Does anyone else suffer with Babyface Syndrome? I'm 22 and can't grow any facial hair and in general look really young. The thing is I actually love how I look and own it, but it keeps getting thrown in my face in a really annoying fashion. I was at a bar with a co-worker last night (Halloween) and was ordering drinks talking with the bartender when a couple in their early thirties joins the conversation. The dude compliments my costume, but the girl just smirks and says "How old are you, like, 17?". I didn't take visible offense but I was pretty astounded that she thought that was an OK thing to say in the first place. I tell her I'm 22 and say 'Great conversation. See ya', then walk off. Guy says she didn't mean it like that, I say I'm sure she didn't. And that's true- I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. I let it slide and go to another bar later that night to see a band play. Was having a great time dancing alone when a late 20s - early 30s woman and her brother came up to me and started complimenting my costume (I was dressed in a really garish hawaiian sports coat, it was pretty funny) and the girl starts hitting on me, like, almost immediately. We gel pretty well and dance with each other for a while when all of a sudden she asks how old I am. I tell her I'm 22 and she no shit laughs in my face. She says something like 'I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do this' but she keeps dancing with me for an hour after that, seeming to still enjoy my company. Keeps saying stuff about how sexy I am etc. but then a few minutes later she'll bring up my age again. She leans in and I try to kiss her but she says she 'wasn't ready for that yet', then continues to grind on me. Eventually she just leaves without saying a word.
It's fucking aggravating that I have worked so hard to get fitter and improve my dress/appearance and, for the first time in my life, I am confident in who I am and what I look like. That's fucking huge. But a lot of women seem to get really worked up over the idea of dating someone younger than themselves. I understand the reason why women tend to prefer same age to older men, but come on. It's especially annoying when I have been with a woman older than both of the ones I mentioned above and we had incredible chemistry. Age difference is such an non issue when it comes to good lovin', at least in my experience.
I don't think it matters how you ask it as long as you come off as confident & attractive. Of course it helps if it's apparent that the other party is at the very least somewhat interested in you already. I once asked a girl if she wanted to be my girlfriend and that was enough.
I don't have any issue with having babyface anymore, now that I grow out my beard (and basically everybody tells me I look better with it), but I do have experience with literally being younger than most of my peers, and the small little annoyances it generated, like being left behind at a bar or night club because I'm too young and the bouncer isn't concilient.
Based on what you're saying it doesn't seem to me that the issue was the second chick not being physically attracted to you. It's probably more of a social stigma/lifestyle gap kind of thing.
Based on my Tinder matches I've compiled some stats (anecdotal evidence, I know) and it does seem that women tend to be more interested in men who are slightly older than them (1 to 2 years) with interest gradually decreasing as the age gap widens.
https://files.facepunch.com/forum/upload/211575/35edebc4-2536-4ba7-bee4-f01b88c88d1c/IMG_20181101_182712.jpg
I was 22 when I made this graph, 58% of my matches were younger than me, 17% were my age, and 25% were older. So yeah, there's a slight advantage if you're older, but it tapers off similarly on both sides. If I were 27 I'd probably get next to no 20 y/o matches.
I think there's definitely a cultural stigma against women dating somewhat younger men, but it's relatively negligible in practice. When the age gap isn't, though, you run into issues you may not have with people your age.
I dated a 18 years old when I was 21, and it was kinda weird, because she was in her first year of college and living with her parents while I was working on my master's and had been living on my own for 5 years already. I suppose there's a similar discrepancy between a 22 years old guy and a 30-something woman, so I wouldn't take that experience too literally.
Girl I've been on a few dates with went to a football game without me today, despite telling me she was working the whole day and couldn't go with me.
Like, I know you're not supposed to get too attached to people that quickly and these things happen but c'mon, last night we kissed and hung out and she even fuckin' said "see you real soon!"
Sounds like you've fallen into the casual dating circle. It's a horrible feeling. As my last date who I went through told me, they're just sampling around until they find one that they want to persue.
Or maybe she doesn't want a boyfriend yet due to the problems that the name brings.
went to a concert and for once got the balls to approach a girl i thought was cute and she gave me her number immediately. crazy how that works
We're past a week into November, how is everyone doing?
