Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

So we finally had a talk, she told me she is getting back with her ex, that's fine by me and now I have my mind free.

They aren't your friends anymore unfortunately but if they were gonna treat you like that it's better this way. You don't need those assholes.

Problem is that they are impossible to avoid now that I take class and eat at the same uni as them every other one day of the week. My class has no online classroom, lunch there is better than work lunch, and lectures are a must to pass. Good news is that one of them has one semester left before leaving but the other one is weird. I thought she had her degree so her being there is odd unless she's taking other classes. This and the virtue of "killing them with kindness" will start to wear off pretty fast the more I run into them on accident. This on top of being my first year there I do hope they never said anything to anyone about me. Last thing I need to hear from strangers was the shit that went down in that circle period.

Don't do that, you don't have to be super nice to them. If you can't avoid them just ignore them as well. You don't owe them anything. If it's really gnawing at you, you could confront them and ask them why they're ignoring you. Personally, I'd avoid that because the temptation is too great to not accept their explanation and try to defend yourself but that would make everything worse; They already have their mind set.

Get some fucking balls and stop fucking paying attention to them. You are your own person. It's for your own good. Focus on you, introduce yourself to new people, and make new friends.

Why do I keep having dreams about my ex? It's been over a year since we broke up now, why can't I fucking move on?

So, in March 2017, my father was unwell, but he blamed stress and anxiety, until my mother pretty much dragged him to the Doctor, then pretty much dragged him to the ER, and he had had a heart attack, but, after a triple bypass, he made a full recovery. He quitted smoking, alcohol other than red wine, cut down heavily on salt, red meat and processed food, and walks 5 km on a quite regular basis. He survived fine. And right now, one of his brothers has died the exact same way he could have died. And between the reminder of how easily my father could had died back then, the sibiling get-together my father and uncles had been trying to organize and which now will never come to fruction, the downright awful situation my uncle had with his kids (3 kids, but only the eldest remained in contact with his parents, and the middle one had become a parent himself 4 months ago, yet my uncle never met his grandson), my own childhood memories, and the childhood memories that my father used to fondly tell me... I am a bit overwhelmed, I needed to vent, I needed to put into text my stream of consciousness and let it out. Thank you.

people who ghost are immature to relationships

(Hey guys, gonna preface this by apologizing for the wall of text, I tend to provide tons of detail whenever I tell stories like this.) So there's this girl who I've liked for quite a while. Last night, I mustered up what little courage I had and asked if she wanted to work together on an assignment we both received. Super casual, since I don't think we're ready for a full date at the moment. "Sure, when?" she asked. "Maybe tomorrow?" I replied. "Nah, let's just do it tonight." So, we stayed in our classroom from about 6-9 PM. We started with homework, but we eventually got distracted by Game Grumps videos and Cheers on Netflix. Laughter and what I assume were flirtatious behaviors ensued. (Examples: She stole my mouse and phone and messed with them, sent photos of me to our Snapchat group, and then accused me of being a pervert when I tried to send a photo of her to that very same group.) It was super fun overall, and I would feel great if one sticking point hadn't put a damper on things. At a few points during our three-hour stay, she responded to a few Snapchat messages from a guy in her French class. She didn't say much about him aside from the fact that she and our mutual friends are trying to indoctrinate him into our group. One of the snaps he sent included nothing but a shot of his face, which immediately raised a red flag in my brain. (I'm not a frequent social media user, so I don't know if any of this is normal behavior or not.) I didn't see what they said to each other, and the one time I glanced in her phone's direction she said "Do you mind?" and turned away. I asked one of our mutual friends about this guy, and he's allegedly either gay or has a girlfriend (nobody quite knows). That said, our friend thinks the girl in question is "very nice" to the guy. In the end, he said the guy is most likely unavailable and that I shouldn't view him as competition ("per se," he added). I told this whole story and more to my roommate's girlfriend, who is surprisingly invested in my love life. She feels 99% sure that the girl likes me back and echoed my friend's sentiment that the other guy isn't competition. However, I feel extremely paranoid at the moment. The girl and I mainly chat over Facebook (and Google Docs' built-in chat when we work on assignments), but all of our Snapchat communication takes place in the group chat. I guess the photographic nature of Snapchat makes it feel more personalized and I feel jealous as a result. We don't text daily, but our conversations usually last a while whenever we do decide to chat. For example, on Thursday we stayed up until about 1:30 AM to do homework (and I managed to elicit quite a few LMAOs from her), then talked about random stuff for about an hour after that. I almost think she was about to proposition me near the end of that conversation, but that's a story for another time. Logically, I feel as if I should accept my friend's and roommate's girlfriend's assessments. For all I know, Snapchat is this guy's preferred social media platform and they were talking about homework or something else boring. In light of everything else that happened last night, I shouldn't let the fact that she occasionally texted another friend get me down. Nevertheless, I can't shake the fear that I've misinterpreted everything so far and that something might happen between these two. I feel like I'm so close and so far at the same time. One of these threads was titled "JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT" long ago and I feel that, but she suffered a personal tragedy about a month ago and everyone has urged me to take it slow. I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here, mainly just an opportunity to vent and possibly some additional opinions on what this might mean.

