Super Friendly Social and Love Advice v10 - Don't send any TELEGRAMS. - General

I rarely post but right now i am fucking desperate, my girlfriend of 4 years left me for another guy. This was a sort of long distance relationship because she was 3 hours away from me by train. We always managed to make it work by spending like a week or so after a few months inbetween together and for the rest of the time we would Skype and use messenger. She recently started to go to uni 30 minutes away from her. One day she confessed she started to have a crush to her classmate but I convinced her to please stay strong to stick with me and this helped because she never thought he'd return those feelings, this was already a red flag for me. Due to my internship I was fucked from contacting her throughout the day. Phones were not allowed to be used and I'd be forced to work until late hours for no pay. A few days ago she went to a party and the guy confessed leading up to the nastiest first break up in my life. It's been 2/3 days and I miss her so goddamn much, I still and love her more than ever before. I am really desperate and clingy right now and I want her back badly. I don't want to message her because I don't know how she feels about me and so far it's really short messages which she replies late with and this hurts so bad. How do I continue? Or are there any tips to get her back? I will do anything. My plan was to write a letter in a week or two.

It just bothers me there was no time inbetween, she just switched to a new guy no questions asked. And yes I assume it's the distance but I told her before I was willing to make it work so badly that I'd come over every weekend if necessary. Another reason was because I had so many issues about my mental state. But I was fixing these not even that long ago, if she could have waited two months I'd have a place on my own wherever I wanted it just doesn't make any sense to me. But thank you for your reply anything helps at the moment <3 I am just really blind for her and giving myself false hope that she'll eventually return.

stay strong and you find someone that is close by. it may hurt but you gotta move on

Just to add to this: finding a clothing style that fits you goes a very long way in making you more attractive. You don't always have to look like you're dressed to impress, but doing so when you're out with your friends, at a party etc. is a big plus. And if you're a guy, make sure you keep a neat beard (if you have one), and look clean. Last point is something I see all too often; unkempt or greasy looking hair, a much too wild beard (although some do like that kind of look), and probably one of the worst offenders, smelling.

Just want to share this with you guys, really good podcast for socialising and dating, if you have social anxiety issues I recommend having a listen - https://player.fm/series/shrink-for-the-shy-guy-86887/what-is-social-anxiety

I'm not sure if it's just because I'm autistic and I'm missing something, but why is it that every relationship I have friends or family, if I don't make the effort to talk to them they don't talk to me? I kind of realized this these past few months and stopped making the effort to talk to people. No one's made the effort to talk to me. For example I haven't talked to my parents in over a month, and today my Dad called me but all he wanted was my address so he could mail me something then hung up. I don't understand if I'm doing something wrong or not. It's not like whenever I did talk to them I would make the conversation about me, I would talk mostly about them. I'm not sure if I just have bad friends/family but this makes me feel absolutely terrible.

I'm not autistic and this has been my life ever since I was born. Nobody looks for me ever. Granted, neither do I anymore I just can't for the life of me belong to a group of people

I found friends that will reach out to me, but not many. They use discord groups to keep in touch and occasionally hang out each month or so. I think distance is the biggest factor; if friends aren't close enough to meet up (my friends are only 2-10 miles away) it's easy to plan lunch or a movie or gaming online. If they have radically different interests then that also makes it harder, since there's less to talk about. My college friends I basically see once a year at most because they all live in different states with different livestyles, so it's very difficult to keep in touch unless I reach out and I hate reaching out ( I always feel like I'm bothering someone, or worried they won't respond back, or worried I'll get stuck talking to them; basically all irrational). Out of sight, out of mind; if your friends live farther away or have different work/school schedules it's very difficult to keep in touch. People get so busy with their own lives they lose the impetus to reach out. Finding friends close by with similar interests is easier said than done, but sites like Meetup can help with that if you get comfortable enough to try it.

I wish I could use Tinder but every single girl on there is not my type. at. all. Physically and mentally/emotionally. Too many party/drunk types in my area. I'll have to stick with either POF or working on in person social skills.

People tend to assume those who do not contact them wish to not be disturbed, tho.

So for those of you who read my essay on the page 27, I have an update. I saw her again yesterday. It was actually a surprise to her because she had forgotten I was coming. She had an online Greek lesson for an hour so I hung around with her in her room until she was done. By the time she was done, I was already in tears. I was still thinking about all the paranoid possibilities for her extensive silence lately. For the longest time, I was scared that there might be someone else involved, or that she was just trying to get rid of me. We started talking about it. I told her that when she doesn't talk to me, I'm left to ruminate and imagine all the bad things that could be going on. I asked her straight up if she would ever lie to me and if there was someone else. She said categorically there wasn't. Then I asked her if she was going quiet to try to get rid of me. She said it wasn't the case. I asked her what the reason for ignoring me was, already having an idea it might have to do with her state of mind. She's been going through a terrible time being away from home for almost a year now and lately it's gotten catastrophically worse. During her lesson earlier, I noticed that the picture of us and a teddy bear I gave her were missing from her room. I pointed this out to her. This led into her explanation of her silence. She started crying, saying that lately she couldn't bring herself to talk to me not because of anything I did, or any ulterior motive but because she doesn't have the emotional capacity to deal with being in love right now. She put the picture away because she couldn't look at it without tearing up. The fact that I couldn't be there with her was killing her. I had no idea that this was actually what was going on. She said that she had no doubt that she still loved me but that on top of all the other emotions she was dealing with, she couldn't handle it. We settled things and understood each other after that. We spent the day together and I appreciated that all of the physical affection was still there. Shortly before I had to leave, I attempted to make out with her and maybe lead it into sex but immediately I could tell she wasn't into it. She wasn't really participating as intensely as she used to. I stopped and asked her about it. Again, she said that she just couldn't handle it with what she was going through. She's still moving back to Florida and I think it's best for her. I hate that I can't go with her because of my own situation but she needs to get out of this city. I don't know what will become of us with this extra distance. I'm hoping there's something I can do to keep it alive. I'm still nervous despite the fact that I understand the reason for her silence.

