Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

Honestly, dating someone with mental issues that are out of whack is not a good idea unless you have a really good understanding of the issue in question AND are willing to put in the time to baby them. If you view having to make them take their meds as annoying, don't even start that sorta relationship. It only works with someone extremely commited that is stable enough themselves to take a few blows and really really really put in the work and time to help their partner through any bad phases. As asomewhat related example, for someone with depression (and a history of suicidal tendencies), if you are dating them and your solution to suicide talk is calling EMS, that relationship is never gonna work.

I absolutely relate with what you're saying although I'm younger. I find constantly changing my personality in order to recognize which "version" of myself is most palatable around the people I want to be around. With that in mind, I would also suggest that you recognize that a few of your tendencies might be the reason why you aren't finding someone that you really click: Although it might be difficult, you might have to let your guard down and be okay with people approaching you. You want to become approachable, especially to someone you are interested. It's important to recognize that you need to be interested learning about any person in order for the same to be reciprocated Do not fucking get stuck in your head about your situation and feel bad about yourself. It's like thinking about a splinter you have on your finger and you keep poking at it even though it's relatively harmless.

pushing this thread to the front so it doesnt get lost. as expected, but much happened on bumble. Then again I'm not exactly trying either with my main profile picture https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/109900/a45a600d-d309-4e7b-b943-fa4707808c9c/image.png

You're representing this thread well I see

My friend is not so ironically alluding to killing himself on november 13 but does so before and was mad when I reported him. Literally never talks about his problems and just bottles them up into living hell. Ive been in his place before and it sucks but it also sucks to be me and stress on wether to report him or not.

I've been friends with someone like this before. Its stressful as hell, but you're doing the right thing. The best you can do is be there for him and do what you can to make sure he's getting the professional help he needs.

Well, I went for it and asked out the girl I mentioned in my previous posts. She wasn't interested and now I think we're just gonna ignore the fact that I said anything. What I'm really astounded by is that shortly before I intended to do the deed, a different girl in our class asked us if we were dating. "No," the girl whom I liked said, in a tone that was entirely matter-of-fact (and not completely disgusted, thankfully). She turned to me and continued, "And for the record: No." I said that was ironic because I was going to ask her out later, but I evidently had my answer already. The other girl then apologized for causing that awkward scenario to happen. But seriously, what are the chances of that even happening? I'd be more upset if I wasn't completely stunned by the magnitude of that coincidence.

rude

I'm facing a bit of a conundrum lately. My internship is coming to an end, and I have to start looking for a full-time job. In the meantime, I'll be at my parents' house in Toulouse, 700km away from Paris, where I currently live. I haven't had any actual vacation since last year, but I've tried to go see them and my brother whenever a holiday lengthened a weekend enough for a round trip to make sense, financially and logistically. That meant a weekend every two months, approximately. I love my family, and they're very dear to me. Particularly my brother, who I'm very close with, and have been concerned of losing touch with ever since I left home 4 years ago. We still have a good time when we see each other, but our in-jokes are often a bit dated, and we're often less complicit than we used to. One thing that worked well was playing cooperative games online (A Way Out and Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes were great for that, by the way if you have any recommendation I'd be glad to hear them), but now that his vacations are over he's back to studying, which is pretty time consuming, and he doesn't have nearly as much time to play. Now, the issue is, most of my friends are in Paris, currently at least, and none are in Toulouse or anywhere nearby. Add to that the fact that, France being a very centralized nation, the most interesting job opportunities are also in Paris, and that given the way companies are set up, I might very well have little to no vacations next year, and I think you see where I'm getting at. Anyway, my parents made it pretty clear that they'd be very happy if I were to find a job near them. My father sometimes sends me offers from around their area, for instance. But they've also said that they will respect my choice no matter what. Regardless of what they want, I'm not sure what I want to do. I'm concerned that I'll end up bored working in Toulouse but I'm also concerned that I'll miss them working in Paris.

I think you should do whatever you feel is right. While I've not been in the same situation, I have often given thoughts to similar conundrums. I'm still split on what I'd choose, but I'm leaning towards staying close to my family. Granted, I live in the capital, so it's easy for me, but that makes me face another issue: finding an affordable place to live. Housing prices in Copenhagen are bloated (as I imagine they are in almost every capital in Europe, France included), meaning you could be on a waiting for up to 10 years. If I was willing to move to the countryside, however, I could get a home at half the price and twice the space.

Live in Paris. Your fam want what's best for you and if there's nothing at home then live your life. It'll suck a lil due to homesickness but honestly it'll make it all the more better when you see them once in a while!

Going on the circle jerk that is Fitboard (Bodybuilding.com Forums) so that I can motivate myself to get myself jacked and get advice. It's partly to cope with Facepunch dying soon as well.