@Kirbunny431 Acting weird or paranoid about a girl and a guy she's texting, when you're not even dating, is really insecure. Which is fine. But if she catches on that you feel really weird about her texting some french guy then that's going to really put her off (and it does sound like she's interested in you) Just be cool, dude

Yeah that insecurity is definitely something I'm still working through. I'm much better than I was a couple years ago, though, so it's progress! I don't think I acted as if it made me uncomfortable (everything I did in her presence was standard stuff I do to bug her), it's just when I'm left to my own devices I tend to overthink things. I'll definitely keep your last line in mind. "Just be cool." Thank you for the kind advice and encouragement!

What the fuck.... for the first time in a while, I met a girl that is not only beautiful but really insightful, funny, and brilliant. For the longest time, I thought it was entirely my fault that I wasn't finding any girls I could share anything in common.

I met that girl too, she just started dating a common friend and I'm trying to figure out if she actually wants to remain friends or just feels obligated to keep contact because I've been there for her in the past. So yeah, I guess what I'm saying is, don't waste any chance you've got with her.

Posts like this give me some hope, I'm rooting for you man.

crazy levels of over thinking bro

Entirely fair. I'll make a conscious effort to cool those thought processes in the future.

Me and a friend are making bumble account s in a few days kinda to try for something and also just casual giggles. Any tips?

Don't expect much from Bumble. Over here it's basically dead, it mostly gives you inactive profiles to swipe on to give you the illusion that it has an active userbase.

Expect nothing at all.

I'm back at it again, that girl from a few posts back apologized to me and told me that her phase of trying to be a sugar baby was due to her bipolar mania and that it left her a wreck when she realized what she had done. She still wants to see me and generally liked being with me but when asked what she wanted from me she didn't want to make a decision and that its not healthy for her to make a commitment right now so she wanted to go back to the casual dating thing we had before. Now, casual dating sucks; it has the hugging, kissing and hand holding and overall general affection that one wants but under the realm of just good friends. I met her family, she wants me to go to some Halloween party as finn the human (Apparently the guy she was originally going with had sex problems with her and they had an awkward falling out, also im the only man in her life she could ask?). I do generally have feelings for her but damn with her being bipolar its hard to see if this is how she treats all her friends or its something else. So yeah, im confused af.

I'd abscond from that relationship ASAP, it sounds incredibly unhealthy.

Bin it off

Hey gang, let me gush for a second so there's this girl I worked with for about 6 months, and up until recently I've been quiet af at work because that's just the kind of person I am, but we had a night out recently with a group of people who we work with because it was said girl's leaving party as she's getting a new job and going to uni. Anyway, on this night out we all got quite drunk and I was really confident and the next day people were saying I was making them laugh loads, and from what I remember it was just a great time and I remember this girl in particular saying "I'm actually gonna pee" just because of how much I was fucking around I remember her asking towards the end of the night if I wanted stay at hers but I said no as she's got a boyfriend and also we were both very drunk, but I gave her my phone for her to put her snapchat in. Fast forward to tonight at work, I was talking to a guy who was there that night and he was saying that me and this girl were all over each other, and that everyone was looking at us noticing some serious tension, I can't remember it too well but I know for a fact if she was interested I would have been acting the same way. Apparently we basically never left each other's side and when she came back from the toilet/bar/wherever she sat really close to me and we were just back at it, from what I can remember it was the usual shit of maintaining eye contact, no awkward pauses, comfortable funny chatter, the kind of shit you have when you really click with someone This guy thinks that something could still happen, but I'm kicking myself for missing the opportunity of being in a situation where it's just me and her, even if I turned it down for what I considered to be the right reasons. The problem now is, we don't work together any more, and what with her getting a new job and going to uni I can only imagine the time we cross paths is if/when she occasionally comes back from uni for the weekend (she lives in the same town I work in, not sure if she's going to live nearby for uni or stay at home) and comes on a night out with some of us again. So is it worth feeling bummed out considering I might not even see her again? Should I try and remain hopeful that something might happen one day? Should I just continue only viewing her as a friend because she is dating someone else? I can't imagine her cheating but if we really were that interested in each other that night and she asked me to stay at hers then she was clearly considering it which makes me think she might feel a similar way as me. I was just thinking it over a lot as I've not felt this way about someone for a good few years. I've been on a couple other dates with a different girl and having casual sex with others occasionally, and as nice as these two things have been, I didn't feel this way about them