i havent been on a date ever so the tinder and POF culture is so weird to me. Just go out and do what you like and meet someone like that...

i got hit by a truck and got away with with road rash which fucking sucks

how the fuck do people make friends i feel so boring, when i talk to people i feel like they cant wait for me to stop talking i was seeing a girl, and i think she realized that I like her and she blew me off two dates in a row, so i'm not going to ask again, and shes just gonna be gone I guess? "...We can hang out again soon though! I'm just struggling right now". I think shes just nice, and hinting that shes no longer interested in me. She doesn't reach out to me, and I'm not going to ask a 3rd time, I think she wants me to leave her alone forever. Or is this just the depression talking...

how the fuck I hope youre ok????? and i hope it wasnt a hit and run

it wasn't i got her info she wasn't paying attention and while i was crossing she hit me

oh my god i just found a check from my old job that i never put in the bank for 180$ fucking kill me

Still valid?

GF's flight (I'm in an LDR) just got cancelled after she'd been waiting in the airport until 3AM. Now she won't be here until Sunday, but she can't push the dates on the other end of the trip. What a shitshow. Not really asking for advice here, but delayed and cancelled flights are easily some of the least charming parts of a long distance relationship.

You need to filter through the party girls and superlike the normal ones For every 20 party girls / insta models there's one bookish teacher who wants to get a coffee

Although there isnt a law that says you cant get money from an old check, banks will only decide that upon good judgement and they can deny me it. Its a check from January 4th 2018 my dude

I don't have much experiencing dating, but I've been chatting with a girl on tinder for about a day. I can't get anything from her expect that she feels lonely and wants to be with me. I guess she doesn't really care about me and just wants someone (she hasn't picked up on any of my conversation starters). I'm not really into that, I want to know the person before the intimacy. I sense depression and I really don't want to deal with that. I have enough problems on my own.

Stop messaging her, then.

How have you kept things going in your LDR? Girl that I've been talking to for a while, who really likes me (and I really like her) are starting to get more serious but there's definitely issues of seeing each other often. She goes to school an hour and a half from me, and otherwise lives about 3 hours away. With my family situation at current (grandmother in an rehabilitation center) it's really hard for me to travel far from home in-case something happens and I have to pick up slack for my mother. So I'm definitely excited and nervous, and not really sure how to "handle" a LDR (that might not be the best term for what I'm looking for). Any tips?

Video chatting and have a date in mind where the long distance part is over

Personally I wouldn't bother with LDRs, but that's just me. Never really works out in my experience.

I just don't understand why last 3 girls basically start to ignore me when I'm asking them out, until that point everything seems smooth, like even 2 of them agreed and then they bailed and said something like yea next week that never came. Shit sucks when I'm really trying, making them contacts etc and soon as I ask them out it all collapses, I really don't like texting all the fucking day, I wanna see the person, see their emotions , reactions, body language etc...

Well that's a tough one. I think what drives mine is that we always plan ahead - when we see each other (approximately every 2 months), we've already ordered tickets for the next time. My GF is also planning to move to Denmark (at least for her master's), so there's an outlook there. Basically I think you need to have an idea that the long distance part is, in the end, a temporary inconvenience. I think it's also important to talk about expectations - how often do you need to see each other? How do you stay in touch during the day-to-day? We video chat at least 3-4 times a week, and obviously we stay in contact over text as well. That might not sound like much for some, but for me it was actually a bit of a barrier, since I generally dislike texting and phone/video calls. You need to not be a jealous person, either, and you really need to let the other person live their life as well. And make sure you do something special when you do see each other, at least if you see each other seldom - when we're together, we do a lot of memorable stuff, which has made those trip some of the best in my life. It's definitely very different experience; instead of the daily hum-drum of a relationship, you have intense, short bursts of one. At the very least I can say that I haven't regretted being in one, but you definitely need to come in with the expectation that it could fall apart. My GF and I actually parted ways for about two weeks at one point, but then we got back together. Gotta roll with the punches.

Last week I was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal cancer. That news hit me lick a goddamn truck, because it was the last thing I suspected to have at the young age of only 24 years old. Even though it is in a technically advanced stage, I'm feeling pretty optimistic about treatment. Its in a location that makes the surgery not all that bad and we thankfully caught it before it has had a chance to spread outside of the colon itself. The main reason I'm posting about it here is that my girlfriend and most of my family is aware and everyone has been really supportive so far. My gf especially has been so incredibly supportive through all of this. I have no doubt in my mind that if all goes well that this is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. We've talked about the possibility of marriage before but I've seen it as a pretty distant thing, but this has made the prospect pretty real in my mind. She's taken off work come with me to all my appointments, made sure I'm remembering all of my prep I have to do, and given me all of the emotional support I need to keep going strong. Right now I can't see myself being with anyone else and she feels the same way. I'm so lucky to have her. <3

thanks guys!