you hurts a lot more than if they didn't.

I wouldn't think too much about it. There was this exchange student I really liked but she moved back to her country. We started talking over text and kind of hit it off until she actually came back to where I live. We never ended up hanging out because she sort of ghosted me (even though we would text super often when she was in her country). Then, when we started texting again, out of the blue months later, she apologized for not hanging out. She basically explained that she is really awkward when people show interest in her and was sort of intimidated by me (because she said I was smarter than other guys, but I don't really think so). At the end of the day, I'm not sure how truthful she was when she said that, but it doesn't really matter regardless. In my experience, the more you focus on yourself, bettering yourself, and showing genuine interest in others: you'll end up with good relationships. A lot of people feel stigmatized into following the teenage-love trope or feel that there's a checklist of things they need to do in order to be a "socially-successful person". These stigmas really apply when you are around people who reinforce them, so the obvious solution is - find people who aren't toxic and accept you for you. From everything you've said, you seem to already understand that, which is excellent.

So two other friends I knew were just at my campus the other day. Waved hi and they walked right by me like I was fucking invisible. Can I die now? That's what it feels like. /s