New jobs?
Eating Better?
Sleeping better?
I'm asking because those are all a No for me, but its nice to hear other people doing great as motivation I guess.
Been sinking deeper into a spiraling depressing numbness because the world is shit rn and Ive been afraid to go outside and live life. I havent been outside in a week.
Just stewing in bed and not eating really
I will make you feel better to eat and do things. You don't have to do things, but definitely eat, for me hunger and depression feel the same. I feel depressed and anxious and have this pit of dread in my stomach, and then I realize that pit of dread is actually hunger, and I feel way better afterwords.
its 2am rn so i cant really make a meal to eat, so i ate an apple and half a nana.
I've had a very tiresome week at work and i woke up very early this morning and couldn't sleep and i had to drive 2 hours to visit my sister and 2 hours back so when i got home i was very very tired and feeling very bad because of my low blood sugar so my girlfriend was making dinner and when she spoke to me i was too tired to engage in a long conversation.
So she asked me a question about if i knew someone that did what she wanted and i took a while to respond because i was pretty much thinking about if i did or not but she got annoyed and said " Oh it's so fun to speak to you...." and i told her i was tired and feeling very bad but she seemed to not accept it and said that i was grumpy but i told her i'm definitely not and repeated that i'm very tired then out of no where she said shes going out with her friend when we planned to hang out and chill tonight.
I asked where are you going and she responded " I don't know" and i was like "Ok?". She got more annoyed, she did not want to speak to me at all and she said she did not want to start arguing with me. I told her " You do know that i love you?" and she responded with " Sometimes i wonder if you actually do" which pretty much broke me then out of frustration i asked if she hated me and she responded with " No, your so stupid for asking that". I told her to call me when she wants to go home so i can come and pick her up so she don't have to walk alone in the middle of the night but she rejected my offer.
We've had a very good relationship and we've been seeing each other for more than 6 months until now, like 1 hour ago.
I'm very conflicted about how everything went from good to shit in less than an hour for no reasons at all or at least stupid reasons. I asked her if she planned to go out with her friend earlier and she said that her friend asked her 1 hour before i got home but she never told me that until after we had the stupid "fight". So for me i'm thinking about what the worst thing that could happen, like she would cheat on me in frustration or some shit.
I really don't know what to do
Well it's clear that that kind of reaction on her part probably wasn't because of anything that happened that night specifically. She was probably stewing for a while in some emotions she didn't share. Those kinds of things don't develop in the span of an hour unless you're bipolar.
I'd say when you're both not tired you should sit down and have a nice talk. Figure out what's going on, tell her how you feel and what bothered you about how she responded to you. Also listen to what she says because it's very possible you've done something that you don't even realize to upset her.
Communication is literally 200% of any relationship
Also not all relationships will be perfect, there will be fights. Don't let the fights dictate the relationship, remember that saying not to go to bed mad? Its not that bad of an idea. TALK. Otherwise the silence will put a huge wedge in all the progress you two have had relationship wise.
I've dated four women this year. Last night was my third date with the most recent girl, and we ended up back at my place.
I can't get over how different this is; my whole life I've been the kind of guy who got a hopeless crush on some random girl and never made a move (or it eventually led somewhere after like 2 years). I've been on more dates this year than in my last 25 years combined
The first time in my life I've actually tried to get out there and DATE and it's really paying off
god bless tinder
I haven't gotten a response from anyone on tinder in almost a year
All my matches so far on Tinder have ghosted me and not bothered to unmatch me. Some of them not even responding after I make the first casual 'hey'. I tried to even be different with a new match by making a bad opening line and that got me instantly unmatched. I don't seem to have the luck on Tinder after two weeks of actively swiping and trying to chat. Then again, results may vary.