Fuck, I feel like I put my foot in my mouth massively tonight while messaging an old friend I haven't spoken to in 7 years. Everything was going fine and we were just doing the normal catchup/smalltalk thing until "So do you still like watching slasher movies?" "Nah. I don't watch any horror/thriller movies anymore." "Oh yeah?" "I have PTSD. Gets triggered by that shit." Oh She didn't sound like she was mad or annoyed at me for it but I still felt like I messed up and she went to bed a minute later

Over thinking it

So a friend of mine unrelated to the weird shit I was dealing with just dropped off the radar and I can't contact him. Now what?!

hi

Have you came back recently? I swear I haven't seen you post in ages

I've been hanging out in wayt these past months here and there. Trying to get my life together and stuff. Plus had a really bad fever for 2 weeks. How is everything?

Everything is on fire, well was on fire But things can only get more normal from here on out. Any way to stay relevant with the thread: Man why is it so hard to make friends as a adult and I never want to hang out with workmates?

God, we are OLD. I agree though. Its easy to make work friends if you work at a restaurant. Theres always drama though :/

I hate posting about my irl problems but I really need some outside input because I'm very inexperienced with this sort of thing. I've been in a relationship with someone over the web for a few months, but I've realized recently that I just don't feel romantically attracted to him, but he definitely feels that way towards me. I wanted to break it off, but recently he experienced a personal tragedy irl, and he's been looking to me for comfort. It's horrible that he's been having to go through this, and I've been trying to comfort him as best as I can. I feel like I would be a monster for breaking up with him so soon after something like that, so I haven't. I just don't really know what to do at this point, I'm sorry if I'm being selfish or cruel by thinking this way, I just need some outside advice on what to do. This is my first relationship, and I feel completely lost and trapped. I really don't want to hurt him even more, but I don't want to lie to him about my feelings either.

That's a shit situation, man. My best advice is to just be tactful; the fact you're considering this situation the way you are shows your head is in the right place. Normally I'm against doing things like lying by omission, but given the circumstances, I feel like you could postpone the break-up for a little bit, at least until this thing he's going through blows over. If you still wanna be friends, you can provide the kind of emotional support he needs without things getting explicitly romantic/sexual; but if he starts pushing in that direction, it might be best to just rip the bandaid off and be straight with the fella. It'll hurt, but understand that it's not your fault you're not attracted to someone, and just because you've broken up doesn't mean you can't still be there for them in the platonic sense. Basically, try and do right by this guy, but don't put yourself on the cross for the sake of making him happy. Because then not only is it gonna suck for him when you inevitably can't keep up the facade, it's gonna suck for you the whole way through, and that means it'll double-suck for him when he realizes you were making yourself miserable because of him. It's like, if I'm driving us somewhere, and you gotta use the bathroom, I'd probably rather you held it in until we got where we were going. But if it's really an emergency, I'd also much rather pull over at a rest stop than have you shit your pants in my car, you know what I mean? It's all about priorities, give and take, any relationship (platonic, romantic, or otherwise) is a two-way street.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your advice, it's so helpful to hear. I've never dealt with anything like this before and I've been so lost. This whole situation has been stressing me out quite a bit, and it's nice to hear that I'm not a horrible person for feeling this way. I don't want to cause him any undue pain, especially with what he's been through, so I'll definitely follow what you said and just comfort him as much as possible for now. He's a very nice person, so the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I won't make myself miserable though, and if it comes to it I'll tell him the truth as tactfully as I can. I know it'll hurt him either way, and that makes me sad, but it's for the best, I guess. It's not fair to either of us to keep the relationship going when I don't feel the same way. Thank you again for taking the time to give me advice like this, I appreciate it so much!

tonight was one of the greatest nights of my life ever and god damn I hope tomorrow doesn't change that. the mood im in right now im not sure i've felt in almost two years