If she has a boyfriend, you definitely did the right thing. Being very drunk is also a good reason not to, you never know who's going to black out and/or regret it in the morning.

dump her and tell her just to be friends

Yeaaaah. I'm going to ignore her and not going to be friends. Honestly it seems more like a waste of time if shes just playing around.

I feel like every time I look up dating advice I end up psyching myself out of attempting it. Everything I read boils down to "be yourself, but don't really be yourself". It mentions being authentic and genuine, but also mentions being confident, assertive, and making the first move. I'm not confident so I have to fake it, which isn't authentic; I am not assertive at all because I worry I'll upset someone or make the wrong choice so I'd rather let other people make decisions or lead, so I'd have to force it; I second guess myself constantly if I'm ever uncertain about something, so I'd have to be impulsive and approach a total stranger based on the assumption her body language implies interest, when I am the exact opposite of a people watcher. Chatting up an attractive stranger has some totally unpredictable outcomes, and I wouldn't like it if a stranger chatted me up out of nowhere so doing it myself seems hypocritical. I have to be desireable, and having an exciting life is a big part of that, but I'd have to join meetups, charities, exercise groups, causes, events, etc. and be active, when my idea of a perfect weekend is sleeping in and being lazy with solitary activities like video games, drawing, reading or watching something. Crowds are too much sensory overload for me, and most people my age like bars, clubs, activities with a lot of people, etc. I'd have to leave my comfort zone and do things I don't like to make my life seem exciting. One-on-one I'm great with people, but it takes time for me to warm up with people I don't know. These experts mention the 2 second rule (within two seconds of seeing someone attractive approach them and strike up conversation before you overthink it) and I worry that me doing that would be a "drop the spaghetti" green text of the year. I'm the kind of guy who, in line to check out at the grocery store or waiting in a doctor's office waiting room, is constantly thinking "I hope no one tries to small talk with me and instead just ignores me", so flipping the script and doing the thing I hope people don't do to me feels like it'd be so observably unnatural that I'd creep people out. Everytime I read about making a dating profile and the huge hurdles to go through to get a match, the sheer number of messages to people that are inevitably ghosted by a majority of the women because they get flooded with them and can be super selective, the specific way to craft a first message that conveys who you are in emotionless text just to get the chance to meet in person to then make a real first impression, the ELO like system that you have to keep in mind to boost results, it just seems too daunting. Then I see the shit luck my friends have with dating, the number of friends giving up on ever finding love and deciding to be forever alone, and the drama from friends in relationships, and I just wonder if it's really worth the effort to change who I am and stay that way, hoping I find someone who'll accept me. And then I feel the tinge of loneliness, see my 27th birthday get closer and closer, see friends having kids or getting married, and wonder what it would feel like to have someone more than a friend in my life. It's midnight and I needed to vent. I feel like I'm being quartered by my own mind, wanting to find love in one corner, wanting to relax and rest in another, wanting to be alone in another corner, and wanting to have sex in a fourth corner, and at any moment the horses will be off and my mind will just tear asunder.

i feel the same way as you do

Yeah, on the surface it might seem like there's a certain dissonance between being yourself and being confident, if that's not how you really feel, but I feel like the fundamental problem people run up against is that they see their personalities as static. I really don't think they are. People push the Disney movie bullshit that changing who you are to get along with people is a bad thing, and I think that's incredibly damaging. Sure, don't pretend to like parties if you really don't, don't follow sports if you couldn't give a shit. However, confidence and assertiveness are great qualities that everyone can and should have. I know it might be hard to imagine doing, but I really think that if you don't like who you are, it's well within your rights and capabilities to change. Don't think of it as abandoning "who you are". I'm not entirely sure that's a valid concept in the first place. Everyone changes a little bit as they go through life. It's foolish to think that you can keep living and have everything you do or see simply pass without making an impact. I think everyone should feel free to redefine "who they are" as much as they want. Just make sure you're doing something you think is going to make you happier.

Yep. Her meds went back what they were and she went to lots of therapy, psychiatrists and psychoanalysts too. I fear shes still not 100% as i heard theres a big depression bump after mania thats not noticeable that can last for a while.