This is an incredibly long story so I'm going to do my best to boil it down to the pertinent details. Starting with some background on myself. I'm 22. I haven't dated very many people. Only one other person in any serious capacity, in fact. Generally I crush on people and don't bother because I know it's a crush and it'll go away. There are also few people who I find worth dating. A girl I had known about on social media but not talked to for years came into my life in August '17. She had moved up here to NY from FL several months earlier for work and I thought it might be nice to meet so I DM'd her. We share the common interest in the French language which she is fluent in, I used this as my starter. We started meeting in NYC and hung out a few times during the fall of that year. By January '18, I was head over heels. I've never met anyone as articulate, intelligent, well-rounded, flexible, forgiving, experienced, level-headed and deep as she. I told her this over the phone one night in January, she responded quite surprisingly saying she felt it too somewhat but had just gotten out of a long-term relationship and wasn't ready yet. By March, we were dating and very much in love. However, there was a problem all along. I live at home with my family on Long Island, about 52 miles from where she lives in Hoboken, NJ. I'm still in school after getting stuck working for my father, which has delayed my graduation until May '19. She's a flight attendant with an unpredictable schedule and very few days off that align with my own. Since February, we've only seen each other face to face approximately 20-30 times. There have been sleepovers on some of those days so they weren't always short visits but nonetheless, it's a two hour ordeal trying to travel to see each other.
Beyond the lack of face to face contact, which most would say could be made up via electronic means, we didn't really text or call often. I never understood why she would ignore her phone for sometimes days at a time until she revealed the reason to me when it was too late. In September, she broke up with me over the phone. I demanded she explain it to me in person, as she did two days later at my home. Apparently, the attempts to stay in contact electronically was killing her. She hates it. She'd rather I'd be there in person. To be honest, so would I but I dealt with it because I knew there was nothing I could do to move closer until I graduated. I asked her why she hadn't said anything until then considering it made me feel like she didn't want me. She said that she thought she'd get over the pain of the distance but it never happened and that breaking up was the only way to save what love we had. I agreed to revert back to a limited relationship as we had before we started dating. She was in tears during this discussion but overall losing me doesn't seem to phase her. She's been in a lot of relationships, and I'm sure has a lot of scars that jade her. She said herself that people are always in and out of her life. I'm a wreck and she's fine.
Since then, she states that her anxieties about our relationship and trying to keep it together have gone away because there's less pressure when we're not actually dating. I reversed positions with her in that regard. After starting this limited relationship, without commitment, my anxiety about it has gone through the roof as I desperately try to keep her happy and prevent her from losing faith in us ever being together again. This is where we are now. In October, via text, she said that the "I love you"s needed to stop; only after I perceived her snubbing mine on the phone. Verbal affection is a huge chunk of my personality, not so much for hers. This leaves me up in the air, with no reason to trust that someone actually loves me if they never say it or anything affectionate like it. I told her this recently on the phone and pointed out that the double standard of me having to communicate all of my feelings while she gets to hide hers wasn't fair. She said then that she still loved me but revealed that living here has also been killing her since we first met. She hates the city and wants to return to Florida for a while. She wants to maintain a room in a cheap apartment here shared with other flight attendants who "commute" from other cities to their base here in Newark. Practically speaking, this is not much of a change from the once a month visits we have now.
I'm willing to do most anything to stay with her as I do not feel like she is replaceable. She's the only person I've ever truly loved and the only person who's ever been able to make me cry about losing. I'm trying to prevent my thoughts of her from becoming obsession, especially during her quiet periods where we don't talk. I don't talk to many other people because I have nothing to say. Most of my friends who are all done with school already live in Manhattan, an hour from me. I have little to distract me. She gives me very little to work with when it comes to how she feels about me. I have to squeeze it from her. Again, this leaves me to ruminate and imagine all of the other ulterior motives for the way she treats me. I read into everything.
What frustrates me most is that the decisions I've made over the years partially are the reason why this ended up this way. If I hadn't let my sympathy for my father and his failing company get to me, I wouldn't have let working to help him get in the way of my education. I'd have graduated on time, be making a ton of money, and live in Manhattan; 15 minutes from her place instead of 2 hours. We'd likely still be together. While this decision pre-dates our relationship, it's still something I regret because being stuck where I am affects other aspects of my life. I'm on a treadmill running as fast as I can but I can't make the calendar go faster. Already, since my father's company has very little chance of surviving into the new year, I've decided to quit in December. That place is a story twice as long as this one. I've also arranged with my school to test out of four courses, leaving me with a very light course load in the Spring and saving me from a Summer semester. May of 2019 is the fastest I can graduate and move out. I don't know where she'll be then, and I offered to move with her as she continues to work and find grad schools. She warned me about that. I'd have to be doing it for myself, not for her. She may even refuse to let me move with her as she feels it puts more responsibility on her to make it work.