Yo I've been having some issues with this lately and need to just sorta toss it into the void of advice so I apologize if I sound ranty I met this girl in my first year of uni two years ago and we became super close friends, essentially becoming attached at the hip, calling eachother siblings etc. etc. We decided to move into a house together the next year and everything was going well, I had a massive crush on her at this point and it eventually culminated with it being mutual leading to a weird makeout/grinding session. We agreed that it would be a routine thing but wasn't really a full on relationship (though by that point we essentially functioned as a couple to the point of everyone already assuming we were dating) but I had serious feelings for her as she was essentially my first everything (literally never had had a a girl tell me she found me attractive before or since), and when she shortly afterwards started sleeping with someone else (an old ex of hers) I got super upset and as a result she shot down the idea of us every sleeping together again, which essentially ruined me and led to an incredibly toxic relationship where I was lonely and incel-y and she expected me to be ok with seeing her and her old-ex (who had become her new boyfriend in everything but name) together and essentially spending days at his house when previously we had done essentially everything together, topped with the idea that she was doing nothing wrong. The relationship went toxic and luckily she was graduating that year and went back to her hometown for the summer. Communication between us stopped throughout the summer and I was wracked with feelings for her and just general sadness at what had happened and fearful of the upcoming year because she was one of the first people I met in this town and essentially introduced me to the university and city as a whole, so essentially everything would trigger sad memories of her. moving to the start of the year and we eventually reestablish contact on friendly terms and she calls every once in a while to chat for a couple hours about life and school, shes essentially gone back to how she was before all the shit went down and like an idiot I started to catch feelings for her again (despite the fact that I doubt they'll ever be reciprocated, we made a marriage pact ages ago but god knows if that still stands). This year is the first year living alone and any attempts to find someone that filled the hole she left has failed, and shes just a unique person and is (on paper) my dream girl. Over the summer she ended up dating this new dude who apparently moved out to live with her (I haven't even asked anything about it as I know it'd just fuck me up) and I'm stuck in this pattern of being on good terms, starting to fall for her again only to remember that she's dating this dude to the point of having a near-panic attack when seeing pics of them together, and that I have to feign happiness for her when we eventually meet irl (shes coming to my hometown soon-ish, I offered to let her stay at my house without knowing the boyfriend was in the picture and I wouldn't feel comfortable if she brought him along, no idea how to even approach that without sounding like a bitter creep) Several people have recommended that I just drop contact with her entirely but its a lot harder to do then it sounds because shes sorta ingrained in the environment and being on good terms with her really removed the poison from the old memories of stuff we did together here, and as someone with few irl friends its reassuring to have someone back in my life who I am able to click and banter with so well. I guess what I'm trying to ask is if this whole thing is sustainable to any degree, and if anyone has any ideas on how to stop the talk->feelings->hurt cycle I seem to keep getting myself stuck in? I don't really know what to do as I still have feelings for her despite all the shit she did that hurt me, but her being my first in literally everything makes sorta drawn to her and really bitterly jealous towards other guys she gets with. To anyone that read through the entirety of this mess, thanks a ton, I'd appreciate any help but airing my laundry helps soothe quite a bit.

You need to meet someone new, and you need to stop putting her on a pedestal. I know it sounds hard, but someone being your first doesn't mean they're better than anyone else, or perfect or whatever. There are other people out there who are just as cool. You also seem to be caught in a mindset of "she's done a lot of things to hurt me", but to be honest, from what you write, I don't think that's the case. You guys agreed you weren't in a relationship, and yet you complain about her seeing other guys and expect you to be fine with it. If you're not in a relationship, why wouldn't you? Sounds to me like you didn't know what you were getting yourself into. But the overarching point is that even if you did get hurt, she didn't do it to hurt you. If you can't handle being in contact with her when she's with other guys, you need to stop being in contact with her. There's no real simple solution to heartache, but sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself is no way to go about it. Go out more, find new hobbies, meet new people. Improve yourself. The feelings will pass eventually.

26 years and for the first time got feelings for someone, and I suspect she does it as well. Haven't seen her for a long time, but now we're suddenly going to. We're going out to eat dinner and do something and she wants to see my apartment. I've never had problem being with women before, but now that I actually got feelings I am terrified and don't know what to do. My plan is to act casual and be myself, and if she makes a move I'll gently reject here because I'm scared; but I'm also scared of hurting her.

Don't be scared if moves are made bud. It's just your nerves talking! If it's something you're happy with doing then let it happen. You won't hurt her unless you start punching her or something.

Why would you reject her if she's into you and you are into her? That's the best thing there is. I'm guessing you're feeling this simply because you're nervous. One thing I learned through all these years, is that it really works to simply express to her that you are nervous. She's definitively also going to be and generally as soon as both of you acknowledge this, it fades. Pro-tip, do have an answer ready for when she asks "how come?".

I'm afraid to show emotions and let someone enter my life. I've had crippling social anxiety for years and can't behave or feel secured when there's things I can't control. I really do want to be with her, but I can't even hug someone because I can't stand being touched. All I can see myself do is to come forward with it but tell her I'm not ready, which I ain't because I have issues with my life. So yes, it's probably me being nervous. I don't know my mind is exploding right now and I don't know what I think. I just get stressed and nervous going to the store that is 30m outside, how am I supposed to handle these emotions, it's all unknown to me due to life long isolation. Before I got feelings for her she were just a friend, and that felt safe, and a part of me want that back and another don't.