Honestly, I don't know what else I can do. My psychologist, among other people, says I've done all I can. I've never lied to her and I put forth an incredible amount of effort to make sure she stays with me. Not being able to talk to her is the worst pain I've been through. I understand this has been a rough year for her and that turning off her phone and focusing on her life is her coping mechanism, but I thought I could help her. If only she'd talk to me more often.
I think you answered your question in the first few questions. You're 22 and haven't dated many people. It feels awful but you're just experiencing a glimpse of life. As Bill Burr says, you're in the first round draft picks.
I wish I could tell you more to help out, but really it is up for you to move on and figure yourself out. And I think you're in a very transformation moment. Use this as an experience to learn and only move forward.
I guess the problem for me is coming to terms with the idea that this may not work out. With her going to a grad school as close as NY or as far as Paris in another year, I don't know if altering my whole life to stay near her is such a good idea. The reason for this idea obviously is that I'm afraid she'll be at school and find someone else. Maybe stay with them forever.
Quick poll or whatever, when you guys see someone attractive in public, like just walking by on the street, someone you really really find attractive, how does it make you feel? What is your mindset afterwards?
Heavy breathing followed by "Hot damnnn!" inside my head.
I can't find people attractive from a single glance. I need to know them a bit first
How do I get a mind as pure as yours?
The next step is usually deciding who to invite to the wedding
Go through the five stages of grief in my head pretty quickly. Also thinking 'she must have a boyfriend already' or making me feel pretty much like a creep having an eye on her.
It has caused nothing but pain though. Every time I start liking someone, they pair off with someone else. In a particularly painful situation last week, a girl I began to like invited me to sleep at her dorm, since mine was occupied by my roommate with his GF, and what happened is I that the girl brought another guy and cuddled with him on her bed as I slept on the floor in emotional anguish. Today they are on the verge of dating.
Thankfully im pretty resilient and can control my emotions well. Heck in that last case the guy is pretty damn cool and I genuinely wish the two of them well and I cut off any feelings I had for her. I refuse to be the guy that gets in the way of a budding relationship.
I'm just so tired of this though. Im 21 without the slightest smidge of romantic experience. I really do my best to take care of those around me, to keep them smiling and laughing. Through that I have really gained an innumerable amount of great friends, I'm not dismissing that. It's just that if you aren't at least a bit into hookup culture, you are in a complete disadvantage in dating.
I know this sounds a bit like a "nice guy" rant, and thats not where I am coming from. Hell that night, ther girl I was crushing on had a female roommate there (whom I also befriended), who offered to let me sleep with her on her bed to "share body heat". I politely declined though, since I dont want that kind of affection out of pity.
I just want someone to genuinely like me for once. Someone to hug and talk to.
Im just fighting becoming jaded from all this to be honest.
I feel sort of compelled to get to know them and also some naughty thoughts here and there, not gonna lie.
Well, if PyneApple's post above is any indication, it's never too late to get the ball rolling when it comes to dating. I'm certain lots of women share the same views on love and dating as you do (even more so than men, generally) so you should find your match at some point, if you keep looking.
I don't know... my transition into accepting that attractive people have something that they were born with and have no control over made me less obsessive over being with the most attractive person around. That seems like such a self-evident truth, but the way we treat attractive people in society would make you feel otherwise.
And a common trend I notice is that hot girls (or guys) are only good at being hot; that is, they have nothing else interesting about them. If you look at attractiveness as just being a trait (which it really is), you'll understand that being attractive is just as much of a curse as it is a blessing if you have the self-awareness to know that people will treat you so drastically different from anyone else because of something you can't control.
I personally know several counter-examples. I see what you mean in that consistently being treated like a hot person tends to bring out the worst qualities in people, but there are exceptions.
I'm not sure what you mean there. Having an attractive body can take a lot of work. Same goes for finding a clothing style that suits you, and hair/makeup for those who use it too.
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Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS.
